Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I read my friend’s diary by accident and found out she has some issues, please help me understand her


My friend is my age (18) both in college. But she's been in and out of depression (mostly in) for 4 years and a half, her family think that she's just weird and that's how she is. But no I know something's wrong! A few days ago she left her iPod next to me and I didn't think she'd mind, I picked it up and went to her notes, and she had written that SAME NIGHT this,

"Living in a world just waiting for an upcoming enemy of mine to be my love and carry me away. These Dramas have molded my brain to an extent, that I haven't showered in weeks. All that pain, the days I lost my crush and the days I lost my pets, I replaced dramas over them in the darkest and deepest part of my heart. These traces of memories lead me to agony. Traces of emails and texts, traces of feathers and poop in the most commonly used rooms a house must have. The only way to ignore, is to pick up my device and watch a drama. A drama of suspense, comedy, and romance to let all the hurt pass me by, to numb myself enough not to get up and perform my prayers to the al-mighty. To let it all sink into my stone-like heart, and my rusty-like brain. To turn away, to a world of fantasy. Where problems are solved easily, love is found easily, happiness is found easily, and where I get to for a moment, for a minute, for a lifetime, carry on with my smile and content heart over other peoples' lives. Before, I snap back into reality and face everything all again. Face my fears, my personality, my face, my issues, my family, face me."

CAN ANYONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT SHE EXACTLY MEANS BY SAYING THAT? HOW CAN I HELP HER? What should I say? Or do? I just don't get the meaning of it! Thanks! Salam 🙂

Allahs slave.

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11 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Personally, it doesn't sound like there was anything accidental about you reading her personal notes on her ipod. In fact, for you to reproduce exactly what she wrote here takes a lot of effort. There is no nice way to say this, but clearly what you did was an invasion of her privacy, and you should stay out of her personal journals going forward.

    Needless to say, what she writes in her personal logs are for her use only. Unless she shares them with someone by her own choice, it isn't meant to be looked upon or understood by anyone else. Not only that, but no stranger (like us) would be able to interpret or explain her personal thoughts.

    If you have other reasons to be worried about your friend, like she has made passing statements about wanting to hurt herself or commit suicide or something along those lines, just be a good friend and sit down and tell her that you care about her and have been concerned about her and ask her if she wants to talk about anything that might be bothering her. Short of that, I suggest you stay out of her business unless you are invited into it.

    -Amy Editor

    • Right, what did you do, copy it and text it to yourself somehow? Diary notes are meant to be private. Your friend might be quite upset if she finds out you read her personal thoughts. You should not do or say anything. Pretend you never read it.

      Wael Editor

      • Salaams,

        I just want to add that your friend would probably be upset about the fact that you put her business in a public forum as well, in addition to the fact of knowing you read it. In fact, I personally felt uncomfortable reading something that was never meant to be shared. I'm not even sure that it's appropriate that this information stay in the post, as opposed to being edited out.

        -Amy Editor

        • To Amy and Wael. Yes. I understand. In fact, I called her and told her all about it. She was a bit annoyed of me reading it. Just not posting it online because she has her own sites where she posts all she writes. Apparently it helps her a lot. I told her that I was worried and so I decided to seek Islamic answers. She tried to convince me nothing's wrong, but after hearing other of her stuff, they sound depressing and scary, she said they all come deeply from her heart. I informed her that if it bothered her so much I can remove it, but she insisted to hear what others has said. She appreciated all answers and is willing to hear for more.

  2. Salaam, In addition to what Amy said, I would just like to add that I really do feel for your friend, It broke my heart when I read that story, may Allah help her, pray for her. I think you should also tell her about what you have read, apologise and then offer your full support. I think she might even be more open with you since she now knows that you know she has 'issues' if she first gets over her intial fit of anger about you reading her diary. Although what you did was wrong, on the plus side, you can at least try and help her. It seems to me that she has issues with her appearence, I wonder is she in love with someone, who has not reciprocated her feelings and perhaps she may think that is because of her appearence or bad personality. Whatever the problem is, try and findout from her, there lots of useful hints in what you obtained. May Allah help her... this world..everyone is tested with something different. One last thing encourage her to get close to Allah and make a lot of duas.

    • Salam. She had replied, "I don't want anyone to help me, cause no one can. I'm just a psycho and I live in my own world, no one is ever going to understand. It ticks me off when people think they know how I feel, and what I want in life. It's worthless and whenever I think about my future I see only black. Nothing shows, therefore, I just live for today, and forget tomorrow is even coming, thank you so much for this though"


      I honestly dont know what to say to that, i'm her friend yet she doesnt want help at all.. :/

  3. I think I know where your friend is coming from and where she is headed. I was the same way. In a world full of fantasies and dramas. I know how much the real world can hurt you after you have seen such amazing happiness in your dreams and fantasies.

