Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Forced to take an oath because of family issues

Day and night

Assalamo Alaikum Brothers and Sisters,

I am 21 years old. I have been in a relationship with my cousin. We have been together since we were kids, we used to play, study, hang out together all the time. Soon we realized how close we have got, it's like we got used to each other, being with each other felt as easy as breathing. We understood each other, and our families very well, blending in felt pretty easy and natural. Things were going well, and we were actually trying to hide our relationship because it was quite obvious to everyone that we are together as we have always been together, but soon it all came crashing down.

As the news reached my mother's ears she confronted me, I told her the truth as I thought it was pretty obvious and she should have known it long before, but she didn't, she screamed at me beat me up and took away all my means of contacting him. She talked to his father (who is my mother's brother) actually not talked to him, more like fought with him and told him about us too, thinking about being together. He too opposed it and they both tore us apart.

For three years we didn't talk to each other, respecting our parents decision. but then my father passed away and I was devastated and he knew I needed him as always. Because he is the only one who understood the sadness hidden under my smiles. So we got together again and it's been two years now that we are together.

Last month my mother saw his messages on my phone and again scolded me and beat me. I finally thought of talking to her this time that why doesn't she let us be together. and she had a simple answer to it: "My brother never liked me nor I ever liked him. So let you both into a relation is out of the question. Our families can never be together. There are a lot of differences between us."

In the end she gave me two options, "either im going to lie and exploit [my cousin] in the family that he has been blackmailing my daughter, or give me an oath that you will not have any kind of contact with him." I chose the second option as I couldn't live with thought of him being insulted in the entire family. Hence I took an oath on The Holy Quran.

Now he has been calling and messaging me as he is worried because I didn't even get a chance to tell him all this. I am in pain right now. I don't know what to do. My family has kept grudges in their hearts that is ruining our present. Please guide me. What should we do? I am lost and confused please help me.


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3 Responses »

  1. your mother cannot force you, try to talk this straight to your maamu if they are against it, there is only one option court marriage.

  2. Assalamo Alaikum sister,

    I just want to let you know that you are not alone in this situation. We are basically the same age (I'm 22) and I too am in a relationship with my cousin (my mother's sister), and she is not allowing us to marry due to the fact that she & her sister (his mom) have personal issues with each other which date back to before I was even born! I know you are looking for advice, and I'm sorry that I do not have any for you at this moment. All I can say is to make dua as much as possible for Allah to change the situation for the positive. May Allah help us both. Ameen.

  3. Well you need to ask your self one question..."can I go against my family and marry him, and can he do the same? If the answer is no , then there's no use of even contacting him or talking to him in hopes of something ever happening.

    you might need to ask a scholar about how accurate this oath was, because I'm not sure. However, like I said, even if it wasn't accurate and you don't have to abide by it..... Then what! Your mom doesn't want him and his father doesn't want you.

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