Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am broken and I have a final message for all of you beautiful people out here

bird signs of Allah

"Have they not looked at the birds above them, with wings outspread and folded back? Nothing holds them up but the All-Merciful. HE sees all things." (Surat al-Mulk: 19)

I just got some information which hurt me real bad. The girl I used to be with who I am not with anymore. She was my sister in law's sister by the way. Just received a proposal from my brother's friend. But she rejected it saying she wants someone exactly like my brother.

It was all I needed. A reminder about how my brother is Abel and I am Cane. No one wants me. No one ever will.

No one could ever like someone like ME. So before I go I want to leave a message to you people. Never ever leave the shariah of Islam and love the best of creation Prophet Muhammad Sallallahualaihiwasallam and Allah more than anyone else. I tried but I guess Allah did not want to accept me as a slave so I am forced to take this step. I wish I was a firmer believer.

Prophet Muhammad Sallallahualaihiwasallam is the greatest thing ever. Without him nothing else would be in existence. Like he said the first thing which ALLAH created was his noor. Never ever let go off this noor of Huzoor E Akram Noor E Mujassam Ahmed Mujtaba Hazrat Mohammed Mustafa Sallallahualaihiwasallam. I did not want to either. But then when no girl wants to have someone like me why would ALLAH and his Prophet want to have anything to do with me. I guess I was always destined for hell.

Please stay out of haraam relationships and follow the shariah. It is for our own good. Love for others what you would love for yourself as the holy prophet said. When time comes be ready to lay down your necks for islam like Imam Hussain Radiallahuanhu. May you be blessed with jannah. I couldn't be. Because deep down I know I am a hypocrite.

Wael Hesham, keep up the great work.

My regards to your beautiful daughter Salma. I wish I could have had one of my own. Guess good things do not happen to bad people.

Muhammad Waseem Saifulla. You are an excellent advisor. Do not listen to some of the women who criticise you for being pro male. Your advice is based on shairah and theirs on whims and fancies.

Sister Sara - you're advice is always heartfelt and kind. Jazakallah.

American Muslim - may allah reward you for your kind words of wisdom and help.

Professor X - You are one very clever person . Alhamdulillah.

Pray for me.

With regards ,

A burden on earth.


Tagged as: ,

39 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I truly am sad to see the decision you've arrived at. I can only hope that maybe, just maybe, you might still be able to read the words I would like to share with you.

    I am not going to tell you what you already know. I realize you know the gravity of your choices and intentions. I know you are probably tired of people trying to guilt you out of what feels most natural to you, or try to threaten you to continue a life which you've found to be too painful. I realize that you see this as the logical next step in your life, a life which has not amounted to what you expected or believe Allah expected from you. Everyone else can tell you what's right and what you "should" do, but what they don't realize is how incongruent that is with your personal experience.

    So instead of telling you those things, I would like to tell you what you might not know. Maybe. Maybe you are thinking ahead at your approaching hereafter, and trying to come to grips with the fact of how angry Allah will be with you for what you've done. Maybe you are trying to prep your body and mind for the punishment of Hellfire. Maybe you are rehearsing, in your mind, the humble yet authentically honest responses you will give to Allah when He questions you for what you did.

    ...But...maybe you are not thinking about something else that could happen. Maybe Allah will not be angry at you. Maybe He will love you as much as He ever did, and all the veils in this life--the veils that kept you from really seeing His love for what it is--will be evaporated. Maybe you will weep and weep realizing what a mistake you made, as He shows you all the wonderful things that would've been in store with you if you had just tried to hang on a little longer. Maybe you would realize that everything you're seeing now is distorted, and if you could see it as it truly is you would realize how much value you have and how much Allah detailed the features of your life so that you would come to know exactly how much you are loved by Him. Maybe He will give you the glimpse of the wife, daughter, son, grandchildren, friends etc that were waiting to come into your life; and the pain of realizing how much you left behind will outweigh the pain you are feeling that is pushing you to this ledge. The only thing is, by that time you won't have a choice but to accept the sacrifices you've made, but at least now- for this moment- you still have one.

    Brother, somewhere out there is a sister praying for you. Praying to be your wife. Maybe she doesn't know your name, or where you are, or how she will meet you. But Allah knows her because He chose her just for you. Maybe today she is sad and doesn't know why. Do you think that's possible? I do.

    Brother, I am nothing but a screen name to you. But I am a real person, a real person who struggles with wanting to take her life. I struggle with it more than I will ever let on, because I don't want to hurt those around me. But all it takes is one moment of being alone, with a storm inside, and just an ounce of you feel ok knowing how easily you could influence me? And perhaps not just me, but any number of our readers who also struggle with these thoughts?

    I am not going to ask you to make a different choice because "it's the right thing to do". I'm going to be selfish, and I'm going to ask you to try to stay alive for my sake. Please, please don't give my sick nafs any ammunition to entertain the thought of doing something hurtful to myself. The only thing that keeps me alive at times is my commitment to the belief that no matter how I'm perceiving reality at my most darkest times, that it's a lie. And I wait until the truth comes. For some things, I'm still waiting. I humbly ask you to do the same, just to believe that the state you are in right now is a lie...for my sake.

