What shall I do to gain my husband´s trust?
The Messenger of Allah (saw) said: "A man marries a woman for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper". (Bukhari & Muslim)
Salam,
My huband doesn´t trust me what ever I do or say he always thinks that I am a lier.......which I am not. What shall I do to gain his trust?
Thank you.
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Assalamu alaykum Sister,
Why your husband does not trust you? Did something happen by which his trust got broken?
Did he trust you before and not now or since begining he is like this?
Kindly put some more details in reply to my post.
You should take the below steps:
1. Get to know what is his problem/issue due to which is is unable to trust you.
2. Try to be the kind of wife he wants you to be (within Islamic guidelines)
3. Do not try to prove yourself to be true, just stay normal, be kind and caring.
4. Pray to Allah much to give "love and mercy" between your hearts for each other and seek refuge from whispers of the Shaytaan.
5. Sit together everyday, read the Qur'an with meanings and translation together, wake him up at night to pray Tahajjud with you.
6. Most important "Trust Allah" to help you solve this problem.
This is basic. If there are more details, Insha Allah we can give a detailed approach.
Hope the advice helps.
Salaam,
Your brother,
Munib.
***
Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.
As salamu alaykum, sister Rani,
I would like to share this with you,
"Successful indeed are the believers. Those who with their Salaat (prayers) are Khashi'oon. And those who turn away from al-Lagw. And those who pay the Zakaat. And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts). Except from their wives or (captives and slaves) that their right hands possess, - for then, they are free from blame; but whoever seeks beyond that, then those are the transgressors; those who are faithfully true to their Amanah and to their covenants; and those who strictly guard their Salaat. These are indeed the inheritors. Who shall inherit the Firdaus, they shall dwell therein forever." [Soorah al-Muminun (23): 1-11]
Allah mentions the qualities of the believers who are blessed and have attained victory. The first quality is, "Those who with their Salaat (prayers) are Khashi'oon (those who possess Khushoo)."
"Al-Khushoo means calmness, serenity, tranquility, dignity, and humility." [Tafseer Ibn Katheer, Dar al-Sha'ab Edition, (6/ 414)] Ibn Abbas t explained Khashi'oon to mean, with fear and tranquility. [At-Tabaree (19: 9)]
The site of Khushoo is in the heart and heart is the king of the limbs, so if one intends to pray wholeheartedly the limbs will follow the heart as Allah says: "And seek help in patience and Salaat and truly it is extremely heavy and hard, except for Khashi'oon." [Soorah al-Baqarah (2): 45] The meaning is that the burden of prayer is heavy indeed; except for those who have Khushoo. [Tafseer Ibn Katheer (1/125)]
Imam Ibn Katheer writes, 'Khushoo is gained by the fear of Allah and the sense that He is always watching.' [Tafseer Ibn Katheer, Dar al-Sha'ab Edition, (6/ 414)]
"Successful indeed are the believers. Those who offers their prayers with all solemnity and full submission." [Soorah Muminoon (23): 1-2]
Sister after reading this, I hope you understand that you have to strengthen your bond to Allah(swt) your struggles and your husband attitude, is making you feeling uncomfortable and in pain, this is the opportunity Allah(swt) is giving to you to get closer to Him(swt), insha´Allah.
Don´t fight back, just listen to him and your acts will show you are right and you hold the truth, if he insists on humilliating you through false accusations, you can tell him this:
"Say to My servants that they should only say those things that are best, for Satan does sow dissensions among them, for Satan is to man an avowed enemy". (17:53)
Among the destructive major sins are backbiting and slandering. These two sins are forbidden by Allah because they sow enmity, evils and discord among people and lead to destruction. They cause hostilities between people of the same household and between neighbors and relatives. They can decrease in good deeds and increase in evil ones and lead to dishonor and ignominy. You don´t want this in your life, Allah(swt) forbids.
Backbiting and slandering are shame and disgrace.
Abu Hurayrah (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated that Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) said:
“Do you know what backbiting is?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He then said, “It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike.” Someone asked him, “But what if what I say is true?” The Messenger of Allah said, “If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him.”
May Allah(swt) bring Light and Justice to your home, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Please into account, that Forgiving your husband of his fault is a priority to have a healthy relationship, it would help to solve all this situation, insha´Allah.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As salam aliekum sister maria.
Is it only the wife always who should b compromising, sacrificing and forgiving? Cannot men do that for their wives once in a while?
