Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Getting married to an older woman

Marriage age differences in U.S. couples

Marriage age differences in U.S. couples


I hope your all well

I'm 23 and due to get married later on this year 🙂 to a woman who is 31. I was wondering if you guys/girls would be so kind as to give me an insight to what its like being married to an older woman compared to some one who is younger ie benefits, things i should maybe be wary or sensitive about.

Your experiences being married to an older woman / younger man both emotionally and erm in a physical sense

All advice or practical tips are most welcomed.


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99 Responses »

  1. My cousin was aged 24 when he married a lady in her early 40s. He speaks highly of his wife and marriage (they also now have a little boy mashallah). It is the same as every marriage in that time, care, compassion and compromise are important. He appreciates the fact that when he is feeling a little hot headed eg: after a bad day at work, she is a soothing wife who can make him see the bigger picture thanks to her life experience.

    I don't know if your fiancee has been married before but if she has then be sensitive about her previous relationship. Eg: if it ended badly she may sometimes want to talk to you about her her best friend and listen to her and show her that you are a kind husband and not like what she experienced in the past. Don't tell her to not talk about it as women by their nature are emotional creatures who need to talk!

    Age is but a number at the end of the day...the success of your marriage will depend entirely on how much effort and commitment you put into it.

    I pray you are both blessed with a healthy and happy marriage both in this life and in Jannah - Ameen.

    • There is nothing wrong Islamically but main question is how much matured 23-24 age man is in terms of handling commitments ? Do you know the commitments in the marriage and are you ready to handle those responsibilities ?

      I think at 23-24 you will be just starting a career after your studies and normally your salary will be quite less compare to a person with higher experience so how you will manage the finances depends on your financial back ground . If you have strong financial back ground then no problem but if you are just starting a career and need to build from scratch it will be quite challenging . Your focus towards building a career will be distracted

      If your future wife is earning well as at age 30+ or 40+ normally salary will be much higher than you .In this case i think your financial issues will be less .But as man is supposed to provide for a woman in islam so next question is How long she needs to support you ? We have seen some cases here where after finding their wives are earning so well and settled in career husbands became lazy and not trying or putting handwork for better jobs to support her .Most of wives will get tired and frustrated if thier husbands depends on them to run the expenses of family .

      Also second point is about kids .Women have less chances of conceiving after 35+ or 40+ and it will be difficult to have more kids .or say to have more kids after gaps will be difficult as she can't wait as she will be too old .

      So there are lot of pros and cons and if you are matured enough to handle commitments with Cons in this relationship then go ahead else just drop the idea . Romance and sex is little part of marriage compare to all other factors which are related to commitments ..

      • Her chances of conceiving goes down by about 1% to 2% each year, from age 35 to 40. It drops sharply after age 40.

        Given that this woman is only 31 years old, I don't think he should be concerned about her ability to have children. It is a non-issue.

        The difference in maturity levels is another matter, but it might not be an issue with this couple.

        • With medical advances women can have babies at any age. Be advised that although men will always produce sperm, the sperm amount is less and the viability of the sperm decreases significantly. A man in his 60s and above will most like produce a sperm that is not viable and cannot fertilize an egg. Hence envitro comes in to assist. Men have biological clocks too!

          Dr. Sherry

    • Thank you for your advice and Kind words 🙂

  2. Congratulations on being man enough to marry an older woman. I couldn't get married to a man because his parents were against me being older and taking a stand didn't work because they started going crazy and crying and emotionally blackmailing him at a 3 year age gap

  3. Thank you my brother....congratulation for that decision as well...

    I-my self marriage a women who is older than me. What I can you is that YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE if your expected wife is practicing muslim women...Usually they(older women than men) tend to have extra care on their spouses . WHY,? I dont know.

    I cant unveil any thing here about marriage to such kind of women...but what i can tell you that CONGRATULATION again.
    As our prophet(SAW) did this to his first marriage---many blessing will be there. JUST TRY TO FOLLOW ALL ISLAMIC REGULATION IN YOUR MARRIAGE PROCESS ---you will enjoy this WORLD.

    Thanks again---welcome to adult life

    • Lol thanks bro

      Reading this is really uplifting. At time you can begin to have doubts regarding the age difference,
      so really thank you 🙂

    • Assalamualaikum Brother i need some advice from you.. please i am in extreme situation.. please u drop me massage in my WhatsApp ******.

      • Mizu, please do not post your private contact info as we do not allow it. You can post your comment here, or submit your question as a separate post.

        Wael Editor

  4. Congratulations brother. An older woman is more experienced in matters of life thus can guide you more successfully. They are also less prone to value outer beauty as compared to inner beauty. Each stage of a woman is beautiful, from superficial shine to deep radiance.