    Please, stay alive so I can keep up my motivation to do the same.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Salam alekom brother.

    I cant belleive you thinking of suicide because of a girl !
    How can u think that allah and his prophet doesnt want you??
    Im sorry but you letting shaytan to give you all this thoughts!
    Allah loves us all and he test us to see who makes it to heaven
    We were created in this world not so we can be eccepted by girls we were created so we can worship allah
    so brother think deeply before thinking of suicide and show allah that you love him heaps
    even if you didnt get the girl you want but trust me when you love allah and eccept
    anything that happens to you in this life allah will give you what you want.

    My life is way worse then you because i am not eccepted not only by girls but by everyone around me !!!
    But i will never think of suicide because if i lose this life i dont want to lose the next too!
    I want to try my best to get closer to allah so i can atleast make it to heaven.

    If you commit suicide you will go to hell for ever! And the punishment is really hard !!!
    So is it really worth it??

    Think about it and dont be selfish because im sure you have a family who loves you so at least think of them.
    And dont think of girls just concentrate on how to get closer to allah then you will find the best girl

  3. Brother

    Now is the time to cry out to Allah with your pain. Ask him why you feel He has abandoned you. He has not, of course, but cry to Him for answers. Give it a try. You have nothing to loose if you want to end it.

    But my brother, consider this. There is a woman out there that Allah is preparing for you right now. He is also preparing you for her. She will need you. More than you ever know. And you will need her. You will be her Imam. You will lead your family with her. Your children will love you, look to you for love and acceptance and guidance.

    Begin now. Provide love and guidance to the child inside your soul. You as a young boy. Hug yourself. Guide yourself. You will need to do this to be ready to do the same for your children when they have dispair. Your children will grow will grow in faith and the love and mercy of Allah.

    You will grow old with your wife, your children will become adults and have their own children. You will play with them on the floor in your home, and they will love you as only a child can love a grandparent.

    Your destiny is Jannah. But you have so much to do before then. If we loose you, each of us will be lesser for it. We need you. Allah loves you and will give you the strength to make it.

    Don't let your future wife, your further children, and your grandchildren only be a dream, the potential that Allah has planned but Shaytaan derailed. Make it a story of overcoming adversity. A great story of the love of Allah, His mercy, and His wonderful creation that is you.

    AmericanMuslim Editor

  4. I pray that you have not taken this decision. If you havent brother than please, please do not take this step. Do not give up.. I do not know what else to say except for this. I do not know what will get through to you but I pray that these words do.
    We may be all around the world on our team, but we care about you my brother and so at least for all those who care about you and for our sake at least: please please - keep living, keep striving and seek strength from Allah.
    Never give up on life. He loves you so so much and He only wants what's best for you. He wants you to turn to Him and submit to Him fully. Cry to Him. That gap that is missing in your life - no one and nothing can truly fill it except Allah. Talk to Him.

    My brother, I will keep you in my duas. I am praying for you and I will do so again during Tahajjud InshaAllah. Please keep living so we can continue to pray for Allah to give you ease in your life. If not for my sake, then sister Amy's, if not for her sake then for all those people who will read this and feel the urge to give up to. Do it for them brother - please.

    Sara Editor

  5. Allah love's you don't let life get the best of you....Allah is always there for a sinner who c
    Comes back to him and say sorry ....I will pray for you to
    have peace in your heart...go to Allah and say sorry he will forgive you and you will be like a baby new born.
    Salami brother

  6. Salamu aliakum dear brother,

    Say alhamdiallah on everything, u tell us to love our greatest role model our bbeloved phrophet muhammad sallalhalayiwasalam, u tell us to love him and follow him? Dear brother don't we all need to follow his ways? Don't we want him to be proud of his largest ummah from the phrophets on the day of judgement? Don't you want to be standing behind our phrophet pbuh on a day where will all be facing Allah swt the almighty? Allah has given us so much,with it comes good and with it comes difficulties, Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear, then people may ask but how can people take their life if they cud bear their burden? Answer is Allah knows what we do not know, Allah knows what we do not see, Allah knows what is best for us whether we choice to accept it or fail to see it, its hard, its really hard but these are tests for the believers and brother u are a believer!! You have declared u believe in Allah and his messenger pbuh but brother please do not let shaytan get u at a time of weakness! Be proud to be a muslim and islam and that means total submission, u are a believer and Allah forgives all sins!!! Allllllllllllll sinssss do u noe what the means everythng!! Surely do hearts find rest with the remembarence of Allah! Its tough and we have our days! But we need to slap ourselves a bit and remembr what we are here for, life is not a bunch of daises and we can't let shaytan fool us or we will be of the greatest losers. People that take their lives are not people who can not bear their buden, as Allah says he does not burden a soul with more than it can bear but these people choose the easy way out (in dunya) knowing not what is in store in the grave and for our enternal life in the hereafter. The prophets went through the greatest of trials more than we can ever can have imagined and why was that? Some prophets were rejected by everyone family and their closest people, some had the worst illnesses and had no money, some of their womenfolk and children rejected their message, they all had hardships with their messages, physical and mental angusih from the people but they did not give up and why did they get all these tests my dear brother? All these tests and they were the best to have walked this earth? Because Allah tests those he loves the most! So they can get rewarded and make to the best of the best in our entenal abode of jannah. Dear brother u are a rolemodel for everyone reading ur post, young tennagers goinf through hardships, young and older brother n sisters who have beem through so much, please make us proud, Allah says the believer when thinkng of another believers hardships suffers too, please do not make us suffer otherwise what is left of this ummah? Let's make Allah and our phrophet proud let's us be proud in our numbers and expand our ummah, don't u want to have children and raise them muslim? Don'l we need to be proud of our large numbers? Ya Allah help us all!! Ya Allah save us from shaytan and make us successful, ya Allah easy our load and make us of the righous, I am so sacred sometimes when I'm asleep, so scared I wake up and the last thng I didn't do was pray, scared then I didn't thank my lord enough in that day or remembr him as much as I cud of, mostly scared of not askng for reptence but alhamdiallah we have the chance and we need to hold on to every second we have, beacuse we don't noe if it will ever be enough. Dear brother, please let's help eachother otherwise what's left of our ummah? Please help us, May Allah forgive ur sins, grant u jannat firdous and grant u a rightous wife n children ya rab!! Please be patient, this world is not worth giving up the hereafter for. Ya Allah I pray u make things easy for my brother and all our ummah, ya rab never let us go astray, ya Allah help us make it to jannat firdous ameen ya rab! Please reply to our comments now!! 🙂 were waiting dear brother 🙂 ur sister in islam.

