Fiance is threatening to expose my nude videos unless I marry him for a period of 2 days!
Editor's note: This author submitted an update of her situation. I have pasted the update below this post. SisterZ, IslamicAnswers.com
1st Post:
Saalam alaykum. I am muslim alhamdulillah, 19 years old, female, turkish and live in England, Luton. I am in a very complicated situation and I admit that I have made matters worse for myself. Firstly I know it is haraam in islam to have a relationship boyfriend or girlfriend in Islam. I am in a relationship for 4 years now, and know each other for 6 years. We met at a young age where we both were immature. But now alhamdulillah we are at a age that we matured up practiscing our deen. He also went hajj last year alhamdulillah.
We have the intention to get married have our nikah and make it halaal. We have had this intention for about a year now. The only problem are my parents! They wont allow me to get married to him, not to even have a relationship with him because of the fact that he is a pakistani. This is where the cultural, race, tribe, tradition, custom everything you name it, comes in between. I have told them so many time this could be no such barrier to come inbetween.
Anyways, we are still fighting for each other and sticking to the truth and praying and doing dua until we make them realise. Last summer I went turkey, and there was a argument there with my mum's side of family almost disowning me for the relationship I am in. They force me to marry another (turkish). With this stress, and not being able to get in contact with the person I am hoping to get married to, really pushed me into emotional stress, and caused a tragedy.
I have done something so bad during this period of time. I said to the person who I am hoping to get married to, that its over. So I broke up with him and I have accepted to get married to the person my parents want for the sake of their happiness. I lost myself so much I found myself in an unanswerable situation. I have met up with this guy (turkish) a few times but nothing close happened when we were together. But I hate to say with so much shame, that I have went so extreme that we have started talking to each other in an inappropriate way and start video-ing and taking inappropriate pictures and sending it to him, believing that he is going to be my husband.
Deep down I know inside me that I don't love him. Every night I used to think of my true love who is in England. I felt like a *** Astagfirullah. I don't know who I have become. I feel so ashamed I cry every single day, asking for forgivness from the Almighty Allah.
After I have come back to England, I told the guy in Turkey the truth that I actually love someone else, and the whole situation. Now he is threatening me with the videos. So I had to return back to him and put up with everything as it is all my fault because I have betrayed my true love to the one I was hoping to get married. Before going turkey on a holiday, meeting the guy in turkey, I was on siratul mustaqeem practicing, alhamdulillah. I wasn't perfect but I was into my deen. After I got in to anxiety and couldn't get out of it.
I had to do everything what the guy in turkey told me to. If he wanted to call me I would have to pick up, if he told me to come onto messenger I would have to. After a few weeks, infront of my eyes through the webcam he deleted the videos. Then he said you can do whatever you like, now I give up.
I have made up and now I am back with the person I want to get married to insha'Allah. We are so strong with each other and go through every difficulty together inshallah. I have told him the situation what happened in turkey with the guy that I have accepted to get married to him because of the sake for my parents. No matter what I told him the truth, even if he was going to leave me. But one thing I haven't told him is about the videos. When I think of it, I feel so ashamed astagfirullah I want to die. May Allah forgive me for saying this but that is how I feel.
Thats one thing I have not told him about. Even though he his still with me and willing to go through this together and we are planning to make a step forward getting our nikah. Everything was going so good until 2weeks ago. The guy in turkey has contacted me again and said to me you will have to pay a price for this, and that is I have to get married to him or he will give the videos to everyone. I would want to underline that I did not have sexual relationship with this guy nothing what so ever. But yet again this video has lost my decency, my purity and even my virginity. I feel so small smaller than a pebble. I cry to Allah so much. I repent so much. But I still think it is not enough.
I don't want to leave him again. I believe he is my true love. Half of my deen. He is righteous and the one for me in this dunya, and hereafter. The guy in turkey threatens me with the videos saying he can get it out from the laptop hardware and show everyone. That will be the day I die. I don't want to lose my true love, I want to get married to him. I pray to Allah every hour, I cry and ask for forgivness but I still think its not enough. I am not the one to judge astagfirullah. But I cannot figure out what will happen.
