Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is masturbation allowed while wife is away?

sexuality sex masturbation

My wife is away for 15 days. During these times is it permissible for me to masturbate to fulfill my desires?

Sorry if this question is not appropriate if I have used any foul language.

~Abu Zee

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67 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    From what I can understand, masturbation is only looked at as an option if it is the ONLY way to avoid committing the sins of fornication or adultery. It is better if one doesn't masturbate at all, but if you find yourself in a situation where you truly believe that you will commit zina if you don't masturbate then in those cases it is generally seen as the lesser of two evils, but still something you should ask forgiveness from Allah for. It's kind of a "worse case scenario" option.

    Some men can go 15 days without masturbating or sinning and resume relations when their wife returns. Some men cannot. I cannot judge how severe the situation may be for you, only you can do that. I suggest you approach this issue with the sincerest of intentions as you can and try your best to hold out as long as possible insha'Allah. Also, take each situation on a case by case basis, because when you may have been too weak to last 15 days at one time, you may be able to make it another. Strength comes with practice over time.

    -Amy Editor

    • Bismillah ar rahman ar raheem, Brother,

      Allah has made us unique in some ways. According to research we all have different levels of sexual desire which can be directly traced to chemicals or hormones in our bodies. Likewise, in Hadiths it is mentioned that although it is better that one does not masturbate, it is permissable. Rasulallah (Peace be upon him) always travelled with a wife. In today's society we are often separated from our partner. Thus, we must do what is necessary to function. Sexual frustration is very unhealthy psychologically and leads to many ills. Sexual union is beautiful and was designed as such. It is a point of view. Allah hafiz, Ibrahim

  2. All the muftis from ahle sunnah wal jamaah has termed masturbation as haraam and it is a serious sin. Shaytan encourages a person with minor sins and gradually minor sins would lead into a major. Try to find
    a reason behind this. Lower your gaze and keep yourself busy with some beneficial activities. Don't stay idle but do dhikar aggressively.

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      Agreed. All of the respected scholars in their verdicts I have read, have all have determined that masturbation is forbidden.

      The ones that say it may be permissible to avoid zina give an example so ridiculous, because of the other number of sins a person would have to commit to get to that point, that it is beyond comprehension.

      Brother AbuZee, here's what you can do: if it's possible for you to have phone sex with your wife, then try to achieve orgasm doing so without touching yourself or using any devices to do so. Essentially, this is a mind over matter component in achieving ejaculation without touching yourself, but using your wife's voice to achieve orgasm. It is something entirely different than what you currently know to do, but it can work. If nothing else, your wife's voice can stimulate you and allow you some relief, if not complete orgasm release. If you don't achieve release, then that is equally, if not better rewarding, because you'll be an absolute tiger when she comes home, but that should be the case anyways.

      However, I emphasize, do not touch yourself or use other means to achieve satisfaction unless it is with your wife and she is stimulating you. In the future, I would recommend for you to plan a day of high sexual activity with your wife the day before she leaves and the day she is supposed to leave. Propose to her that you both exhaust your sexual energies together to have mutual pleasure. She will probably be very inclined to this idea, as well.

      • because you'll be an absolute tiger when she comes home

        Funn Prof X but very true, Brother holding back the desire will make it better for you both upon her return.


      • Nice and thought awakening solution.... This helps a lot to avoid from sins...

      • Assalamualikum Sir, I totally disagree with you. Having phone sex without touching yourself, Really!!!!!!!! Let's be more practical, if he finds it difficult to resist the urge for 15 days, it's very unlikely that he can resist the other activities that follow up with phone sex. And also if a grave sin can be avoided by a sin, it's better do it that the grave sin, if you don't agree just look it up from the source you learn through for islam allows it.

      • What if my wife doesnt want to have sex? When i get that feeling but she isnt ? I do other stuff like reciting quran and praying to get rid of those feelings and it works all the time? But still there are time i want to fullfill my desire but i cant because she doesnt want? So what should i do? Hope you understand what i am trying to say. Sorry for my broken english.