  7. Dear brother,
    Please listen to everyone here and be strong. I am a divorced and abandoned young woman with a one-year old baby (since my baby is 4 months). It has been such a painful and lonely ride where i still fight satanic suggestions of ending my life but I won't! Be strong and let's ride the wave of trial till we are dropped ashore, and it will be all right. Please be strong and may ALLAH appease you. Tell us that you are ok.

  8. Assalamalaikum-


    (Brother Ali, I deleted most of your comment. Your tone is not helpful. We don't correct someone by calling him a liar and calling out his "lies" point by point. We correct people with kindness and gentle guidance. - Wael, Editor)

  9. This is an obvious cry for help. Brother Yukiyukio, I didn't really understand your message, but I understood clearly that you wanted to give us all the impression that you want to or will kill yourself. I hope that doesn't happen for not only my own deeds as wishing that would bring me further from Allah I'm sure, but also also because you and I both know that if you take your own life, then you are in fact forcing a step that only Allah SWT should have knowledge of.

    Brother Yukiyukio, before I give any advice, a few words regarding confusion and clarity on your message.

    First, you are not Cane. Cane was not cane because he was lonely or lost love and so became a sad story for us all to tell over a heartbreak. Cane was cane because Shaytan invaded his mind and he gave in with little self control towards the good rather than the bad, stealing his fathers blessing and killing his brother. You are not Cane. You have not committed such deeds as far as you are telling, and can not be compared to this person and should not associate yourself with such a dishonorable human being. It will do absolutely nothing but harm for your own self image and self esteem. Don't degrade yourself, to yourself. Allah SWT had Cane's destiny and fate written before he was born, and the only thing you will have in common with him, is sharing his destination if I know anything about suicide.

    Secondly, I'm not sure what happened with this girl, but it seems the other person ... the third party apart from your brother and yourself that sought this girls hand in marriage is of no importance. The important part is that you had her, but in the end, she wanted your brother. Let me tell you from a woman's point of view, that you shouldn't consider yourself lost or worthless over this. Deceived, maybe. I don't know if she did anything wrong, but I know how women can be. Hurt, sure. Losing someone hurts. But it speaks nothing of your own self worth.

    Now, onto my advice. First, sleep on it. Everything looks different in the morning.
    Second, pray on it. Prayer always softens the heart and calms the nerves.

    Third, don't obsess over one woman until you know she is the one. There are so many women in the world, it's a waste of time getting tunnel vision over one female. I'm not throwing away the importance a woman can have in your life, and should have, should she become your wife. But I am saying, that before you marry, while you are choosing a woman who will treat you as you plan to treat her because I believe that's what people deserve, make sure you don't fall in love before you chose and are chosen in return. And not chosen in the private shadows of a whisper, in a room with the doors closed and no one else to witness the agreement. I mean keep your guard until you find her to be honest, noble, modest, kind, at least moderately religious, and genuinely attracted to you and willing to be your life partner, and then goes through the honorable phases of seeking your hand and giving hers in marriage in front of your family and friends. Marriage and a relationship union should be transparent and honest with no alternate motives. Only when you have come to the point where all this has been done and she is standing in her wedding gown, should you commit your heart to her in the way that would cause you to woe over losing her as you are now.

