Islamic marriage advice and family advice

She forced me to marry her!

Forced marriage poster for people in the UK

Forced marriage


I am not happy with my wife at all. The reason is- what I think, maybe it's not the reason- but I think it's  the only reason that I don't like my wife.

We both found each other on a marriage site and started talking each other. We both were in different countries. We both kept talking each other for 2-3 months, but I was very, very confused about her. When I started talking her it was just for passing time, but day by day I was getting involved and we decided to get married.

Still I was very confused about her, because in the beginning she didn't tell me everything. Slowly she told me she had been married already five times in the past. She is also diabetic and 12 years older than me. But she didn't tell me anything on the first day.

Anyway, I asked her about her previous life, and she told me about three marriages at that time. I found after our marriage that she married 5 times, and she says 'yes, I already told you but you don't remember'. She said she had physical relations with one only, and she has a son with him. I knew that from the beginning.

Anyway, then I started saying that my parents would not agree so we should stop this thing right away, and her parents would not agree either. She started crying, and as I already had a soft corner in my heart for her, I said 'ok, ok but I will not tell this to my parents'. She said ok, then we decided to meet. She said we will get married, and I said ok.

When I went to her country to meet her, I saw her and I didn't like her, even though we saw each other on web cam before. She was looking older, and I was very confused. My mouth was totally shut. She took me to her home, and I found that she arranged everything for marriage the next day. She took me to the market to buy a couple of things for the next day, but still I was confused and thinking how I should tell her that I don't want to marry.

Then when we came back from the market, we went to her bedroom and she forced physical relations with me before marriage. She did it intentionally, but I was also involved. I know I'm not a kid, but it was not my intention. The next day her friends were there and we got married. I was not happy, and after the nikkah I started crying 'oh my God'.

After it happened I didn't make any physical relationship with her since we were married. We did it 2-3 times,  but forcibly- I never like it. Now it's enough. I don't want to live with her anymore. Please help me, what should I do?


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11 Responses »

  1. what type of story is this? its unbelievable. how can a person marry a ''nikah'' when he doesnt want to do!

    she didnt do anything on the gunpoint. did she? then why were you so helpless.

    whom are you afraid of?

    and you are asking what should you do. simply divorce her. what else.

  2. aua,

    Where were you when all this was taking place? It sounds like you're not in control of your own body. If you're letting things happen to you and you don't participate in life yourself, then I think there are still a lot of things that are going to happen to you without your consent and against your will. It sounds like your unconsciouse. Wake up man.

  3. So basically, she raped you?

    • OP said 'ok, ok but I will not tell this to my parents'. She said ok

      I think he wanted some sex but when he saw his potential wife he had no sexual desire but she intiated sex and they did some thing sexual.

      Usually it is men who intiate and convince a woman to do it.

      Looking at the situation, is does not seem that guy is all that innocent.

      Why did this guy go to another country to meet a divorced woman in the first place?

      I am curious what country this woman lives in.

  4. you admit that you only started to talk with her to pass the time... and you are upset that she didnt tell you everything about her past when you began talking with her?!... this doesnt make any sense. your intentions from the beginning were questionable, yet you totally shifted blame on her.

    Also, you say this woman forced you to have sex with her.... a number of times... physically in order for there to be intercourse, the man would have to be errect. if you were really "forced," then more than likely you wouldnt be able to get or sustain an errection.... my point is, you probably werent and didnt really feel forced.

    my conclusion, you sound like fraud... you wanted all the fun without the committment and now your asking for advice on how to get out of it. shame on you!

    • I think OP knew almost everything about this woman.

      He did not like her when he saw her in person. He did not desire sex but his potential wife intiated and lead him into doing sexual stuff.

      Regarding "erection" during forced sex, anything is possible. Read the following news on the Internet.

      A Nigerian businessman, Uroko Onoja, married to six women in a small Nigerian town was allegedly 'raped to death' by his wives in the country's Benue State. Wives were jealous because he went to his youngest wife and all of them wanted sex that night.

  5. Can everyone stop being so critical??? He DID NOT post on this website for anyone's criticism.

    Assalamu alaikum Brother, Now I am not an Islamic Scholar and such but I do know it is Haraam for you to continue this marriage as you are obviously unhappy. Our Prophet Peace Be Upon Him also had a divorce as one of his wives was asking him for things from this Dunya. It is not permitted in Islam to be forced or manipulated into a marriage. The exact reason we have witnesses during the time of Nikkah.

    Morally speaking she based the foundation of the relationship on lies. It seems you were manipulated into getting married to her. You can still back out hopefully she hasn't become pregnant or had a child yet. If not keep it that way until you get a divorce. Bringing an innocent child into this will only make things worse.

    Your sister in Islam

  6. Layla , are you sure the prophet pbuh divorced ???

  7. Assalam alaikum,

    If you know that you have been betrayed and misled, then you should be honest with your wife and let her know how you feel. If you can not go on like this, it is important to let her know and you should abide by the laws of Islam to either continue or discontinue this marriage. It is your choice and you should remember to be just and fair. If she lied and was inappropriate, only you know it. Perhaps take the advice of an Imam as well.

    Whatever does happen, you should understand that you shouldn't go along with something like this and not expect to be held accountable. What is done is done, but there is time to do the right thing still even if it means parting ways.

    May Allah ease your hardships, Ameen.

  8. Salaam brother,
    you yourself are the cause of your problem. why did you talk to her in the first place? thats not allowed in islam brother [if two like each other then they can talk to each other with the presence of the female's wali]. talking to her was your first mistake secondly you met her... another mistake and sin in the eyes of Allah.. if you didnt like her you should have told her confidently in the very first.
    if you have a soft corner for her then why look at her beauty. no one is perfect. everyone has something in which they are not good at.
    if you have tried your very best to continue the relationship with her and you are not able to then it is better to have a divorce. if you take this divorce from her then you should remember very well that you shouldn't displease allah any more and try to become closer to Him and ask Allah's help and guidance.
    and Allah knows best.
    May allah help you absolve your problems.

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