Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I need help to fight bad thoughts from Satan!

only good thoughts

Salam to all Muslims !

I am a 16 year old Muslim male. Masha Allah I'm already in a war against Shaitan in terms of sexual desires and lust etc. I am doing my level best to  defeat him but its very hard you know. The media is continuously bombarding sexual filth in the name of entertainment. I feel more safer on Internet sometimes than TV !

MY FIRST QUESTION dear all ( I need serious help here ) is that I can't off course avoid watching TV all the time, but when I am, is it allowed for me to watch the female news casters? Obviously they're not practicing  Hijab .We live in an environment in which we're not free you know to talk  about these issues with our elders.

2ND Question being more Important is that when I am lonely (say in bed ) , can I fantasize about a girl or women. :p I hope you are not laughing but it seems a problem for me. The main thing is that if the girl doesn't actually exist. She is just a fantasy girl. ( I DON'T fantasize Zina etc Astagfirullah!). Whenever I start doing it my conscience kicks me hard forcing me to stop. What do I do ? It's really hard fighting the sexual weapons of satan. Please give some tips or whatever because 24 hours a day I'm at war with Shaitan.

How do I always win? O God , it's really hard! It's sort of become something like a general formula that Guys don't get married here in Pakistan before 25/26 years of age, extending our period of war with satan. I wonder how will I control my gaze when I go to some university inshaAllah in future.
I hope you'll try to help.


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5 Responses »

  1. Salamualaikum brother,

    Sounds like my story. Alhamdulillah you wish to remain steadfast on deen and may Allah Help you.

    Regarding the first question, the Ulama of Ahlus Sunnah say that even new channels casting women news readers are better to be avoided. The media is a tool of Shaitaan to lead the servants of Allah astray. (Though good use of the same is possible). The World is full of fitan, trials and tribulations. It is very difficult to remain on the correct path when you be in an environment that calls for 'entertainment'
    The real entertainment for a Mu'min, insha Allah, is the Jannah.
    And when you come over the Shaitaan and defeat him, Allah increases your levels and gives you more difficult tests. Greater your level of Iman, greater or more difficult will be the tests from Allah. May Allah keep you dteadfast on His Deen.

    To help yourself, try to keep your tongue wet with the remembrance of Allah. Get a book called 'Fortress of the Muslim - Hisn al Muslim' which is a book containing du'as for almost any situation. You can get it at a good Islamic Center. Get in touch with an Islamic Center and make sure it is one of Ahlus Sunnah Wal Jama'ah to make sure you get the right knowledge. If you need help in this, you can tell me where you live in Pakistan, and insha Allah I'll find some center you can contact.

    Stay in the company of those who will help you stay obidient to Allah and avoid the company of those who invite to evil. Get in touch with the Ulama of Ahlus Sunnah wal Jamaa'ah and try to stay with them whenever you can.

    For the second question, the thought you mentioned is what seems to be from Shaitaan. Whenever you get such feeling, seek refuge in Allah and start thinking about the Jannah and its Bounties and insha Allah, you'll feel more delighted than you would, imaginig a girl.

    May Allah Help you and me to stay on His Deen, until we meet Him
    Muhammad Waseem Saifullah

  2. Assalamu Alaykum, my brother

    Regarding the first question, are you watching the news just to see the female news casters, and does it lead you to prohibited desires, ones that dishonor you before Allah? If so, don't watch the news. If you do want to hear the news, then do not look at the screen when the female newscasters are on. I know this is not easy. But Allah will be with you, and it is his will, so he will give you strength.

    Regarding the second question, I think you can imagine about a fantasy girl IF it is while you are praying to Allah and asking him to help you seek his will as you determine your choices for future wife, as long as your thoughts do not lead you to go astray. But also don't just focus on physical beauty, but also on other features of your future wife, such as intelligence, her deen, and her compatibility with you. So you can create a fantasy girl in your mind, as long as you are working with Allah to see his will for your future wife. But if it leads to actions that dishonor you before Allah, you must stop.

    Allah is testing you, and the harder it is, the more rewards you will receive, inshallah! Think about it this way: Allah must think very highly of you to allow Shaytan to torment you so much. Mashallah! He knows you are strong!

    Also, Allah knows you are human. He is merciful and often forgiving. So if you do ever make a mistake, ask for forgiveness, and learn what temptation caused you to falter. The next time, try to avoid this temptation, and you will soon leave Shaytan far behind, inshallah, and will have many rewards from Allah.

    However, Shaytan will not rest, he will try to temp you in other ways. You must always seek the will of Allah and be on the lookout for the next test. Your tests will never stop, but Allah will never test you beyond what you can handle.

    May Allah grant you His best!

  3. The newscasters are reading the news for the tv audience. That is their job, whether they are male or female. If a newscaster was wearing a niqab, you would not recognise them, nor is the way they dress in any way immodest or distracting. If you want the latest news, watch the news and do not turn even women who are in no way objectified into commodities for male pleasure. If you cannot concentrate on the news itself, perhaps it is your mentality towards women in general that you need to think about.

    More important than the question of fantasy, I would request you to think about how you feel about women. People can fantasize any number of cruel and disgusting things if they let Shaitan take over their minds. But, you are at a very impressionable age, so you need to spend some time thinking how you feel about women, so that even in your thoughts you will not be disrespectful in any way towards them.

    When you see a woman in real life, do you regard them (not just in your outward behavior but deep down in your thoughts) with the respect that you are expected to show your mother or sisters, or do you think they are just there to distract you, and should not be there in the first place? A curiosity towards women at your age is a biological occurence, you can use it to - rather than going the negative way of bad thoughts - read about the position of women in Islam, and how Rasulullah (SAW) regarded them. This will undoubtedly help you to become the Muslim you strive to be.

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