Can't the husband of the sister in question ignore her limitations like she ignores his.
I am at times saddend by the attitude and behaviour of muslim husbands for their wives.
I am sorry if I am sounding rebellious, but it really does hurt me. Men want their wives to be dumb, who should just listen and say not word, and if they did their husband threatens them to utilise the "tool" of "talaaq" or they just say - "shariat allows me having four wives". All this really saddens me. This what I have been obseving around me sister. Haven't you got advice for males?
I have been visiting your website regularly since a fortnight if I remember. And most of the questioners are females in marriage and love section. What are men doing? Don't they have conscience which pricks them for being wrong? For having had sinned?
All this really saddens me sister. And even I have undergone such male attitude.
As salam aliekum
Fatima,
The Prophet PBUH said that most of the dwellers of hell are women, two thirds are and it's because they are ungrateful to their husbands. So whilst it's wrong for men to treat their wives badly, what we can see from the hadith is that more women are treating their husbands badly. What you say after this hadith?
t was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its people are women.” They said, “Why, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “Because of their ingratitude (kufr).” It was said, “Are they ungrateful to Allaah?” He said, “They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment. If you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one (undesirable) thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1052).
Brother John,
I don't know if I should sent salaam on you because of your name. Even you have not sent any salam on me. You qoute the hadis and I agree. And I really was expecting this reply from someone. I am not talking of ungreatful women. There are women who are GOOD MUSLIM WIVES in best of their ways, yet receive bashes and ill-treatment fom their husbands.
You sound like another male chauvinist.
Please, also quote hadis which speaks of GOOD MUSLIM HUSBANDS and what should they be like.
I wouldn't expect anything other than the comment "male chauvanist" aimed at me. John is not my real name and nor is it one I want, I decided to use it because it's the first name that popped into my head.
You ask of what good Muslim husbands should be like, we all know what they should be like, but it's quite clear that any given opportunity, any given chance you and the others will start targeting Muslim husbands and men altogether.
A husband who treats his wife unfairly will get his due, no one is doubting that, but the question is, why sisters have to constantly dig at Muslim men as a whole.
Sometimes, I wonder how it is possible that these comments are allowed but when a male says something similar he's a "male chauvanist" or sexist.
Those Muslim women who suffer at the hands of violent or abusive husbands need support, from their family and the ummah, but why have a go at all Muslim husbands?
I urge the sister in this top asking for advice to not go digging and to not go pushing the matter further,but staying patient and in time the truth will prevail and he will see you for what you are. Maybe someone has fed him those lies, maybe it's because of a mistake he made, but either way, if you're patient, he will see the good in you and believe you again and trust you.
@ Brother who has named himself " John", I would appreciate if you reply to my post as well.
Salaam,
Your brother.
As salamu alaykum, Sister Fatima,
Even if a person is called John, to send salaam is good for everyone specially for the one that sends it, because will make Peace between both of you.
He is stablishing a point inside of respect, you may agree or not, but there is no need to be harsh or to shout to stablish your point.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Absolutely right.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Brother John,
You brought up a hadith very quickly to prove a point without success. Let me ask you something. Have you ever read the hadith of Allah? The Qur'an?
Have you pondered upon its verses? If not, then for brothers and sisters in ignorance, I have quoted some verses of the Qur'an so that they may read and reflect upon them, Insha Allah.
And once you go through these verses, look at my concluding notes, Insha Allah.
***
Allah says in the Qur'an:
67. The hypocrites, both men and women, proceed one from another. They enjoin the wrong, and they forbid the right, and they withhold their hands (from spending for the cause of Allah). They forget Allah, so He hath forgotten them. Lo! the hypocrites, they are the transgressors.
68. Allah promiseth the hypocrites, both men and women, and the disbelievers fire of hell for their abode. It will suffice them. Allah curseth them, and theirs is lasting torment.
71. And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger. As for these, Allah will have mercy on them. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise.
- Surah Tauba
12. Why did not the believers, men and women, when ye heard it, think good of their own folk; and say: It is a manifest untruth?
26. Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision
30. Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is Aware of what they do.
31. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest,
- Surah An Nuur
35. Lo! men who surrender unto Allah, and women who surrender, and men who believe and women who believe, and men who obey and women who obey, and men who speak the truth and women who speak the truth, and men who persevere (in righteousness) and women who persevere, and men who are humble and women who are humble, and men who give alms and women who give alms, and men who fast and women who fast, and men who guard their modesty and women who guard (their modesty), and men who remember Allah much and women who remember Allah hath prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward.
