Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Molested a girl, can I be forgiven?

Guilt, guilty manassalamualaikum. In the age of 11 or 12 i committed a sin.  A sin worst that any thing. I forced a girl for kissing,  i touched her every where. The girl was only 7. We did not have sex.

Now i am 19 but since then i regret every night for what have i done. since then i never sleep well.. every night i feel guilty.. guilty like nothing else.. its hurt so badly that i can't even bear it any more

I want to marry but what should i do? should i propose her? i don't thinks she ever accept me or forgive me for what i have done.. What should i do now?

- iftekar

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21 Responses »

  1. You firstly need to repent to god and then seek therapy on how you can overcome this horrible occasion. I think meeting this girl wouldn't be a good idea because I'm pretty sure the last person she wants to meet is the one who molested her. However maybe meeting her could help, and just talk out and let her know that you're sorry and give her some x amount of money or anything to just to show that you're sincere. If you want to marry her then maybe you could ask her if she wants to marry.

    And yes you can get forgiven as long as you do your repentance to god and never go back on it again.

  2. You were also a child. You need to forgive yourself and move on. We are humans not God we all make mistake. I think you should ask for forgiveness from her also. 19 is still very young so don't take your actions to seriously

    • What child touches up another human being in a sexual way ? I think OP reached puberty a lot faster than others hence why he doesn't qualify as a child anymore. Even as a child you don't touch others up.

  3. Brother you first need to repent to God. Nobody is perfect we all commit sins. Allah is most forgiving. Go to the girl and seek forgivenss from her then apologise. If she accepts then ask her hand for marriage if she isn't married if she accepts then take her if not then move on.

  4. Salaam brother, Allah knows all hearts so repent with your heart and repent sincerely and our faith as Muslims is that Allah will forgive. Don't rush anything. And forgive yourself.

    • brother i touched my aunt inappropriately 5 years back.. i have regretted it since can i ask for forgiveness... i feel really bad

      • aqchmedf: brother i touched my aunt inappropriately 5 years back.. i have regretted it since can i ask for forgiveness... i feel really bad

        How old are you and your aunt? How did you aunt react? If she is mad ask for forgiveness.

  5. Don't get in contact with the girl you molested. She won't want to see you, I promise you.

    Don't offer the poor girl money as "compensation" for your criminal act. Again, she won't want to have anything to do with you, and your pocket money will also most likely be an incredible insult to her - like you are paying he low ratesr for "services" you forced out of her. As if she's a cheap prostitute. Which she's not. She's a victim. No amount of money in the world can recitify what you did to her. So don't even try to go there...

    And for God's sake, do NOT offer her marriage! Are you people on here Dumb and Dumber, coming up with these sort of advice? lol. Just leave the girl alone, she's suffered enough! You have to sincerely repent for your sins, and if you really want to make a difference, perhaps you could help an organisation or foundation for victims of sexual abuse. Become a member and regularly donate to the cause, or even get actively involved with helping these people.

    • It's good to have you back Lindita. You have been awol for a long time

      Ahhh .. the typical Lindita throwing insults left and right

      • Thanks Ahmed, I have been busy moving into our newly built house, with office moving at work, and celebrating my husband's birthday :D. But I'm back now, ready for whatever you are going to throw at me :D.

        It's not an insult to call you lot Dumb and Dumber, actually. It's just a fact. You personally suggested that this abuser should pay his victim money (while another idiot suggested proposing marriage - why on EARTH would a woman want to marry the man that raped her? People only do this kind of shit (marry their rapist) when they live in 3rd world countries and are forced to do it by their family. Because they somehow believe an abused woman is an embarrassment (but it's not an embarrassment to be rapist, apparently) and it makes sense in their tiny pea heads that an abused woman is worthless in terms of marriage - so might as well give her away to the psycho that made her "worthless" in the first place). You honestly think that's good advice? Paying the person you raped peanuts? You pay a prostitute for her services, you don't pay a victim for servicing yourself on her. How can you even put a price on rape? Do you pay your victim 10 dollars? 1000? 100,000? When have you paid "enough" to make up for the fact that you raped someone? That you ruined their life? Took their human dignity away from them? Possibly ruined their perception and relationship with people of the opposite sex? Ahmed, tell me how much that's worth, I'm really curious to know the math :).

        • I think all rapists should be given harsh punishments .But this guy was only 11 at that time .

          Normally money won't compensate the loss but in some people's lives it might make some difference .
          I mean big amount of money and not peanuts .

          I have seen some people argue that marriage is some kind of legalized prostitution as husband needs to pay money to wife .( households expenses and all day to day expenses .+ Meher money ) ..
          Even wife can take divorce if he don;t provide .So , No sex if there is no money .


          • Virtual, exactly! And I agree with you 100%.

