Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Please help me to get rid of this addiction



assalamuvalikum everybody,

I got a strange and unusual problem,  my problem starts when I am at 17,many of my friends were talking about sex  and masturbating at that time  and i just tried it  once ,   my problems starts from there.Slowly I got addicted to it.  I offered namaz everyday before. At that time,  I didn´t know about gusool, I learnt about gusool when I had gone to istimah with some people 2 years back. From that time my problems are doubled,  I used to take head bath everyday for the purpose of gusool and slowly devolop a headache.

I had gone to many islamic preaching and learned a lot about allah and the judgement day. Due to that preachings my sinful activities stopped for some time  but after some days I started again.I am a good and loving person in my family and friends, but when I come to this matter I think that I am a bad and indisciplined fellow. I am so addicted to this that nowadays shaitan had total control on me. I am struglling stuggling to get rid of it but all my struggles are going in vain and now shaitan is also interrupting in my namaz.  Before I felt some help from Allah to stop sinning but now I don´t feel it, I am not going to namaz .  All the darkness had surrounded me but I am not giving up. I want to fight with my inner darkness, I want get rid of this addiction.

One of the main reason for my addiction to this is my past.I had some girlfriends in my teenage whom I had not touched but had some sexy and dirty coversations in phone everyday.Even I had the same conversations with one of my female friend who was already married.  It was looking good at that time,god had saved me from them by not creating any opputunity to get intimate with them physically  but thoughts of them had disturbed me  even today by recalling the conversations with them.  And also  my friends used to share their romantic experiences with me.

There may be many reasons for how I got this addiction,whatever the reason is, I want to get rid of my addiction and do the namaz regularly as before.I am helpless now.  I had seen some posts in this website and it helped me somewhat but it stated again.

Please help me.  I am fighting alone.I need help from somebody who can solve my problem.  I am fearing of how to face the god on judgement day.The shaitaan had occupied me so much I am slowly getting away from islamic way of living.I am studying in a city far away from my home, in my home everybody do namaz  and it is regular part of our life like food,water.

But what happened to me.I am ashamed of what I am now.I can´t face my parents.  Even they don´t know about this,  I am feeling guilty to face them.  The only  solution for this is to get married and do it in a correct way with my wife.   But I am too young to get married.  I mean I am not financially settled.  I have to take care about my family first after getting a job.It will take another year to get the job also.

What should I do.   Can somebody help me and get me back my day when I used to go namaz 5 times everyday,   Can somebody help me to get peace in my life?

I am feeling more guilty in the matter of my married female friend, I had resolved the conflicts between her husband and her and had united them, she was happy now with her husband and children,this all happened 2 years back  but I am still feeling guilty for the dirty conversation with her.I am banging my head to wall with anger.I don´t know how I did all this and I don´t know how to control the shaitaan.

I am out of focus of my studies and concentrating only on this problem, my life moves around this addiction,   so please help me how to get rid of this addiction,  I assume that allah had sent u as a last resort to solve my problem.



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21 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaykum brother Altaf,

    May Allah reward you for your concern for purity of mind and body and may He give all His slaves hidayah to do so.

    Some of the earliest revelations of the Qur'an command purity and cleanliness to get closer to Allah, He Himself is the Pure, so He loves those who prufiy themselves:

    1. O thou enveloped in thy cloak,
    2. Arise and warn!
    3. Thy Lord magnify,
    4. Thy raiment purify,
    5. Pollution shun!

    6. And show not favor, seeking worldly gain!
    7. For the sake of thy Lord, be patient! - Surah Al Mudaththir.

    14. He is successful who groweth ( who purifies himself - qad aflahaman tazakka),
    15. And remembereth the name of his Lord, so prayeth. (remembers Allah and offers salat / namaaz)
    16. But ye prefer the life of the world
    17. Although the Hereafter is better and more lasting. - Surah Al A'laa.

    7. And a soul and Him who perfected it
    8. And inspired it (with conscience of) what is wrong for it and (what is) right for it.
    9. He is indeed successful who causeth it to grow (qad aflahaman zakkaahaa - * grow by purifying)
    10. And he is indeed a failure who stunteth it. (he is a failure who shuns to grow pure).

    21. O ye who believe! Follow not the footsteps of the devil. Unto whomsoever followeth the footsteps of the devil, lo! he commandeth filthiness and wrong. Had it not been for the grace of Allah and His mercy unto you, not one of you would ever have grown pure. But Allah causeth whom He will to grow. And Allah is Hearer, Knower.
    - Surah An Nuur

    268. The devil promiseth you destitution and enjoineth on you lewdness. But Allah promiseth you forgiveness from Himself with bounty. Allah is All Embracing, All Knowing.
    269. He giveth wisdom unto whom He will, and he unto whom wisdom is given, he truly hath received abundant good But none remember except men of understanding.
    - Surah Al Baqarah.