36. And it becometh not a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His messenger have decided and affair (for them), that they should (after that) claim any say in their affair; and whoso is rebellious to Allah and His messenger, be verily goeth astray in error manifest.
58. And those who malign believing men and believing women undeservedly, they bear the guilt of slander and manifest sin.
73. Allah punisheth hypocritical men and hypocritical women, and idolatrous men and idolatrous women. But Allah pardoneth believing men and believing women, and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.- Surah Al Ahzab.
19. So know (O Muhammad) that there is no God save Allah, and ask forgiveness for thy sin and for believing men and believing women. Allah knoweth (both) your place of turmoil and your place of rest. - Surah Muhammad
5. That He may bring the believing men and the believing women into Gardens underneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide, and may remit from them their evil deeds. That, in the sight of Allah, is the supreme triumph
6. And may punish the hypocritical men and the hypocritical women, and the idolatrous men and the idolatrous women, who think an evil thought concerning Allah. For them is the evil turn of fortune, and Allah is wroth against them and hath cursed them, and hath made ready for them hell, a hapless journey's end.
25. These it was who disbelieved and debarred you from the Inviolable Place of Worship, and debarred the offering from reaching its goal. And if it had not been for believing men and believing women, whom ye know not lest ye should tread them under foot and thus incur guilt for them unknowingly; that Allah might bring into His mercy whom He will. If (the believers and the disbelievers) had been clearly separated We verily had punished those of them who disbelieved
with painful punishment.
- Surah Al Fath
12. On the day when thou (Muhammad) wilt see the believers, men and women, their light shining forth before them and on their right hands, (and wilt hear it said unto them): Glad news for you this day: Gardens underneath which rivers flow, wherein ye are immortal. That is the supreme triumph.
13. On the day when the hypocritical men and the hypocritical women will say unto those who believe: Look on us that we may borrow from your light! it will be said: Go back and seek for light! Then there will separate them a wall wherein is a gate, the inner side whereof containeth mercy, while the outer side thereof is toward the doom.
18. Lo! those who give alms, both men and women, and lend unto Allah a goodly loan, it will be doubled for them, and theirs will be a rich reward.
- Surah Hadiid
28. My Lord! Forgive me and my parents and him who entereth my house believing, and believing men and believing women, and increase not the wrong doers in aught save ruin. - Surah Nuuh
10. Lo! they who persecute believing men and believing women and repent not, theirs verily will be the doom of hell, and theirs the doom of burning. - Surah Burooj
***
Filling of hell:
18. He said: Go forth from hence, degraded, banished. As for such of them as follow thee (Satan Iblis), surely I will fill hell with all of you. - Surah Al A'raf
119. Save him on whom thy Lord hath mercy; and for that He did create them. And the Word of thy Lord hath been fulfilled: Verily I shall fill hell with the jinn and mankind together. - Surah Huud
13. And if We had so willed, We could have given every soul its guidance, but the word from Me concerning evil doers took effect: that I will fill hell with the jinn and mankind together. - Surah Sajdaa
85. That I shall fill hell with thee and with such of them as follow thee (Satan Iblis), together. - Surah Saad.
***
Whose effort will be accepted?
19. And whoso desireth the Hereafter and striveth for it with the effort necessary, being a believer; for such, their effort findeth favour (with their Lord). - Surah Al Israa
112. And he who hath done some good works, being a believer, he feareth not injustice nor begrudging (of his wage). - Surah Taa Haa
***
Only Allah alone knows the truth of this narration attributed to the Prophet & Messenger of Allah (salallahu alayhi wasallam).
The above verses of the Qur'an are enough indication of equality of men and women in:
* Being blamed for a gross loss - i.e in disobedience to Allah by whole tribes (nations) - men and women are put together
* Giving ajr (reward) - there is no differentiation, no prejudice against women, both are mentioned together.
* Accepting their good works, ibadaah, prayers, fasting, and obedience to Allah and His Messenger (Peace be upon him) - men and women are mentioned together
* In getting punishment for hypocrisy and idolatory as well - men and women are put together
So you should open your eyes and know for a fact that yes - may be until qiyamah if the population of women is more and more and more and much more than men, majority of them disbelieve and they outnumber the men of past and present in disbelief, then the majority of women in hell fire can be women.
BUT, BUT, BUT In this hadith the reason is not disobedience to Allah or disbelief or being ungrateful to Allah, but the reason is " being ungrateful to husband".
