Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My friend is going insane over a boy

broken heart

"I lost my love and I want him back."

Asalam alikum

I have this muslim friend she is a girl. Im very worried for her, her problem is that she's never been in a relationship with a guy and she didnt want to, because it is haram, one day she meets this guy, and she says to me " I dont know why, but I feel he is the one I am going to marry".

She didnt want him in the start but she could not forget him and she said it felt like something else controlled her, and she could not stop thinking about him.. So they been together for a year, and they had some problems but everyime they left each other they came back.. And I feel and think it's Allahs will. Because this girl wont even look at other guys..

They planned to get married this year, and they love each other very very very much.. I never seen something like this before.. They have planned everything for their marriage and how they are going to tell their parents.

But one day they went out to see a movie, and he left to buy something. Another man came up to her, and she told him to leave but he wouldnt, and then her boyfriend came and saw it, and she told him he wouldnt leave. After some hours he broke up with her, and told her he didnt love her, but the day before he couldnt stop talking about how much he loves her, and they planned their wedding the day before he broke up with her.

Now she is all crying and not normal anymore, its like shes getting more and more insane. But the only thing she does is pray every night and every time, that inshAllah he will come back and marry her, so they can stay together read together and build a life. They both read to be lawyers or something big and she say " Allah will bring us back"... she wont think about anything else, and she says I know Allah will bring us back insallah ameen.. But their love can not be described .. they love each other so much ..

And she has a good influence on him.. she made him stop smoking weed, and think about islam.. And she tells him about islam, and when they get married they should be better muslims..I really hope that he comes back to her and marry her insallah ameen.

But are there some dua she can do to get him back?? Because I know he still loves her. And she loves him with all her heart.. and She has never looked at another guy that way, and she only want to get married to him and be with him insallah she will ameeen..

- suzi

Tagged as: , , , , , , ,

6 Responses »

  1. Walaykumsalaam Suzi,

    Your friend appears to be going through an emotionally difficult time, the best thing you can do as a friend is to give her 'real advice' and be a shoulder for her to lean on.

    If you are a real friend, you will remind her that:

    - having boyfriend/girlfriend type relationships is completely haraam and forbidden in Islam. If we expect help from Allah then we need to strive to stay within His set boundaries; i.e. in this case staying away from haraam relations as going to the movies and excess time spent between a boy and girl is not right, it will lead to more wrongs. The first glance if not controlled leads to a few sweet words, then to flirting, then to spending time with one another, then physical emotions take over and before one knows it base desires over take common sense and all judgement is clouded. It is completely ok for your friend to be interested in wanting to get to know this man for marriage, but there are etiquetes to doing so, in order to avoid haraam.

    - we must strive to be 'better muslims' now, this minute, this second; not wait till after marriage. Who knows, we may not be alive long enough to be married or to even see the next day or minute;

    - when our love for something or someone takes us out of the boundaries of Islam, that 'love' that may once have been pure, becomes polluted and tainted;

    - if her 'boyfriend' talks about love and marriage one day and is then able to break off a relationship overnight due to 'jealousy and suspicion', then he clearly has some insecurity issues. Such issue being left undealt with, will only cause problems in any future marriage;

    - you said that your friend 'didnt want him in the start but she could not forget him and she said it felt like something else controlled her, and she could not stop thinking about him'. This is very confusing; I do not understand why someone would push themselves into such a situation. She appears to be infatuated with this person; this is different to 'love'.

    - ‎Umar Ibn Al-Khattab(ra) said: "If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is by destiny, from you it can not flee." More likely there is good in this man leaving your friend. From what you say, she seems to have a habit of forcing herself into bad situations, as she did by getting involved in this relationship in the first place; so remind her to seek patience and accept what Allah has done for her through this 'break up' as a blessing.


    Suzi, I would advise you to be a good Muslim sister to your friend. Remind her of the above points. She is a Muslim woman and hence has a level of responsibility to carry with it. A Muslimah must be dignified and patient in her approach. She must strive to establish a good relationship with Allah. If this man comes back to her, then remind her that she is being given another opportunity to prove herself to Allah. She must set firm her boundaries and limits. Whilst remaining within those boundaries, she can then with the help of trusted friends and family see if this person is a good person for her to marry. If he does not come back to her, then seek patience in Allah and move on to better things. Remind her to pray her obligatory Salaah and ask Allah to balance and focus her mind in the right way. The Prophet (saw) used to repeatedly say this supplication, “O Controller of the hearts! Make my heart steadfast upon Your religion”

    SisterZ, Editor

  2. The situation reminded me of the following supplication of the Messenger of Allah:

    “Allah I've lost hope from anyone except from you, and I'm disappointed of everyone except of you, and I'm weakened by my dependence on everyone except on you! So Allah, please do not expel me from your side! If you did, then there are no power and no strength except in you, Allah! Whoever has asked you, and then you have deprived him? (None). Whoever has called you and you discarded him? (None).”

    I think this supplication does not need further explanation. The way Allah has created this universe, a human is bound to get disappointed from anyone except Allah. Husband disappoints wife. Son disappoints mom. Boss disappoints worker. My laptop disappoints me because it does not perform as I expect. You will find disappointment everywhere, in everything, except Allah.

    Disappointment is not the end of the world, since we know we have a source of hope and a dignified purpose of life. The source of eternal hope is Allah and the dignified purpose of life is worshiping none but Allah alone. If today I lose my computer, Allah can replace me with another. If today, I lose anything, Allah can replace me with something better. But if you lose Allah, you find no replacement.

    So my sister, don't be disappointed that someone left you. Come to Allah and rather thank Him that He saved you from a haram relationship. Pray to Him and ask from Him; you will never be disappointed and abandoned. Pray to Allah sincerely for only He is capable of replacing you with a better husband.

    • SubhanAllah, beautiful explanation - so many times have I tried to explain the concept of relying ONLY on Allah (something which i discovered a few years back after continous disappointment from family and friends) but have been unable to explain it in the best way. May Allah reward you for this!

  3. Salaams,

    Are you the actually the girl in question? Since you say, 'I feel it's Allahs will'. Or else she must be an exceptionally close friend for your to relate her innermost feelings in this dilemma.

    Tell you 'friend' to get a grip and that she has had a lucky escape. The guy is most probably a liar, indeed a player. He is probably married and just looking to stray with some naive girl.

    Do not despair over such a worthless person. You say 'she said it felt like sonething controlled her'. That 'something' is the shaytaan. Which is why she is feeling like she is now.

    If someone has genuine ambition to marry, then they would not waste time and just get on with it, without haraam dating and trips to the movies.



    • salam;
      I am sorry, but what you just said was very hurtful. You should remember that it is very easy to sound condescending. Just because relationships are not your weak point as a muslim does not mean that you do not have one. Shatan is forever trying to entice us, if not with one thing than certainly another. You don't know what the parties are going through mainly because this isn't even coming from the person directly involved, therefore it is wrong to assume that the man is married or even a player.
      However I do strongly believe that one he does sound shifty if he can talk about marriage at one moment and break it off before the girl even has the chance to explain. This will only get worst with time if not addressed immediately.

Leave a Response