Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I want to forget a negative feelings from istikhara

Hands raised in dua

Asalam alaikum.
Please I need help. Everything started me doing an Istikhara for marriage for me and my boyfriend. I don´t know why I did actually i shoudn´t have done. I did istikhara with Quran and tasbih which I found on a net site  of al-islam
When I did with quran first time I came on the word "torment" which is negative. With the tasbih first time was also negative. I was very tensed.

But only afterwards I got to know this page is from shia and they have some other beliefs than us, and that this istikhara isn´t the right way to do like our prophet SAW taught us. I also got the chance to ask Sheikh Assim a good scholar mashaAllah which you maybe know from youtube. I asked him on chatislam while he was answering questions. I asked following "Can ignore the istikhara I did with tasbih and quran as its wrong?" He answerd: If you refer of that opening quran and reading the first ayah on rite page etc.(the way I did) Then its of course haram and a mockering of quran, as u refer to another source than Allah, like going to priest or something.Is he comparing it like going to a fortune teller?

So that was his answer, I won´t repeat it now as I know it´s wrong. BUT its so hard for me to forget it. It always comes in my mind again if I think about taking a step to marry him. Even though I know it was haram I can´t forget the outcome and always think maybe it did have a meaning and Why such negativeness came out?.I m not in peace anymore please help me wat to do. I want to marry him, he is good person and muslim and I know him for 2 years. How can I forget this wrong istikhara I made, I cannot forget it.

PLEASE HELP me brothers and sisters of islam.


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4 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum sister Soraya,

    Thank you for sharing, your post will help many to verify the information they get before making any movement, Alhamdulillah.

    What you did was haram, ask for forgiveness, acknowledge you were a victim of your ignorance, go to Allah(swt) you were innocent and naiv, you didn´t know it, but you opened the door to negative energies that bothered you and those memories still disturbing you and causing you confusion. Let´s do our best to close that door and make it a part of your past, insha´Allah.

    Do tawbah you will find information about it in the top of the page, after this, I would advise you to pray surat 112, 113, 114 three times each one, surat Al-Fatihah and ayat Al-Kursi, before going to bed, our beloved Prophet(saw), did it, of course, your five salat on time and duas(you have information about duas on top of the page too). I do believe you will notice a difference since the moment you begin to move closer consciously to Allah(swt), insha´Allah.

    Focus on strengthen your bond to Allah(swt), He is All-Knower, thanks to this test you have the opportunity to grow up as muslimah, Alhamdulillah.

    Related to your boyfriend, my beloved sister, get out of all this mess, give yourself a week or two to feel better to find Peace inside of your self, you will know the right moment, insha´Allah, at this time seek for Allah(swt)s guidance properly, there is on top of the page a link to perform istikhara properly, too.

    The shadows of darkness dissappears with the slightest sign of Light, smile from Heart and make of the Light your melting instrument of fear and doubt, I know you will get it, insha´Allah, thank you for sharing your sweet and soft Heart, Masha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María Editor

  2. Assalaamu alaykum Sister,

    Hope you are doing good by the grace of Allah. May He increase the reward of the believers and guide them and protect them from Shaytaan.

    Sister, as far has my personal experience of Istikhara is, from the people I know, they have gone by Istikhara and they have made wrong choices as well thinking they saw "good sign" and things did not work out well at all. Some people say pray 2 rakah of Istikhara and sleep and you will have some vision at night etc and see signs in it and they see things and get disturbed at times.

    Anyways, consulting Allah in our thoughts while awake, walking, working, sitting, reclining, almost in anytime of the day is the best to see a way ahead and save ourselves from wrong decisions. But we ares still humans with limited knowledge and may make mistakes. So do not worry, Allah is Ghafurur Raheem - The Forgiving, The Merciful.

    We need to be aware of the fact that " Surah Al Fatiha" which we recite in every salaat is the best way of seeking Allah's guidance, get a translation, know its meaning and ponder deeply upon the verses. " Show us the straight path, The Path of those whom thou hast favored, Not the path of those who earn thy wrath, nor of those who go astray".

    What better du'a for guidance can be than this? And have you wondered we read/ recite it in full conciousness and yet we are almost unaware of what a huge thing we are asking Allah.