    • Thank you

      I think thats why i went with an older woman for those very reasons. Deep radiance > superficial shine any day lol

      • Your post left a shiver to my bones because we are in the same situation but mine is even a bigger gap.i am 57 and he is 27.idont know why he is so persistent and offered to marry me. I hope and pray everyday that Allah give me a sign if I have to push with the marriage.
        I feel in my heart that we will be a happy couple because we agree a lot and he doesnt mind I cant give him children.Maybe when we get there we will just praise Allah the rest of our lives for a wonderful partnership.I pray to Allah that your marriage be blissfull too.

        • In your case age difference is too much .You are of of his mother's age .I suggest you to drop this plan of marriage with this young man .

        • Be very very careful if he is one of those international marriage scammers. Let me guess is he from a country that starts with an "m" because majority of those men seek older women just to come to America somehow. Please be smart and mature about it. Don't be a fool. Even if he says he is not those type of scammers, Don't believe him. He will sweet talk you in such a way that you'll believe everything he'll say.

        • Hi Maryam,

          Please don't give up hope, nothing to do with age when 2 hearts love each other. Allah know best, have faith and enjoy your new life. Make sure he is aware of all thing involved your personal, if he accepted it, go for it. I wishes you all the happiness! I don't believe age is an issues when involved with 2 people. Keep in mind that both are an adults age.

          • It might work out for few days if older woman is too attractive .But when real age catches with her and once she looks older and dependent on him for health reasons due o old age ,he will run away ..its not easy ..are you in similar situation ?

          • Know this when started relationship, noting last forever, always will end by death or separation. All people have intention to get marry and lived forever happily until death...but take life one day at a time, nothing guaranteed us, so when opportunity knock, you have a choices either accept it or let it go...if you've accept it, then make the best of it, if it didn't workout, at lest you have give your best. Believe in challenged, when you false, get up and walks again. Nothing is ended until death....Always have faith in Allah, He know each and everything..Trust in Him!

          • Annie,



          • This just looks like young boy's fantasy of spending time with much older woman but i don't think they have patience to support older women in their time of need like old age disease ,weakness etc etc .He might feel thrilled to have sex with old attractive woman but when real test comes he will run away . Here age difference is too much to ignore.

        • May Allah bless your marriage with happiness and love
          I'm married to a younger man but it really depends on the couple mine was arranged been married for 15 years still I'm struggling in the marriage with age gap

        • Masha allah I wish you good luck coz iam in that kind of relations hip may God grant us peace and grant us a happy holy marriage

        • Hi I am 52 and he is 30 but he says he can't marry me as his parents won't agree even though he loves makes me so sad.

    • Everything depends on individual .Nothing to do with Older one or Younger one .
      Some of Older women who are too much matured will not get any satisfaction from ordinary success of younger husband like a small hike in salary ,or small success in business etc etc as expectation will be higher due to age factor and lot of experience .
      Once honeymoon is over life back to harsh realities .

  5. How did you meet your wife? Are you from 2 different countries?

  6. Salaam Brother,

    Congratulations for your marriage.

    I recommend reading these book for every couple.

    His Needs Her Needs
    The five Love languages

    May Allah make your marriage successful.

  7. Assalamualikum....Glad to hear @Abdul Aleem a days we dont get to hear much about a guy marrying an elder woman.....After all it is a Sunnah. I Pray to Allah that you both have a happy and prosperous life here and here after (Ameen).
    Even Im 24 yrs old guy with same intentions as yours, intends to marry an elder woman preferably widow or someone who has reverted Islam. Kindly pray for me too so that Allah gives me a life partner as I intend to.

    Jazak Allah Kheir.

  8. Salaam brother,
    As you seem to be a lot younger than her, I wouldn't personally encourage you to go for this marriage. I am FULLY mindful of the benefits of marrying a mature spouse, but such difference of age may work against you in the long run.I am a male of my early 30s.However nice and kind your partner could be, you will always feel that you are missing out something in a younger wife.People with eastern heritage will always also question you why you married to an older which may at some point bother you - now matter how great she is.Issues of intellectual compatibility can also arise in such marriage.
    Finally, I just want to remind that marriage is a life time commitment and if you can be with this lady till the end and will not lose interest as because growing old with grace vanishes our looks, then go for it.DEEN should be deciding factor( to sum it up!)

    • I have been reading different all the advice and guidance and I thank you for it all even though it was another who asked the question I am 38 he is 27 love everything about him but had similar questions I no now this was crazy to think we could have a good marriage.

      • salam..age isnt an is sunnah to marry an older or younger the prophet s.a.w, it is nothing negative abt it...whatever is sunnah is the best sya Allah and Allah will bless sya muslims we follow the best example..which is the sunnah have trust in Allah..

  9. salam bro in islam..pls dont worry at are following the sunnah ...the prophet s.a.w also married an older in sya Allah you will be blessed in your marriage.Whatever is sunnah way is the best sya Allah..have trust in Allah and don't doubt it..may Allah bless your marriage ..ameen

  10. SALAM,

    Dear brothers & sister,

    i am 31 year old and want to get marry with the woman 44 year old. i like her. is my decision is right or wrong.

