Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Married and found husband been talking to other girls

Glowing laptop computer

Salam I have been married for 2 and a half years now, when I got married 6 months after I found messages on the laptop my husband had sent to a girl before we got married but after our marriage was fixed and we had our engagement saying, how much he loves her and if she had contacted him before he would have married her and how he doesnt really like me etc...

When I asked him about it he said its not what it seems its just my friend we were just joking around and to trust him.. hard to believe but I did choose to believe him. But I still had doubt in my mind, and found it hard.

- sadmum

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4 Responses »

  1. If he haven't made anymore messages and u truly believe that he is not doin something behind ur back, ill say forget wat u seen, because remembering it will only trouble u more and u might end up ruining ur marriage. Since all those conversations were done b4 marriage, and it might b something he might b goin thru. Not sayin it was decent of him, but still. Treat him with love and he'll b urs. Inshallah everything will work out.

  2. Salaams,

    As advised by brokenhearted, if this was in the past, then leave it there. If has reassured you all is well and there is no further messaging to any woman, then relax.

    What you must avoid doing, is worrying unnecessarliy and relaying endless suspicions, as this will create a rift between you. I read before that if one accuses someone who is weak in faith of wrongdoing, they will be inclined to carry out that accusation. I don't mean to imply that your husband has weak emaan but nevertheless, encourage him to actively worship Allah and lead by example.

    Also create happiness between you and work well to ensure you enjoy each others company. All you can do is be the best wife you can be, as that's as much control you have on any situation. If you dwell on this matter, even after he has tried to put your mind at ease, you will end up putting him off you. Bear in mind that his explanation needs to be plausible and not some fob off, and then demonstrate that you are willing to trust him. Hopefully that should be enough to ward him off any improper behaviour of any kind.

    Take care


  3. Salam dear Sister,

    I don't agree with the others. I think it is an issue and of course, some men out there are too chicken

    to talk about their feelings and emotions to a woman.. it is just not male and many of them are

    cowards, they are afraid of the repercussions.

    I won't recommend you to start a fight with your husband. But at the end of the day, try to distance

    yourself emotionally and see how the relationship develops. Love him, but be cautious.

    If he has just done it once without any reason( which is still odd), maybe your relationship will

    develop in a positive way. And if he is sick in his heart, the Shaitan makes waswasah and he

    is falling into haram, talks to other girls in a flirtatious way on the Internet( which is unislamic,

    even if it happens once) ... if this incident occurs again..... which u will find out because

    these things can never be hidden however much he tries....confront him harshly, tell

    him you're not going to believe his excuses. And that he has to resist the Shaitan and be a good

    Muslim. If nothing helps , show him the door. But insha allah everything is going to work out

    well. It is not supposed to happen again.


    • Salams Jannah,

      I don't see where any of my advice conflcts with yours for you to disagree.

      If this issue is in the past and before marriage, if there has been no further messaging as I said AND IF the husband has given a satisfactory explanation, then why should the sister torment herself and possibly create a rift between her husband and herself?

      No one is condoning such actions since such interaction is wrong for any Muslim but he may have just had doubts before marrying the sister and that could have been all it was.

      The sister needs to work at her marriage and your suggestion advicing her to distance herself could likely result in her husband seeking emotional attachment elsewhere. Also she need not confront him harshly as that may repel him further instead of making him fully realise the wrong in such actions. (I'm sure others will agree, since even I myself was admonished for giving harsh advice to wrongdoers on this site and comments were made to explain that harshness doesn't get the message across).

      It doesn't matter what society or culture a man is reared in, but they do not respect or tolerate harsh women.

      If the sister acts in accordance with Islamic virtues then at least she has committed no error in the sight of Allah and won't have inadvertently worsened her case.



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