    My advise to you is, pray 5 times regularly, if you are already doing, Masha Allah, continue with more concentration, wake up for Tahajjud and learn new surahs of the Qur'an and recite at night in your room/ place in a way no one else is disturbed.

    Best is to know meanings of what we recite, it makes the whole experience enjoyable and brings one closer to Allah.

    Apart from the solutions to all of life's problems lie in the Qur'an, just open, read, ponder and by Allah, those whose faith is sure in Allah, will get the answers they seek, Allah willing.

    As Allah says in Surah Ash Shura:

    51. And it was not (vouchsafed) to any mortal that Allah should speak to him unless (it be) by revelation or from behind a veil, or (that) He sendeth a messenger to reveal what He will by His leave. Lo! He is Exalted, Wise.
    52. And thus have We inspired in thee (Muhammad) a Spirit of Our command. Thou knewest not what the Scripture was, nor what the Faith. But We have made it a light whereby We guide whom We will of Our bondmen. And lo! thou verily dost guide unto a right path.
    53. The path of Allah, unto Whom belongeth whatsoever is in the heavens and whatsoever is in the earth. Do not all things reach Allah at last?

    Allah Himself speaks with you by the Qur'an, so seek answers from Him and Insha Allah you will see your way ahead.

    Sister, qualities to be seen in a person are his Imaan, akhlaaq, taqwa - specifically fear of Allah and his commitment to deen and dunya (work/family/society) together along with over all looks as they please you.

    Read the Qur'an again and again and know what kind of men and women does Islam demand us Muslims to be. So if you see those qualities, say yes in the name of Allah and go ahead. Say yes to a proposal, if you feel your deen and dunya get better with it and do not do injustice to anyone, neither towards Allah, nor towards your ownself, to people or to the man you marry or to the man whom you committed something.

    Don't worry about Istikhara you did previously. Take up the Qur'an, read and judge things for yourself from Allah's Book. Seek Allah's guidance in awakeness as much as in sleep. Dreams may be biased due to our own thoughts, and Shaytaani dreams may mislead us as well. So seek Allah's guidance in broad day light and in the darkness of the night, Insha Allah, He will show you a way ahead.

    Insha Allah, all will be good, we make du'aa for you.

  3. Assalamu alaikum sister. . . I will rather suggest dat d fault is from u... . U claim u know dis man 2 b a good muslim and u know him for 2 yrs now ( in other word u know and understand d kind of human being he is), den why go 4 istikara.. U know too much investigation is no good.. istikhara it self is done when u don't know a chioce 2 make and u need Allah's guidiance on what u are doing. . . . However sister, since u claim dat dis man is a very good muslim and u know him too well, i will advice u 2 keep aside d istikhara u did. But also wake up in d mid night and do some nafilat, do some tasbii and glorify Allah, then ask Allah 2 change d interpretation and reflection of d istikhara on u even if it is true ( as noting is impossible in d site of Allah)... And in fact dat is d porpose of doing an istikara,,, if it turn's out 2 b positive, u go on doing what u want 2 do. But if it turn's out 2 be negetive, u either keep aside what u want 2 do or u ask Allah 2 change it's impact and reflection on u 2 b positive (as Allah is able 2 do all things)... . I wish u a happy and successful marriage. . . With all d hope dat u will be a good wife. . . . . . . . Masallaam. . . .Mohd

  4. Assalam o alaikum

    Mohd brother I am going to differ in this with you. Because in accordance with the sunnat the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) made the companions learn the istikhara dua like it was a Surah of the Quran. The Prophet (pbuh) told them that if you have any need , then perform ablution , then 2 rakat nafal and then the istikhara dua.

    What non-islamic thing is done by you sister forget it. Tell your parents about the guy if he wants to send the proposal. And start praying and doing istikhara every day. Your matter will go to your worldly and hereafter betterment.

    Trust me 🙂 . And if confusion. Just read the translation of the Istikhara dua. Your mind will get to ease. Its like you are leaving your matter on ALLAH who knows whats in future, and what in past. For ALLAH nothing is impossible. So then if its better then ALLAH loves us more than anyone and will lead you to that.

    Best of luck

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