Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I get rid of these thoughts?


I´m a 19 year old girl. Basically I get feelings that I have no control over. My parents had decided when I was very young that I would get married to my first cousin and as far as I know this is official although no engagement has been officially done. As far as I know my cousin has agreed all along and so have I. His parents and mine have spoken of this a few times and because we're both studying marriage will have to wait a few years and if Allah (swt) wills it will happen.
He lives in another country.

I wanted to make sure this was true so confronted him with a third person present and it is. I don´t have ANY contact with him, email or phone something that I want to continue. But like every girl fantasies and desires have taken over. I don´t even know if these feelings are permissable. Whenever I´m alone, I´m always thinking about sex with him even though I never talk to him so don´t know what fuels these feelings. I just fear I´m committing zina of the eyes and cry myself to bed that I have lost to shaitaan the cursed.

The problem isn´t that i'm nervous about having to be intimate with him after marriage but fantasies and ideas about how our sex life will be and often I am daydreaming about both of us doing it. I am really attracted to him and have been planning the wedding in my head for as long as I remember, but who doesn´t? I´m just scared. And by the way I don´t masturbate and never have but the day dreams are so strong I just want to punish myself.
I don´t want to think about this but I can´t help it. I preserve hijab and try to act accordingly to Islam. My parents have brought me up well and I have never been involved with boys and don´t wish to but this eating me up inside and I feel dirty and just feel shaitan is misguiding me. I don´t want to be mislead and need advice.

Jazakallah khairan. May Allah reward you.


Tagged as: , , , ,

61 Responses »

  1. O Sister ! How can I call you " Lost Soul" when Allah has indeed guided you? And why you need to call yourself "Lost Soul" when you have the Religion of Truth and Guidance.

    Sister I have very little to say as you are well aware of who is bringing these thoughts to your mind and why.

    I am thankful to Allah that He has made you known your enemy - Shaytaan.

    What can save you from these feelings and thoughts?

    1. Read the Qur'an a lot and by a lot mean a great deal, for hours, if you are not working and have free time. Pray regularly, be with wudu most time and keep offering nawafil prayers of 2 rakahs whenever you are idle and seek Allah's guidance and help.
    2. Whenever you think about these things, pray 2 rakahs and end them and pray 2 more, until you feel connected to Allah and the strong desires go away.
    3. Also if you watch any movies, romance, read artciles related to marriage and sex issues in news paper, avoid them as they may remind you of these things as a whisper of Shaytaan.
    4. Spend your time in reading translation of the Qur'an, learning new Surahs by heart and recite them in Tahajjud. If you have a separate room, make it a habit to wake up at nights, pray with the news surahs you learn and try to remember them.
    5. Shaytaan is close when you feel alone. But remember Allah is always watching your conduct, so even when you have the slightest of evil thought in your mind keep on repeating : Aaudhubillaahi minnasshaytaanirrajiim - I seek refuge of Allah from Satan. And keep on repeating : Astagfirullaah, innallaaha ghafurur raheem - I seek forgiveness of Allah, Indeed Allah is the Forgiving, the Merciful. Keep reciting this until the thought goes out of your mind.
    6. Come to this website, give good advices to people, once you start speaking good, tell others to do good, Insha Allah if you yourself fail to keep it, you feel some hypocrisy, which is good and you turn to Allah and thus, Insha Allah you purify your own character.

    Remember, a hypocrite never feels he is a hypocrite, but a believe does feel if he is acting like a hypocrite, because he knows what Allah commanded him to do and how he slipped to desire and could not do it, so he turns to Allah in repentance quickly and Allah is the Forgiving the Merciful.

    Masha Allah, you have asked us about something which affects lot of singles and Insha Allah, I hope the advices I gave you will be of help.

    Also, Alhamdulillaah, we have other brothers and sisters who would give you better advices, so keep checking this page.

    I would like to quote you a few verses of the Qur'an which Insha Allah will help you:

    199. Keep to forgiveness (O Muhammad), and enjoin kindness, and turn away from the ignorant.
    200. And if a slander from the devil wound thee, then seek refuge in Allah. Lo! He is Hearer, Knower.
    201. Lo! those who ward off (evil), when a glamour from the devil troubleth them, they do but remember (Allah's guidance) and behold them seers!

