Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to get into school and dump a girl

school girl boy crush teenage teacher

salams,

I hope everyone is well. I don't know if there are other topics like this. I am too worried to search so I decided to just write again.
I am currently on a gap year because I did not get into uni last year, as I failed in 1 unit out of 8. They did not accept me which I think is unfair, as I had a portfolio and the creative talent needed for the course. My tutor told me to redo the unit I failed in, so for that I wasted a whole year and now they are saying redoing it is not possible as it is too late etc.

My whole studying career is going down hill and this is really breaking me down. Worst of all, my mum and dad are very worried. I have applied to the same uni and another this year hoping I will get in, but taking the risk as I have not got the full qualification
which could lead me to wasting another year.

Does anyone know any dua, wazeefa or special namaz- anything that will help me get into uni this year? The teachers ask me
to redo the whole course, but that's not possible. They don't understand as I am already a year behind. If anyone knows anything to read, please do help me. I really need it; please do dua for me:'(

Also I have a girl friend who I'm desperately in love with, but not in  the islamic way. I was God fearing when I was 16 to 18. Ever since I met this girl when I was 19, everything about myself changed.

One thing which is certain, I never had sex because anytime I want to she will say no, don't do it. But kissing and romancing is what we do to each other.

Now I'm 22. Last week I was thinking and talking to myself that if I die in the condition I am in, there is nothing that will stop me from entering hellfire in  the hereafter. So I turned myself to Allah to forgive me for my sins, and promised not to do it again.

When that girl came to me yesterday she tried to seduce me, but I stopped her from doing so Alhamdullah. She went away saying that I didn't love her any more just because I don't want to lose my virginity with her. She promised that she will have sex with me when  she comes again. She doesn't know what's on my mind. Please, should I tell her that I'm a man of Allah now, Or what should I do?

-saidu
ws tc


Tagged as: , , , , , ,

7 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    While there is nothing wrong with making du'a for your study, but looking for a special wazifa or namaz suggests that you are trying to avoid the real work needed to qualify for the university. You need to put forth the true effort and work to the standard required and it really is that simple.

    As for the girl, I would say your outlook for your studies is really the same--you don't seem to want to put in the real hard work and don't want to suffer consequences. After being with this girl for this long in which both of you were equally wrong, you want to quit to please Allah swt, but that doesn't mean that your respect won't diminish in her eyes. I would say, or so it seems, that you are more concerned with how this will affect you, as opposed to how it will make her feel. It isn't like you didn't have any part in her trying to "seduce" you--you played a huge and equal part in the making of that moment.

    Simply come clean and tell her that you don't want to continue this haram relationship and if you have no intention of marrying her, be honest with her and tell her that you did allow her to be your pass-time and that she fell for it--at least she will know that this is what her haram activities led to and what they usually lead to. Don't tell her you care about her and all that sort of stuff if you have no intention of marrying her as this would be completely useless talk. You are 22, it isn't unheard of if 22 year old males get married, so please don't make excuses to her, or yourself.

    Bottom line, be honest with her and yourself, repent, and be accountable for your actions as you move forward with your decisions.

    May Allah ease your problems and hers, Ameen.

  2. a typical 22 yr old so called muslim man of our times ....... use religion when it suits you.... leave it when it doesn't !

    atleast the girl although is equally doing wrong but atleast she is not fooling him and i respect her for her honesty!

    i believe she is now offering sex as this man has started pacing back.

  3. friend: so when you wanted to have sex she said no .... now suddenly after four years of playing and fooling around with her one fine day you said you dont want to have sex .... hmmmm

    She is no more interesting, he used her enough.
    Becoming religious all of a sudden is one way to end a relationship

  4. so when you wanted to have sex she said no .... now suddenly after four years of playing and fooling around with her one fine day you said you dont want to have sex .... hmmmm

    may be you need to explain to her that its not her ,its the wrong way of approaching woman that you have realised.tell her you have been exploiting her so far and have realised that its wrong.

    if you really love her but dont want to continue doing haram then midnight moon has already advised you.

    only way to get grades and into university is to work hard and stay focused.

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    When it comes to university/college applications, the harsh reality is that they can decide who to allocate places to, and they can set the admission requirements however they want. If you didn't have the qualification/grades they wanted, in their eyes they don't owe you a place - they will probably have had lots of people with similarly good applications, and not everyone will get onto the course. All you can do is make sure you meet or exceed the entry criteria and make dua.

    If your teachers are saying you will need to repeat the course, then that may be what you need to do. Alternatively, you could look for an alternative course, maybe the same subject at a university/college with less strict entry criteria, or a different course. Sometimes, people can do a course that will mean they can get onto the course they originally wanted to do - for example, people wanting to be lawyers could do a degree in a different subject and then do a "conversion course" that allows them to enter into the field; people wanting to do medicine might do a degree in another science subject and then do a graduate course in medicine.

    Regarding the girl you like, Islamic guidance is clear - no couple without nikah. If you want to be with her, then propose a halal relationship and go through halal channels - speak to her wali. If you want to end the relationship, then gently but firmly explain to her that you don't want to continue seeing her - you want different things and don't see a future for the two of you. She may well be upset, but inshaAllah she'll be ok in the end. I doubt she'll force you to have sex with her; if she asks you to be intimate with her, just say no and leave the situation if she becomes persistent.

    Before making big decisions about marriage and education, it may be helpful to pray istikhara. If you haven't already, read the information in the section of this website about how to do this.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  6. Salam,

    For the study issue. You need to redo it and there is no other way. Work out a rigorous schedule and push yourself. Cut off TV time, chill out time with your friends and let yourself realize and focus only on your study. This is the only way to get to Uni. Also, if your family can afford it, try some online courses that are designed for homeschoolers. Spare 3-4 hours in the evening to complete the course. There are many high school courses that you can take it and will boost up your grade. Don't forget to go to your school counselor to seek advice. If one year is too much to get back all the grade, spread it to one and a half year or so. Instead of wasting of your money to apply for another uni, focus to repeat this year and build up a better resume for your next year application.

    For the girl issue: Do you want to marry her? Can you make this relationship halah by approaching her parents? If both of you have an intention to marry, why don't you approach your parents to arrange a Nikah. Otherwise, the answer is quite obvious that you should tell her the truth. With an assertive manner to express that you know you both are doing something wrong which is not pleasing Allah. You are trying your best to repent and encourage to do the same.

    For your case, I think you are struggling to go to uni and having / cutting a relationship. Can you manage both now in this stage? IF you want to focus to enter to uni first, then let her know you will propose her after that. But continuing the relationship now is a big NO NO. You need to find out by yourself. One thing for sure is to cut off what you are doing with her by explaining to her and distant yourself from her. If she does not want to change, she can be a bad influence. Make a wise decision - leave her completely. Repent to Allah and He is all merciful and hearing.

  7. OP- if any one knows anything to read,please do help me.

    Read course books from failed unit.

    If you get in uni this year well and good but remove your deficiencies and be prepared for next year by Redoing failed unit ASAP.There is no other way.

Leave a Response