    • It depends. If you want children, then marrying a 44 year old woman will not be fruitful for that purpose. If you are fine not having children, then be happy with your decision and in your marriage if you feel that there is compatibility.

      • Precious Star, you are wrong about this, its depending on individual health, at 44 years old woman can conceived baby. I had seen over 60 years old women can have healthy baby. It is all up to Allah! If he love her, go for it, don't let anything stop your believe!

  11. What are the thoughts of a 27 yo muslim male marrying a 59 yo muslim woman

    • Are you going to sponsor him for citizenship? Are you a rich lady? You have provide more details.

    • I m 28 yrs of age and I also like aged has become a problem for me becuz I know nobody will agree with me if I marry someone aged....even I tried to make my mind free of these kind of thoughts. ..but its not possible. ...I want to have a mature wife someone age 40 or 45..

  12. Assalam mualaykum

    I am in my 40s and have a young man that is 20 years younger than me interested in me, i truly admire men that can marry older women, I do believe the age gap is too big and I am a mother of kids that are almost his age.

    Jazakallah to all you good people out there that take an positive interest in divorced or widowed older women.

    • Age difference is just worth thing.
      I am ali 24 year age married with a women 15 year elder then me before 5 year.
      I am very happy i feel no problem with this marriage.
      In fact i am very happy from my wife and have a lot of fun.

      • What percentage of Muslim men you know who have married older women (10 year or older). I know one guy 30 yr old who married a 55 year older woman because he did not have a green card. Marrying older women is rare. Most men who go after second wives go for much younger women.

        In you case if you are happy that is what really matters.

  13. i am age of 24 and want to married 30 years old woman having three children. kindly tell me there is any problem or not

    • The age difference is not a problem. Are you capable of providing for a woman with three children? That's a lot of expense. Are you capable of loving those children as if they are your own? If so, then proceed.

      Wael Editor

  14. I am 28 years old lady and never been married and I want to marry a 13 year old boy. Is that permissible in Islam? I read all the comments and this post that older woman can marry a younger guy but the guy I want to marry was my student. He is not working but I am working so can I and his family support him until he gets 18? However our parents didn't discuss this matter before I move forward I want to know if its halal or not.

    • Assalaamualaikam

      That age difference is disturbing - and depending on where you live, a relationship with a 13 year old is most likely illegal. And he was your student...?

      Sister, this is wrong on so many levels. Leave this boy alone and get some counselling - it's not normal for an adult woman to want to marry a child (which is essentially what a 13 year old boy is). If you're still working with children, I'd advise getting some professional support with maintaining boundaries.

      If you require any further advice, please submit your question as a separate post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.

      Midnightmoon editor

      • Walaikumussalam

        But I heard in Islam if a guy reaches the age of puberty he is an adult not a child and he did reach his puberty at 13 yrs or even before. Yes he was a student of mine. I don't live in western states where its illegal.

        • And I didn't say anything to the boy yet so don't worry I am even changing school for other reason so I am not near him anymore but if it is halal to proceed as he is an adult now and I am extremely attracted to him I want to know if I can approach him as I ve been looking for years for marriage and did not find anyone attractive or Islamic minded.

        • samerah: But I heard in Islam if a guy reaches the age of puberty he is an adult not a child and he did reach his puberty at 13 yrs or even before. Yes he was a student of mine. I don't live in western states where its illegal.

          Have you talked to your 13 year old student about getting married? Are you in a relationship with him?

          Do you live in a Muslim country where puberty is the only criteria for marriage?

      • I agree the boy is too young 13 years

    • samerah, this is repellent, unethical and almost certainly illegal, no matter what country you are in. He is a child, for goodness sakes. If he has reached puberty then he is an adult in the sense that his deeds are recorded by the angels. But a 13 year old - especially in this modern era - is incapable of making such decisions rationally. He would naturally be flattered that an older woman is interested in him, and he might find it sexually exciting. But he is a child. In some countries this would be considered child molestation.

      La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah. You need to see a therapist or counselor to find out why you are attracted to children, rather than men your own age. This is a kind of sickness.

      Wael Editor

      • (Svs)As I said before I didn't talk to my student as I wasn't sure if I was right or not. But I have seen a case where the teacher married a student of this age gap after being in jail for few years thats because she fornicated and also its in a western country.

        (Wael) For Allah's sake don't say that this is a child molestation like the disbelievers. I didn't do anything wrong with him, unless I get the approval from people who truly have Islamic knowledge that I can marry I won't proceed! He doesn't even know that I admire him or want to marry.

        And its not that I am not attracted to man of my age but I prefer younger guys which is allowed in Islam. Since he is 13 everybody is surprised but the age difference is not a problem islamically right? What if he gets 16 or 18 will it still be wrong to marry him? I dont think so. This is an exceptional case and I couldnt help it He is way taller than me and looks adult has mustache, he is a nonmahram which means I can marry. I asked Islamic lecturer who has more knowledge that he said me to teach guys younger as 10 yrs as its haram to teach opposite gender who reached puberty as they are flirting with the teacher(me) and other teachers also, so I prefer to teach girls to stay on the safe side.

