Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I didn’t want to get engaged but was forced to for materialistic reasons.

Engagement ring on finger

Assalam O Alaikum,

I got engaged recently to a family friend. My parents are very happy about the engagement but I am not at peace with it. I've been speaking to someone else for about 6 years now, and we went from being close friends to wanting to get married. When this proposal came, I told my parents about the guy but they weren't in favour of it, and gave me a bunch of reasons why the guy they'd chosen seemed better. I wanted time to think about it, but I wasn't given any, and my parents put all sorts of emotional pressure on me and I said yes.

True, I had my doubts about the person I had been talking to for 6 years, because no one's perfect, but for me it was choosing the unknown over the known. Now, I am engaged to this man but I keep thinking about other man who I had relationships. I know that my parents knew about both guys and they have chosen the better one for me but if that's the case then why is it so difficult to move on. What do you all think; please advise me.


Tagged as: , , ,

13 Responses »

  1. Salaam something.

    If you do not want to marry this guy, then you should not marry him. Simple. It doesn't mean you have to marry the other guy you like if you are not sure about him. You don't have to marry either of them. It is your right to choose your own spouse and it is certainly your right to refuse a spouse you do not like/do not feel attracted to etc. So you must be a shield of strength and resist their emotional blackmail.

    I am not saying be rude, but be firm. Say I respect you dear mother and father but I cannot marry someone I do not like. It is impossible." Be firm. A decision like marriage will affect you for life so its extremely important you get it right.

    Whether the guy is better or not, if your instincts tell you not to marry him. If you are not 100% willing then you should not. Be firm dear sister. Approach your family and call off the engagement. Dont let them make you feel guilty. Its your life. Dont allow them to threaten you. I know this is easier said than done but I pray Allah swt gives you the strength to do this.

    Sara Editor

  2. I agree with Saras approach beautifully said. I also think if you don't want to marry this guy you have a say in it after all it is your life and choices you will make are the ones you will have to deal with. My advise to you is think clearly what do you want then you know inside your heart inshallah may this become easier for you.

  3. Salam, I'm in a similar situation at the moment. its been a month that I'm engaged but I do not feel attached to this guy. He's a good Muslim with good qualities but I don't have any feelings for him, and this concerns me about the future. It's not easy in my culture to break an engagement (my family will rather want me die than breaking the engagement). Any tips on how to get attach to him and possibly love him with time. Would I have feelings for him after marriage?

    • This sort of excepting marriage proposals will only make your parents happy and are second best choices. What about you and how you feel? If you don't feel attached to this guy then you need to be honest with yourself and your parents you have a chance to walk away. It is better to call of an engagement than marry for the wrong reasons. You have rights to make your own decision and for that you shouldn't feel guilty. No one knows whether you will have feelings for this guy only you will know but if you don't have any feelings then you need to re-consider and be honest with yourself

      • Thanks for the reply my dear, I was honest with myself from the beginning. They didn't even give me the time to think about it. I haven't seen the guy in real life yet maybe they are thinking that once I see him things will change? only Allah knows about that. So far speaking with him on the phone almost everyday hasn't changed anything between us. He says he already got used to me and is very happy and grateful for having me in his life, but on the other hand I don't feel the same. Plz make dua for me.

  4. think you should openly share this feeling with your parents and the guy to whom you are engaged talking is the best solution, its about your life if not happy breaking the engagement is better than breaking the marriage so talk to your parents make them understand ok, dont spoil your life talk to them openly, inshallah everything will be fine, i dont know why parents force there children its about there life.

    talk to your parents openly about your fears inshallah they will understand breaking an engagement is lot better than breaking a marriage or living a force ful life , its your life talk tp evryone about your feras

  5. something -- what u did..?? im having exact situation and im so young 🙁 please tell me is there any dua because i am a weak person and cant speak infront of my family 🙁

  6. Asalamoalaikum!

    (Remainder of comment deleted. Syed, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - Editor)

  7. salam......

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  8. As Salam O Alaikum..

    • Annie, please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

  9. a salam o alaikum alls , my name is kamran m from pakistan . i want second marriage with a divorcd , widow , blind or cant baby born woman . can u help me guys m waiting ur answer

    • Kamran, you can join a matchmaking service like or any other. This forum is not for matchmaking purposes.

      Wael Editor

Leave a Response