Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Forced into marriage by my parents

Forced marriage poster for people in the UK

hi im 21 years old.. im studying to be a lawyer ..not bcz i rebelled but bcz my family wated me being forced into a marriage...its not bcz im in another relationship or anything...i just dont want to get married....but i think its too late now...bcoz my engagement is over....and only a month left before the wedding...i told my parents i dint wanna marry...but just that wasnt an enough reason..i think the guy is a nice person and all...but bcz of my non willingness to this wedding not able to develop any feelings for him even though he overflows it to parents ask me if they think im being forced in a way that theyre saying that 'if you dare say to anyone that youre being forced'...i think my parents problem is their pride and family is a bit well off i guess my dad wants to show it if this proposal somehow gets cancelled it would be a huge blow to his dignity....i dunno wat to do...less than a month falling into afraid that i wont ever be able to fall in love with the guy...and i dont want to either...if only any person could counsel my parents about my depressing condition...please help.


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8 Responses »

  1. Think about from practical standpoint. If you show your willingness to your marriage assuming your spouse is cool and nice and all can continue to study to become a lawyer and raise a healthy and loving family together.
    However if you just continue to study you might be pushed into awkwards situations where you might feel lonely and want a companionship. This could lead to some mistakes that you might regret, for instance lust.
    I know many people who wish that they were married early to avoid such things because it is really a waste of time and you would be squandering good opportunities ahead.

    Try not think from Western or Eastern prospective. If you think you are strong enough to avoid lust and all the things that come with it, you can choose to avoid marriage. However, if you believe in companionship and sharing then you should trust God and just do your best.

    This will not sound good to you when you read this comment now but maybe 10 years down the line you will find, what I really trying to say to you.

    And if you are practicing Muslim, you should believe in God and Prophet Muhammad pbuh teachings.
    Thank you and have a lovely life ahead of you.

  2. I have edited the comments as previously the message was sent in an error but i believe my answer is not updated

  3. I don't know why people accept injustice! The situation is worse when it is done in the name of Islam. As it tells to speak up against oppression. Numerous saying of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w) and his companions (r.a) tell that oppression is unacceptable and the opposed person who accepts this is also partner in oppression.

    This is a dilemma that parents trade their prestige and ego with their kids as if they are a commodity and hide behind the rights given by Allah. They must know that children have rights too. And marriage is one of them. Just imagine, 1400 years ago in a ignorant and uncivilized society (Arabs) Prophet is saying to a lady (r.a) who was forcibly married to increase the pride of her father, should I abrogate your marriage or not? Giving her choice to cancel her marriage. The incident is a Sahih and authentic hadith.

    The lady replied that I will accept the marriage but I wanted to show that if women have rights in this.

    Speak up! Live with pride and don't be meak for Islam teaches us to not accept oppression!

    "Don't get weak and lose hope, for you will be successful if you are believers" surah Aal e Imran, v 139.

    Ask your grandparents or any elder relatives to convey your point of view. But if you don't find anyone, then stand alone like Hussain (r.a) in Karbala.

    I am not telling you to wage a war but make your point across so even if you ate forced into marriage you at least have registered your protest. Don't forget politeness when talking to them.

    This is not a choice, it is a commandment of Almighty stated in this beautiful principle "don't oppress nor be oppressed" Surah Am Baqarah v 275.

  4. Dear btslover,

    May I ask what is it that you don't like about your fiance? Its personal, but we can better help you if you can clarify that. If its an irrational fear, you can reason with it. But I think everyone has the right to decide when they are ready to marry and to whom - Islam is not a religion that's against laws of human nature and justice.

    You are afraid, but if there is a legitimate reason for not getting married to this person, then seek help of a an older close relative like a paternal/maternal uncle/aunt or sibling to talk to your parents. If there is no credible risk to your life, then talk to your parents. Tell them that you are not ready for it and in that case it can soon turn into a failure after marriage, which will be worse for the family. Quote hadiths or verses from Quran to show them that a forced marriage violates Allah's commands - but do it with respect towards your parents.

    May Allah help you and guide you.

  5. Who you marry or dont marry, is your choice, sister. There is no such thing as rejection for legitimate or illegitimate reasons. You dont want to marry, fair enough. I wish people would study what islam says rather than what culture or society conditions you to say or do

    There is no compulsion /force in marriage or islam. You dont want to marry him then dont. But I say this with caution as I dont know whether you are living in a western country or muslim. The concern being your safety and your autonomy in decision making due to difference in law.

    Once you through with the nikah it is valid. Forced or voluntary. Engagement just means engaged to wed. It's not an actual nuptial/nikah. So you need to assess your situation and decide. You may try to contact scholars, mosque, Islamic councils or such in your area who can perhaps mediate between you and your parents.

    Is your life at risk from your parents or other family? I ask because this happens in some families and in that case you need to contact some authority, police, council social services, womens group, who can provide a safe option or relocation. Thia applies if you live in the west and no in the ME or East, as it's harder there because the system is different and women rights still a process.

    Can you advise where in the world you reside? Maybe somebody from your country is on this board and can help more?

  6. Do marriage only your parents wish you will get the benefits from ALLAH blessed

    • and life time agony and pain which most of the girls silently suffer!

    • Prophet (s.a.w) is saying one thing, that you can't anyone into marriage. God is explicitly telling "Don't inherit women forcibly", but you are just saying things out of your desires and social norms and trying to fit that into Islam - which is 100% against it. Either follow Islam or your desires.

      Secondly, brother you seem to have some personal thing against me, I don't know what, but don't say anything out of my hatred which is against Islam and mislead thousands in result.

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