    Now, regarding the end of your life, Allah SWT said to us in all of the holy books in fact, through the various prophets he has sent to the various tribes and cultures of the earth, that only HE will know the hour. I not only believe he meant this in the way of the end of the earth, but also in the way of the end of our lives. You see, even if you have cancer and the doctor gives you one day to live, the doctor can not tall you the minute, can not tell you the second you will die.
    Even if you get hit by a car, or shot in the heart, only Allah SWT knows if it will be 11:57pm or 11:58pm that you will die, or if you will in fact survive. Allah SWT has that written for you, and you should not know it. It distrupts all his plans for you. You are not supposed to be able to plan your life to the last second for several reasons. First, it keeps us aware that any second can be our last and keeps us cautious of our actions as any action may be our last, and Insha'Allah our last action will be an honorable one but the only way to try to make that happen is to make EVERY action an honorable one. Also, it reminds us that our fate is not our own, and that only our creator has knowledge of things that we do not. Just like Allah SWT says in the Qur'an over and over again, 'And verily, I know that which you do not.' HE is making a point that he has the power of knowledge and wisdom and insight which allows him to see the outcome of certain things, when we can not and that makes all the difference in the world.

    Brother, let me tell you a story.

    Once, there was a man, sitting at his window during a cold winter day, contemplating the awareness of God. He was inside, warm and dry, drinking hot tea and looking out, as the wind outside howled and roared past the window, and the snow came down in stinging bits of icy rain.

    As he sat, drinking his tea, he saw what at first looked like blurred dots in the snow. Several small, brown spots, fluttering about. Then, as the winter storm raged on and he sat at his window, the dots approached closer, and into his yard, where finally he made out the images of those tiny, small brown birds caught in the snow storm.

    The birds were so overtaken by the stinging snow and blowing wind that they were grounded, forced not to fly and walking very tired and struggling in the snow. The man, who sat in his warm house, felt his heart ache for the poor birds caught in the storm. He saw these poor little birds, completely overwhelmed by their environment. The consciousness of the birds did not know much. Even though the man with all his resources and a wider view of the earth knew that the storm would soon pass, the birds knew nothing of doppler radar, or satellites or weather predictions. They knew not when this horrible situation they were caught in would end, and on they walked, blinded by the snow, and in this moment believing that this would never end, for all they understood was this moment.

    The man sat and thought, then, decided. He got up, hurried and grabbed his coat and hat, put on his shoes, then walked into his car garage and opened the large door that led to the yard. As the door opened, the wind howled, blowing the freezing snow into the cold space, robbing all the heat in just a few seconds from the garage. The man stepped out into the wind, his hat blowing, blocking his eyes. He walked out, and around the few birds, and tried to begin leading them into the garage. He walked around them, saying out loud, 'Come birds! Go to the garage where it is warm and safe!' but the birds, having their limited view of the situation and not the expanded understanding of the man, were terrified. They suddenly panicked and spread in every direction, flapping their wings and wedging snow between their feathers in a desperate attempt to get away. Again he tried, but in vain as they again panicked, not understand the intentions of the kindhearted man who only wanted to lead them to safety for this short while, so later, they could continue again on their path of existence as little fluttering birds.

    In that moment, the man had a revelation... this must be what Allah SWT goes through every moment of every day. Here is Allah SWT with his vast understanding of all the things in our environment that surround us that we can not possibly comprehend, yet when he tries to help, we scatter like scared little birds, so hard to help, and so little in our understanding of what lies for us and that the storm we are enduring will soon pass.

    Brother, right now you're in a snow storm but please let Allah help you. I promise this storm will pass.

    Sister Stacy

    • Beautiful story MashaAllah - may Allah reward you.
      I hope you do not mind if I share

      Sara Editor

      • Sister Sara,

        Of course not. However, if you copy/paste, please give reference to avoid plaigerism and feel free to share this story as much as you like otherwise or in your own words. It's a great story and I've used it to explain my idea of Allah SWT and our situation here on earth to many. tc

        Sister Stacy

        • I do not mind referencing it - but I do not know the original source..
          If you could please let me know that would be appreciated.
          Yes, it brought peace to my heart as well, ALhumdulilah

        • Sister Sara,

          I got this notification in my email but cannot find your comment anywhere to reply to it. Maybe my eyes are just deceiving me, as I've been reading all day and am tired. Via my email, you said,

          "Author: Sara
          I do not mind referencing it - but I do not know the original source..
          If you could please let me know that would be appreciated.
          Yes, it brought peace to my heart as well, ALhumdulilah

          Let me clairify, what I meant was please don't copy my own words and paste them anywhere as your own. If you want to use these words, which are mine from my mind written on impulse upon responding to the original posters message and not taken ver batum from any other source, then please reference me and this thread, as these are my words and no one elses. Of course if you want to use the story in your own words, then please feel free to do so without referencing this article or myself. It's simply an inspirational story that is meant to help explain Allah, SubhanAllah and there is no need to figure out where it originally came from, but I do not wish for anyone to use my own words. My writing is in my words, from my mind, and I cherish them as my own.
          I consider the difference between simply writing my name, and copying my signature. One holds the unique mark of myself, while the other is just informational. Feel free to share this story in your own words as you wish.

          Sister Stacy

          • Lol I think I responded to your response just as I was posting mine, so yours didn't show until just now. 🙂 😉

          • well ... lets look at the bright side of my episode... it got sara and stacy better acquainted... lolzzzz.... just kidding... cudnt resist it...