        This shows tha you can marry but I do agree when you said that he might exploit me because of lack of understanding that will never happen InshaAllah because I fear Allah if he says he cant marry then I will stop but why cant i proceed to ask?? when its halal it hurts! And I m still looking for guys whose older than me or 1, 2 yrs younger meanwhile whatever comes my way I want to marry as soon as i can neither parents are liking them neither me I am stuck and this student was extremely attractive person I have ever seen in my life so please help me and dont use therapist and child molestation and call me sick its normal to like a guy who is adult. Girls age 13 get married now and also previously so when its a 13 yr boy you call it child molester that is double standard and unethical to me.

        • 13 year is too early .Yes if you wait for another say 6-7 years when he is around 20 year old then it looks fine ..but by this time you will be much older and probability of saying Yes for the marriage by him is less ...Most of guys who are young will be excited to form a relationship and Sex with older women but they won't marry those women as marriage is a big commitment but for fun they are always ready ....I don't know why you are putting your mind here as nobody will agree for the marriage at this stage ...only haraam relationship will be possible and not marriage ..

          • I too feel if you from a relationship now you will be termed as child molester .i think you need to consult some doctor for this unsual bevaiour as you are on a dangerous side of doing some thing with this young boy..

        • Assalam-u-Alaikum
          Dear sister,
          You want to marry a boy (of 13 years) only because he is the most attractive person you have ever seen?
          I don't know where you belong from or the rules of your place. YES Islamically it's okay to marry him but if you ask his parents they will backfire on you. No parent (under any condition) wants to marry their son to a women who is much older then him. Islamically all the things fit. He's a non-mahram, he has reached puberty and all other tings. But Holy Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) himself asked boys to marry after the age of 20. He (S.A.W) himself married at the age of 25. This boy at this stage looks attractive to You. Even if the things occur and you marry him. All your life you wont be able to bear this much age difference. At this time you are blinded by his beauty but what happens if you do marry him and in a year or 2 a man of your age group becomes attractive to you and then will you start to like him? No. you wont because you will be bound in someones nikah. And then you will think that if you hadn't married this boy you would be able to freely marry that person?
          Sister, Please stop dreaming about him, don't even ask his parents. You *WILL* lose respect. Also imagine that you are a mother of 13 year old and a women of 28 approaches you and says Can i marry him please?
          How will you respond?
          Age difference is disturbing 15 years?
          You are infatuated. Its a learning curve. I'm 19. It happened to me and happens to all of us.
          I pray to Allah that you stop dreaming about him. I further make dua for you that May Allah grant you a man who understands you and your needs and is attractive for you. May Allah Give you a handsome, caring, responsible husband with affiyat.
          Stop thinking about 13 yrs old, consider professional help. Move on...

          • Jazakumullah khair all who are sincerely trying to help me.

            (Yttrious) Thank you for making me feel relieved when you said Islamically its ok to marry. Atleast I feel its natural to love this 13 yr old boy and that its not sickness.

            Its not only his physical beauty that attracts me its also his great personality with little bit of obedience and smartness. In my country its rare to find a handsome guy with good personality. I talk to Allah(SWT) that ok I am ready to sacrifice for looks if that person is humble and Islamic minded most of them said we miss fajr prayer so I cant sacrifice both looks and religion. Atleast religion must be there because marriage is also a source to get to highest levels of paradise as its completing half of deen. I am getting older now and not finding any older guys nor younger guys who are practising muslim and most guys here dont look good or handsome.

            Can you please provide the hadith where the Prophet (S.A.W) said to marry after 20? I read that he(S.A.W) to marry early when you are young in Al Bukhari(authentic hadith). And Islamic lecturers said that if they want to marry at 18 let them do its better to marry rather than committing zina or sins that lead to zina.

            Why did you say 15 yrs age gap is disturbing? When our Prophet(S.A.W) himself married khadija(R.A.) whose age difference was 15 yrs and also he (S.A.W.) loved khadija (R.A.) the most amongst all his wives. If you see the previous comments here you will find that guys who martied 15 yrs older woman are Alhamdulillah very happily married so I don't think its a problem but the society is very narrow minded like the non muslims to accept it.