            What Lindita fails to understand is that not every situation is black and white as she sees it. She also fails to understand that the rape took place at the age of 11. Do you think it would be responsible to blame someone for something they did as a child?

            I agree using money may no always be the best decision to make to pay a rape victim, but in this situation I generally do believe that it would. And the reason being is that the incident took place when they both had a different mindset, so basically the abuser isn't the same abuser who did the rape back then.

            The money would bring closure to both victims. The victim who got abused could use that money to fund her education as she isn't much older than 17 or 19. And it would also bring closure to her knowingly that she had been wrongfully done. Sometimes its better to hear that you have been wrongfully done in order for you to fully accept it and move on.

            I am not saying the victims should become friends or whatever. But at least clear the air so both don't have to suffer.

          • He was old enough to understand different body parts and kissing wasn't he. Please dont use age as an excuse. What if that was your daughter who was abused. What would you do?

          • His mind wasn't developed, so of course he doesn't know what is going on.. It's just him exploring and that's what kids do , they explore.

        • A lot of you people are crazy. You're so quick to show compassion and try to put yourselves in a rapist's shoes. But giving half assed replies and solutions to this guy isn't gonna do him any good. Especially as a teenage. You're just being complacent, and teaching him that a simple sorry and throwing coins (the equivalent of a slap on the wrist, really) is enough for him to go. But it's not just about you OP. If you truly feel sorry, put yourself in the victim's place. Are you repenting for the sake of Allah (swt)? Do you truly feel sorry and realize the gravity of your action ? Or are you doing this for yourself ?? Trying to get rid of the guilt ????

          I'd say you should do some introspection, then ask for forgiveness. To Allah (swt) and the victim (if she's okay with that, also there's a chance she might've blocked the memory as a trauma response). Honestly, i'd advice to leave her alone, especially if it was an acquantance. But if it was a closer relation, I wouldn't know. We need more details. It's not up to me to tell you if you will be forgiven or not. I'm not gonna be like the others, what I know is that if you truly regret it you will spend your life showing it to Allah (swt) through your actions. Whether it is through seeking knowledge on consent, seeking therapy, volunteering etc.. Prove your sincerity. Also coming clean. What you've done isn't only haram, it's a crime. If you are truly sorry. Own up to your actions. Good luck.

  6. I think you should hand yourself into the police and let them do their jobs. You destroyed another person, a child. Inshallah you will live with that guilt until that girl can forgive you. And please stay away from her, she doesnt deserve a person like you.

  7. i touched my aunt in an inapproriate way 5 years back..i have regretted it since then.. how can i ask for forgiveness? i feel really bad fr want happened

  8. It's crazy how so many people were so quick to judge this brother who made, what I admit was a huge mistake. But prepubescent children usually don't go around sexually abusing younger children. I'm surprised not one person asked this brother if he himself was ever sexually abuse as a child? I know I was at the age of 4 and it made me hypersexual at that age. I'd dare someone to even try to shame me like that. Many maulanas touch little boys, when those kids act out sexually then "oh say astagfirullah" which is true to a certain limit but who tells the Maulana to say astagfirullah???


  9. At age 4 you were hyper sexual? Age 4 is a innocent kid age.

  10. Forgive yourself and ask forgiveness to Allah Swt, you were only a kid! Teenagers/kids dont develop their brain fully at that age. And dont marry her! So just leave her alone.

    • Wa alakum as salam wa rah’mu’ta Allah wa bara’ka’tu. Brother it seems you truly feel bad for the bad mistake you made in your past. The truth is you should not offer her any type of compensation such as money, and especially not marriage as this is the same person whom you victimised. However, if it is possible, and you truly feel awful and wish to repent then you should ask forgiveness to Allah (s.w.a), but, you should also sincerely apologise to her yourself in person, it will not be easy, but it is something important to do. The reason I say this is because on the day of judgement, there will be sins which you may have repented towards and then they were erased, but, the difficult ones are those which harm was caused by you to the victim. You will never be able to be forgiven by such sins even though you may repent a lot until that said victim themselves forgives you sincerely as it was them which you harmed and upset, especially in this type of situation. Please just be careful as you do not want to scare nor do you want to make the victim feel uncomfortable when you approach them. Please show sincerity and care to the words you utter to that said victim which shows how bad you actually feel. If the victim feels like they can accept your apology, then alhamdulilah, but if not, then that too is fine as you still tried, and its possible In shaaa Allah that one day that victim may forgive you later in life. Now, after this what you should do is do as many good deeds to overshadow the bad sins, and also to repent for all the bad sins you have committed. Doing this will help you in the hereafter In shaaa Allah. This was a long paragraph I made so I apologise, but, this was needed to be explained so you understand your own situation because coming up with something such as marriage is seriously out of the question. Thank you for reading.

      - A

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