  10. Assalamu alaykum brother,
    i pray that you are inshAllah still alive.please dont take this step.we all go through hard times and think about suicide but dont you love ALLAH??what will you answer to HIM?are you not a thankful slave?Allah gave you this chance to live and to worship Him and you are beeing so just think about yourself and only see the bad things in your life. Allhamdullilah you are a muslim this is a gift from Allah ,He choosed you to worship Him and you beeing an unthankful slave.He gave you two eyes to see,two hands and and and are you not thankful?instead you beeing slefish and want to take this step.before you think how worse your life is think about this people who do not have anything but they still are thankful and is not easy and Allah will always test us to see if we truely believe and you choose the easy way instead of beeing patient.if you want to die so badly then at least go to palestine... afghanistan and fight….at least you will do some good and die as a shahid and not taking your own life.maybe after you see how this people suffer but still patient and have faith in ALLAH you will see how selfish you are and stop the thought of suicide and be a thankful slave.(sorry if i sound harsh).belive me there are people out there they have it much worse than you do and they wish they were in your shoes!Dont let shaytan to fool you brother.we all suffer in different ways.i know myself its not easy but how can you disappoint the one who loves you the most???(ALLAH)please listen to everyone here. I will keep you and the ummah in my duas inshAllah,i pray and hope that you still alive inshAllah.InshAllah Allah will save you. Please brother reply to us and tell us that you choose to live for the sake of ALLAH. ALLAH loves you more than anyone so please do not disappoint HIM!

  11. Brother, I am disappointed in you. As you know, you and I often exchange messages on Facebook and you told me that you were past this suicidal stage. You indicated that you were preparing for an exam in November to get a government job; and that you might take up martial arts.

    I'm sorry that I didn't respond to your message right away this morning. As I told you, Mondays are busy days for me, and I am available only late at night.

    You have said that I am one of your heroes. I am telling you that if you commit suicide, you will hurt me personally. If you really want to hurt me, and make me feel guilty and bad, then how about just insulting me and calling me names? But don't consider this abominable thing (suicide). This is not the way of the Muslim.

    Read my recent post on Seeing through eyes of hope.

    Also please read my page on suicide on this website: Suicide in Islam.

    I don't know what else to say to you brother. You have received a lot of good advice in the previous comments. You must make a decision to choose faith and hope over despair. That is the way of Islam. I cannot make that decision for you. I remind you that the Prophets and the great Muslims before us experienced terrible tribulations and losses - much worse than ours - but they kept on believing and fighting, and Allah did not abandon them. Allah will also not abandon you, but you have to put your heart into it! You have to commit to Allah, and He will commit to you.

    You have said to me before that life is fleeting. Indeed you are right. This life will be over before you know it. So take advantage of it while it lasts! Do not insult Allah by cutting your life short - the time of your death is Allah's right, not your right.

    I have advised you previously to talk to a counselor, and I repeat that suggestion. It's very important to have someone to personally talk to, face to face.

    I told you before:

    Sometimes when we've done something bad in the past, we get stuck in a perpetual state of guilt. We say, "Allah will not forgive me, I am terrible," etc. That's a trap by Shaytan. It prevents you from moving forward.

    Allah (SWT) says in Surat Hud, "And establish prayer at the two ends of the day and at the approach of the night. Indeed, good deeds eliminate bad deeds. That is a reminder for those who remember." (Quran 11:114)

    And the Messenger of Allah (sws) said, “Be conscious of Allah wherever you are. And follow up a bad deed with a good deed and it will wipe it out. And behave towards the people with a good behaviour.” (Recorded in al-Tirmidhi).

    So that is the way forward. Rather than wallowing in guilt, make sincere tawbah then set out to do good in the world.

    Wael Editor

    • I want to add also that you are praising us Editors in your post and wishing us well, but to commit suicide would in reality be a repudiation of all your words. If we and our time and effort mean anything at all to you, then you will find a way to live your life, and move forward - even if it's painful right now.

      Brother, pain passes, but you have to let it pass. You need to stop grasping onto your pain as if it is something precious. Let the pain wash over you, and then wash away. It takes time.

      I went though a loss that hurt me badly in 2009. I'm not going to lie, every now and then I had a suicidal thought. But I knew that I would never do it, because I fear Allah, and I am grateful to Allah for every little blessing, and I know there are people who need me. Still, the pain stayed with me for maybe two years. Of course it lessened over time, but I did not really consider myself healed until this year. So yes, it takes time, and you have to be patient, but the storm passes eventually, and the sun comes up on the other side.

      In my case, I have learned so much from my divorce, and the failure of a relationship I had after that, when I was engaged to be married. All my writing on has come from a wisdom born of deep self-analysis following that painful time. My relationship with my daughter has deepened, my practice of martial arts has reached a level I never dreamed of, my writing has come so far, I have gotten to know my parents better, and though I am lonely at times I know that I will make a better partner and husband to someone (Insha'Allah) than I was ever capable of being in the past. All this happened because of the heartbreak that I experienced.

      Your lessons will be different. Your new horizons and possibilities will be different. But they will come, if you give it a chance. You know what brother, you said my daughter is so sweet, but you'll have your own son or daughter one day, Insha'Allah, and it will be the greatest gift you ever had. That may not seem likely right now, but you're only 23. I didn't have my first child until I was much older than you. It will happen for you too, if you give it a chance, and choose courage, and life.