          • Sister (samerah)
            I am sorry if you find my behavior a little bit harsh
            I am sorry my quote about 20 years is not authentic. The hadith which you quoted is correct. But sister believe me I don't want your bad. Infact no one here wants that. What i am trying to explain to you is that the boy you want to marry is not mature (not even a little bit), Can he earn? Can you wait till he turns 18 or atleast he becomes confident and mature? By that time you will be about 33. Can you wait 5-6 years? Even if you don't require any financial assistance after marriage and can support yourself. Do you still think that marrying a 13 yrs is okay? For a moment try to think about his priorities. He can't even feed himself, he still requires his parents to look after him, he has'nt completed his studies, he still requires someone to pick him off school, i don't think that his education of islam is complete at this stage. After all these factors you are still thinking that you will marry him, you will raise him ,you will try to uproot all the bad habits which he adopts from this world, you will do all the things that a parent will do for him and at the same time you expect him to be your husband and treat you like a wife?
            I don't see a way for a 13yrs old to be the husband of a women who treats him like a mother?
            I don't think a way by which you will make his parents accept your proposal.
            Even if you wait for atleast 6 years and then marry him. Do you still think that a 18 yrs old is mature and responsible of his duties and the big commitements of marriage. Do you know? Marriage is a big commitement, its hard work and a lot of patience. Ask your parents to find someone suitable for you to marry. If they can't then try to find someone who is atleast mature. You can marry anyone from 18-45 years. It is Allah that creates love among married couple not age or physical attarction.
            As for the fact that you say he is religious, There are a lot of people who pray complete 5 salat, do good deeds and are beautiful. But from all those people, from all the marriage ads, from all the world, you found a boy who has just stepped into puberty and you are his teacher?
            Sister, I would like to tell you something from my experience.
            I am 19. There is a small, cute, adorable (almost a hoor of this world) 11 years old who lives just footsteps from my house. She is my neighbour. When ever i see her i feel if all of this world is depleted with beauty and she's the only beautiful girl. Many a times i have visited her house. I personally know her mother and father. Whenever i go to her house i bring sweets for her. Not because i love her. Just because i like her beauty. But if i think i can wait for 10 years. I will be 29' she will be 21. And i can marry her then. But i don't think such things. I know that when i will look for a girl for marriage. Allah will give me someone thats better then her.
            Please stop yourself. You are your leader. No one else. You can go to his house. Hold his hand. Met his mother but the notion of marriage. Discard this away. You can care for him. You can do all the good deeds with him. Play with him. But in limits i say.
            Move on, discard this thinking.
            Read the ayat no 36 of surah yasin and pray for a suitable match
            or you can also pray this dua
            Rabbana Hablana min azwaajina wa zure-yatina, qurrata ‘ayioni wa-jalna lil-muttaqeena Imaama
            I will make dua for you personally in prayers. But please you are the only one who can stop yourself. But if your heart has locks on itself then i am sorry i can't do anything else.

        • Smerah: (Svs)As I said before I didn't talk to my student as I wasn't sure if I was right or not. But I have seen a case where the teacher married a student of this age gap after being in jail for few years thats because she fornicated and also its in a western country........... I am even changing school for other reason so I am not near him anymore ......

          I remember reading about that teacher ( Well if there is nothing going on between you two, it does not matter if you change school or not. Mary Kay is not the only one, other female and male teachers have been punished by courts for having sex with their students in USA..

          Do you find other teenage guys attractive also or just that 13 year old?

          • (Yttrious) Walaikumussalam brother MashaAllah you explain things in such a beautiful manner it shows that you really want to help and probably you can relate your story to mine thats why you could understand my painful situaton Alhamdulillah.

            Me and my family looking for years for marriage infact yesterday only I saw a guy and rejected him because he misses his fajr prayer and us also arrogant in nature May Allah(Swt) give him hidayat. I even lost my count on how many guys I rejected for marriage and guys whom I wanted to marry did not want to change religion. Since 18 years I am searching and seriously searching since 23 and now I am 28 I swear out of all which might seem strange to all I did find this 13 yr old boy since I am lonely I am thinking maybe I should ATLEAST ASK him and if he rejects now and I want to ask if he can when he is 18 will that be a problem for us if I just ASK? If its a no or if he wants to play I ll step back. Meanwhile if i get married by my choice then Alhamdulillah! Otherwise I think I should just proceed if i am not wrong. Can I have your email id? Since its public if you cannot its fine.

            (SVS) and (yttrious) For now only that 13 yr boy rest students are good some r handsome but i didnt feel like i wanted to marry them so its uniquely him not only because of looks but great personality as well. i feel like Allah(Swt) what did you make me see? How can a person look like this when most guys in my country dosent look that good I was stunned but Alhamdulillah I maintained my distance as I want to worship Allah he came near me and wanted to touch my hand while collecting copies or stapler but I stayed away no marriage no me as I fear Allah(Swt) for zina or anything that leads to zina so I am looking for marriage. So yttrious brother dont recommend me or anyone and not even yourself to touch hand or whatever if your attracted to the person either ask for marriage or stay away. I am changing for halal schools not free mixing school and also i dont even talk to him on fb after professional talk on fb when I said my 13 yr student not to talk as free mixing not allowed he is so MashaAllah obedient he doesn't bother me at all so I left the school for good.

        • Smerah: Since he is 13 everybody is surprised but the age difference is not a problem islamically right? What if he gets 16 or 18 will it still be wrong to marry him?

