Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Future marriage worries

Hello. I am a Muslim girl who practices to the best of her abilities and is always doing better. I have a potential husband who is interested in me and is a very respectful, thoughtful, and kind person. He used to be very religious but after some issues with people, he gave up the religion and found he had more control in his life. Currently he has a tattoo and does things like eat pork and drink alcohol but only on occasion.

Although I feel this person is suited for me in everything but religion, I am worried about my future and the type of household I will have especially when it comes to potential children. We live in an Arab country but the society here is not following the religion correctly and he uses these Muslims as proof that the religion is dated. I also find that at times he seems resistant to certain ideas only because he does not want to be labeled as religious although his core beliefs are Islamic ones. He does not pray or fast now either.

I am wondering whether it is worth it to risk accepting him now with the hopes that he may come back to Islam after seeing better examples of it through me and my family and friends or whether I should reject him. I also strongly believe that Allah would not have brought this opportunity to me had there
not been a purpose but to what extent should I wait to see what is meant to happen I don't want to lead him on.

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5 Responses »

  1. You stated that you are "a Muslim girl who practices to the best of her abilities and is always doing better." Based on that, you should end your relationship with the man you are considering marrying. He is not The One For You.

    It is the nature of human beings to want something better in their life. If you want to do better, a man who is observant of Islamic customs and more importantly, a man who acknowledges and wants to obey Allah is what is best for you. Even men who marry non-Muslim women have problems regarding even basic aspects of life like personal hygiene, sexual habits, and household cleanliness for starters.

    Marriage is a serious part of life that can be very joyous and wonderful -- if you and your mate are on the same page. Most married Muslims will tell you that during very very difficult times of their marriage, it was following and keeping Islamic traditions that kept the peace in their household, kept both parties from entering sin through bad behavior, etc. and kept both husband and wife together. Someone who does not believe in Allah is not bound to follow any traditions that encourage us to do things we might not want to do. A person who has no Iman will do what they feel like doing and therefore their behavior can be unpredictable, especially from a moral and ethical perspective.

    Although Islam permits men to marry non-Muslim women, most if not all the men I know strongly prefer and insist on being married to a Muslim woman. If you want your children to be Muslim, someone who does not believe in Allah or does not see the point for religion is not going to be a good example for them. Marriage demands so much from a man and woman. Why consider marriage with someone who does not agree with the most important part of your life?

  2. When considering a proposal, don't *ever* make the mistake of thinking that you'll change them it they'll change for you.

    They are who they are. It's not always certain that they'll change. Their behaviour and manners may bother you a little before marriage and to a whole other extent after marriage.

    Consider what you see. And don't take a risk especially when it's about the future.

    A piece of advice someone told me when considering a proposal.

    If you marry someone because of his level of piety, then always expect him to be 10 levels lower in piety.

    All the best,

    Your sis in Islam.

  3. You should always marry someone who you are compatible with when it comes to lifestyle, core beliefs and aspirations. Because marriage is hard enough as it is, you don't want to make it even harder and more complicated by marrying someone who's too different from you, and how you live your life.

  4. Assalaamualaykum SoConfused,

    I think this is not a good match for you.

    May Allah bless you with what you are looking for,


  5. Find some one who is compatible to you and your actions.
    This man seems not to be a proper one for you...he has already put you in much worry about your future....JUST DELETE HIM IN YOUR LIFE ASAP.

    Take care---don't expect to change him....don't ruin your dunya and akhira

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