I have seen on this website more women sacrificing, more women saying " they love their husbands" despite of all the bad they do to them.
Could the Prophet say such statement? Do you find any such degrading statement for women in the Qur'an?
I am always amazed reading the end of this narration, hell is full of women because they are ungrateful to husbands?
Also in the Deen of Allah, a believer who does good deeds shall not grieve, Insha Allah, so Allah mentions here " good deeds" and "believer" he does not separate men and women when it comes to going to heaven or to hell.
And what about those men tho beat their wives? What about those men who have extra marital affairs? What about those men who make life living hell for women? What about the more number of cases on this website where most complains are from women and they are genuine complaints of clear transgression of Islamic rules by husbands and men at home?
What do you have to say about this reality? Look at the amount of cases of ungratefulness of wives put forward by our brothers and look at the number of posts and questions posted by sisters regarding their husbands cheating, drugging, not earning, lying, deserting wives for other women, what do you say about them?
33. And they bring thee no similitude but We bring thee the Truth (as against it), and better (than their similitude) as argument. - Surah Furqaan.
If you have a reply to this reality, then please, you are most welcome to give an explanation.
One advice: Open your eyes to the Qur'an, quote the verses of that which Allah revealed as a mercy and healing for the believers if you call yourself a Muslim. Speak Allah's revelations to the people. Make the truth manifest to people.
27. On the day when the wrongdoer gnaweth his hands, he will say: Ah, would that I had chosen a way together with the messenger (of Allah)!
28. Alas for me! Ah, would that I had never taken such an one for friend!
29. He verily led me astray from the Reminder after it had reached me. Satan was ever man's deserter in the hour of need.
30. And the messenger saith: O my Lord! Lo! mine own folk make this Qur’an of no account. - Surah Furqaan.
Make sure that you are not among those people whom the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) will tell on the Day of Qiyamah: O my Lord! Lo! mine own folk make this Qur’an of no account.
Salaam,
Your brother,
Munib.
As salamu alaykum, Brother Munib,
To enter a battle to see which one is better or worse or more victim than the other won´t solve all these struggles.
I would resume all your comment in one phrase: "men and women, are protecting friends one of another" this is enough for me. Thank you very much.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Yes! Ameen. Men and women are human beings. We each face our own struggles, and sometimes we misunderstand each other. We are brothers and sisters, not enemy camps.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
well said.. i am happy to read this.
may Allah save us from wrong
As salamu alaykum, Brother John,
Here we are again. All I have to say is that the women and men that are happily married, don´t come here to complain, they don´t need to, then the people that comes to this site is not everybody around, Alhamdulillah.
Other thing is that, brother you should clean your mind of that predisposition you have to think bad about women in general, if you insist on it, you may get it, Allah(swt) forbids. If you want to be right, it is your choice, my choices are other ones and I will tell you this line I liked from brother Munib´s comment: "men and women, are protecting friends one of another" isn´t it a good message?
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As salamu alaykum Sister Fatima,
Thank you very much for sharing your worries with me, I do appreciate it deeply. I am going to give you my personal opinion, please take it with a pinch of salt. I don´t like to generalize, but I am going to do it, but always take into account that you can find always exeptions, and for me all are equally good, Alhamdulillah.
You sound as a very young woman with no much life experience, men and women react different to the same issue, men and women are different in essence, no better, no worse, different and at the same time complementaries, I mean with this a man and a woman are one when they are together, back with back they have a vision of 360º. What one not can see, the other one can, when we begin to appreciate and value everyone as deserved and taking no sides, we will be able to create a more balanced society, insha´Allah.
Men don´t talk about their problems, they have to be under a heavy pressure, desperation and even on those circumstances takes a hard time for them to talk to their loved ones, imagine to come here to a website to show their problems and be open to anyone judments, they are trained to hide their emotions, they have been trained by us, women, to be men. Lately the new generations of men are more open to talk and to share, Alhamdulillah.
We women, love to talk and to share, to anyone in general, we find solutions talking, men find solutions thinking, two different ways of solving problems. We are trained to show our emotions, who can stop a little girl from complaining but if you tell a little boy to stop, he will shut up, normally.
For your comments, I see you haven´t read much of the site, we have published 1,480 posts and we have received 12. 438 comments, sister, you have a lot to read to talk properly, you would find through the site, many wonderful human beings, Alhamdulillah, which experiences and opinions may change your way of looking at life, at men and at women, insha´Allah.