          You may be right if you live in countries like Afghanistan, Yemen, Saudi arabia etc. In these countries girls as young as eight years old are married to older men

          In Western countries a 28 yr old woman having sex with a 13 year old even with consent can be punished with Statutory rape.

        • yttrious: I am 19. There is a small, cute, adorable (almost a hoor of this world) 11 years old who lives just footsteps from my house. She is my neighbor. When ever i see her i feel if all of this world is depleted with beauty and she's the only beautiful girl. Many a times i have visited her house. I personally know her mother and father. Whenever i go to her house i bring sweets for her.

          STOP visiting her. Shaitaan may make you do some thing. Girl is your na-mahram and age of puberty.
          Do you think about her beauty when you are alone in bed or ..........

          • SVS,
            I am very thankful and i appreciate you that you corrected me but i don't go to her home to visit her specifically. Her father is a teacher i go to visit him. Also, I am not attracted to her. When i said that she's extremely beautiful. It doesn't mean that i love her extremely. She sometimes passes me on the way or in the marker and i only say Assalam-u Alaikum. *Nothing else*. And i don't say that greeting because she's beautiful. I only say it because i am acquainted to her a little bit that's all. She's just a small girl nothing else. I gave this example only so that samerah could understand. That if someone is really beautiful. It doesn't mean he or she can become a good husband or wife. Remember. Outward appearance are often deceptive.

  15. Samerah: I am lonely I am thinking maybe I should ATLEAST ASK him and if he rejects now and I want to ask if he can when he is 18 will that be a problem for us if I just ASK? If its a no or if he wants to play.....he came near me and wanted to touch my hand while collecting copies or stapler but I stayed away

    He came near you and wanted to touch your hand because he got signals that you like him a lot... He wants to get close for some thing and it is not marriage, I think..... What if you ask him about his willingness to get married at age 18 and he says yes? He may just say yes hoping to get some thing from you..........There are chances of starting of a relationship because you both decided to get married 5 years on the line. In next 5 years he is going to see lot of 16-19 years old girls he may find very attractive. He can go back on his promise any time and there is nothing you can do. His parents may not agree to this. Most 18 years old would prefer to marry a young girl as opposed to a 33 year old.

    How are you going to tell if he just wants to play?

    • (SVS) Sister or brother don't know your gender Well yes he might had got signals because of the vibes (he also may like me its natural its not that its only me liking him) thats why it is haram to teach a co-ed school therefore I am leaving and will InshaAllah teach pious things only to girls. People learn through their experiences before that I wasn't aware its haram as most teachers are females today and they don't know. Through my experience and asking a Islamic knowledgeable person I got to know the truth and I am still learning things. Staying away from the guy for 2 yrs almost to worship Allah (Swt) is Alhamdulillah a big achievement for me not everyone can do that(hide their desires) as you have mentioned the usa teacher student relationship cases that I already know of. How can he play with me if he does not marry? as its haram to chat or mix with someone unnecessarily as bf gf is haram and I won't allow that InshaAllah just like always.

      And Alhamdulillah you are right that it is a risky relation but if it is halal to ask I will InshaAllah but I wont give my heart to someone as I said before my other options are still open just like the options of the 13 yr old student you mentioned. Atleast I wont feel the guilt of not asking him and knowing if things worked out or not. Allah (Swt) knows best.

      • Samerah, enough. This was not your post. I didn't mind replying to you one time, but if you wanted an extended discussion then you should have submitted your own post. Many people have told you that they find your attraction to this boy unhealthy and wrong. You can argue about it all day long. If you are determined on your course then there is no need to ask anyone anything.

        This discussion is over now.