    Whenever you remember Allah, you will find a way ahead, Insha Allah.

    I hope I answered the question to your satisfaction.

    May Allah keep you guided, save you from straying and keep you chaste in all ways until you marry.

    Your brother,

    * * *

    Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.

    • Such a nice advice

    • i gott also probiem when i have nothing to some my mind thinkabout sex i do sex with my own self i want to be a fresh and healthy life ever and ever i treid to get rid of it i get out from it but after few months or weeks back to the sex give tips about to get rid of it permenenantly forever.

      • permanently ...... we are humans we cant stop it at once and there it goes, we never think or want to do it again but after you make a sincere repentance %100 truly from your heart say it with sincere mean your words then follow up with actions as times pass you must be steadfast and remember your words.tip fasting is one of the best ways to help control your desires i swear to u it helps you become stronger and you feel better and you will give in less to your desires 🙂

    • I have the same problem. Even though i am not engaged but when ever i have these thoughts i feel a liquid comming from my private part i dont know what it is, it is clear and water like. I want to know if this means i have to do ghusl . I feel realy bad and disgusted i try to stop

      • That liquid once it comes out what you need to do is dab water on the clothing it came out on and then do wudhu it's called Madhi it's not the same as semen but you stil have to do wuhdu after it comes out. That's all I can advise you

      • Yes you have to do ghusal after that

    • I have the same problem. Even though i am not engaged. I dont masturbata because i know ots haram. when ever i have these thoughts i feel a liquid comming from my private part i dont know what it is, it is clear and water like And its also white and thick. I want to know if this means i have to do ghusl or can i perform salah as normal . I feel realy bad and disgusted i try to stop when the thoughts finaly stop i feel like am the worst human alive like the worst sinner i feel ashamed of myself i appologise for bothering you with this but i realy realy want it to stop it is realy irritating to have these thoughts. Jazzak allah khair

      • i have the same problem,i am unmarried and i do not masturbate but i have sexual fantasies about someone i like and feels a certain liquid in my private part. i know its very wrong but am a teenage girl and as i am human does not have control over it ( sometimes). i want to know how to stop myself from this act and also am i to perform ghusl or i could continue prayer without ghusl

    • Brother, I highly appreciate your answer. I'd like to thank you by asking Allah (swt) to gift you a place in Jannah.

    • Subhan Allah such lovely explaination... may Allah SWT bless you with good tidings for both the world's. Aameen Ya Rabul Alaameen

    • Reading Aazubillah made my thoughts vanish.
      Thankyou for this. Pray that i remember this.

  2. Dear young sister, Asalaamualaykum,

    I agree with Brother Munib but would like to add something further.

    Marriage as we all know is such an important thing, it is a blessing and a gift. Our choice of who to marry can and will affect our lives either very positively or negatively. Which is why I would like to remind you that while your parents care about you very much and you trust them, still you owe it to yourself to speak to your cousin before you decide to marry him.

    At the moment, you feel highly attracted to him, although you do not know much at all about his personality and character, or about how well suited he is to you. 'Physical attraction' does not last and what you are feeling at the moment is a fantasy, it is based on your own dreams and desires. It is important that you know something solid about this man whom you have 'settled' to marry. Do you have the same outlook on life, the same aspirations? What are your goals in life? Does your fiance fear Allah?

    You will spend the next few years studying but you will be engaged to marry your cousin. If you do not have something solid on which to base your 'few years' of engagement with your cousin, your heart could very easily become attracted to someone else - someone whom you find an intellectual connection with.

    My simple advice to you as your sister in Islam is this: use this time to enquire about your cousin, interact with him, quiz him about things that are important to you - then base your choice of marriage on these things. Try to separate these logical aspects of marriage from your physical desires.

    SisterZ Editor

    • Sister Z said the right things. You may add your criteria too which you would want in a husband.

      As far as thinking about him is concerned , leave it. Rather when you feel like that start thinking about Allah, His creation, life, death and aakhirah.

      Also you said you do not contact him by email or phone. I am impressed by this. Masha Allah. You keep limits which I appreciate. Keep it up.