I am in such a lost complicated situation. What should I do? Admit the truth to him that I have betrayed his love, even so I know I have a high chance of losing him for the rest of my life and losing my decency in his eyes and leave him in such a miserable shameful situation, or what should I do? I don't want to lose him. And the guy in turkey hasn't got any knowledge of islam. He has more of a cultural belief.
Please give me any wazifas to recite, and dua, anything, I want to get out of this situation. But my future husband to be, is still not aware of the situation, neither my parents. I am withdrawn in the issue. Its like I have no way out. We are thinking to get our nikah done this week inshallah, but I can't even share my happiness. For the sake of Allah Ta'ala, I need an emergency help. I seek refuge in Allah, as He is the only one I can ask for help. But I need some guidance. Please very emergency.
assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatahu. Jazak Allah.
**********
2nd Post:
Salaam alaykum.
As I have posted my question and the situation that I am in, on my previous post. I would want to inform you with anything new that happened, as this will inshallah help you to answer my question. The guy in turkey is now saying that no matter what, I'm going to get married with you, and the video's he's not going to use it against me but I do not believe him. He said lets get married, have a marriage contract and I can write it up, and he said he is willing for this marriage to be only for 2 days, and he will not touch me in any sort of way, not going to get involved in any sort of sexual intercourse. And then he said after divorce you can leave. Reason being to this he said is that atleast he has married me and got me. He also wants a full traditional wedding, engagement, mendi. He wants to announce it and after 2 days, I am free to divorce.
Is there anything behind this? Is this a set up, what should I do? I can't talk to any member of my family nor my cousins, because of the videos. I am so ashamed. I am currently in a relationship at the moment with the guy I would hope to get married to inshallah and soon getting nikah. I need your emergency help and guidance please. JazakAllah.
May peace and Blessings of the Almighty Allah be upon you.
- Allah knows the best -
~kilic
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Salaams,
First of all, I have to point out the obvious: you continuing to be in any sort of relationship or correspondance with the guy in the UK is wrong. No matter how you feel or what else is going on, there is no place for such a relationship. You can talk about being on your deen, but there is no way to be on your deen and continuing a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to someone.
I personally feel that you should let the English guy go completely as your parents are not in agreement to the marriage. You do have the option of rebelling against them and marrying him anyway, based on their flimsy reasoning; but doing so still carries many heavy risks on your part. I would not suggest anyone in your situation to take that course, as it usually is a regrettable one.
As far as the Turkish guy, under no circumstances should you consider marrying him. Yes, it is unfortunate that you got yourself into this mess by creating those videos to begin with, but submitting to his con-artistry is not the solution.
You are not going to like what I'm about to say, but the best option for you at this point is to swallow the shame and tell your parents what's going on with Mr. Turkey. You need to let them know so they can enlist the proper authorities to have him put under the scrutiny of law, because I tend to think his behavior is illegal and falls under the umbrella of harrassment and possibly stalking. I know that you would rather do anything than have your parents know about those tapes, but the truth is if you don't get someone on your side as soon as possible you will always be at risk of being exposed anyway by Mr. Turkey. There is nothing right now stopping him from telling them himself, and believe me you would rather have them find out by you than any other way. You can't continue to viably give in to his commands to keep your secrets safe, nor should you.
Sometimes the deeper the pit we dig ourselves into, the harder the climb back out. In your case, you are in a pretty big ditch and there is no simple way to get out of it. You are going to have to make some very difficult and painful choices to have the best possible outcome, but it will be worth it in the end. Trying to avoid what's painful is only going to keep you exactly where you are, or trying to dig a route out which will only find you deeper in as time goes on.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam wa alaykum
firstly i appreciate so much that you have read my posts and replied back to them, and im sorry for my post to be very long. i have done so much ibadah last nite, and cut contact with guy in uk, and last night when i went to sleep i had so much good signs to guide me. this guy in the uk wich i am hoping to get married to, im going to have to tell him the truth what i have done. i want to b e pure before marriage. coming back to family, please guide me how to tell them, this is frightening.