        Wael Editor

      • Sister,
        I said that 'hold his hand'.
        It doesn't mean that you should actually hold his hand. I don't mean that you will commit this sin.What i wanted to do was that i wanted to make you clear that this match is not suitable. Also just imagine that you go to a market and you are holding his hand. What will people think? People will think as if you are his mother or aunt or some other relation. They will never ever think that you are his wife. Can he protect you?
        I don't say that this marriage is impossible. Obviously if you wait for some years. You can marry him. But do you think that all the way from 13 to 18 he will not fall for a girl. He will always keep his promise. He will never have a gf. Are you dead sure?
        What i suggest you is that don't go near him. He wanted to touch you. You still say that he is pious? Do you want to marry a boy who doesn't even know that touching na-mahram is not allowed in Islam? This thing shows that his Islamic education is incomplete. You want to marry a boy who doesn't know that basic thing. Suppose you marry him the next day. Would you allow him to touch na-mahram women after marriage? He doesn't understand this basic thing about women and you are dreaming that he will successfully complete all the commitments of marriage. Marrying someone; i think its a huge decision.
        Remember sometimes you *HAVE* to let go of things?
        All the comments of SVS clearly show that he is unsuitable for you.
        Even now if you want to try: Go ask his parents.
        But *DON'T* ask him (the boy) because he doesn't understand (due to his age) what marriage is and what are its commitments.
        Have you discussed this thing with your parents.
        And one more thing i would like to say is that:
        If at this age he wants to touch a women (we all know why someone likes to touch the opposite gender). Do you think that after marriage (at 13 or even 18) he will control himself and won't touch anyone (or be in a relationship) when all the testosterone and adrenaline is in his blood?
        Sister, I don't recommend any one touching the opp gender. It was a example. It doesn't mean that you should come close with him. In fact stay away from him.
        I appreciate that you are changing schools and now only want to teach girls. May Allah give you Jizaa for this act. Ameen.
        I pray that may Allah find you a suitable man for marriage.
        Remember! Allah is the only one who can make a way for you to marry. Its okay to ask someone to find a man for marriage for you. But don't abandon dua's. Remember Dua can change you takdeer. Okay?
        My id is ********
        I am a little busy in my studies. I am doing electrical engineering but i would be happy if some day you have a problem about deen and you would like to discuss it.
        If you are atached to him a little bit or think about him sometimes then do this:
        100 first kalimah, 100 durood, 70 istighfaar, InshaAllah, it will help you
        Letting go is the best choice.

        • Why you are giving email id ? Looks like to start friendship with her ?

          • May Allah give you haddiyat. If i suspect that she wants that i won't respond. Also this is my public mail. Only a key people have my personal email address. May Allah save you and me from such friendships.

          • We do not allow the exchange of private contact information, and I see no good reason why you would want to give this confused woman your email.


          • Giving email id itself is beginning of fitna.

        • (Yttrious) and (Svs) Jazakumullah khair for helping me out but now please stop posting anything here as the admin (Wael) is angry for some reason. (Cool) if you can't help then Allah(Swt) said to be silent none of the knowlegeable person said that I abused a child because I dont do anything that is haram or without knowledge and Islamically I am correct its not unhealthy but its risky and Alhamdulillah I know how to handle it. (Svs)if u want to talk further you can send your email. (Wael) I did wanted to post a new topic but others were commenting here so I had to reply I am sorry for this extended discussion and I will not post here again InshaAllah and never come to this site Islam teaches us to be kind to others who need help not put others down just because you are happy with your spouses or life. May Allah(Swt) give you patience and hidayat Ameen.

          • I have special hate for child abusers especially men who molest innocent girls and in few cases genders are reversed ..i will say if you talk him about marrying you it will be an act of molestation as poor chid don't understand it ..most of countries will arrest you ...better move on and don't have a look on this innocent boy ...stop posting further as brother wael said

          • Samara, the reason everyone is posting a response to your inquiry is that regardless of whether it is Islamically permissible or not, it is not normal for a grown mature woman to be attracted to a 13 year old. Please, discuss this attraction with a counsellor or doctor. There are many single men out there over the age of 21. A 13 year old needs a legal guardian to make health care decisions, cannot vote, cannot own property, cannot drive, cannot quit school. You will be his mother.

            Think about it this way. A 28 yr old man who wish s to marry a 13 yr old girl would be considered a pedophile -- from a psychiatric perspective. Just because the genders are reversed here doesn't make it any less abnormal.

            I don't mean to be harsh but you should not be teaching in a co-educational institution. You really need to speak with a doctor or mental health professional asap.

          • Samerah,

            If it helps, I don't think you're nuts. There are 13 year olds that look like 20+ and 20+ that look like they're in middle school. Also, Islamically such a marriage is legal and I'm not in a position to forbid you something Allah has allowed.

            In any case, I think you're taking the right course of action. This life is temporary, hopefully you'll get someone like him in the afterlife. I hope you keep patient. Good luck.

  16. I m 24 and going to get marry with a best women of the world inshallah and she is 32 . There was a lot of problems first my family was not going to accept this relationship instead of the fact that she is my first cousin because of the status in our society that people will talk rubbish about us but at last they were agreed upon. I am hopeful and have trust in Almighty ALLAH that he will guide us on the right path and will protect us from the bad eyes of people. So brother don't get urself down from the difference of age but trust in God that he will bloom ur life with happiness as u are going to fulfill the greatest sunnah of prophet(s.a.w) and sunnah is indeed the only right path for a happy life..

