Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Fiancee/Lover Cheated on me! Help please!!

Aslam-O-Alikum Everyone! I am experiencing a Major Heartbreak right now. Ill appreciate you guys so much if you could answer me according to Islam.

I am sorry for posting the long story but please guys i want you all to read it that would be very helpful for me.

I am living in Middle East and i Got Engaged to my relative who live overseas around 4 Years back. The Engagement was based on 6 Years old Love on the time of Engagement now 10!as we both had feelings for each other. It took us a lot of time to convince our families and it finally happened. To let you guys know the reason of such a long engagement is her family wasn't prepared.

Anyways, before getting engaged to me while she was in her country of residence and we not talking, she had past like everyone does and she told me some parts of it, i didn't care much as we are suppose to leave the past behind and it wasn't a concern to me because i wasn't a part of her life at that point. She did some sexual things orally which she told me and i ignored it and loved her sincerely and accepted her past. When we got Engaged i requested her to leave the past in the past and move ahead so we can have a peaceful future like every married couple deserves. Well it all started when she flied back to her country of residence. She still had feelings for her EX after a month of her flying back she contacted him. I somehow got to know and she explained me she wanted to clarify some issues that happened in the past between them. and wanted to forgiver her ex as they broke up due to some misunderstandings. I was hurt but happy at the same time that she didn't Lie to me. I said its ok and lets move on. She again contacted him on his Birthday wished him and told him how much she misses him and spoke to his mother also. That i got to know through a mutual friend. I was very hurt i confronted she accepted and i told her its damaging me as she is breaking my trust constantly she after that spoke to her EX on phone again and messaged on Facebook. That was it! I stopped talking to her for a few days she messaged me and asked for forgiveness because i have always loved her a A LOT i forgave her again and tried understanding that her Ex was a part of her life and sometimes it gets hard to forget that person fast. Anyways my trust was terribly damaged and in a couple of arguments i brought it up and told her how she hurt me. She took it as an Excuse and said i don't Trust her and keep hurting her which i didn't want but i was Broken Inside. She after a while started Working and Saw a guy at her work where she instantly started having a Crush on him. We were still in contact. I got to know that after about 10 Days i had access of something where i could find that. I didn't want to Spy her at all but i could feel there was something up. She got this new guy's number and started talking to him. I saw the texts and i was broken my world was shattered! She told him she never really loved me she just did it for her family when actually her family was against this marriage and it took us months to convince them. I messaged her and confronted and she responded that we are two different people and i should accept the reality and move on. Long story short from here, she kept talking to him but i didn't lose hope. I kept trying to show her my good side sent her birthday gifts and Eid presents and Valentine's day presents. After a around 7/8 months of she being distant to me we did talk on and off she once said that she doesn't consider the engagement anymore but never sent the Ring back or never made her family officially call this off. After a few months she messaged me and said she is blessed to have me in her life and she appreciates my presence, that was out of nowhere. I was confused but soooo happy inside that she finally realized that what she was doing is wrong. She then started getting better with me and i saw many changes in her, she was very open about sexual stuff and the innocence she had before was  very much gone. I didn't bother that much and kept talking thinking that may be she wasn't comfortable with showing that side of her before. After almost 8 9 months of we being on good terms i one day got a text from someone she knew. That person didn't disclose their identity but told me the stuff my Fiancee has done behind my back in the other country. I shut their mouth and said that can never be true as my fiancee only Talked to that guy over the phone and texts. 3 Months passed i didn't even tell my fiancee that someone contacted me and said all that because i could never think that stuff was close to any reality i thought my fiancee was too innocent for all that. But one day in an argument i said a few things to her that person told me not the whole thing because i thought saying the sexual part would be disrespectful. But i confronted she met him in person which i wasn't personally sure she would do. She became angry and started yelling at me over the phone and i then felt there is something wrong she was soo surprised that how could i guess something like this when someone had told me this. Anyways, here comes to most shocking and shattering part of my life By Far. She told me she went out with him two times and the second time was at his house where he lives alone. She stayed there for almost 3 hours. She said they kissed and he tried to undress her which she didn't let him according to her! He wanted to have sex she said she refused. He touched her everywhere and asked her to Give him Oral Sex. She ended up giving him Oral (BJ) I am sorry about the words though. But she said she did it to save her virginity. I was soooooo much in shock and my heat sank i was totally blank and lost. I could not believe that my innocent baby lover would ever do this. I always took care of her wishes and respected her and took care of her like a baby. I was sooo broken and cried so much. She told this to me after around 8/10 months of this happened. She had no plans on telling me anything but she did because someone had disclosed it to me already. Then i understand why she came back to me. That guy after getting the sexual favor never contacted her and never looked back. She was left with no choice. Our Marriage is due in a few months. I am sooooooo hurt right now. I stayed out of contact for a few weeks, she would message me and tell me she isn't the same person anymore and she regrets what happened. I ended up replying her and she asked for forgiveness i unblocked her and added her back on social accounts. I am now talking to her normally the love part from my side isn't very much t here but i still care about her and Lover her dearly. But toooooo scared about the future because she cheated on me for like 7,8 in past 4 years. I still respect her and wish to keep her happy and want to Forgive her for ALLAH and our Families and i am somewhere a little glad that she told me the truth. But very scared because when she did all this she was in contact with me and we were normal and would plan our marriage.