    90. Lo! Allah enjoineth justice and kindness, and giving to kinsfolk, and forbiddeth lewdness and abomination and wickedness. He exhorteth you in order that ye may take heed. - Surah An Nahl.

    45. Recite that which hath been inspired in thee of the Scripture, and establish worship. Lo! worship preserveth from lewdness and iniquity, but verily remembrance of Allah is more important. And Allah knoweth what ye do. - Surah Ankabuut.

    Brother, follow not Shaytaan, Obey Allah, purify yourself, recite the Qur'an, read it with meanings, offer salaat, grow yourself pure and turn to Allah for refuge.

    Hope the advice helps.

    Your brother.

    • assalamuvalikum brother ,i almost lsot hope of getting help,but allah is kind on me ,i got my answers
      thank u very much for ur help,,,,,,,i will follow whatever u had said to me

  2. dear Brother

    i think you need to let go of the past if you want to beat this addiction. If you have repented for the sins you committed with your girlfriends then let go. I hope you are not in a relationship with anyone at the moment- if you are not then thats one good thing you have accomplished so far and insha-allah the rest will follow.
    What you should do is take each day as it comes- no past, no future, simply the present. Each day wake up with a renewed sense of life, perform ghusl, recite the Qur'an and go about your daily activities with one thought in your mind, that this is your only day. Visit your local mosque regulary and take up classes in Islamic knowledge. What you need brother is occupation-your mind needs to be diverted, so make friends, pious brothers who will not discuss thier relationships with thier girlfriends instead will encourage you in deen!

    Try and not be alone to much, surround yourself with good things, good people, good activities.
    Before you sleep everynight tick of that day as having not committed that sin and do this everyday for as long as it takes to overcome your addiction. If you have to physical make a calender for one month and tick of each day as you go along do it- sometimes we need something physical to show us that we are getting somewhere and making progess.

    Also maybe you should start thinking about marriage- don't fear poverty or lack of resources, Allah is the Provider if you go about this with pure intentions He will help you. Speak to your parents about marriage maybe start the process of seeking potentials with them, it will help you re-focus.

    But also be aware that the more time you spend thinking about you past sins and how to overcome the sin of masturbating the more energy you are wasting which could be used for positive things, so please brother spend time in prayer and wholesome activites to cleanse your mind of these thoughts.

    I have found constantly making zikr of Allah with your tongue will help, also recting plenty of durood sharif- sending salam on the Prophet (saw) will make an immense difference. So please try these.

    I pray Allah makes it esy for you.

  3. salaam aleykum brother,

    First of all i would like to let you know that you are very much on the right path. How many people have a very bad habit or addiction but are not feeling bad about it. You are obviously upset about your own behavior and this is the first step towards a pure life. Its so great that you acknowledge that your addiction is a bad thing!!

    So ok, now how to fight it eh?

    first of all as the previous writer also said: let go of the past. You can remain sorry and regretful for your past forever, but it wont help you or anyone. Its good to see that what you did was not good, then sincirely repent it and try to never do it again. Dont live in the past, but live today and look towards the future happily. you cant change the past, but the future is yours. so LET IT GO!!! 🙂

    Second, you seem to be obsessed with thinking about your addiction. the actual act of it takes only some minutes a day, but the feelings or regret, self anger and shame take up hours of your time and treathen to ruin your future.
    So, you must engage your thoughts in other things! Keep your self busy:
    -meet with good friends, who are on the right path of islam
    -focus on your studies and when you take a break from studying, read something about islam or better read quran or pray to relax your mind and body
    -refrain from romantic movies, songs and talks with friends or other people
    -eat healthy and sleep on time
    -get active, start to play sports!!!! this will be a great way to use your energy, make you feel less depressed and make you healthy. go running, cycling, go to the fitness (but not when there are females in too little clothes so try to find a mens only fitness place), play soccor, basketball, anything you like! its very important to be fysically active. And when you are working out you can listen to islamic lectures or quran on your mp3 player

    Another thing, if you go one day without doing your addiction, tihs will make you proud of yourself and feel more clean and pure, this positive feeling will strengthen your determination to stop it in total. know that your good deeds will be a motivation for more good deeds. So stop for one day and see how this will make you happy.