      Wael Editor

  12. Assalamualaikum,

    My brother, I am really shocked to read this from you. I thought you were building on and climbing the ladders of success by choosing the Path of Allah over the path of Shaitaan.

    Do you think you are the only one facing difficult situations in life? Look at the World today... Look at our brothers and sisters in Syria. They faced a test which was unimaginable. They were led to live after their bones were broken by the enemy forces. Look at Burma... Look at the trials they underwent and are undergoing now.

    Do you think your difficulty is greater than all of theirs? Do you think you are being tormented more than these oppressed brothers and sisters? Do you think they committed suicide in order to get over their pain?
    If they do commit suicide, hat do you think will happen? Will they be relieved? No!!! They will be put into greater pain.

    The pain of this world is just nothing compared to what is in store in the hereafter.
    And do you think Hell is easy? It is NOT. The fire of Hell is 70 times as intense as the fire of this World. One will be burnt until his/her skin is totally burnt, then a new skin will be provided in order to repeat the process. This process will go on forever as long as Allah Wishes.

    There will be no one to speak to, no one will listen. A person will be tormented without having a chance to repent. The food will be rotten, drink will be boiling water and impurities.

    One moment in Hell will make a person forget his or her difficulty in the World for the entire life, even if he or she was dragged in chains since birth till death. This is how horrifying Hell is.

    Brother, all of us face situations such as these and even worse. A person who does not see difficulty, there is something wrong with him… It is a sign that you are a Human, that you see trials. This World is meant to test you. You may fail once, twice, thrice, innumerable times. But if Allah Likes one thing you do, it is enough for you.

    But suicide will take a person to Hell for eternity according to our Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. And the World was not Created for him Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam as you think and as people think. We were all created in order to Worship Allah. And our Prophet was not more than a human being. He was not “Noor” as people think. He was a a Human being and walked among us in the markets as the Quran mentions.

    This World is “a Prison for the Believers” and “a Paradise for the non-Believers” as a Hadith states. So, trials and tribulations are expected in this prison.

    We have to be thankful to Allah that we are enjoying so many bounties and blessings in this prison. Ayyub Alaihis Salam was in illness for 18 years. Did he commit suicide? And then how can such little pain make us take such an adverse step?

    Allah Is Merciful. He Will Reward everyone more than they expect, in sha Allah. But the point is "you should expect". If you just give up, then there is no use. Allah Is with His Slaves, as they expect Him to be. You should try to find ways to deal with problems instead of giving yourself into them.

    Be a warrior and not a weak old person. Defeat the Shaitaan and show him his abode in Hell. Make him cry out loud for his mistake of not obeying Allah when asked to prostrate to Adam Alaihis Salam. You Worship Allah and make him cry. Praise Allah and make him feel like "nothing". Stop complaining and hence making him happy. He finds joy in leading us to pain, you give him pain by turning to Allah.

    If you commit suicide, this will happen:

    In Surah Ibrahim, Allah Says:

    21. And they all shall appear before Allah (on the Day of Resurrection) then the weak will say to those who were arrogant (chiefs): "Verily, we were following you; can you avail us anything from Allah's Torment?" They will say: "Had Allah guided us, we would have guided you. It makes no difference to us (now) whether we rage, or bear (these torments) with patience, there is no place of refuge for us."

    22. And Shaitan (Satan) will say when the matter has been decided: "Verily, Allah promised you a promise of truth. And I too promised you, but I betrayed you. I had no authority over you except that I called you, so you responded to me. So blame me not, but blame yourselves. I cannot help you, nor can you help me. I deny your former act in associating me (Satan) as a partner with Allah (by obeying me in the life of the world). Verily, there is a painful torment for the Zalimun (polytheists and wrong-doers, etc.)."

    23. And those who believed (in the Oneness of Allah and His Messengers and whatever they brought) and did righteous deeds, will be made to enter Gardens under which rivers flow, - to dwell therein forever ( Paradise), with the permission of their Lord. Their greeting therein will be: Salam (peace!) .

    24. See you not how Allah sets forth a parable? - A goodly word as a goodly tree, whose root is firmly fixed, and its branches (reach) to the sky (i.e. very high).

    25. Giving its fruit at all times, by the Leave of its Lord and Allah sets forth parables for mankind in order that they may remember.

    26. And the parable of an evil word is that of an evil tree uprooted from the surface of earth having no stability.

    Where do you intend to belong? Decide yourself if you are ready to take up the torment of the fire. If you are wise, you will wait until Allah gives you times of good.

    Surah ash Sharah:

    1. Have We not opened your breast for you (O Muhammad ())?

    2. And removed from you your burden,

    3. Which weighed down your back?

    4. And raised high your fame?

    5. So verily, with the hardship, there is relief,

    6. Verily, with the hardship, there is relief (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs, so one hardship cannot overcome two reliefs).

