Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Fighting is tearing my husband’s family apart!

Family shattered by husband's addiction

Assalamu Alaikum

Dear brothers and sisters. Please help me. I am in a very confused state.

Its been 5 years since my marriage and I am blessed with a loving caring husband and 2 sons. Alhamdulillah.

My mother-in-law passed away. I have my father-in-law, 1 brother-in-law and 3 sister-in-laws. In the first 2 years of my marriage, my in-laws were very affectionate and kind towards me. But 3 yrs back there came a property issue between my husband and his 3 sisters. I had nothing to do with it. But there arised very bad terms between my husband and his father and 3 sisters.

After this issue I travelled with my husband abroad. My husband stopped speaking with his sister and forbid me from talking to my in-laws as well and obeying him I didnt have any contact with them.

There were certain situations when I would talk to them without my husband's knowledge and in turn my sis-in-laws would blame me and I would be sitting back at home crying all day. I have always requested and cried with my husband to forget everything between them and get into good terms but he was very stubborn and said no.

But my inlaws made the situation worse by neglecting my parents as well. When my father said salam to my father-in-law near the mosque, he just turned away without even replying to the salam. They even turned their face away in public without speaking to my mother. They are blaming me for everything and are spreading false accusations about me amongst their relatives. I'm really hurt by this. I always wanted to settle the dispute between them. But due to my husband's and his sisters stubbornness, it never worked out. But today they accuse me as the cause of everything.

My husband forbids me from speaking to my inlaws and my parents also dont want me to keep any relationship with them. But I am really worried about whether i am doing right by not talking to them. All I am doing is obeying my husband and my parents and doing as they say. But I am worried that the other relatives in my in-laws will take me wrong. I always wanted to be in a good relation with everyone . But dont know why Allah has written such a fate for me .

In these 3 years I have always tried to make things right between us. But after them continuously harassing me and speaking ill about me, today I am completely fed up with them. even today if I think about the way they spoke to me, I will not be able to spend my day peacefully. If you are shouted at for making mistakes, you can accept them. But everytime I would have to hear harsh words without any reason.

Now my husband very occasionally speaks with his father and elder sister but i dont speak with any of them. My father in law was very sick few days back and when i called him to ask about his health he disconnected the call hearing my voice.

Today i am suffering this bad name because of my husband's mistakes.

My husband supports me wholeheartedly and i thank allah for giving me such a loving husband. Even today my husband has never asked me to speak to my inlaws. But am i doing right. Should i not speak to my in-laws as per my husband's and parents order?

please help me.



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1 Responses »

  1. I would say leave toxic relationships behind. Call to check on their health, but if someone is not treating you well, i really dont think you can have a relationship with them.

    Maybe leave a message every once in a while to say Salam, hope you are all doing well, and if they dont respond then atleast you can tell Allah that you tried to keep relation with them.

    Also, your husbands relations are his responsability, you dont have to play peacekeeper, really. Its his job to keep peace with his family and if he is okay with the way things are, just leave it. They clearly are people that hold on to anger for a long time and dont know how to communicate. so leave them be. Its your husbands family.

    keep the peace with your family, and make them happy because you can. Your husbands family is his responsability to bear.

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