    Know that Allah is a whitness to all your struggles. He sees you inside, He knows what you feel. Know that you will be rewarded very much for something that is bad that you intended to do but actually DIDNT do. so if you have the urge to do it, but you remain strong and you dont do it, your reward will be great. and your selfpride and confidence will grow.

    Keep your spirits up, you can do it!!!!

    I wish you all the best and take care,

    Turn to Allah at all times and keep to the quran and sunnah...

    salaam aleykum

  4. As salamu alaykum, brother Altaf,

    All good advices you have received, I would like to add the following, brother begin from cero, here and now, make of yourself the new you, the one that has victory over this struggle, thanks to Allah(swt) guidance and help. Stop a minute and everytime you feel the urge to surrender to Shaytan whispers, don´t give up, submit to Allah(swt) think of Him(swt) watching you, and look for refuge in Allah(swt) from Shaytaan.

    Stand on your feet as the strong muslim you are and be soft in your Heart to Allah(swt) in complete submission, He (swt) is the One that can give us the strength to stop sinning, to repent and to go back to Him(swt) pures and clean from sin, insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.

    There is a beautiful website full of inspirational readings that I recommend you to read when you have a down,

    These posts, I find them interesting for you, you may read them already.

    Brother, you are not alone, you have a family around the world supporting you, trying to be their best to help you to be your best, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Respect,

    María Editor

  5. salaam,

    Try to get married A.S.A.P. - That is the long term solution. In the meantime, where you see it really is impossible to get married, focus on what others here have adviced u. Keep busy, play sports and stay away from mixed environments. However, that is temporary cannot distract urself from natural desires and need to make marriage a possibility for yourself, especially if you see that it has got to a stage where your deen is being affected by it. Many students are married, it is not as impossible as people make it out to be. Saving yourself from fitnah is more important than having the best home and car before you marry a wife.

    My sincere advice to you.

    Hope Allah swt helps you.


  6. Salaam aleykum dear readers,

    I would like to respond to the previous message, in which the writer advices to get married. This is a idea that worries me. First of all our brother in need wrote us that he is too young to get married.

    Secondly marriage isnt just something easy, something you just to go get rid of an addiction.

    Marriage is a bond before Allah between a man and a woman who choose to live together for the rest of their life. This means you must choose a person with whom you would like to share everything EVERYDAY!! keep this well in your mind! its the most important and most difficult decision you make in your life. SO make sure that when you decide to get married you are:

    -financially stable (in case of the man). You must have the means to take care of a wife, provide her a home, food, clothes and be able to support children. Make sure that you feel you will also be able to do this in the future.
    -emotionally stable!! Make sure you are emotionally in balance so that you are able to make the correct desicion for the rest of your life. AND remember that your future partner deserves the best of you. No one deserves a person who is having such problems as a bad addiction for example an addiction to alcohol or drugs.

    To all readers: imgaine you are a young man or a young woman, would you love to have a wife or husband who is addicted to alcohol, drugs, or even something like masturbation or pornography???!!!! Ofcourse not!! and you shouldnt, becoz you deserve better.

    So, before you get married, be the person you want to be. Be the partner you think your future spouse deserves! If this is hard to imagine, then be the man that you would want your sister or cousin to marry. Or be the wife you want your brother, or father to have.

    fix your problems before you get married. This will help you to have a loving and great and LASTING marriage...

    DONT think a marriage is a solution for things. It's not fair to see your future partner as your medicine.

    so work on yourself and when you become the person you want to be, for sure you will find that you are very much attractive to many many future partners....

    good luck! May Allah be with you always and guide you all...

    salaam aleykum

    • Overall it seems to me that you are trying to say that we don't need to marry at a early age and postpone it until we earn money . That means at 28-29.

      Boys attain puberty at 14
      Girls attain puberty at 12

      How will the young boys and girls spent their 15 years of life when they are high on their hormones . Let's face the fact .. not everybody is a saint ... and they may fall to sin .

      Prophet mohammad SAW advised to get married ASAP ...

      • Yes marriage is like a protection or in your words a medicine ...

        It helps you to guard your modesty as it is said in Islam

      • salaam aleykum brother,

        first lets remember there is a difference between men and women, read some more posts on this site and you will see clearly. For a woman, she is not high on hormones as you mention it. Woman, especially those who have not been touched by a man, are not very much bothered by their hormones in the way that you are talking about. This is biologically logical to understand, these feelings and urges you talk about, are caused by many things, one of them is the testosterone hormone. Women do have this hormone too, but in much lower concentrations then men. To clarify before all people start to react, one cant say that those men who have a bigger urge then others necessarily have more testosterone, you must see it more as a threshold thing. if you inject someone with a high testosteron dosis, this doesnt mean he will have great urges, but it can lead to other problems such as aggression.