        • What I recommend you to do is talk with your wife. Let her know that you want to do it, also tell her that it is an Ibada (Act of worship) to have sex with your spouse. Allah loves those people who listen to his order. The wife should respect her husband feeling as well. Sure she doesn't have to do it all the time, but she should be willing once in a while. Hope this solves your question just be kind to her don't force anything to have patience inshallah. The video I send is from Mufti Menks talking about sex and marriage. YouTube Video:

    • If it were a serious sin then it would have been mentioned in clear words in the Quran and Ahadith. Zina is mentioned by name in the Quran but masturbation never . Also in the Ahadith. No masturbation does not lead u into major sins

    • Salam aleekum,
      If masturbation is haram, can you give me a verse in the Quran or Hadith that explains this? As I have asked loads of scholars and shieks and not one said its haram so if you can get me the verse please. Jazak Allah kier

      • Brother.

        It was in Hadeeth (not Quran) that said (English translation), masturbation was Haram and that person to be Cursed. But even if authentic, God has infinite Mercy, and circumstanced are accounted for to judge any action. Furthermore Hadeeth often are either out of content (so some can not be definitive), or misinterpreted. Also people tend to interpet everything in Quran and Hadeeth as black and white, but the educated scholar that is enlightened can see true meaning. Just as those closed minded whome insist that it is imposible for a pious believer in the One God that is Non Muslim (but not associating partners to Allah) can not possibly receive Mercy in the modern age of knowledge in judgment day, just an example.



  3. Salamu'alaikum,

    Masturbation is haraam in islam, in all manners and the 'Ulama strictly prohibit it. And brother, you should ask yourself, if you can not control your lust for 15 days, how would you face the bigger tests from Allah? Please read the following booklet which will answer your question:

    regarding the times it is allowed, know that it isn't allowed, but when these are two 2 sins to be chosen and there is no possibility of choosing not to do either of them, then you choose a smaller sin. If you have actual Zina and masturbation as the options, then the default choice would be the second, because you would fall into Zina if you do not do it. But do not consider it to be allowed. It remains Haraam whatsoever. And when you say it is for fulfilling your desires, it is totally Haraam.

    Muhammad Waseem

  4. brother here's obvious suggestion why didn't you just go with her

  5. Asalamu alaikum
    Iam 16 from UK I dont watch any pornography and i dont listen to music instead
    I listen Quran and do Dikr also I listen to lectures so my imaan dont drop I lower my gaze
    I pray salah al-lail and try my best to avoid sins
    So here is my question:what will I do if my desires over take me and must masturbate
    And iam not married

    • Abdullah, if you only do it now and then, don't worry about it. It's natural to need to release some of that sexual energy occasionally. In spite of what some have said here, there is no evidence that masturbation is haram in Islam, and the scholars are not united on this issue.

      Wael Editor

      • Brother Wael, what is exactly meant by "now and then". Please be specific on what you would deem as a normal interval between doing it.

        • I imagine that would depend on the person. As long as it does not interfere with your 'ibadah or your daily activities, and does not lead to haram, then I see no problem, wallahu a'alam.


  6. can husband and wife do maturbating in islam. we live far from each other. we can see eacher other on skype and talk on cell phone..plz someone tell us is it allowed or not to do maturbating we dont want to do sin. thank you your time.......... Allah hafiz

    • we must learn to control our selves and in my personal opinion masturbation may lead to an increase in sexual desire. and it will also lead to watching pornographic films. The devil will try to build a stairway to hell for each and every one of us. And a step at a time. to make it seem like its okay. Pray, fast, keep busy, and if needed travel to where ever your wife is. Cause little by little you will lose faith. And we must be patient. allah sees all.

  7. I have been married for 15 years now and my wife lives in another country, due to financial constraints I can only see her after 3 to 4 years, what should I do other than to masturbate??

    • Bro your must have an other marriage because i can feel your sadness.

      • Lol can you see the wife's sadness? Bcz if u did u would recommend moving together in one country. But that would be too much financial n emotional strain right? Having to meet wife's right is simply too much but having another marriage is not? Lol lol

  8. All brothers and sisters had very enlightening discussion, my case is the same only time frame is different, I live around 2000 KM away from my wife due to my job and sometimes we meet after 4 months. It is very difficult to wait that long and when harmons level increase it become messy every thing looks like sex object and starting hampering your daily work productivity, you start thinking about other options, I call my wife and do phone sex with her but I have to use my hands for it , I think it is wrong but thats the only way out from bigger Sins.