    From my own experience I would say your friend is an extremely emotional person not unlike myself. While growing up , for some reason she has suffered from a case of inferiority complex and self esteem issues either because of herself or conditions at home. To escape all this , she locked herself up in this world of love , fantasy , princes , highest rooms in the tallest towers. And like she mentions , once her pet / pets died or what she thought was the love of her life ditched her , all her fantasies came breaking down. She faced pain like she had never ever known. To escape this pain , now she has immersed herself deeper into her fantasies and dramas . To get away from the pain of this ugly world.

    Then again , this is from my point of view because I went through something very very similar if not the same. Tell me if I am wrong , but my guess is your friend is :-
    1) very sensitive
    2) gets sad very easily
    3) small things upset her easily as well like tests / examinations etc
    4) she is very concerned about her performance in any field and is afraid of failure
    5) she is very concerned about what other people think
    6) she is into depression a lot like you mentioned
    7) she is interested in things / talks about / has hobbies which most people in her close circle do not have and which other people may find strange but she takes great pride in it.

    Well , regardless of whether I am right or wrong. Please help your friend out. She is really sad right now. I know how it feels , I have been in her place. Please support her and listen to whatever she says. Always encourage her individuality and her idiosyncracy. Thanks

    Allah hafiz

    • She said "I am not emotional. At least I don't show it. I hate showing a weak side of me do to being bullied in Elementary and Middle school. I love the sound of Quran, I even weep when I listen to it, it's just hard for me to pray the prayers. Too lazy, too annoyed of everything to do so. Yes I watch dramas all the time to get away from the world. This world is annoying, it's disgusting and I don't want to try hard for it, I feel like it'll go on a waste since I feel like my death is near.

  4. Salam brothers and sisters

    I felt compelled to say something about this. I don't want to dwell on the right and wrong of accidentally reading someone's diary but I think it is a blessing in disguise. I think your friend seems somewhat relieved that you now know about this and I trust you are sincere in trying to help her, InsyaAllah. Sometimes we have something that is burdening our heart and we don't know who to talk to, perhaps out of some fear that it may burden the other person. But when it is somehow discovered by someone who then tries sincerely to help us, it's such a relief.

    Sister, your friend has been misled by Shaitan without her being fully aware of it. All these ruminations about the past and hopelessness, it cannot come from anyone but Shaitan. Please watch Dr Zaid's YouTube clippings regarding the mechanism of how Shaitan tries to trick us into believing that what goes on in our head is all from ourselves. More often than not, the negative thoughts come from the Qarin (Shaitan) who accompanies us, who whispers to us under the cloak of imitation of our own inner voice. We humans are basically born with good virtues, only to be exposed to Shaitan's tricks in our life. We will be saved once we are knowledgeable of this and seek refuge with Allah SWT. For the person who is being tricked (like what your friend is going through now) it will be a great help and relief once we know that this is what's actually going on, and we are not the one to blame. We can then voluntarily stop those ruminations when it tries to initiate itself in our mind. And all the time we must remember that, as Allah says in the Quran, the trick of the Shaitan is weak. The knowledge of this trick and weakness will then empower us to fight back and free ourselves from the shackles of Shaitan's trick.

    Always remind ourselves of Allah bountiful Love, Mercy and Forgiveness. Shaitan will always try to make us forget these so that we lose hope. You see, that was the difference between Prophet Adam and Iblis. When they committed mistakes, Prophet Adam sought Allah's Forgiveness and was saved, whereas Iblis refused to do that and goes astray as a disobedient creature. Please remind your friend of this.

    Wallahu A'lam. May Allah protect us from the tricks of Shaitan. Allahumma ameen!

    • I agree with you happy hippo, I think shaytaan is decieving her big time. I also think she should stop watching those fantasy or drama themed movie, series or whatever. Because this removes someone from reality, dealing with reality is going to become increasingly difficult. The brain and the heart become conditioned in the wrong way. The other thing I would add is for her to read the quran a lot, as this will help her uplift her spirits and maybe help her with clarity of thought.

  5. Salamualaikum,

    There are people who don't wish to share their pain, whatsoever, until they can't take it anymore. There are people who think they should talk to Allah for ease and for relief. There are people who have patience over trials with trust in Allah. While others take the pain and get affected.
    I don't know what your friend intends. But I believe you should warn her of the last type of people and avoid asking her anything if she doesn't like it.

    You could also ask her to anonymously post on our website so that she can openly speak and we can understand her problem and offer her an advise, in sha Allah.

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

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