        So i have adressed the diference between men and women. For women, marriage is not a way to control lusts, becoz they dont have lusts as men do.

        Next point: I didnt propose any age at which people should get married. I simply make the point that Allah swt wants a man to be responsable for his wife and the children that will come when this man gets married. Marriage is not made solely for being able to deal with urges or hormones. How do you propose this to happen? a 14 year old boy and 12 year old girl get married, while living off their parents money and going to school. Do you think such a marriage is what Allah swt wants? do you think it will last? find yourself, finish your education and set your goals. Allah swt told men: get married when you have the possibility (meaning when you can financially and emotionally take care of your wife) and if you cant do this then fast till your urges go down or you find the proper way to get married. When Allah swt sends us down the way to live, He doesnt simply consider that people have hormones, He considers the needs of a society. A society built of stable families and hard working people who form a peaceful and safe community. Not a situation where people who are not ready get married just so the young men can have sex legally.

        did you want to get married whne you where 16? where you ready for the responsability? Would you want your 14 year old daughter to marry a 17 year old man who lives off his daddy's money and just needs to marry your daughter becoz his hormones are tormenting him? Will your daughter find happiness and fulfillment in her life this way?

        And Allah swt knows what is best for us. So reflect on His guidelines for our life and try to follow them. Nobody said it would be easy. See fighting your lusts as a way of worship and a way to earn the pleasure of your Lord.

        Here is a saying I love:
        God didnt promis you an easy journey, but waiting for you in the end is a safe arrival (if only you have true faith...)

        So dont expect things to be easy, there is no reward in doing something that is too easy. Be responsable, work hard, earn your way to Jannah, inshallah. help each other to attain this. Be there for one another.

        I pray for all of us, i pray all muslims have patience and faith.

        Good luck everyone!

        salaam aleykum

  7. salam bro....

    i think most of the important advice has already been supplied to you....i just wanna add one more....whenever you start to get rid of this habit and you find the situation or feelings to again indulge the bad act...then start
    FASTING....offer namaz and read Quran with description (especially Surah MOMIN) and then see the after effects....... remind the Ramadan fasting days when every bad habit easy to get rid off...

    May Allah give us strength to become a true MOMIN 🙂

  8. thank u everybody for your kind response,i almost lost hope,but u people doesnt make it happen,thank u very much....i will follow whatever said by you...but i had lost all my confidence these days.....i am fearing to do any work....may allah solve this problem for me

    • As salamu alaykum, brother altabasha,

      Ameen to your prayer.

      You have a good opportunity to strive now in Ramadan, when you wake up in the morning, thank Allah(swt) for waking you up to pray, for helping and guiding you everysecond, thank Him(swt) all day and be sure the last thing in your thought before going to bed is a thought for Him(swt). You are good for whatever you want to do in this life, trust Allah(swt) and the fear will dissapear as smoke.

      Stay firm and straight, pray your salat, make dua, read the Quran and confidence will return to you, Insha´Allah.

      From Heart to Heart,
      María Editor

  9. if a boy gets puberb only at 14 then why is it like this ???? he ultimately develops a feeling of intimate moments and he is helpless to abstain himself by masturbating sceince has proved that masturbating is good for health as long as you do it in moderate way ....... correct me if am wrong and google it from different parts of world ............. now if it is good for health than why it is sin ????/ or why this sense has been strongly infected in men ........ dont wanna comment for women as i dont know any thing about them i just know that one cant control on his sex drive when it comes to its verge .... ........yes the best way to stop this if u think its bad is to get marry asap...........

    • Abu Az-Zubayr, you've said this before about having sex with a slave girl and I've deleted it. There is no such thing mentioned in the Quran.. Read the ayahs that you quoted yourself. The word slave is not mentioned. I will delete future comments that say such things. Editors, please note.

      Wael Editor

      • except those
        who guard their private parts scrupulously, 6 except with regard to their wives and those whom their right hand posses, for in that case they shall not be blameworthy

        in surah muminuun and saailah.

        what does those whom their right hands posses mean, girlfriends?
        what does it mean

        brother, seriously, have you sat down and read bukhari/muslim, there are countless ahadeeth which say that the companions went on conquests, they fullfilled their desire with their right hand possesions, so what does mean?

        please explain and bring evidence of its illicitness

        • I have read Bukhari and Muslim cover to cover more than once. "Those whom their right hands possess" means wives. And the word that you have translated as "and" ("their wives and those whom") is not "and" - it is "aw", which means "or", or "in other words". It is a clarification here. Your wives, in other words, those whom you lawfully possess. Not prostitutes, girlfriends or slaves.