      Get to know about the guy the necessary details with the help of the family and avoid personal encounters, Insha Allah, that is bett for purity and your chastity and make you think clear thoughts away from desire, Insha Allah.

      Your brother,

  3. Recite the prayer:

    It was narrated that Shakl ibn Humayd said: I came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Prophet of Allaah, teach me a prayer for refuge with which I may seek refuge.” He took my hand and said: “Say: ‘A’oodhu bika min sharri sam’i wa sharri baasri wa sharri lisaani wa sharri qalbi wa sharri maniyi (I seek refuge with You from the evil of my hearing, the evil of my sight, the evil of my tongue, the evil of my heart and the evil of my sexual desires),’” until I had memorized it.

  4. I am Jewish and have had certain desires so I will try to read Torah to get rid of them as well as seek counseling as well so may g-d bless you in helping me find an answer though in a round about way

  5. Assalamu'alaikum. Is it true that Allah Ta'ala won't punish us for thoughts about sex as long as we don't act on it?

    I thought in Islam we aren't punished for our thoughts... only the actions.

    Can someone provide the dalil (evidence) that fleeting thoughts about sex are haraam? It's only thoughts. Is it makruh?

    • Walaikum salaam,

      T o understand the question of sexual thought, you need to understand hijab and the recommendation for marriage.

      Part of your inner hijab and jihad of the nafs is controlling your lustful thoughts when they occur. So it is not permissible to dwell on the thoughts such as to the point where you are entertaining yourself with these thoughts to sexual arousal, as inevitably they can lead to forbidden actions. If the thought crosses your mind, there is no sin, but if you are doing things to purposely set those thoughts in motion, then you have a problem.

      It has been said that a mark of piety is not to dwell on these thoughts unless they are about your lawful spouse, in which case you are urged to go to your spouse and fulfill your desires. There is a hadith (I apologize for not being able to quote it verbatim) that says when a man is aroused by the thoughts of sex or seeing another woman that causes his desire to be piqued, he is to immediately go to his wife to fulfill his desires. The implication is that any lingering thoughts of sex are to be fulfilled and expressed through your spouse so that you are not tempted to go astray. In this aspect, we must acknowledge the first part of going towards a sin is thinking about it, so in order to avoid deviation from the Decree of Allah (swt), we must go towards the halal.

      All schools of Islamic fiqh agree that once a person has strong sexual desires, it becomes obligatory for them to get married. This includes your own thoughts, so again, the implications are direct in that thoughts strong enough to incur sexual arousal is a sign of readiness for marriage.

      There is another famous hadith in which the Holy Prophet famously encouraged men to get married to protect their chastity and those who could not do so were to fast. However, the context is very interesting. What had happened is that there were a group of young men speaking of women in the way that men do. As the Prophet entered upon them, they fell silent. The Prophet knew what they were speaking of since they were all of a sudden so quiet and his intellect could surmise the situation. This is further evidence that Islam is instructing us to leave the steps that may lead to haraam and to embrace the halal instead.

      It's also important to note that nikkah itself means sexual intercourse. A part of sexual intercourse is fulfilling the mental desires to the point of satisfaction in a lawful marriage. Therefore, we can see that the use of the word by Allah (swt) is telling us where our urges, thoughts and actions should be focused regarding the sexual thoughts, which again, is with our own respective spouse, thus leaving dwelling and careless thoughts to sex to the wayside.

      If these thoughts are occurring frequently, then you must either fast to control the desires, however it is recommended and more preferable to get married. For if we look at the following verses of the Qur'an, we find ample evidence in exercising modesty while in the following verse of marriage. For we must acknowledge that Allah (swt) is All-Knowing and All-Wise.