Wa alaykum salaam.
Dear Sister,
Alhumdulillah, I am so glad you turned to Allah, this was a great thing to do. Now whatever happens after this, bear it with dignity knowing that you have repented.
I believe that you must tell your mother, as if Mr Turkey is able to contact and expose the videos to anyone it will be your parents, not your UK friend. Deal with telling your mother first - just be honest and let it out, she'll be shocked, hurt, angry etc, but when she's calmed down, she'll still be your mother. Mother's are stronger than we think, insha'Allah she'll be a support for you. After this point, no more lying to your parents Sis. So don't allow yourself to be forced into doing something you don't want, not by your folks, nor by nasty Mr Turkey.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam alakum,
Beginning in 2004, the AKP government formulated legislation that, according to Article 226/II of the Turkish Penal Code, made it illegal to distribute "obscene" images, words, or texts through means of communication. Further laws were passed restricting pornography later that year.
So I'm of a different mind on this matter. I would simply inform him that you are reporting him to his IP provider and his email account provider for blackmail and extortion, and then, actually follow suit. I would call his threats for what they are and inform him that if he does anything regarding the transfer of your videos, provided he still has them, that you will inform the Turkish authorities, as porn is an offense in that country. I would go so far as to contact a UK attorney, since if this man in Turkey does these things, he will open himself up to prosecution in that country, as well, since it may fall under an offense in UK law. You simply need a solicitor to draft a letter of "cease and desist" and email it to him with the legal ramifications of what he is threatening to do. Essentially, use the law to throw water on his fire.
By contacting a UK attorney, they may have a counterpart in Turkey that may be able to help or get you in touch with that you may hire to legally inform this man of Turkey that he is under notice. So that if he takes any illegal or exploitative action, his name will be given to the authorities. Likewise, put him under notice that his attempt at a 'forced marriage' through exploitation or blackmail is also an offense crossing country lines that would involve Interpol investigation. Perhaps your attorney/solicitor could make reference to this point in their letter, as well.
Furthermore, it's arguable as to whether he even has the videos, correct? He could just be bluffing right now. It all depends on the recovery settings he has on his computer and the software he might use. If there is a possibility that he may lose his computer to a future investigation, he will also have to wonder if there is anything circumspect he would not want revealed on his personal computer by an investigator in Turkey.
Combat this loser with the law and prosecution.
ProfessorX, SubhaanAllah, that is amazing research you have done there! May Allah reward you immensely.
Sister, in light of the new information presented by ProfessorX, I change my view to agree with him too.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Good One Professor X
salam Professor X.
WOW!
i did NOT see that coming!
Assalam oalykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,
I agree with sister Amy and that is the ONLY OPTION TO INFORM YOUR PARENTS. BECAUSE that turkey guy thinks that you are weak and afraid due to this he can exploit you .As soon as you said this to your parents confessed beleive me you heart will be light and filled with serenity and the turkey guy will be debunked in his strategies.As he will not have anything to do,,
In regards to his plot ,tell me are you fool to beleive in him that get married for 2 days and he wil lleave you lool?!! He will never divorce you , a guy who is blackmailing you for marriage.. will he leave you untouched? THirdly ITS JUST A TRAP WITH A SWEET KNIFE TO CUT YOU DOWN AND BRING UP THERE.SO DO NOT FELL INTO THAT. EVER NEVER .
And as my brother said earlier above threaten him with his action that you will sue him for his black mailing and you have saved his messages in which he has stated to black mail.
