Emotionally forced into marriage at age 16 in Pakistan
Forced marriage is not valid in Islam
When i was young i was fully aware my mother wanted me to marry a boy from pakistan, i did not want to and i hated him. When I was 16 years old she tricked me into saying the family and i are going on a holiday. this however was not true because she emotionaly forced and scared me to marry him and to go ahead with the marriage.
I did as she told me, only recently i have found out the man i am married to was impotent at the time (3years back). So i came back a virgin which i was ever so happy about. I tried to feel love and care towards my husband but i did not truly like him, but because i valued marriage i thought automaticaly i should care about him.
after two years of forcing myself i gave up and decide i cant not take this anymore. my mother and father had noticed i did not like him as i started showing my anger. mentaly i could not think clearly about my emotions, because i had forced my self to feel in a diffrent way. my mother acted as thow everything was fine.
I am 19 years old now. i want to leave my husband i have not meet him in 3 years, and i am happy i havent meet him, he lives in pakistan i live in england. he is from a poor background and he is also my uncle and cusine so leaving him is going to be a big problem within the family. he hardly knows any english, has a low level of education, no job and i am not attracted to him.
IF anyone could help me i would be grateful as to what steps to take.
thank you
- zoe farooq
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Asalaamualaykum Dear Zoe,
I am sorry for this difficult situation you have thrown in to by your family. Forced marriages are completely forbidden in Islam and further the whole point of marriage is for the couple to find love and companionship in one another. Your marriage is also meant to be a safe haven for you, one in which you can enjoy each other's intimacy.
Allah says: "And of His signs is this: He created for you mates from yourself that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, therein indeed are portents for folk who reflect". (Quran 30:21)
From what you have stated, I feel that you are fully within your rights to leave this marriage, although you can also stay in the marriage should you find purpose and fulfilment. Having said that, I am not qualified to offer any conclusive advice regarding this matter, so I will strongly advise you to go and see a qualified imam, explain your situation to him. InshAllah he will help you take any necessary steps. Please click on this link for Shariah Council in Leyton:
http://www.islamic-sharia.org/
Whatever you decide, do so with a clear mind and seek plenty of help from Allah swt. Do not allow this experience to push you away from your Deen. You are going through a difficult test at the moment, seek the right guidance and Allah will help you.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com, Editor
Hi Zoe,
I know it seems like you're in a difficult situation but if you truly feel that you can't carry on, then I think that you already know how to solve your dilemma. I have been through a forced marriage. I got married at 18 where I only saw my husband properly on the wedding might. Didnt feel attracted to him and totally resented him. He was also from pakistan but unfortunately I brought him out to the UK. After a lot of wrangling, I finally got divorced and it felt like the most liberating experience of my life. However, the final choice ultimately lies with you. But my advice is you should do what feels right. If you truly do not feel anything for this man, there's no point in flogging a dead horse.
Hope everything works out for you.