      Holy Qur'an, Chapter 24, Verse 26-33

      Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision. (26) O ye who believe! Enter not houses other than your own without first announcing your presence and invoking peace upon the folk thereof. That is better for you, that ye may be heedful. (27) And if ye find no-one therein, still enter not until permission hath been given. And if it be said unto you: Go back, then go back, for it is purer for you. Allah knoweth what ye do. (28) (It is) no sin for you to enter uninhabited houses wherein is comfort for you. Allah knoweth what ye proclaim and what ye hide. (29) Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do. (30) And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigour, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed. (31) And marry such of you as are solitary and the pious of your slaves and maid-servants. If they be poor, Allah will enrich them of His bounty. Allah is of ample means, Aware. (32) And let those who cannot find a match keep chaste till Allah give them independence by His grace. And such of your slaves as seek a writing (of emancipation), write it for them if ye are aware of aught of good in them, and bestow upon them of the wealth of Allah which He hath bestowed upon you. Force not your slave-girls to whoredom that ye may seek enjoyment of the life of the world, if they would preserve their chastity. And if one force them, then (unto them), after their compulsion, lo! Allah will be Forgiving, Merciful.

  6. Read the following authentic hadeeth. one is not sinful if bad thoughts are not carried out. Infact if one intends something bad and does not carry it out Allah the Almighty writes it down as reward!

    Abdullah bin `Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said that Allah, the Glorious, said: "Verily, Allah (SWT) has ordered that the good and the bad deeds be written down. Then He explained it clearly how (to write): He who intends to do a good deed but he does not do it, then Allah records it for him as a full good deed, but if he carries out his intention, then Allah the Exalted, writes it down for him as from ten to seven hundred folds, and even more. But if he intends to do an evil act and has not done it, then Allah writes it down with Him as a full good deed, but if he intends it and has done it, Allah writes it down as one bad deed".
    [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

    • Walaikum salaam,

      The problem is that this train of lustful thought is the possible road to bad actions. The hadith does not contradict this fact, though. What the hadith is talking about is the intention being played out. For the person who is trying to become a true believer, they also need to ascertain the impact of dwelling on certain thoughts, which was the purpose of the statement I made earlier.

      Take the hadith in this practical application. Let's say you wished to go out and rob a bank. So you left your house and upon getting to the bank, you thought better of it, feared your Lord and decided to be obedient and refrain from this action. So therefore, the hadith would apply.

      Now let's say as you are driving to the bank, before reaching the better decision, you are killed in a car accident. What did you die with being your last intention? A bad one. This happened because you did not foresee the consequences of taking one step in the wrong direction.

      The idea is that by combating the thought from the beginning, you are partaking on the greater struggle against your lower nafs. As the Holy Prophets has stated, that is the greatest struggle. So while the passing thought has no ill effect, the constant dwelling can lower your defenses and make you susceptible to committing a bad action. For the Muslim should not be content with a static station of iman, but should aspire to higher levels. So again, this is a battle within.

      Let's also take the example that by playing with these thoughts, it could lead a person to a lustful emission resulting in orgasm. Again, the "dwelling" does have an impact on traversing the road to bad consequences. In the same way that habitual dwelling may taint a person's concentration in salaah.

      This is one of the great reasons why marriage is recommended, because sexual thoughts and dwelling on one's spouse does not carry these connotations. Instead, it would be seen as a path to possible worship once the married couple fulfills each other's need.

  7. May Allah bless you always

  8. Salam,

    It is unfortunate that because of traditions, parents end up controlling their children life so much as to promise their hand from a very young age. Al hamdullillah in your case you like the brother so the outcome is good. And inshaallah he sincerly feels the same way towards you.
    But again , the controlling issue that you have to wait to finish your studies to get married. I sounds that you need to get married now .

  9. It's quite clear now that you cant fantasize about strange women or men to entertain yourself but the case where young people fantasize about some hypothetical being or they daydream and invent a person in their thoughts to have romantic fantasies with them is still not clear , I still couldnt find any ruling which prohibits such an act.

  10. I am Muslim girl and very committed to five times prayers. On Friday I love to spend more time in the prayer of Allah

    I am fed up with my one habit which disturbs me a lot that suddenly sexual thought come in mind and I assume my married future life with my husband. ( even I am not engaged yet) that desires some to see or touch my body specially breast part . I try to control it too much but no avail and in worst scenario I touch my breast . I don´t masturbate and don’t want to do any more , just during these sexual thoughts I feel attraction to see or touch my breast.