    • Asalam u alaikum warahmatullah
      Mashallah very nice comment....
      I feel very happy that u r going marry with a women, that her age is 32 🙂 . Alhamdulilah I'm also going marry in next year April 2017 with a Muslimah Filipino girl, she is 3 years older then me... And my age is 28... Alhamdulilah.. I feel very happy because she is very religious women Alhamdulilah 🙂 .. I hope that ALLAH will make us everything easy and we will happy too much in future In sha Allah 🙂

  17. I'm am a 49 year old Islamic woman many younger brothers think that they're in love and want to marry me I just can't find it in my heart to do a slight age difference yes not so young when you haven't had children yet this I cannot do I think I have kind of to give up on a second marriage Allah Knows Best

  18. I am a 49 year old Islamic women there are young many younger men that want to marry me they seem to think they're in love the slight Edge different yes maybe but not so young where you haven't even had children yet this I cannot do I think I have just about given up on a second marriage Allah Knows Best

  19. AOA
    I was proposed by a boy who was 27yrs at that time and I was 35 but later he didn't marry due his parents strong opposition. I didn't marry later on but he got married twice after that. I m 53 yrs now but still can't forget him and neither what he did to me.
    I advise all men if they know they can't convince their parents pls never give any girl such a hope for marriage even if u think u r head to heels in love with her still pls don't ruin her peace and her life .

  20. My love is also older then me but i'm not worry about it i'm happy because she is so kind to me i never seen a girl like her still in this world i just dont have words to describe her personality we both love each other and InshAllah we both will marry after completed our studies but the problem is our parents we are living in such kind of societies where relations makes and breakes by just one sentence that what people will say But i beleive my parents will agree maybe they will not agree in first sight but later on they will when i force them but im worried about her parents they are really conservative they belongs to sindhi family and some sindhi casts are like that they dont listen to their daughters and throw them to anyone without their wishes and that happens with her also their parents throw her to another boy which is relative of her without asking to her she was quiet because of his parents but she is still not happy she said she will breake her engagment soon point is she is engaged but she is still same to me like before i hope she break her engagment because she is not happy if she happy then maybe i had already leave her because of her happyness by listning her engagment but no i didn't leave her because she wasn't happy and never want me to leave .But i beleive she is made for me and will be mine forever just pray for me

  21. Can i marry 1 year elder women then me

  22. Wallaikum sallam Brother,

    I'm quite little enough to say this I'm 21 years old but I got married in this year and my wife is 55 years old please don't take me wrong at this point, I never feel bad to get married with her because in below as a brother said age is not a matter it's all about society how they looks at you both, so what I want to say is this Allah SBT have created all souls at one time and we just here calling our body with a number, so please listen I might be wrong sometimes as a positive look through our religion Islam that's fine to get married because according to soul we all going to get treat by Allah SBT so no need to bother it's fine to marry a older women by my own opinion. The reason of my opinion is this Prophet Muhammed SAW got married to Kdija Rhali Allahu Anha In 25 when she was at her 40 because the reason Allah make it Happen Kadija Rhali Allahu Anha Can guide Prophet Muhammed SAW as a Wife with a perfect life experience and Responsibilities So that how I got to this married. wa lā quwwata illā billāh ( There is no might nor power except in Allah ) and I'm also looking for good answer here to know wether it's fine to marry her or not,

    Thanks a lot my brother think about what I aid to you and reply me with good words.

    • You are making a mockery of marriage .This is huge age difference of grand mother's age and my advise is to avoid such marriages .This has no future apart from few out of box sexual fsntasy of sex with older woman which will vanish once you get bored with that .Avoid such marriages .

  23. I m 19 years And the Girl i want to marry is 23 years. In islamic point of view is this Possible

  24. salam,
    i am 25 and am getting married to a guy of 23 years, he loves me so much and i also love him but we are scared of telling our parents, my question is do we have to tell our parent the real age because i dont look older than him, we look as if we are of the same age. please help us

    ma salam

    • amina, I would say that it's okay not to mention the boy's actual age, but if they ask, how can you hide it? I think it's best to tell the truth.

      Wael Editor

  25. Assalam o Alaykum,
    I am in love with a woman who is 18 years older than me, I'm 23 and she is 40. We both love each other. she has three kids and i am able to support her with three kids.
    I do scare of future, i don't know what will happen in future and how things goes in future, need your honest opinions what things can happen.
    I know none of our families will agree on that and nor the society accept this matter. I am also thinking to do a hidden marriage with her.
    She too asks me many times to go back and dont come after her even she loves me much.
    And there is another thought that what if do two marriages, one with parents opinion and one with my own.
    then the society wont bark much, as she too did second marriage and so does I.
    Need your opionions please

    • Salam!

      If you feel you are ready to own her with your true heart and are ready to truly and sincerely accept the children as well, then there should be no doubt in your heart, nor your mind that you take her as your life partner.
      Wishing you a very peaceful and a joyful matrimony!


      • Forget about society .Are you yourself sure about commitment comes with mother of a 3 kids .
        Most of the time its physical attraction and sex which makes him believe that he is ready for such commitments but once honey moon phase is over and reality hits he will start regretting .
        I suggest you to observe couple who are raising small kids .It takes lot of time and energy and patience for it .

        So for betterment for both think practically and then move . 23 is the age where a person thinks everything is so easy .

  26. Marriage between two persons is a very intimate relationship, both physically, emotionally and psychologically. In my humble opinion, an age gap is necessary if the marriage has to mature eventually. And in this context, it does not matter whether the man is older, or the woman.


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