  9. i have the same concern , i am married but my husband is far and i will see him in 1 year or so , we both relieve ourselves when we masterbate over skype and usually when we both re low and emotionally bothered , is there any exception for that?

    • malkaa, you should not do this. Aside from any religious issue, your skype chats could be cached on a server somewhere and viewed by others.

      Wael Editor

      • jazakAllah for ur reply, after reading all the replies i cried alot and asked forgiveness from Allah , me and my husband prayed and asked Allah to forgive us and give us patiance , ameen
        now i dont want an answer but i want ur sincere prayers that my husband gets his process done faster and we can be together forever inshaAllah

        may Allah forgive me and forgive others . jazakAllah !

  10. assalamualaikum
    i m married since 8 years n was with my wife , but since 2 month i m working abroad away frm my wife. n my contract is of every one calander year n till now there is no scope of calling here to stay.
    i m getting real frustrate n started masterbating but m afraid of my act as i really donot know is this right or wrong but by doing this act i get relaxed.. n concentrete on my work
    pls help me what should i do...

    • imran, there are different opinions about it. In my opinion it is alright as long as it does not interfere with your 'ibadah.

      Wael Editor

  11. Assalamoalaikum. being a female its embarrassing for me to tatk abt it but only to bring myself out of sin im asking married.but my husband is out of city for job and only cms at 9 years younger to him.even if he is here,he is mostly not interested in sex out of tiredness or i dnt know y.we only have it once a month or even not that smtimes.i cnt gather words to ask him to do so regularly coz it is my natural need.i havent made it ALLAH made iti feel frustrated,and smtimes like im not attractive for him.i care for him as far as i can.he is a religious person and a nice man,ALHAMDULILLAH,but he doesnt fulfill my need i dnt know y.smtimes he cms near me , i get stimulated,and then leaves without satisfyingit is frustrating and i feel forced to masturbate.plz guide me and pray for me.JAZAKALLAH

    • Muslimsister, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and give us more information about the relationship status between you and your husband. We will publish your question in turn, Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

      • im trying to login but cant login coz every time this error occur " image code doesnot match. :/ while i write carefully image code everytime. plz help me. i need to ask some question

  12. please my muslim brothers n sisters am also a gal of 22 neva married,religoius n God fearing bt i sumtyms masturbate to kill my taste for sex.i hav tried sooo many tyms to stop bt i hav husband to be is in abroad pls help pray so he comes n takes me with him.

  13. Salam brothers and sisters,

    As I read through the post I find it funny how the answer is hidden in your questions. As we all know Allah has sent us down on earth for one purpose to worship Allah alone and in the process of doing so he brings us closer to him as the best amongst us are those who are righteous and do good deeds. But there is a negative force in constant play (shayitan) who has only one mission which is to stop us from pleasing Allah and worshiping him.

    But the good news is Allah says he will not burden us with more than we can handle. Allah has shown us again and again in the quran how his righteous people were put through some very very harsh trial and we read about this in the hadith and other history books of sacrifices people have made just to say "LA ILLA HA ILL LALALLAH" that was their test to stand strong to the faith of Allah in the face of torture and certain death

    Times have changed but tests are still there. The test of suppressing the desire to do evil sex drugs alcohol etc. Some may say its easy but the fight againt ones own will is hard.

    In any fight victory only comes to those who have faith in Allah and those blessed by him

    Simple rule of thumb is follow what Allah has asked of us through his prophet(PBUH) but shayitan makes us feel times have changed so it ok to not follow some of the teachings. Which is not true because Allah says he has perfected this religion for us, all of us. The minute we start to deviate we start to fall. One step at a time we keep moving away by the time we realize we are far far away from what thr prophet (pbuh) though us.

    Our sexual energies are ment for our wives or husband. If you don't have one then make dua and ask your family to find you one inshallah. Use that time and energy to better yourself for the sake of Allah and spend time in the company of good people so Allah builds your networks and increases your izzath(respect) in your family and friends. Most importantly remember life is an open book test and Allah is our teacher and our judge ask him for guidance he will find a way to help you.