    7. So when you have finished (from your occupation), then stand up for Allah's worship (i.e. stand up for prayer).

    8. And to your Lord (Alone) turn (all your intentions and hopes and) your invocations.

    And Surah Asr:

    1. By Al-'Asr (the time).

    2. Verily! Man is in loss,

    3. Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth (i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al-Ma'ruf)which Allah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al-Munkar)which Allah has forbidden), and recommend one another to patience (for the sufferings, harms, and injuries which one may encounter in Allah's Cause during preaching His religion of Islamic Monotheism or Jihad, etc.).

    Sabr (Patience) is the answer to your worries, brother. I hope you choose it over the fire of Hell.

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  13. If you really love Allah and belive in Allah and prophet from your heart then you will have patient. Allah test us by patient. If you really want love from Allah then fight have patient and work hard. Suicide is not an answer or escape from life, don't think it will finish everything. Have patient brother Allah will guid you.

  14. If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
    If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
    If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
    If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory.
    If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony.
    If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
    If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
    If you plant openness, you will reap intimacy.
    If you plant patience, you will reap improvements.
    If you plant faith, you will reap miracles.


    If you plant dishonesty, you will reap distrust.
    If you plant selfishness, you will reap loneliness.
    If you plant pride, you will reap destruction.
    If you plant envy, you will reap trouble.
    If you plant laziness, you will reap stagnation.
    If you plant bitterness, you will reap isolation.
    If you plant greed, you will reap loss.
    If you plant gossip, you will reap enemies.
    If you plant worries, you will reap wrinkles.
    If you plant sin, you will reap guilt.

  15. Brother dont take this silly step, because the sorrows, calamities, pains, and sufferings you gonna face in the afterlife (both in your grave, on judgement day, and the hell fire) is by far more than what you are facing in this world. Come on! You cant kill your self because of a woman... This worldly women are not worth dying for, brother. Moreover they are many in the world, if you search, you would surely find your suitable march. Brother, even if you spend all your life in this world without a woman, If you exercise patience and do righteous good deeds whilst you are a muslim. Then inshaAllah jannah is for you, and Allah will give you no less than 70 chaste, full breasted and excremely beautiful women... Be wise brother and heed the warning everyone here gave you.

  16. Dear brother,

    look at all of us, we all were broken at some time in our lives and wanted to bring end to life, if we all had taken the step to bring end to our misery by finishing our lives , there would have been no one here to help each other

    no brother wael, no american muslim, no brother waseem, no sister sarah , no prof X.

    one day you will have a thing or two to say to someone in your position , and it will make a whole lot more sense to them if it will come from you who has lived it.but you have to live through it , and come through it to be that person. Dont you want to save your brother out there where your words will mean the difference between life and death to him.

    giving up is giving up in Allah. how can we give up on Allah?

    lots of love and duas for you my brother.

  17. my dear brother may be this was never meant for you fine u liked her buh just imagine if u guys would have got married and later if u face problems in your life because of her then wot would happen ? yaar listen by words we can understand sumthg from you Masha Allah i guess you really love Allah Subhanatallah and Prophet SAW just wait In Shaa Allah surely Allah might have found sum one for you who is far more better than dis girl ..and In Shaa Allah later u will surely regret that y did u fall in love wid dis female ....may be she never deserves to be with you ..listen brother girlss u will get many buh your life which Allah Subhanatallah gave you it is more precious just trust Allah and love Allah and Rasool SAW more surely u will get ur true patner buh nvr try to listen to shaitaan and nvr even think abt suicide because this is not your life dis is Allah's life so only he has the right to take it
    May Allah Subhanatallah bless whole umaaathii Muhammad SAW
    Ammen Ya Rabal Alameen Ya Allah

  18. Assalamvalaikum everyone. Thanks for everything and all the words and i am sorry for worrying all of you. I didn't kill myself. But i did manage to dose off for like an entire day. Let me just make it clear that the reason for my sadness was not the girl getting married. It was the fact that after telling me she liked and wanted to marry me. She ended up saying she wanted someone like my brother. Her getting married would have made me sad yes. But when i came to know what she said i just felt really rotten about myself. Completely unwanted and disliked. It actually felt like the world telling me i am not good enough. And for those who have ever had to face rejection would know how much it hurts in the first place. To top it of the person who said no to you says they prefer someone you have been compared to your entire life. Would'nt feel very good now would it? .

    And brother ali yousuff , i did not come here for sympathy alone. I know what the answer is. And it is to turn to allah. But i came here to share my pain because at the time i did feel like killing myself cos i am a person who has suffered from esteem issues all my life. Imagine how much it hurt me. I came here cos i know ppl here like wael and sister sara are good , gentle muslims who listen before jumping to conclusions. Your anger is justified. Thats a sign of your strong faith. Alhamdulillah. I wish i had the same strong imaan as you. I know what to believe in brother ali but its just that i feel too rotten about myself rite now to think that i can actually believe in it.

    As for the others , thanks guys. I know this is a very tough test of qadr for me. And i am honestly trying all the ways to improve my faith. Im trying to practise to the best of my ability. But my feelings of inadequacy have been heightened because of this. Anyways , ill keep trying inshaallah

    • Alhumdulilah! You are alive - I am so pleased for that Akhi. Thank you for letting us know you are OK.