My brothers and sisters in Islam i would be very grateful if you guys give me kind advice. I am trying to be a Muslim man that makes his wife a better human being too but right now i am too broken and don't know how to plan the wedding and keep her happy when she is now expecting me to be normal like before. Please don't be mean or rude in the comments.

May Allah bless you All!!

Brother in Islam 🙂


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12 Responses »

  1. She is not trustworthy, you can not trust her any more.

  2. Walaikum asalam Brother. You can try to accept her for Allah. But you have to remember that, she can do such trust broken issues again. Sexual relationship, this is natural human issue. As we know, Allah loves forgivers. You can forgive her. If you really love her and want her as your wife indeed, and if there is no other way for you to accept someone else, then you can go for her. Otherwise, you have to keep in your mind that, she may do those nasty things again. Brother, she is living abroad. You have to be with her all time to fulfill her emotional and physical desires. It is the duty of a good man and woman to save herself or himself while his or her future or present life partner/soulmate are not with them. In addition, there are really couple of honest human in the world who cares about such delicate issues. Future, nobody can see but can predict little bit based on practical issues. Brother, My suggestion think twice before making any decision. Try to Marry someone who is not attractive but understanding and trustworthy-honest; cause your future offspring will come from that woman too. So think honestly. May Allah bless you with patience, ease, coolness of eyes and heart. Ameen.

    • Sayma: Sexual relationship, this is natural human issue........ Try to Marry someone who is not attractive but understanding and trustworthy-honest; cause your future offspring will come from that woman too. So think honestly.

      and why do you want him to marry a someone who is not attractive?

  3. Brother she may do taht again to you .. Please pray and take a very good decesion .. U cant break your heart on and on this has happened to you sO many times .. Cheating and lying are not accidents they are willingly done .. Search a beeter girl who is pure in mind and would dedicate her self to God ...

  4. OP: She stayed there for almost 3 hours. She said they kissed and he tried to undress her which she didn't let him according to her! He wanted to have sex she said she refused. He touched her everywhere and asked her to Give him Oral Sex. She ended up giving him Oral (BJ) I am sorry about the words though. But she said she did it to save her virginity

    I don't think she is going to stop fooling around. After marriage she may not be even concerned with virginity and will do any thing with any one. Marry her only if you can accept her sexual behavior as such. Doing oral sex to save virginity not a good excuse.

  5. Well brother i didnt know the meaning of Oral BJ now googled it ... Its so ambarassing to know about it .. Please brother do not make the mistake of trusting her please choose another girl u may only be in pain and heart breaks if u get married please speak to your parents about it u may not be able to concentrate in your work may your relationship a good marriage is only between A wife Husband and Allah .. Please be strong in your decesion .. May the lord bless uu and give you strength .. Hop.u let us know your decesion .. We wil.b happy and make dua for u

  6. "I am hurt ". "I love her " ."I forgive her ".

    These are the summary of your responses after finding her unfaithful ways .

    Drop idea of getting married to her .Life will be hell after marriage as she doesn't sounds trustworthy else again
    we will see more post from you after marriage with same repetitive sentences "I am hurt ". "I love her " ."I forgive her ".

  7. Salaam everyone. My name is Zainab. I'm the Girl in this story. The culprit. The villain. I broke this mans heart. Yes, I did. I'm not here to say anything about my side of the story. I'm just here to thank you all for the support you all gave him when I couldn't. Plz do so in the future as well. As many of you wanted, it's over. I don't deserve him. I already knew that. I did try to change. He just can't see it anymore. I dk why but he can't. It's hard for him to trust me now..... but it hurts so bad cuz I've truly changed. Nothing I do.... makes him believe me. Anyways, it's okay. I learned my lesson for sure. ALLAH swt yet has to punish me. Your brother has been through a lot. Not anymore... he'll live a happy and joyful life now. I know that for sure. Jazak ALLAH khair

    • Dear zainab
      Hope you understood the pain wat he was going through u broke his trust but that another part now u have repented for your mistake im glad speak to him once and promise him if he trust you may be you both can live a better life aftr all we are humans and bound to make mistakes .... May be you both can make it together let your past not spoil the future of you both.. May the lord bless you and keep u happy and him also happy good luck

  8. Plz brother leave her ,she is not suiteable for you it is difficult for her to change in future .

  9. As Salamu Alaykum.
    Of Course Allahu Alem(Allah knows better) After my Opinion i too would says dont marry her,because what she have done is like Zina.
    You says she too love you but sorry what kind of love is that if she do somethings like that?
    Dont be fooled and blind,that have nothing to do with love.Pray to Allah that you can marry a Religious Women who prays 5 Time and try to follow Islam and break the Engagement and a Boy/Girl Friend relationship between Men and Women are not allowed,so how can you accept somethings like that? Dont make a mistake.She says she dont will do it again but sorry how can you trust her anymore?

  10. Asalamu Alikuim brother your situation seems hard . If it's something you can live with you can marry her if not don't . When you love someone so much and they do you bad so many times and you can't look at then the same way or trust them again . the same way , dont marry her cause you love her .think about yourself . And if she will be the person you want your kids mom to be . Your young and there are much Muslim women That are better than her .if not after the Nikha she meant be faithful to you if she has Iman. Do Istikarad too

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