Many different issues are touched in the site, you would be surprised, and what would surprised you the most is that even when they are not as much as women, many men ask for advice, many men are being betrayed, being ignored, being abused psycological and physically, many men gives their life up for their children, all this men exist and a few of them were able to write to share with us. Many of them have commited sin and want to repent truly and ask for forgiveness, many men wouldn´t like to feel the way they do, but don´t know how to get out of the spiral, many men fall in love and cannot marry their loved one and wait faithfully many years for their loved ones, many men struggle to work to give the best to their family being not appreciated or even rejected for not having a white collar proffesion, ..... sister I can go on and on. In this life, everything has two sides.
I try to be as balanced as I can, but I am not perfect, I am a simple human being and I commit many mistakes, and when someone ask for advice I try to guide that person to her/his best, this way everything around would be touched by them, if we have Peace, will be easier for us to help others, is we are rebelious we will be looking for fight to show to the world how strong we are,... now less, but I had been an extremely rebelious person, that only takes from one battle to other one, I decided consciously, Alhamdulillah, that wasn´t my way, my way is the way of Peace, the way of Respect, the way of understanding and commitment, the straight way, always with Allah(swt) help, insha´Allah and if to get that I have to submit, I submit, but don´t get me wrong, I don´t submit to people, I submit to Allah(swt) because from the beginning till the end He(swt) knows about me and my circumstances and if I am being tested it is because I have something to learn, then I apply myself and surrender to Him(swt) and, little by little, I see how I change and my circumstances change, Alhamdulillah. This is my personal experience and I know it functions, that is why I advice it, but everyone is free to do it or not, Alhamdulillah.
The men that surround you are not all the men, and what you say, it sounds to me as non educated people, an educated man appreciates and values woman´s opinio, many men appreciate intelligent women that can share life with them in all senses, I know some men are like that but being so young you should open yourself to other kind of men.
Even a non educated men if they were taught to respect women they will do it, my grandfather couldn´t study and he was a gentleman, my greatgrandmother gave him the right values and he learnt it and practiced it. He was always respectful to women and he treated very kind to my grandmother always and I tell you she isn´t a soft character woman, they lived 45 years together until my grandfather died, and in the 22 years I saw them together, never saw anything wrong between them, Alhamdulillah.
Related to the couple of the post, sister, marriage is a complex issue, in this case, she is asking for help, she is the one that wants to change the situation and it seems to me that she loves him, despite his behaviour, but she is getting to her limits, my advice is to show her to step backwards a bit, to look the situation from outside, to be consequent with her acts and if he is the one lying it will fall by his own weight, but after you have proved someone is wrong you don´t put your finger in his eye to tell him, you were wrong, you keep quiet and let Allah(swt) do the work, because as I said before from the begining till the end this is a test, in marriage a test for both of them, both of them need to learn, she is the one asking, I try my best for her best, insha´Allah.
Ignoring limitations is not the question, here we don´t talk to ignore, we talk about consciousness and forgiveness and we don´t talk about limitations, we talk about tests. These words are out of context in this post and for my way of seeing it, I haven´t seen any advice where was recommended to ignore limitations, on contrary, acknowledge your faults and other faults to be able to solve them and to forgive and be forgiven, insha´Allah.
I hope you understand I won´t ever enter in this "men versus women or women versus men" I find this kind of thoughts come out due to ignorance of who we really are.
We should think wider and there are some phrases coming to my mind due to all this struggles in the world, and it is "Divide and someone, not us, will win" and my favourites, "Union makes Strenght", All for one and one for all".
Sister, I would highly recommend you to read the Prophet´s (saw) Life and to soften your Heart with the thought that you will be a mother of men, insha´Allah. If you don´t mind I would highly recommend you to recite the Names of Allah(swt) and His Attributes, pray your salat on time, read the Quran and try to be your best, insha´Allah.
If you have any doubts, just let me know.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamau alaykum Sister Maria,
I would be the least interested to enter a battle with anyone.
I want him to reflect on the verses of the Qur'an and give a reply. He put forward a hadith to prove a point that women are ungrateful and so they will go to hell and asked her to answer.
I did not feel this is a right way of thinking about women and using hadith which the Prophet might not have uttered at all. In all this ignorance, people go on quoting hadiths and forget what the Qur'an says.
I am not shy of telling them what the Book of Allah says and where should they turn to seek guidance.