    Please help to get rid of this further what is its status in Islam what Islam says about this . please help me if you could tell any wazifa or dua to get rid of this. I have too much fond of worship and love to spend free time in his prayer. But don’t know why I have this bad habit and why these thought come in my mind .
    Please advice

  11. Assalamualaikum.

    Jazak Allah dear sister for this question, because I suffer a bit of that way too. I ask forgiveness to Allah many times but again do the sin of eyes by watching sinful acts. I cry to my hypocracy, that I say O My Lord, please forgive my sinned eyes and mind, I won't do it again but I fail to keep my promise:(( Jazak Allah to brother Munib for his kind words. I give word to Allah before you all today, Insha'Allah I will not do this sin in future. Please make dua that I must not fail to saytan and his evil call. I need your dua, I'm a single and it's going to be a difficult test for me which I must win at any cost Insha'Allah.


    PLZ HELP ME OUT OF DIS SINFUL THOUGHTS AND ACTION ,i am unmarried (28yrs) i started masturbation in high school unknowingly,slowly i addicted to it wen i got to no abt dis sinful act i tried to avoid it bt i unable to do dat even i fasted to get rid of dis and to hold the rope of ALLAH (SWT) BUT after sum weeks or months AGAIN I LOST CONTROL on myself and get prey to shaitan act and do d sinful act whc am ashamed of it , my main problem is discharge of sticky liquid frm my sex organ because of thought sum time i need to take bath 4 to 5 times a day whc is nt possible evry time as we r busy in our office work because of whc i hav to miss my salah whc i feel vry bad and angry on my self , evn wer bad thoughts ar thoughts of action runs in a mind it flows in seconds , evn b4 i take refugee frm ALLAH it discharge , plz help me out brother i think ALLAH (SWT) HAD SHOWED ME THE WAY IN UR FORM , I JUST WANT TO GET RID OF THIS DISCHARGE SO THAT I CAN CONTINUE MY SALAH AND BE OBEDIENT SLAVE OF ALLAH .. REPLY ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE JAZAKALLAH KHAIR

    • dear brother because of that sticky stuff bath is not obligated on you.before sala do taharat and wash your clothes make wudu n offer your prayer.

    • Here are similar questions and answers extracted from (from my research this seems to be a reliable website)

      Q) I'm a girl and i often fantasize sex (without masturbating). Because discharge comes out. Does this break my wudhu/ghusal? Is it haram to fantasize sex? How to stop doing this act?
      A) If the wetness has not come out with a pressure, then it breaks only the wuzu. But you need to wash them. but if it came with a pressure, then ghusl will break. To keep yourself from such fantasy, try to occupy yourself in other licit activities like painting, sewing, etc. Try to keep fasting for several consecutive days and if you have age of marrying, then get married with the councel of your parents.
      Q) If a woman fantasizes about sex and finger herself and a clear transparent water comes out of her vagina. does this break the ghusl or wudhu?
      A) It definitely breaks wudhu. But if it came out with pressure or came out directly after masturbation, then ghusl break.

      This is from hanafi fiqh
      ASSALAM-O-ALAILUM…kindlt help me…i want to ask you that if i have masturbated..and after masturbating i wear clean clothes without taking ghusl….so the clean clothes will also be considered as dirty clothes??i mean can i perform salaat with those clothes…JAZAAK ALLAHAnswerIn the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh. Masturbation is a major sin and an evil habit which should be abandoned. You should bear in mind that Allah sees all things even those that are done in darkness and in privacy. Fear Allah and do not commit sins as that incurs the anger of Allah. It is stated in  العناية شرح الهداية  (Inayah – Sharah Hidayah) that Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi wa Salamcursed the one that is married to his hands, that is the one who masturbates.[1] Rasulullah Salallahu Alaihi wa Salam said that one should fast to suppress his carnal desires until he/she is able to get married.[2] Ghusl will become compulsory on one who masturbates and semen is discharged. (Bahishti Zewar Vol. 1 Pg 72). You cannot simply wear clean clothes after discharging. You should first make ghusl then wear clean clothes.