    Second issue of people married and yet not satisfied is due to us not following the commandments of Allah
    If your wife is away for work would Allah's prophet allow that ask yourself if you have to use skype or other social media to have sex (which is all recorded) would that be allowed ? Ask yourself

    Now if frustration and situation has driven you to that point then as time goes by the sin might seem small but will lead to little more first just maturation then with haram media which will make our partner look less attractive reduce love in marriage that leads to dissatisfaction then issues in marriage

    Allah says if a person commits a sin and continues to persist on it that person will go to hell fire

    So small sins committed over and over are going to lead us to hell.

    May Allah save us all from sins big and small and guide us to a life successful in this world and the next.

  14. This is a burning question even I hv..
    And can't make my mind not to masterbate. . Thats the only way to relieve sexual desire..
    I understand after reading all the posts it's strongly haram. ..
    Make dua for me not to commit the sin again

  15. Asalamu Alaykum,
    I have just recently gotten married and we only had 10 days available for intimacy as I was married in Pakistan and the whole wedding was out of the blue (it wasn't arranged just very sudden as I only went for engagement but decided on nikah). I'm now back in my home country but it's been two months and I feel the need to ejaculate and get rid of everything. I don't know when my wife will join me as we are applying for a visa which can be troublesome and takes long. Is it permissible for me to masturbate once in a while to keep my sexual desires down?

  16. Dont do it i have suffered since the age of 10 years when i was in usa but now i have gotten rid of this habit of mastuburating and 2ndly i miss my wife but with the help of Allah Talla i have learnt to overcome both of them and by the way i forgot to tell you that she used to go and still does in june and december of every year to her mother's house first alone and now with our daughter.So do not do it donot mastuburate.Allah Talla is great but this sin is very small.May Allah Talla give you strength.HE knows what is good for you.Just ask HIM to forgive you and do not ignore you on The Day of Judgement.Allah Hafiz.

  17. ...

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. It can then be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  18. im having same problem of masterbutation watching porn and then doing masterbutation and im not married plzz any scholar help me

    • Assalaamualaikam

      We have published many posts on this issue. Please search our archives and read the answers already given.

      Midnightmoon editor

  19. Not ejaculating frequently increases the risk of prostate disease. I have prostatitis (which somehow also spread to epididymis/testicle) because my wife and I were unable to have relations and there was frequent "build up" (along with a general predisposition to prostate issues... this doesn't happen to just anyone). This requires 4+ weeks of strong antibiotics with numerous side effects. I'm on week 4 (entering last 10 days of Ramadan) and the pain is still there.

    Look after your own health too. I think it's still a sin, but perhaps the lesser of two evils.

  20. My simple question to scholars of Islam is that as we are living in an era where it is not easy for any one to save oneself from open sins. Nudity is everywhere irrespective of your intention to get exposed to it. If we compare it with the era of Muhammad (SAW) and his companions, that was far better. Those people were far superior to us as far as religious practices are concerned. But, even at that times, Prophets (SAW) did not stop companions for having more than one wives. Prophet (SAW) used to take his wife with him during journeys.
    The release of sexual energy is not only to save us from Zina/sins but is also a healthy activity and protect us from the anxiety and other psychological disorders. Islam is religion of nature and does not go against that. When at the times of Rasool (SAW) and his companions, they require more than one partners for them (of course in halal way), then how somebody can expect that we living a life full of tensions of day to day matter would require only one source in shape of wife (if someone is lucky to have it and further most important if she is ready to do the man/woman relationship on occasional basis)?
    Second marriage is financially and socially not possible in most of the world. Knowledgeable persons of Islam should do Ijtehad to find the alternatives that could save us not only from sins but also from a stressful life.

    • You're making a lot of incorrect assumptions. Polygamy was not universal among the Arabs in the time of the Prophet (sws). Most men had only one wife. This should be obvious, because if it was common then there would not be enough women for other men. Look at the example of the Prophet (sws) who was married to Khadijah (ra) for many years and did not marry anyone else at that time.

