Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Forced Marriage or Run Away?

As Salaam Aaykam, I am 21 years old and I've been in a relationship with this person for over 5 years now obviously we were very young when we met and we been through a lot together wich has just made us stronger together.

My family is very strict especially older brother he found out about our relationship few years a go and beat me up very badly to the point where I couldn't walk because of all the pain in my body and very bruised legs.

Because of all the family problems we always had I always just wanted to stay away and he was the only person I ever spoke to. I was stopped from going college I have not been in education and now for the past 5 years I've been sitting at home. I'm not even allowed to go to the corner shops. My happiness my freedom my right everything has been snatched from me. I'm not allowed to see any of my friends or anything.

I have committed a sin where I was pregnant with this person but due to fear of being killed I didn't carry our child. For me its like living in hell everyday because I regret it and its so hard to live like this of course I know I done wrong I can never justify what I did but I've asked for forgiveness and done towbah, but I want to marry this person.

I spoke to my mum few years a go but she said no the only reason being is I am Pakistani and he is Afghan and the other reason I don't know if anyone knows about Sayed but I am Sayed and he isnt. I just want us to get married so we can have a halal relationship and ask for forgiveness together as well for what we did.

But my family just wouldn't say yes and now they've got me engaged to someone else forcefully without my  consent. I know this is such a bad thing to do but I wanted to leave my house and get married to him I obv don't want to hurt my family as much as I love them, i just dont want to leave my mum and i love my little brother too much cant live without them, but I feel very forced into the marriage.

I am not happy to marry the person they forced me to get engaged with. I've gone too far with him I can't get married to someone else I just can't do it. My family don't listen to me I have no say in anything. Can someone please advise me on something I can do please.

Is it alright if I run away with him? I mean I know its not right but the situation I am in I just can't see any other way..

Can I just say can anyone please not judge me for my sins I have repented and I do regret it a lot I've sincerely asked for forgiveness. Only Allah knows.

Jazaak'Allah

Miss Ess


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5 Responses »

  1. Dear Miss Ess,

    Your situation is a little tricky, but please do not run away.

    Please figure out if this Afghan guy is committed because most Afghan guys prefers Afghan girls. This is not to say Afghans do not marry non Afghans. They do but most often at very last resort, unless if this particular Afghan guy genuinely likes you and would like to make family with you. You need to somehow figure this out.

    Perhaps, you need to request from a trusted person to go and ask this Afghan guy if he is willing to marry you and would like to take care of you after marriage. If the answer is "yes" then i think you can go to your local masjid and seek advise from the Imam. Maybe the imam could have some word with your respected parents.

    If your parents still says no for no apparent good reason then i think you can go ahead and marry this Afghan guy Islamically by getting help from your local mosque.

    But if your parents are right for one to many apparent reason (such as if the Afghan guy has bad habits - drinking, smoking, night clubs, gets angry quickly etc) then you will have to listen to your parents by not marrying this Afghan guy.

    Please do not marry this other guy if you are mentally and emotionally not fit to give 100% of yourself to him after marriage.

    Tell your parents that you will not marry this Afghan guy and that they should be flexible with you by not making you marry someone that you do not want to.

    Marriage is not about who your past was with but rather it is about you willing to give full of yourself to your spouse.

    May Allah swt make it easy for, ameen xxx

    Best wishes,

    Me

    Ps. Please do not run away at all

  2. First of all, don't run away.

    I don't think that's an option at all.

    Even though abuse and imprisonment is totally not okay, I can understand why your family has done this. You had a secret relationship for 5 years in which you got pregnant. Think about that.

    I'm pretty sure that they may have anticipated you running away. It's really hard to feel sorry for you.

    On the other hand, I also understand your feelings but don't sell yourself away for "I love you". I know this much from experience. Who is to say that if you run away, that he Wil even marry you? I would take this time of isolation to become closer with your religion, have sabr and taqwa.

    Which country are you living in? I know some cultural families become very angry if they know their daughter isn't chaste. So does your family know? This is my only concern about you being forced into a marriage of their choice. There may be some problem...

    Anyway, just be patient and Allah swt will deliver you from this situation. In Sha Allah.

  3. hello my story is the same and i wantedto know what you did so please please respond to my email

  4. I have the same case ...if you could contact me it will be very king from you ..for some advice

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