I hope he sees and understands and replies me back. I do not mind people coming back at me with something, because it will only help me grow firm in knowledge of the Book of Allah.
One of my major concerns is our Ignorance of the Qur'an. Allah did not reveal a second scripture for us than the Qur'an and it was the duty of the Prophet (peace be upon him) to spread the Qur'an, and so do we need to do the same instead of quoting from sources other than Qur'an and trying to prove our points without success. And this success is success of the Truth.
It is fard upon a Muslim to make the truth known. This is what I try to do. I utilize oppurtunities like this to clear their minds of the dirt which has entered inside, the dirt of ignorance, which can only be removed by the Book of Allah.
It is no battle at all sister. I am not at all interested in insincere arguments and senseless debates.
I just want the guys and girls who visit this site to read the words of Allah and gain some wisdom, Insha Allah from His words on which I base my answers.
Salaam to all brothers and sisters,
Your brother.
Walaykum as salam, Brother Munib,
I understand your point, but Brother there are so many ways of acting. I would give you my personal opinion, take it with a pinch of salt.
I would like you to understand that there is no need to be so reactive, you need to be calm, don´t answer right away, get up, move around, drink a glass of water and if you want ask Allah(swt) for guidance(I am sure you do this already, but not the other conditions). You will notice the difference, insha´Allah.
Brother John has the quality to see where are ashes and he has the power of blowing into them to awake the fire and when you don´t know him, you just react, but knowing him, just let him be, stablish your points, if you think you have something to share with him, and don´t wait for answers, he may not need to answer, and you shouldn`t wait for a reply, because if you are sure about the strength of your words, you don´t need anybody to reinforce you answering you.
Brother Munib when you request Brother John to answer you, reminds me when a man threw a white glove and wanted an answer. Do we have the need of this? Aren´t we brothers and sisters? Do we want to have this kind of encounters in our own home? What do we expect when others watch this scenary?
Allah(swt) knows best.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother Munir’s post provided me deep comfort knowing that indeed, we are all the same in the sight of Allah and our stations are only determined by our struggles in the way of deen.
Sometimes I find myself in the same self defeating argument as Fatima above, but as Sister Maria put it, it is a non ending war, doesn’t achieve anything. Generalization is only good to blow some steam off but it accomplishes nothing meaningful. Both men and women come in all shapes and forms. Only Allah knows the true statistics.
I still avoid people like John above, who are quick to make self serving remarks and produce no fruitful conversation.
@ Sister Maria,
Assalamu alaykum Sister Maria,
I would like to know from your experience and knowledge of cases about the brothers you mentioned in your reply above, what happens with these brothers (who " cannot marry their loved one and wait faithfully many years for their loved ones”) after many years of faithful waiting? What happened after the wait?
Regarding your post to me on John, I believe will all humbleness that I do not need to know “John” before mentioning the Qur’an to him. I do not need to know anyone before I answer, respond to any posts.
Do we know the questioners before responding to their posts?
Would the Prophet know each one among the crowd and only then call them to Islam?
Or was it a call to all mankind? For the good and the bad, the knowledgable and the ignorant?
John said to Sister Fatima:
The Prophet PBUH said that most of the dwellers of hell are women, two thirds are and it's because they are ungrateful to their husbands. So whilst it's wrong for men to treat their wives badly, what we can see from the hadith is that more women are treating their husbands badly. What you say after this hadith?
I strongly advise people to say: It is reportedly said by the Prophet and not "the Prophet said" because he may not have uttered a hadith attributed to him and we know whosoever gives a lie to the Messenger of Allah, as stated in the Qur'an will be the dweller of the Fire, unless Allah wills otherwise.
Also, he goes on to say “we can see from this hadith that more women are treating their husbands badly”. How you see from “hadith” and not from reality in front of your eyes? And further he asks Sister Fatima to answer about the truth of the matter by using the words: What you say after this hadith?
So I just sent my reply as an eye opener. I am strong and firm and by his reply I won’t be finding any reinforcement at all and which I do not seek at all by him replying me. What I want to see is the same will to contemplate on the Qur’an, same enthusiasm for the Qur’an and then ask for his own self after reading: What do you say after this hadith of Allah?
You said,
Brother Munib when you request Brother John to answer you, reminds me when a man threw a white glove and wanted an answer. Do we have the need of this? Aren´t we brothers and sisters? Do we want to have this kind of encounters in our own home? What do we expect when others watch this scenary?