      Here's another from darulihsan website :

      Q: After a girl has done the sin of masturbation, is it necessary to take a ghusl or wudhu ?
      A: This is indeed a digusting and filthy act. One should make sincere and abundant Taubah and Istighfaar for this, with a firm resolve never to commit this again.As for Ghusl being compulsory or not kindly see below;According to us Hanafis there are three situations;1. Ghusl is compulsory when intercourse takes place irrespective whether the woman has an orgasm or not.2. Ghusl is compulsory on a woman who has experienced nocturnal emission (wet dream) provided she sees a discharge.3. If a women is fondled or aroused sexually in some way other than the inserting of anything into her private part and experiences an orgasm then ghusl is compulsory if a discharge is seen. If something was inserted (this refers to any object besides sexual intercourse in which ghusl is obligatory irrespective of whether there was an orgasm or not) and she had an orgasm but did not experience a discharge of semen then as a precautionary measure ghusl should be made (Fataawa Raheemiyyah, Vol.4, Page 28).And Allah Ta'ala Knows BestM.D. Mangera (Mufti)

      Heavenly Ornaments (Behishti Zewar) 63
      22. If liquid comes out from the front organ by touching a person of the opposite sex or merely having such thoughts, wudu will break. This liquid which comes out at the time of excitement or passion is called mazi (pre- coital fluid).
      Heavenly Ornaments (Behishti Zewar) 71
      Things or acts which make ghusl obligatory
      1. If semen is discharged out of passion while one is awake or asleep, ghusl becomes wajib irrespective of whether it is discharged by touching a person of the opposite sex, or by having any such thoughts or fantasies, or by any other way -in all cases, ghusl will be wajib. 2. If one awakens and sees semen on his clothing or body, ghusl will be wajib irrespective of whether one sees a dream or not. Note : At the time of excitement, in the beginning a particular fluid which increases the excitement, comes out. This fluid is called mazi (pre-coital fluid). When climax is reached and one is satiated, the liquid which comes out at that time is called mani (semen). That which distinguishes the two is that when semen comes out, one becomes satisfied and his passion is cooled, while the coming out of mazi does not decrease the excitement but increases it. Furthermore, mazi is thin while semen is thick. The discharge of mazi does not make ghusl obligatory; however, wudu breaks.
      In short, ghusl becomes obligatory in four conditions: (1) Discharge of semen out of excitement. (2) Entry of the glans of the penis into the vagina (or anus). (3) At the end of menstruation. (4) At the end of nifaas.

      Do also have a look at this forum and attached links http://isl

      • Assalam o alaikum .. I am 20 yrs old girl.. well I don't know anything about all .. but naturally i do have sexual desire and find liquid but don't musterbate . I know it's Haram but at that time I have very strong urge to close legs and apply pressure . I don't know that will come in musterbation or not and also don't have any idea about orgasm.. can you help me please .. I am very confuse about all this

        • "ordinary girl," you are experiencing natural sexual desire. There is nothing wrong with it. Just try to occupy your mind with other thoughts, and stay busy with other things until you can get married Insha'Allah.


          • Great answer! We need to educate our girls about these natural things. So many live in fear and anxiety for no good reason. You are a gentleman to calm them down.

  13. I have the same problem. Even though i am not engaged. I dont masturbata because i know ots haram. when ever i have these thoughts i feel a liquid comming from my private part i dont know what it is, it is clear and water like And its also white and thick. I want to know if this means i have to do ghusl or can i perform salah as normal . I feel realy bad and disgusted i try to stop when the thoughts finaly stop i feel like am the worst human alive like the worst sinner i feel ashamed of myself i appologise for bothering you with this but i realy realy want it to stop it is realy irritating to have these thoughts.oh some one please guide me. Please anJazzak allah khair

    • I don't know why some people think sexual thoughts make them bad or disgusting. The sexual drive is a part of human nature. There is nothing shameful about it. It is normal to have sexual thoughts and desires sometimes. It is also normal to have wet dreams. In Islam it is treated as a simple biological function. You make ghusl, and then you are purified for 'ibadah.

      As far as sexual desire in general, if we didn't have it then we would not procreate and have children. It is given to us by Allah so that we can enjoy our spouses and experience pleasure. Until one gets married, he/she only has to be patient and focus on studies, work, sports, hobbies, worship, etc.