          Think about what the right hand symbolizes in Arabic and Islamic language. It means that which is proper and lawful. So it should be understood as referring to wives. This is not my opinion but that of some of the commentators. If they companions fulfilled their desires, they did it through marriage, either through mut'ah during the period that it was allowed, or normal nikah.

          Some classical commentators understood these verses as you do - sex with slaves captured in Jihad. Others were quite adamant that it refers to those who have been lawfully married. I hold with the latter opinion, as the former opinion is impossible to reconcile with a religion that promotes freedom for all; and servitude only to Allah.


  10. assalamualaikum everyone,
    My name is Rahman. I m 13+. I m also addicted to this. I can't STOP myself from doing this. I also got this addiction because of my friends and internet,movies,etc. I also want to get rid of this 🙁
    I understand u,brother.I know it is very hard to get rid of this addiction. I also want some suggestion to get rid of this.

  11. The following working steps to fight porn addiction are for all, no matter their age:

    Step One: Admit that you can't give up.

    Admit that you are unable to get a grip on your consumption of pornography. It is uncontrollable. Every time you turn on the internet, go to the video store, turn on the television, you cannot say NO to yourself. You cannot NOT surf porn sites, or stop watching. You are no longer in control of your life.

    Step Two: Admit that only Allah can get you out of this.

    You know, after trying through so many ways to control your addiction and subsequently failing, that only Allah can help you out of this. You may have known it before, but you are convinced of it now without a shadow of a doubt.

    Step Three: Your life and death are all in Allah's control.

    Decide to put your complete trust in Allah, Who is in control of all aspects of your life and your death, and to bring this problem to Him and seek His help first and foremost.

    Step Four: Do a self-analysis.

    Do an honest, sincere, but often painful self-evaluation of your good points, bad points, and analyze your addiction, trying to understand how you reached this point.

    Step Five: Make a specific repentance to Allah.

    Admit to Allah and to yourself and to another trusted Muslim (if possible) exactly where you went wrong. Do not make a general request for repentance. Specifically list your mistakes and, in particular, your addiction to pornography.

    Step Six: Be open and ready to receive Allah's help to change.

    You know your sincere repentance must be followed by action. Be ready to do what is necessary to change, no matter how difficult or painful, even if it means not even watching television for the news or never surfing the Internet alone.

    Step Seven: Ask for the removal of faults.

    Ask Allah with sincerity, humility and regret to help you never repeat this action (looking at pornography) again and to help you avoid repeating sins committed in the past.

    Step Eight: Do a nightly self-evaluation.

    Every night do an honest self-evaluation of your behavior and be ready to admit your mistakes and thank Allah for the good you did that day.

    Step Nine: Make lots of du`a’ (supplication) and try to increase your taqwa (fear of Allah).

    Continue to pray five times a day, seeking closeness to Allah. Seek to be consciousness of Him wherever you are. Increase your reliance on Him to help you with this addiction to pornography and with all other matters in your life.

    Step Ten: Preach and practice.

    Don’t just "move on" after Allah has blessed you to get out of this addiction. Help others you know with this problem through regular contact and sincere advice, respecting the etiquette of enjoining the good and forbidding the evil. By the grace of Allah, helping others will help you maintain control over your addiction, and you will help another Muslim or another human being to get out of this destruction and misery.

  12. assala mu alaikum brother and sisters,

    you can do in this way to improve

    - if you are addicted to laptop , or other electronic devices

    1] THROW IT! its the only solution

    but brother and sisters we knw that we can't do it when it comes for both studying AND being addicted to bad stuffs there is always a way and that is
    -make a schedule like make a list of time
    Eg. 10:45 -11:30 [I am going to study or do research on studies on the laptop]
    11:30-12:00 [lock it up in the case or laptop bag and tell or promise yourself not to touch it]

    - LOCK IT UP means - lock the bag with a LOCKER OR BUY ONE and lock it and tell your parents to keep the key AND DISCUSS WHY

    {if you doo not want to tell them SAY THAT its just a game on how much you can tolerate THE ADDITION OR JUST FOR FUN }

    - write duas and other Islamic thing on a LARGE piece of paper and stick on the wall of your room'






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