Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Only enough money for bread and butter, can I get married?

Bread and butter

Living on bread and butter

Is it ok to get married if you're professional not well settled are earning only bread and butter?

Or is it better to wait for some good job and time?

- goodsoul83

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5 Responses »

  1. Hello,
    That's a good question. Islamicly I don't know.

    Personally I feel that everyone should have the right to marry under any circumstances as long as you are honest about it with your partner.

    It depends on a lot of things. Gender, country you live in, religion of course, your partner, your families and your own view on things.

    On one hand a man wants to be able to take care of his wife and any children. That's good to want that. It's important you don't want your family to struggle. On the other hand you could be waiting a while in some circumstances if you follow that. Example: Right now in America we are in recession and it could take years for good jobs to become available. Would you want to have to wait many years to marry? And is she willing to wait with you? When everyone is having a tough time. So it is understandable not to have enough money for things. So if you wait you watch others get married and she is waiting for you.

    I look at it this way: in the beginning, in the middle, in the end of life when married you can always have job trouble, money issues. It's not being low on money that counts it's having those issues come up in your marriage and how you deal with them. In your situation you should be upfront and honest with your partner and both families and have a discussion about it. If everyone has no issues then how do you feel about it?

    I know for myself it is an issue with my guy. He is always worried about the money. But he is a good worker. Always wants to work. But he feels he does not make enough for a wife and family. For me it does not bother me. As long as he is good to me it does not bother my family either. As long as he is healthy enough to work and does work, it does not matter how much he makes. If he became ill then we would have to figure something out for support, but I would always be there for him. BUT he still worries. I would rather get married but I wait.

    I think the time to get married is when you both feel ready to get married. I've heard of a lot of men who wait on finances before getting married. It's more of a guy worry. Women think hey he could have money trouble at anytime. So what if it's at the beginning. As long as you are doing the effort to work and take care of family that is what is most important.

    I'm sure there might be some people who disagree with me. But hey this is my own opinion. I know how it feels being the woman waiting on the guy to feel more financially stable. I just want to marry him. I'm ready and I know he is the guy for me. Now he has to be ready AND feel confident with whatever his money situation is. So I still wait.

    • Roux, I completely agree with you.

      If a man has a not bothered lazy attitude, thats one thing. But if the man in question is hardworking, striving and honest and is in a position to marry a supportive woman, then Alhumdulillah. Jobs, financial situations, wealth, health, ups and downs etc are all part and parcel of life. Marriage is an institution gifted to us to provide us with 'companionship'. If the husband and wife are honest, respect and sincerely love one another and the right hardworking striving attitude is there, then if anything they will help each other get through everything life throws at them.

      Take the example of our beloved Prophet(saw); if I am correct, he had atleast ten wives at one time. There were times, when none of the wives had any food to cook in their homes, but they knew their husband was genuine so they always supported him. So keep striving, because of course you have a responsibility to feed and clothe your wife, at the same time look for a wife who's main goal in life is not to acquire wealth of this world, but the wealth of the hereafter. This is my humble opinion.

      SisterZ, Editor

  2. Dear Brother:

    I would say you should wait till you find a job and financially settles down. Pray to Allah to make patience your garment. Sabr has been greatly encouraged in our deen. And remember, patience needs bravery.

    This is the advice of the Messenger of Allah. Those who are capable of supporting a family, the Messenger of Allah strongly encouraged them to marry, because it is a mean that greatly aids in lowing the gaze and preserving chastity. Those who are not capable financially, the Messenger of Allah encouraged them to be patient till they become economically solvent. He also also encouraged to fast till you get married to keep your desires in check.

    Now, two issues need to be considered. First, many brothers say that they fast, but do not find fasting influential in controlling their libido. I would say, we do not fast as it fasting should be observed. Whether we like to admit or not, the prime mistake we make is we eat too much. Most of the times we do not feel hungry during fasting because our suhoor was too heavy. Such heavy food intake, in my humble opinion, nullifies or at least lessens the gain of fasting. Our libido first of all get its energy from food. So we must check our food intake.

    Asides from food intake, we should also leave TV and unnecessary glances towards women and any unnecessary talk to achieve the full gain of fasting.

    Second, the standard of economic solvency varies. For some bachelors (or parents), they are not economically solvent until they own a BMW. In my opinion, if someone is able to have a small apartment and pay the bills, plus has a good intention and a 'striving hard' instinct to raise an Islamic family, he can marry.

    Now, if someone's urges become extremely high and uncontrollable that he fears he might commit zina, then it becomes obligatory for him to marry, irrespective of his financial situation. For those, there is one verse in the glorious Quran, in which Allah promised that He Himself will make them rich out of His unlimited bounty.

    Although the example of the Messenger of Allah is flowery and ideal, we should remember that neither the husbands not the wives of present Muslim ummah posses even an atom of the righteousness and sabr of the Messenger of Allah and His honorable wives. Therefore, it is better for us to marry after we settle down economically.

  3. Assalam-o-Alaikum,

    Although I agree with 'Roux' and 'SisterZ' 's point that if husband and wife are understanding then its not a problem... But I would say you will be one of few luckiest men if you can find someone like this 🙂 and if your future in-law or spouse is looking for 'stability' then problem becomes more complex.
    For example: look at the posts on this forum and others... people provide 'unable to support' as one of the prime reasons to leave :-). Yes of course once you don't have enough money then other petty problems becomes major reasons for separation even though they existed when you had money.

    Although I might look cynical with this point but I think in reality if you have enough money even though you have some other small problems in your marriage they are not problems. Once you have not enough money and suddenly 'the judge' i.e. your spouse, think that you are not working 'hard' she decides to leave and the small problems become big problems.

    Frankly I think 'striving hard' and 'hardworking' requirements told by previous posters are quite abstract and if I may say unfair. Its just like that one day the husband decides that wife is not working hard enough to raise the children according to islam or keeping up in home chores and leaves for another person (even though husband knows nothing about what problems his wife is facing while juggling between the children and doing home chores and many many other things.)

    I would say that you should not delay your marriage if you have enough money to support yourself and your wife and you can see enough growth in your future. But you MUST also tell your future spouse about your existing financial situation of 'bread and butter' honestly and your realistic plans for the future. If I might say that you must also do homework for your future plan. Since, I think one must support his talk with his actions and it will look good on your 'marriage resume' 😉 being considered.

    May Allah's blessings be on all of us and may he guide us all.


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