      Wael Editor

      • Jazzak allah khair for your help akhi. May allah bless you ameen

      • I'm really confused and in need of some help. Some of my girl friends have started teasing and making fun, 'pairing' me with a non muslim guy from class and commenting on how we would make a nice couple and how they think he might like me. im pretty convinced they are just messing around and finding it fun because I get embarrassed at the such talk but recently it's all I seem to think about. I'm left wondering on my every action and interaction if I'm being flirtatious and even more horrifyingly considering what it could be like if it were true. I don't want to do anything haram and I'm hoping my love for Allah swt will keep me from doing so but is there anything I can do to help rid myself of this idea?

        • Are these Muslim friends? If so, remind them that it's Shaytan's job to call people to sin. If they're not Muslims, then you might consider finding better friends.

          Anytime you have these thoughts, replace them with some dhikr like SubhanAllah, Allahu Akbar, La ilaha il-Allah, Astaghfirullah, etc.

          Also, avoid that boy completely if you can.


  14. Asslamulakum sister

    How are you? Allhumdillah you are mashallah really good muslim women than me. I am having similar case just like you. I have always wanted to have blessing and happiness marriage but that's what eating me up too coz I am stuck between whether I should get married or not because I feel I am not good muslim and person. I don't want to hurt who is going be my husband or my inlaws more especislly is Allah.., than our beloved messenger Prophet Muhammad and my parents. I keep having bad thoughts and bad toughe which keeps thing bad thing about people, my parents, my prophet Muhammad and more especially Allah. I keep having waswasa... I tried really hard to pray duas, namaz , quran, fast and remembrance of Allah. but yet I have them between when I am reading namaz , quran and fasting. I feel bad and cry a lot to Allah to seek his mercy, forgiveness and guidance and protection. I also keeping thinking about sex, rape and all unnecessary stuff. whenever I talk to them that's what I have thoughts too. I feel upset and I don't know what to do. I tried to avoid reading these stuff about in newspaper, in films and everying. I even skips them. even sometimes movies scene on my thought. I even don't talk to boys and neither spend with them so I don't know why I do this. I also feel sometimes jeloues epsically with my sister in law . I feel I am not good muslim and daughter. 🙁 I wish I was not born if I am going to evil path... I pray to Allah to save me and all of us from satan and our enemys. I hope Allah will guide me inshallah and make me better muslim.. I am really hoping to succeeds in this life and hereafter. I want to be wonderful muslim women.. I will also inshallah remember you in my prayers. May Allah bless u and reward in highest rank in Jannah. May Allah also fufiled you desire and wish of marriage. Ameen

    • Dear sister, i am facing the same problem since maybe two years. I feel like dying since i feel that i am not being loyal to anyone, not even to myself. I used to think of such things too. earlier we thought i was having black magic problem but now these thoughts are in my mind. i don't know how to get rid of them....




  16. Remember Brothers and Sisters shaitan only want to take control on that person who is going towards Allah. or that person whom Allah Loves. Shaitan makes them commit sin and wisper that (you are the worst) makes you hate your self. My Main point is that dont GIVE UP ! Allah loves you and he indeed will forgive you just Run towards Allah allways no matter what or how much sin you have commited.
    I am 18 years old boy and i do alot of sins from as far as i can remember i was in class 5 and now i'm in 2nd year now think how small i was and still do sins but that does not mean Allah will not forgive me ! Love your Family be kind towards your elders. And dont listen to the bulls**t that comes aross your mind have confident in your self that you can beat the monster inside yourself .Have a nice day may Allah forgive us all and Bless us All .
    Wa_Salam <3

  17. How to sign up for this website.

  18. Assalamualaikum wr wb
    I prayed istikhara fr my brother marriage becoz we are worried about the girl but the dream that i got made me soo confused
    In my dream i saw someone i have feelings but i was trying soo hard to run away from him
    he is my senior in my medical college , he come to my cls to talk to me .i dont want to talk to him and i dont know he loves me or he just admire me bcz of my %
    i was good .i wasn’t thinking about him but this dream made me confused .
    “In my dream i saw him helping me for my xam though he has his own xam and we are sitting sidebyside like closely on our knees and holding white papers in our hands”
    I hav crush on him but as a muslimah i know i hav to be pure for my husband,i cant betray him .so hav i hav constant battle with my nafs whenever i talk to him and also people around me wasn’t helping they are praising me for my beauty and whenever they praise me my thoughts go to him….
    Iam trying soo hard to forget about him but whenever iam doing good he’ll pop up infront me and now in my dream tooo and that too it was dream that come after doing istikhara
    Iam practicing muslimah
    Plzz some help me what can i do about this and what is the meaning of that dream iam soo frustated i hv my xams and icant concentrate and also iam afraid to do istikhara for him
    It has very bad effect on my iman whenever i think about him (just think like talking with him)
    I feel soo dirty

