My affair left unmarried, divorced and with a child, how do I recover?
When I was 14 years old my parents forced me to marry a guy I never loved.
It was like a nightmare for me when I remember that day.. making my life so miserable. At the years go by, after a year of our marriage I learned to accept the fact that I can never run away from these nightmares that makes me learn to respect & love him as a husband. At my age I really don't know what life is? Being a wife to a 32 yrs old man. I really didn't know what to do that time. I feel like I was dumped by my own parents...
After 2 years being with him I decided to go home to our country because that time we are not in our real country which is the reason why I decided to go home... because I want to study I was at age of 16 that time and he let me go home.
I was very happy to go home into our country because I know that it was like a freedom for me. I stayed 4yrs in my home land without him. I study there and meet new friends also the environment was changed I've learned so many things about life, I've learned how difficult life is?
When I was studying I met a married guy, I fell in love to him. His life also related to mine he never loved the girl he marry because of his parents pushed him to marry her and I understand the way he feel. As years goes by we commit a big sins. We love each other so much. We are blind by these love, like we don't care about tomorrow and what others may say or do. We had a promise that I will divorce my husband and he will marry me and he promise me also to divorced his wife.. for that desire, time has come that my husband come to our homeland to see me. Then finally the plan makes more easier to achieved.
My husband divorced me because he feel that I've changed a lot. For the 4yrs I'm not with him and he knows that I never loved him since then. He knew that I had a man already in my life. It's not easy for him to give me my freedom and it arrived to the point that we hurt our selves physically to lead to divorce.
Yah I had won!... perfectly.. but at the end, the guy I used to fight for abandoned me in the middle of battle. After all.. he just left me hanging, he broke his promise. I thought that I was going to die and my life is useless without him really.
I am deeply depressed and feel so frustrated when he left me behind.
What it hurts me most is we had 1 child.
I know that I will carry this until the day Allah will ask me?
Is ALLAH will forgive me? Are my repentance will accept?
Dear brother/sister : pls! advice me what should I do? My concern is for my child he never knew that he is a proof of my mistakes.
Am seeking for your advice...
- al anoud
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salam
Allah(swt) says: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Sûrah al-Zumar: 53]
This verse speaks about those who repent. It tells us that any sin, no matter how major, is expiated by sincere and proper repentance.
There are conditions for repentance to be sincere and proper. The first of these is that the penitent person desists from the sinful act. The second is that he feels deep and genuine regret for having committed the sin. The third is that he resolves in his heart never to return to the sin again.
so ask for forgiveness pray read Quran try to come close to Allah(swt) do zaker because by zaker of Allah(swt) ur heart finds rest. Be a good mother to ur son and take good care of him. don't despair everyone has in life ups and downs and after every night comes the day. Practise ur deen and try to get out of this stresful situation and after some time when u feel oke about urself ask ur family to find a good guy to marry with.
Salamu Aleikum Sister,
You were forced to marry a guy you never loved and I can understand that this is or was nightmare,
concerning the fact that you shared your intimate life with a man you never felt attracted to- as
a female, you are of course emotionally and physically more vulnerable in that situation.
However, sleeping with a married man and betraying his wife(both of you did that) hasn't made
anything better. Finally, you were able to get out of that forced marriage situation, which should have
been your main goal from the beginning instead of investing time in destroying another
marriage. A married man who falls in love with another woman commits adultery.
An you can never build your life and your future together with an adulterer. He may have been pushed
to get married, but there is a huge difference between pushing/urging someone to get married or
forcing the person, which means he could have avoided that, you couldn't.
At the end, your husband divorced you, which shows that he wouldn't have taken handcuffs and
kept you in the marriage by force. Maybe he would have done that earlier,if you had told him
sincerely about your feelings and that you were forced. A man with a normal ego wants to live
with a woman who loves him back and chose him, unless the man approves of the forced
marriage and has a very misogenist attitude, which doesn't seem to be the case here.
-He allowed you to study abroad, which means he didn't restricted your mobility
-He divorced you at the end, as he thought that you changed; that implies that he
doesn't consider divorce as something denigrating and would have done that before if
you had asked him to do so
Now, you are free and can marry the man you love, but I think it would be good to consider
Islamic marriage criteria. Forced marriages are unislamic and can have devastating psychological
consequences for the female-provided that the male approved of the forced marriage,
and the female made all attempts to get out of the forced marriage situation, the husband doesn't
grant divorce, impregnates her against her will, forbidding contraceptives etc....... As you
had the possibility to get out of the whole thing, it makes your relationship with this man unacceptable.
But now, try to sit down and seek repentance and seek Allah for forgiveness. As a divorcee, you
don't even need the permission of a male wali in your second marriage. You can choose yourself this
time and nobody will be able to come forward with excuses. Be happy that this married man didn't leave
his wife for you , maybe that way, another crisis in your life was avoided. Try to gain more Islamic
knowledge and information, code of ethics, code of behaviour, physical and social hijab to avoid that.
Take the religion as fundament in your life and you will get to know prince charming.
Don't confuse desire and lust with love, by taking into consideration that in your life, you make
the decisions and nobody is allowed to take control over your actions.
Jazakallah
Dear Al Anoud, Asalaamualaikum
I am sorry for the situation you are in. Unfortunately, you had a difficult start by being forced into marriage, thereafter you have fallen again and again. You have been through a terrible roller coaster ride: unhappy marriage at a young age, illicit relationship with a married man, child with a man other than your husband; divorced by the man you didnt want, left stranded by the man you thought you did want. Sister, the grief you are feeling is a result of disobeying Allah.
Sometimes we so need to have someone or some situation give us a wake up slap to show us what terrible mess we are creating for ourselves; Sister take your current cry for help as the result of your wake up call.
From this point onwards; make Allah your main concern. If you do this, you will slowly but surely find some peace in your heart and mind.
- Do immense tawbah for the numerous sins you have committed
- Turn to Allah sincerely and completely and strive to correct your ways, pray your Salaah and do righteous deeds
What we say will not take away your pain or your guilt, but perservering in repenting and correcting yourself is the only way forward.
"Allah(swt) says: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Sûrah al-Zumar: 53]
***
With regards to your child - I understand your concerns, you do not want him to know that he was conceived out of wedlock, but if he does come to know of this - then Sister this is a consequence of sinning. Just do your best by him inshaAllah, strive to be a good mother.
You can turn your life around - look forward, be sincere and Allah will forgive you inshaAllah. He has promised this in Al-Quran.
Best Wishes
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com, Editor
Men don't get forced to married, usually womens do. Sister u guys committed great sins. And what did u gain out of that?! More stress?!! U should never look down at a situation ur in, for Allah will out u in a real bad situation and then ur'll regret and will hope everything goes back to where it was. If a married man can cheat on his wife, what grantees that he won't cheat on u later. Vice versa with the women. He already done it b4, he can easily do it again. All I can day is pray to Allah and ask for mercy and forgiveness.
Thanks for all the comment's...
sis & bro in Islam i know that i made a big mistake in my life and i do regret it.
i always ask forgiveness to ALLAH swt. to guide me into the right path ;((