      Secondly, many, many men today are married to only one woman and are faithful. I was married to one woman for ten years and I was faithful at that time and found it easy.

      I am not arguing against polygamy. If one has the means and the opportunity, then ma-sha-Allah. I am simply challenging your theory that one wife is not enough for men these days. You want scholars to do ijtihad for what? To make zina halal? No one can change the laws of Allah.

      The answer is to remove yourself from harmful influences and environments as much as possible, control your gaze, and turn to your wife for the intimacy you need.

      Wael Editor

  21. Is mustibation allowed with own wife by phone when you away from own wife?

  22. Try duing fasting and reading qur an and try not to stay alone

  23. Am unmarried girl I did many bad deeds partand did thouba with tears am doing all the guddeed also like doing 5time salh reading Quran fasting but the problem is am sometimes doing masterbat after that I feel guilty and again thouba for it but after some days I repeat it and felt guilty and cried for it.what can I do for it I really afraid about grave life.... Please suggest some gud things

  24. Salam,

    But how about someone like me who has Never married yet at the age of 51, although after my long time ill brother, recently passed on, may have much to do with that. What then, and how much is too often, if acceptable?


  25. Is masterbation still haram if i didnt reach climax?

  26. Assalamualikum,
    Iam 26 year old from India ,married husband is working in spain ..its been 9 months he is in job,on last week my husband called me and shared a very sad news ,one of his colleque girl invited him for dinner ,while having dinner girl forcefully kissed him and invited for sex,he told me ..he was frustrated since he got seperated from me for job so he couldn't control while that girl kissed him accidentaly but somehow he escaped from there and headback to room then did mastrubation three times by imagining me.after mastrubation whole days in this week he is feeling sad because of that event and mastrubation.iam really feel sad now,what should i pray to allah???i can"t decide anything now??how can i save from bad womens??

    • Sameera: my husband called me and shared a very sad news ,one of his colleague girl invited him for dinner ,while having dinner girl forcefully kissed him and invited for sex,he told me ..he was frustrated since he got separated from me for job so he couldn't control while that girl kissed him accidentally.

      it is sad your poor husband was forcefully and accidentally kissed by a girl. I am glad the girl did not forcefully have sex with your husband. Your husband should get help from friends to save him from bad girls.

    • tell your husband to not put himself in a place where he would be tempted to commit fornication. He needs to make arrangements so you can go and live with him.

  27. Asalam Alikolm Rahamahtulahi Barakatu brothers and sisters. I know this is a shame subject but i don't know how else to have my question answered. I am a fairly newly married Muslim male and i an being forced to live far from my side for s long period of time. I would like to know the reason why masterbation is haram Islam. Is it unhealthy? Is it because usually when someone does this they think or fantasize any haram things? Is there an exact reason? I have read the comments in this blog and read the hadeeths on this subject but i still haven't been able to find the answer to this question. I would appreciate any advise. Shukran for any advice that anyone may give. Jazakalairun

    • Walaikum Assalam Wrm.

      Scientifically it is proven that watching porn and masturbating are bad for your sexual health. People who are involved in these things over long period of time, they got suffer from quick premature ejaculation which they realize when they are married. The premature ejaculation can lead someone to the extent that they are unable to physically have sex with their spouses when they have real sex. Watching porn has other bad effects to your brain including shrinkage of specific brain parts. Besides there are many other psychological factors that play very bad role in the conjugal life.

      Masturbation is a process in which a person can give themselves pleasure in a high pitch and in rhythms they wish. It usually goes quite fast. This quite differs from natural sex where the pleasure is not as intense all the time as you have in masturbation except during the time of the ejaculation. Natural sex is quite different than masturbation and when someone is habituated with masturbation for a long time, their brain is trained to a quick ejaculation pattern and they carry this bad thing for quite some years. The bad thing is you cannot just undo your brain over a year or two, it might take quite long time.

      I am writing all these things about masturbation from my detail study and personal experience. From my puberty to my getting marriage I masturbated regularly (on average 3 times a week) for 10 years. When I got married, I found that I just can't hold even if I wanted longer but as time passes by I observed that the sex time increases gradually. I didn't expect it as I am getting older. For me it took some 7-8 years to clearly realize that I am definitely better in holding longer.