Of course we are brothers and sisters and this is why I want my family to base their thinking on the principles of Islam, the high ethics which the Qur’an brought in the life of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his companions (may Allah be pleased with them) and to our lives as well.
Allah revealed the Qur’an as a healing and a mercy for the believers. Allah did not reveal any other scripture and therefore following the commandment of Allah and the example of the Messenger we have to cling on to the Qur’an very firmly, make it our starting point of all our thought process and base our thinking, practice and existence on the Qur’an.
Without this, systems have failed, the success of the first generations of Islam in religion from Spain to China has been on a decline since then by our “deserting” of the Qur’an. I want us Muslims to turn back to the original source of inspiration to the Prophet, the companions and the first generations of Islam. The Scripture of which there is no doubt, a revelation from the Lord of the Worlds.
And if others see us here this way, they will know for surety that hey " here are people who speak the truth, to strangers and within themselves" and we need not be ashamed of it.
I hope you understand my concerns and approach accordingly and I hope you will help me in this purpose with passing time, Insha Allah.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Walaykum as salam, Brother Munib,
Brother, makes me sad that question, one of them still waiting, have not married because he said it was her or no one, this has been 6 years. Other one has turn insane after 8 years waiting. Other one, killed himself after knowing he couldn´t marry her. Men have deep sufferings as well as women do, and not always knows how to deal with it, none of us women and men are perfect, none of us hold all the Truth, brother, I see your points, I am maybe too old for the intensity of your youth.
We don´t need to know people and in fact, we don´t know them, but some people wants to be known, and I get to know them and I see how they repeat, once and again the same patterns, because this maybe the way they show they want to learn, only Allah(swt) knows. Then if a see a person always throwing a the same stone all the time, I try my best without taking it personally and I just let them in Allah(swt) Hands, this was what I meant.
You have made your point clear and straight. I do see your concerns, brother, May Allah(swt) help and guide you in your way. Ameen.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Sister Maria,
You are a very respected person in my sight from what I have read of your posts. If I am right, you work a lot upon self restrain and control while writing, Alhamdulillaah, which is good and you choose words that are necessary, Alhamdulillaah, which I appreciate.
In your answers I find lot of humbleness, there is no ego involved, Alhamdulillaah, which is inspiring. And why you think you lack intensity of youth?
When I read your posts I thought you were in early 20s, a woman with lot of humbleness and submission to Allah. So intensity is defined by the efforts we put in for seeking Allah's pleasure, the more the effort directed to the Truth, the more the intensity will be visible.
Well, we leave it to Allah.
I find around me people who find it hard to accept the "Qur'an", they being Muslims. Even the "religious" people are at times not willing to accept the "Qur'an and its judgments". It is a struggle for me and others like me, to make our own people to turn to the Qur'an. But all strength is from Allah and determination to move further by His revelations and signs and we want to strive more and more and deliver up our souls everynight we sleep with fear of Allah and how much we kept our duty to Him. Unto Him is all repentance.
I wish Allah makes me strive with a great effort for Islam and uses my life for spreading Islam to the world with help of brothers and sisters who seek the truth and reject the false and turn to Allah and are willing to be helpers in the cause of Allah. I really wish this and I hope Insha Allah it happens and we all together will not only spread but establish Allah's Deen with His permission and strive life long and give up our souls in this effort. Insha Allah.
10. O ye who believe! Shall I show you a commerce that will save you from a painful doom?
11. Ye should believe in Allah and His messenger, and should strive for the cause of Allah with your wealth and your lives. That is better for you, if ye did but know.
12. He will forgive you your sins and bring you into Gardens underneath which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Gardens of Eden. That is the supreme triumph.
13. And (He will give you) another blessing which ye love: help from Allah and present victory. Give good tidings (O Muhammad) to believers.
14. O ye who believe! Be Allah's helpers, even as Jesus son of Mary said unto the disciples: Who are my helpers for Allah? They said: We are Allah's helpers. And a party of the Children of Israel believed, while a party disbelieved. Then We strengthened those who believed against their foe, and they became the uppermost. - Surah 61, As Saff.
Allah knows us best, our weaknesses and strength and He knows best whom to chose for spreading His Deen. Allah knows, we know not.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Walaykum as salam, Brother Munib,
Thank you for your consideration towards me.
You will see the quality of the Heart of a person through their words, if it is wounded, sick, broken, healthy, worried, full of joy, balanced,..., insha´Allah, ... if my words were restrained and controlled as you said, nobody would listen to me, because my words would be filtered by my mind and the message wouldn´t have the strenght, they should have coming directly from the Heart.
