Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Forced Marriage and not happy

I don’t know where and how to bring, this is quite long.

Last year I was forced into a marriage and I had to take this step, I was emotionally abused and physically from my mother, she thinks that this guy from back home comes from a very Izaat wali (respectful) family, and he will treat me good when he gets his Visa to the UK. Now it’s 2018, I don’t speak/text/ring this guy in fact I have his number blocked because I don’t want to be with him, I’ve told him and his whole family I’m not happy but my mum thinks that my decisions aren’t good and what I choose will ruin my entire families izaat and respect. She’s been divorced and she’s now married to her choice, she’s happy, but she don’t see that what she’s doing is hurting me, I have someone else and I know this is totally Haram, I have prayed for forgiveness constantly. in June I got pregnant with my boyfriends child, my family and his family found out and they forced me to abort, again for izaat I had to taken this big step, I was promised that if I do this, I will be able to marry my boyfriend and my mum will submit my divorce papers for that guy from back home. So me being foolish I aborted my child at 14 weeks, and all the Kasams they had picked they broke them. I waited 6 months, his family have backed out, my family are eager I stay with the guy from back home, I do not want this and nobody is understanding my pain that it’s causing. Both families are eager we end this and move on, but we cannot, I know my boyfriend is 100% supportive of me, leaving him will kill me. I can’t stay with somebody I’m not happy with JUST for izaat.

I really don’t know what to do or say, both me and my boyfriend are in a sticky situation. Please if anybody can advice me on something please

 

 

Jazakh’Allah

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3 Responses »

  1. I don't understand you at all. If you have the skills, courage and guts to go out there to get a boyfriend, have an affair with your boyfriend when you have a husband in Pakistan, get pregnant by your boyfriend and have all of this out in the open for your family, your husband and your husband's family to know about...why did you not have the same skill, courage and guts to prevent this marriage with your husband from happening in the first place? Clearly, you are not incapable of being proactive and doing the things you want to do...but for some reason, you chose to do the dumbest, most haram, and most complicated thing you could possibly choose to do. WHY?!

    In my mind, it's much easier, better, more respectful and more RIGHT to say no to a marriage that you don't want than it is to explain to your family, husband and in-laws that you have fallen pregnant by a man that has no business even spending time with you, let alone insert his genital wand in you.

    Your mum is clearly a psycho hypocrite, and it's up to you to stand up to her when she tries to abuse you, force you to do things you don't want to do, and bribe you with empty promises. You need to divorce your husband as soon as possible, and you probably need to distance yourself from your mother, because she's a toxic person. Just focus on working on yourself. Ask yourself what kind of morals and values you want to have and comply to, and focus on becoming more secure in yourself and independent. When you have sorted yourself out, then you can look into getting married to the man of your choice.

    • Well said .

      What kind of Respect you are talking t .Hard to imagine the behavior of both you and your mother .

      You need to reform your self .

  2. Nothing to be ashamed of when you are young and have that pressure put onto you then no one can judge you because emtional and mental abuse and blackmail about the respect can really get to you over a long period of time,
    Maybe you have guts not togo and look for a boyfreind you fell inlove and got pregnant it's 2018 shit happens but it seems you've made it clear to your family but they are forcing you they aren't giving you a voice to tell them your choice or opinion forget negative people, too many folk judge these days I'm 24 I have three kids with a much older Asian guy and I was emotionally blackmailed by how leaving him would look so bad for him and his family and how you can't break a family up and how no one would want me so I understand the pressure
    My advice is never stay in a situation like that there's always a way out it won't be easy you might lose people on your way out but for your future and your happiness what have you got to lose x

    Good luck hun

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