      Do please listen to me. It takes great courage to admit you have a problem and seek help. That is something Allah blessed you with - He stopped you from ruining your Aakhirah. Appreciate that He must love you - a lot for this. There are people that do not get this opportunity. Another thing you need to be aware of is you cannot give up on yourself - and if you ever do feel like giving up on yourself again you must NEVER ever give up on Allah.

      Be aware it is Shaitan who is playing with you - he wants you to lose. Do you want that for yourself? To throw yourself in Jahannam over a girl? Over anything for that matter? All the riches, love, beauty and good in this world even. Nothing, absolutely nothing is worth that. Keep working on your eman and being closer to Allah.

      There is something else I want you to think about as well. Your low self esteem. It can hold a person back. I am not a psychologist but I believe that is holding you back brother. It takes even greater strength and courage to deal with these problems. It is painful but change is always painful - painful but beautiful too. Sometimes when we are in pain we have this veil over our eyes - we seek ourselves as weak and unable to change. This is something shaitan plays with, especially if he knows a person has low self esteem.
      Do you know the reality?
      I want you to read this quote and seriously reflect on it:

      "Human beings are EXTREMELY strong. Let me repeat that in a different way. It's very difficult to break a human being. We are extremely robust. We have to be. Why? Because Allah gave us the amanah (trust). He made us the khulafa' (custodians & trustees) of earth. So we have to be stronger than lions and elephants and bulls and you name it..

      We have been programmed to believe that we are vulnerable.
      That an incident like death/abuse can break us.

      It can't.
      Unless We Believe it can.
      Repeatedly in the Qur'am. Allah invites us to that which is better. To Jannat. To Him. SubhanAllah. And repeatedly He describes those that dont accept that invitation to have self-inflicted upon themselves the consequences and poverty of such a decision..

      Allah invites us to make a better decision. The only thing that can make or break us, is us.. Its the connection between the mind and the heart. Our decisions..."

      Find that strength inside you. It exists. Trust in Allah. Seek His help, know that provided you hold on, He will never abandon you and ride out the storm of difficulties until it settles. And it will InshaAllah.

      And work on yourself. You are a human being - you are deserving of friendship and love just like any other person is. But you have to be aware that you have to appreciate yourself and be comfortable with yourself before you can commit to anyone. Do not seek love or approval from others to make yourself feel better about yourself.

      I can tell you you should not feel this way and you are a good person etc but there is no point. It doesnt matter what this girl thinks, or what any of us think. What matters are two things:

      - What Allah (Swt) thinks most importantly
      - What you think of yourself.

      Accept yourself, appreciate yourself. And if you feel lacking in some areas in your deen, khair. Dont give up and resign yourself. No one is perfect.
      Accept yourself and your faults and ask Allah to help you change for the better. And be aware of your strengths too and thank Allah for giving you them.

      Please I urge you again to go for some sort of counselling to get the ball rolling in the right direction. It doesn't have to be a permanent thing but it can really help with the healing process. And I strongly advise against any sort of step towards marriage until you have learnt to appreciate yourself a bit more, OK.

      May Allah make it easy for you

      Sara Editor

    • Alhamdulillah you are ok

      if I see you i will twist your ears!

      never think of such a thing again!!!

  19. Allhamdullilah you alive 😀 keep praying to Allah and inshAllah Allah will make it easier for you.

  20. "Do your duty to your Lord, and fear the Day when no father can even be the least bit useful for his son, nor a son the least bit useful for his father.

    Surely, the promise of Allah is true: Then do not let this present life deceive you,nor let the Chief Deceiver (shaytan) deceive you about Allah."

    Surah Luqman verse 34.

    -Amy Editor

  21. YukiYukio,

    Feel free to email me via (deleted by Editor) so I can add you to my facebook if you have an account! 🙂

    Sis Stacy

  22. Assalamualaikum Yuki can I ask you a question? Something I want you to ponder before going to the next question. Don't look. Really Don't look...think about it before you move past the question mark Do you know why Muslim women wear hijab?

    It's not the chavinistic reason your parents told you...that it is to cover from men. There is no such evidence in the hadith or Quran...they veil solely and firstly for the pleasure of Allah.

    Why am I saying that? Because a Muslim woman, just like a Muslim man, doesn't need to dress in a suit, cut her hair short, etc to imitate men. She is only responsible to Allah. What happened to your debt to your Lord...that one connection between you and Subhanwatallah...the highest above All... HE ALONE who we worship? It's no secret The human heart, especially the man's can easily for a woman who could have the heart of a witch.Love your Lord more than yourself. Be closer to your Lord than even your heart brother!

    No matter what your suffering is, the soul is not given a burden larger than it has to bear. My own grandmother died after she was unable to walk after sometime. Imagine the additional pain of having to get her up to the bthroom each time. Allah SWT relieved my family of that burden.

    Look at your situation as if you were 80 years old and looking back at your life, or currently at the children in Syria or Iraqis living in Syrian refuggee camps and I think a heart break you are experience will seem very small and transient. You could get out of the rut. You can do it bud.

    Just do it

  23. May Allah reward you all for the excellent answers you have offered. Insha'Allah in the future we can refer others who may be having suicidal thoughts to this post, because there is so much good advice here.

    This post is now closed.

    Wael Editor