STEPS TO BE TAKEN:
1)cut out contact with Paki guy because if you want to go in jannah you have to love allah swt and his rasul saws more than yourself and do what has been prescribed . No contacts because if a man and women is alone the third person is shaitan no matter how strong you are.ALSO REVEAL THE TRUTH TO YOUR PAKI BOY ,SAY TO HIM THAT YOU HAVE COMMITTED THIS MISTAKE AND YOU REPENT THAT IS WHY YOU DONT WANT TO STAY IN CONTACT UNLESS STRONG PLAN OF GETTING MARRIED INSHALLAH. The mistake was committed on your part so you also have to suffer the humiliation(before the time gap increases) . and as you said you have to keep YOUR marriage pure with him.
2) Reveal to your parents ,DO IT PLEASE.. INSHALLAH CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SAY IT ALL.
3) Get ready to kick the Turkish guy. that he behaved as much abhorrent he can Now its your turn.If he dont abstain becuase the fear of hiding will be gone if you reveal to your mother. simple. so now you will have nothing to be afraid.
Hope that we answered a satisfying reply
fee amanallah .
Salaam Alaykum.
Thankyou so much for your replies, may Allah bless you all inshallah. My mother has realised a change with me so has my father i been crying infront of them, everytime i look at them i feel shame and guilt, so when i do open up to my mother, she will expect it coming, but its so hard and embarressing. but i have to. i am going to inshallah tell my future husband to be inshallah the truth aswell, and whatever happens i will go through it with the help of Allah inshallah. You all have really gave me a boost on this. i know i have done something so shamefull, but i have truely and honestly been repenting inshallah Allah Ta'ala will forgive me and help to gain my purity and decency back.
My mother is the one who is against my marriage of chioce, also she is the one who wants me to marry this turkish guy, hope she doesnt force me into it saying 'clean your mess' what if she does? inshallah she will be understanding. pray for me i am bit nervous and frightened alot. thnkyou so much for all of you who have supported me. May Allah bless you and reward you all inshallah.
Allah hafiz, wa Alaykum Salaam
Sister,
Please read the advice given by ProfessorX.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salaam,
i have read ProfessorX post, but i dont think i have the strength, time to do that. but after i have told my mother about it inshallah, then i will share this post with her. i live with my family, and i will need a solicitor for this also, im abit confused. after i have opened up to my mum. i will take an appropriate action inshallah.
Walaikum salaam,
Before you speak to your parents, make an appointment to see a female Muslim lawyer and consult with her about your problem in a general sense. Simply tell her that your former fiancee in Turkey is trying to blackmail and extort you into a forced marriage, as he may have sensitive information regarding you. An initial consultation is usually free and a female lawyer will be able to guide you and offer sisterly support.
Try this before anything else. Everything will kept confidential and take along the article of Turkish law and the suggestion I gave above. Listen to what the lawyer says and employ them, if you feel that they will help you in this circumstance. For less than the price of a new cellphone, you will have someone who will look out for your best legal interest 100%.
May Allah (swt) bring you peace through this ordeal.
Salaam,
firstly i would like to say, thankyou for all the help and support you all gave me. i have told the person who i hope to get married to soon inshallah everything, wasnt easy but thats sorted, and now inshallah we are making strong plans to get our nikah done. ASAP.
secondly, Mr.Turkey has now cut of contact with me, he has no videos of me, and i am sure of this 100%, all what he can do is just talk about it to my parents but nothing else. afew days ago, the last time he contacted me i told him i have nothing left and im not scared of you, now he is telling me not to, its obvios because he dont want to be exposed at it aswell, because no matter how much it involves me, he is a part of this, so he is very scared for me to tell my mum.
thirdly, i still have not told my mum. i dont know what it is, but i feel scared and worried over what her reaction may be, i know she wont be able to force me into anything i dont want, but i am inshallah going to tell her. ProfessorX i appreciate you help, may Allah reward you inshallah, but i dont think i will need to do this anymore, i am fully sure there are no videos. we spoke very maturely and he accepted to leave me. now its all over and finished, the last step to do is just to tell my mum the truth.