    Plzz give me some advice i hav my xams i hav to concentrate and get rid of these feelings

    A sister in deen
    Jazakallahu khair

    • Assalaamualaikum

      Firstly, this isn't how istikhara works. Please read our articles on it for more information. Basically, when we pray istikhara, we are asking Allah to guide us to what is best and guide us away from what would not be good for us. There's no requirement for dreams or dream interpretation. Your brother should pray istikhara himself and then do what he is inclined towards (ie, marriage or no marriage), trusting in Allah to guide him away if it is not good for him.

      Your dream seems to me like it's probably because you've had marriage on your mind recently with your brother's marriage coming up, you've got exams, and you quite like this guy. I wouldn't read too much into it, to be honest. Just try to forget it and focus on your studies. If you decide you really want to marry this guy, you can always ask your wali to approach him with a proposal when the time is right.

      Midnightmoon editor

  19. Love you sister don't worry just remember Allah everything will be f9

  20. I am a 25 year Old Muslim Boy...and I am suffering from a problem i.e watching porn....i was fed off with my life and want to kill myself....please guide and help me

    • As-salamu alaykum Na. Porn watching can be an addiction. There are resources on this website and on the internet to help you quit this addiction. Read this article for example: Quit Porn for Good.

      Suicide is not an answer to anything, as you will only go from the difficulty of this world to the even greater difficulty of the aakhirah.

      Wael Editor

  21. Assalamualaikum.
    I am a guy of 28 year old. I fall in love with one of my cousin sister when I was 22. I approched her and told about my feelings. As she also likes me she agreed to my proposal. We started talking for hours and used to meet often.after 4 long years of relationship our parents came to know about our relationship and they never agreed for our marriage. Her parents didn't wait for a long time and engaged her to someone else. We are in a situation where we feel like we cannot live apart from each other.she still take to me and we both are like cannot sleep for a single minute.
    We always think of each other and the moment we lived together.

    Can you please advice us

    • Azaan, she has a right in Islam to choose her own marriage partner. If you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post.

      Wael Editor

  22. I have the same problem:(

  23. I want to ask something it really disturb me like i feel i am mad sometime i have problem my family members said i have delusion(waswasay)but i can't stop them i don't feel pak even recite many times kalma and think about this thing is pak and other is not ..when i recite kalma or darood e pak ,bad thought like the name of that animal that not allowed to call name in islam and then i again repeat reciting kalma then when i pray i do any kind of prayer bad thoughts(images napak places like washroom) came into my mind and i feel guilty and thinking about that i am doing a sin and even i can't concentrate on any thing .i am fed up of this. these are getting into my mad and i feel like crazy sometime sometime i do gushal many times..plz tell me any solution

  24. I need real help with my problem. I was in class 3 or 4, just a little boy who doesn't know about anything yet, but all I remember is someone taught me how to masturbate and my big mistake is i've been doing for how long i don't remember honestly, but when i found that I'm performing a haram act and doing wrong to myself, I was way too much addicted that I just couldn't stop myself from this obligatory act. When i was in class 7 or 8 i guess, someone taught me the proper or actual way of masturbating and It still happens to me even though I try to do exercise daily but i can't control my mind. Now i'm having a thoughts of doing paid sex which i really don't want to but these thoughts keep repeating in my mind again and again, that's why i feel guilty of what I have become and i try not to make any female friend because i don't feel myself worthy enough for any father's daughter because of what i am now. I'm not a good person i know that i'm the worst but still i need help 🙁 What should i do now ? I don't wanna die like this.

  25. I have evil thoughts in my head about my sexuality my brain is telling me something but my heart is not willing to accept it what do I do pls help me

    • Zainab, it's difficult to advise you without understanding the situation better. Please register and submit your question as a separate post.

      Wael Editor

Leave a Response