      Apart from the physical and psychological issues, masturbation is prohibited because if a person finds an alternative legal way to please him/herself then they would feel no need for marriage. Islam is a religion that wants to make sure that Muslims get married and keep raising babies who will be Muslims and by this process Islam will be stronger.

      An Alternative, I use:
      This might sound crazy, but I use this when my wife is away or is in the menstrual period and I found it somewhat effective. The idea is having sex in your dreams while you are sleeping. I got this inspiration from a lecture series about "Interpretation of Dreams in Islam" where I found an interesting dream explanation which is "If a person sees him having sex with a beautiful women, it is a blessing from Allah swt".
      After knowing this, when I feel urge for sex, I ask Allah before sleeping. Amazingly, many times I get positive result. In those dreams, I know that this is a dream, so I approach a beautiful women when I see someone. She does not complain when I get close and touch her. It feels like the women knew that I am coming to touch her as it never happened once that anybody reacted negatively with me approaching. This usually ends with a wet dream but sometimes I woke up in the middle out of excitement (this is so annoying). This doesn't always work I would say 30% times. I have not shared this thing even with my wife but I hope this might help some of you, so sharing this thing. And I hope my wet dream are not sinful as I did not ask a mufti about it.

      May Allah Protect us and help us from Sins
      One of your brother in Islam

      • The dream will not satisfy physical needs .it will further arouse people when they woke up .Your behaviour is strange and non practical .

  28. Im a married ..but problem is with my husband ..he z addict of masterbation...i try alot but i failed to stop him from masterbation..when ever he do intercourse with me before that he watch pron movies ...i cnt tolrt n im fed up...he do masterbation in front of me at night by watchng pron movies...specially during my menstral cycl days.....plz tell me what should i do ....iz this sin or not...

  29. Assalamualikum ,
    I myself fell guilty after doing it,,,but I feel relief ,,,coz not have sex with the wife for more the 3 or 4 months just wonder what happens with us Allah knows better ,,I have feel disturb in my Namaz 5 times ,,,,bad thoughts comes in mind I fell like giving talak to my wife ,,,which I control,,,not to do so ,,,than I feel to marry other woman which is not so easy at the age after 50"s ,,,,than satani wasvusaa to go and find some prostitution which more than Haram in Quran,,,so I feel the better to Masturbate ,,,and get cool down ,,,coz after requesting emotionally my wife does not come to me coz of family members presents or just may be not interested to come beside me nor understand my wants after crossing 35 years with me and leaving me alll alone and not coming forward sometimes I wonder why is this doings why for I have made a married life ,,,is this type of all womans doing the same at the age of 45 onwards ???? Rather I should say if in such case if husband does masturbation ,Allah should ask the wife and what ever sin is there if she the wife will be answerable to Allah not we ,,,,,,,coz without sex ,,,,,we have to control , our eye side also as we are not allowed to see other woman ,,so where the man will go if all aspects and alternates apart from wife is Haram ,,so better to do mastrubition and cool down your temper from doin Haram sins

    • Lol my husband has sex with me once in a month or maybe once in two months and I believe he loves masturbating while watching videos of porn stars. It's sad but true.. I have been enduring since long and I don't do anything wrong but I dont know what this would result in. Btw I'm way belo2lw 30 years and I'm just hoping Allah sees it all

      • Sister S, you heed to confront your husband and tell him you find such behavior unacceptable. Ramadan is coming up, it's a good time to make tawbah and change personal habits.

        Wael Editor

  30. I have been struggling with this issue for 3 years now since I got married we live in very far places and my visa is taking long as I was denied two times due to destiny my husband decided to take other wife which is very difficult to deal with but we are still trying to get another visa this time in sha Allah make Duma so it will work out for me and I just can't resist it I make Dua and pray salat read Quran but keep doing it what shall I do as I feel like things are not going very well and emotionally very hurt

  31. Hi,

    The wife is busy with the new born who keeps her awake all night . She is a very good wife and pressuring her to have sex with is unjustified as she is going through tough time.
    In this case what should the husband do? He can control himself for a month or so but everyone has limits.
    Now in this instance can he masturbate to relieve himself?


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