Can i ask one last question please, when you send an attachment (picture) to a contact via hotmail - email. and once this person has delted it, and even gave the password of the email for you to check it, and really has delted it, but at the bottom of the folders in 'deleted' section, theres an option which allows you to 'recover deleted messages' this option helps you to retrieve lost or deleted messages.
basically what im asking is, is it possible to permanantly get rid of these deleted messages, and how?
Thankyou for reading my post once again.
My duas are with the whole Ummah inshallah. Wa'Alaykum'Salaam
Kilic,
If you receive a photo by email, you can save the photo on to you pc/laptop and the delete the email. So that he has deleted the emails is not proof that he does not still have the photos.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam alaikum,
On the question of email recovery in hotmail, it depends on length of time:
http://www.thewindowsclub.com/recover-deleted-emails-windows-live-hotmail
Though what SisterZ says is very true, it's 50/50 at this point. However, I felt from your posts that he had been bluffing about it.
Insha'allah, you've made the best choices for yourself. However, I would think that now that you and your real fiancee are working through this, do you truly feel that you need to tell your mom about it any longer? I would recommend against it at this point if you feel nothing more will come from this scenario to defame you.
Wa alaikum Salaam,
ProfessorX May Allah SubhanAllah Wa'Tala bless you inshallah. Thankyou so much for the above link, i appreciate it so much. thankyou so much. Alhamdulillah i got rid away of those emails now. Thankyou once again. It was a fast solution.
As i am still questioning my self wether to tell my mum or not about it. To be honest in a way i want to say it, and be sure of it and be on the safe side, and when my mum knows everything about it i have nothing to worry anymore, but in a way i think to my self, after its all cleared and sorted with my real fiancee inshallah, is there a point? because i am worried of her reaction. what will she do? she was the one who wanted me to get married to this Mr.Turkey, after knowing this all would she completely force me into it with the intention of clear this mess. this is what is still questioning me. i have not yet satisfied my self with what steps to take next, i dont want to take a wrong step. inshallah with your advise, i will take clear and strong steps in the future.
Allah hafiz
Walaikum salaam Sister,
All gratitude is to Allah (swt), as I am nothing, but He is everything.
I would discourage you from telling your mom with the fears that you have and instead, find solace in that Allah (swt) will protect you and give you refuge with the steps you have taken.
My greatest concern is that you have not entered into a nikkah as of now with the man you have chosen. This is very troublesome because you cannot continue a relationship of this sort, as it is haraam to keep in such contact. If I were you, getting your parents on board and getting married is the greater priority.
At this point, it is Islamically obligatory for you to get married, so there cannot be any un-Islamic reason to prevent it.
May Allah (swt) guide you to your nikkah in the proper and most prudent fashion.
I agree 100% with Professor X. Telling your mother about the blackmail will again put you in to a weaker position in front of her. Save your efforts to convince your parents to do your nikah with the one you wish to marry. And these are the more Islamically correct steps to take: to avoid revealing sins and to proceed with having your nikah done.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
SubhanAllah, i feel much more confident, and strong now, i ask Allah Ta'ala in my duas to grant you all Jannah Al Firdous inshallah amin. inshallah may Allah swt bless you all as you have helped out alot, and guided me through out to solve and get me out of this situation, aswell as ofcourse i have been repenting praying and turning to Allah. To be honest i thought i wouldnt have ever got a reply, and thought this was never going to end, but although it has alhamdulillah, you all still are here helping me through, still posting back to my comments. inshallah i ask Allah, truely with all my heart to bless you Jannah Al Firdous. amin.
Wa'Alaykum Salaam.
Asalaam alaikum,
Thank you sister. Yet, it is Allah (swt) that has kept you safe and secure, as He is the Ultimate Refuge and Destination of Love.
We pray for your success in this world, a beautifully loving and caring marriage, and peace in the hereafter. May Allah (swt) bless you immensely.