Found out boy friend is Married
Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.
I hope some one will advise me. I had been with this man for more than a year. We are both Muslim, but live in a foreign Country. He promised to marry me and we spoke of having children.
I suspected he was keeping a secret. I tricked him into telling me the truth about being married by saying I knew he is married, but I really didn't know for sure if he was or not. He admitted he is, and has a child and had been married for many years now.
I feel anger and feel cheated. I want to tell his wife, but I dont want to stay with him. I am trying my best to stop him from contacting me, but I love him so much. When I do see him I feel guilty and bad and utterly sick. I dont know what to do. How can some one be so cruel and selfish.
~ Unluckyinlove
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Salaam Unlucky in Love
Sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is no wonder you feel angry and cheated. What this guy has done by cheating on his wife is very cruel and selfish. But dear sister knowingly continuing contact with a married man is also cruel to his wife. I know you love him and are torn but really you have 2 choices:
1) Continuing seeing this man and feeling guilty for going behind his wife's back. By doing this you are allowing yourself to get used, and depriving yourself of a true loving halal relationship with a man who can give himself to you fully as your husband. This is what you deserve. Not to be a secret woman on the side. You are also committing major sins including zina (and even talking is a form of zina, not to mention any physical contact) and another sin by getting in between a man and his wife. To make matters worse he has a son. All that you will be getting out of this is long term guilt, depression, anger and you will be selling yourself short. You deserve better, you know you do. You will waste a long time pining over him, hoping he will leave his wife, but eventually he will end up leaving you or just leaving you hanging.
OR
2) You could be strong and break contact with this man. Change your contact details. Take a few months out and accept it will hurt for a while. The short time pain is bad but over time you realise you deserve so much better. You move on eventually and are free to lead a fulfilling life which is pleasing to Allah.
Dear sister I sttrongly advise you to go for option 2. Don't sell yourself short. Turn to Allah swt and repent for the major sin you have committed. Vow not to recommit this sin and Allah swt will forgive you InshaAllah.
I pray that you make the right choice and Allah swt fills your life with eman, happiness, love and light.
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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That is good advice from Sara.
assalam alikum,
you should definitely leave him and do not repeat this in future . please remember there is no such type of love exists in islam or in any other religion . why you gone love any one just by talking him or spending some time with him, there is no meaning of such type of love. It is better that Marry in a right way and then love your partner instead of loving any other.
khuda hafiz
my dear sister, you should not feel angry or cheated on because your relationship with this man was not lawfull in the first place.
when you realise that, inshalllah all the anger/sadness will dissapear.
you should not love him or desire to be with him as you can never ever trust this type.