Brother I had a thought sometime ago and I share it in IslamicSunrays, maybe useful for you, now, what I mean about intensity is the following. If you have a strong light focusing your eyes, you get blind; Wael answered to me, solution to adapt yourself to that light slowly, this is what I try to communicate to you, if you go smoothly, you may get deeper and prepare people for the intensity of the Light you want to share, insha´Allah.
I completely submit to Allah(swt) and I will be tested for my words, insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah, then be what it is meant to be, insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.
Allah(swt) knows best.
Wasalam
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Sister,
You have your own way of expression, Alhamdulillaah, which is necessary.
Self restrain and control signify a person's composure and do not mean manipulating, editing or filtering ideas coming out from the heart.
Anyways, may Allah guide us to the Straight Path life long.
Salaam,
Your brother.
Walaykum as salam, Brother Munib,
Jazak Allahu Khair for the clarification. Ameen to your prayer.
Wasalaam,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As salam aliekum sister maria and bother munib,
I am sorry if I have been a bone of contention between the two. And yes sister Maria, I am still young "DEEN" wise.
Alhamdulillah I am enjoying being here. Not to mistake me. This place is the best place for muslim brothers and sisters to be than to be on facebook or any social network for that matter. I am learning a lot. Alhamdulillah I landed here, only to get more inclined towards Islam.
And brother munib, you removed the prefix "brother" from your name?
Both your comments are educative. I am learning a lot Alhamdulillah!
Jazakallah
As salam aliekum.
@ Sister Fatima,
Assalamu alaykum,
Sometimes I am unable to post comments by other id, so I use this one.
Keep learning about Islam and keep praying to Allah to send all good your way.
Salaam.
Your brother.
As salam aliekum brother,
I need advice from you on my problem if brother wael doesn't mind.
Can I share my situation with you?
Assalamu alaykum Sister Fatima,
The code of conduct of this website is to limit the discussion to the "subject" put forward by the questioner and not newer questions.
So brother Wael may mind it. You may post your question, let it come up and we all will Insha Allah answer you or if it is too urgent then you may brother Wael for my email id.
Salaam,
Your brother.
As salam aliekum brother munib,
I had emailed brother wael asking him the permission for coversing with you on my problem. I also asked if can get you on email. But... I am advised to wait until my post gets published, as you had adviced me enough that day.
I don't complain! I am happy. Alhamdulillah! I am the luckiest one that I didn't had to wait that day. I really was in need of advice that day and Alhamdulillah I was guided. People wait months to get adviced and with Allah's grace I got the advice immediately the day after i had posted my question (despite my post not being published).
There was a little progress in my situation regarding which I thought I should consult you.
What is destined to happen with me shall happen. I turn to Allah, believe and have trust
in him.
Jazakallah brother!
As salam aleikum.
Aha, brother Munib has figured out the format of the website! 🙂 Just kidding bro, we love you here.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@ Sister Fatima,
Keep praying to Allah and keep on the path of Islam.
Insha Allah when your question comes up, many of our intelligent brothers and sisters will Insha Allah advice you and that space Insha Allah will be exclusively yours.
Salaam,
Your brother.
@ Brother Wael,
I have always figured out, but then ..... " you know it" 🙂
As salam aliekum brother wael,
I hope you remember me, the one who had irrelevant conversation with brother munib. I am once again in need of his advice. Can I ask him here? Or please can I get him on email? It really is necessary.
As salam aliekum.
Fatima, we do not allow or promote private email contact between men and women on this website. I believe brother Munib already advised you extensively, even more than some of the questions that are posted here. We get several new questions every day and we cannot devote all of our resources to one person. You can log in and write your question as a separate post (if you have not done so already) and when it's published you will get some replies Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As salam aliekum brother wael,
I understand brother. I apologise if I were deviant.
Do pray for me brother.
Jazakallah.
Hi my prolem is my husband always does doubt on me i want to live peacfull life but because of his doubt he always fight even he never let a minor chance to miss for fight his nana is almost 80 years old he thinks igive him dirty gaze he is too much older than me i am just 23 i just wanted to clear his mind he has made my life hell he wimont even let me sit down in a sapraye room alone even though theres nothing no fone nor a person. Its not like that i might mistake in my past he was be like from day one when he met me first time our marriage is fully arranged.