Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Getting over Homosexuality

Homosexuality is Haraam in Islam

Homosexuality is Haraam in Islam

I miss him so much. I used to cry at night hoping that giving him up allowed me to have him in jannah. I'm unsure of it is haram there but considering drinking wine there is Halal, then I suppose anything is possible. Smartphones are making homosexual meets so much more easier and its worse as they are even location based.

I met him on the app as well, I found out the 2nd day he was married, his wife was preganant, almost till the end. I knew it was a Haram relationship but I continued anyway. We saw each other everyday, for 3 months and after that we broke it off. To be honest, it was one of the best times of my life. Even to this day I can not even say a bad word about him. His baby was born 6 weeks later, and already I could sense that he was really confused as to what he wanted, so I took the initiative to break it off.

We got back togeather here and there a week later, and it was going well, but then we said we wanted to practice more, and wallahi it was hard for us to be apart. but alham dulillah we managed fine. the contact stopped, texts messages here and there; he was being the best father he could be and I was brought up so to speak without a role model so I definately didnot want to have his son grow up without a father had this have gotten out.

We have been apart now for 11 months. (woah almost a year!) I continued with my studies as I am still a student and he carried on with his life. HE came down once just before summer, in June and we sinned sadly. He was supposed to come after Eid that just passed but we decided it was not best. He still loves me and I love him too. But this heart break and him being so far is what gets me.

I have loved a lot of girls, too many to remember but never more than a few months. Its like im waiting for a text, a phone call, something to reunite us. But I also know that if we are reunited, he has a family, I will have a graduate job and we wont have time for each other unless I make the sacrifices and on top of that, we both love Islam and its just such a contradiction to lead both lives. I have gained so much islamic knowledge over the past few months and I just love him. 🙁

On top of that sorrow feeling and sadness of him gone, I was fairly practicing. I started to read the translation of the quran, my youtube page somehow just overturned into it reccommending so many new interesting talks. But I got sucked back into my old ways. I was on apps again and even to now I cant stop meeting guys in secret. I feel disgusting, I feel like I am unclean.

I went to the counselor at my university and told her this and she said it was fine to do what I was doing, so I pretty much ignored her and stopped going to her and also put a complaint through; useless woman. lol.

Its sad because most guys, if not all guys I have met have had some sort of sexual encounter with a male when they were younger and it has lead them to this lifestyle but nothing happened to me like that. My brain is literally wired differently, I have to lower my gaze constantly, I cant look at attractive guys or girls and its very hard and distracting.

Fasting helped a bit but not much, I guess I have to fast long enough for the sexual desires to completely be dead.

But what do I do. I miss my ex. I miss him to the point I cant stay in my hometown where my family miss me and always want me back, so even when i do get a vacation from university I stay in university. It just always brings back sad memories and feelings of loss of my ex.

It gets too much for me. I have a visual/auditory memory so anything my family say is always connected in my head to something I did when I was used to be seeing my ex whether its the way they talk to me or behave or certain things my family do. Its a wierd memory thing I have. I am seriously considering moving to  Malaysia to give up the career I was thinking of having to just do something simple like teaching instead.

And I am constantly searching for new guys to meet up with. On top of that, I am looking at every guy and girl that walks past. Alhamdulillah at one point I had 20:20 vision but I feel so blessed this has weakened as now I cant look so much further ahead to see people.

~ Malik7


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3 Responses »

  1. Assalamu'alaikum Malik,

    May Allah Make it easy for you. You should understand that homosexuality is Haraam in Islam. It is against the nature Allah Created people with. It is the sin because of which, Allah Destroyed the people of Lut Alaihis Salam. Read this post and the comments that were left for the brother who wrote the post. They will help you a lot, in sha Allah: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/depressed-can-i-commit-suicide/

    Also read the following post on this subject: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/reintegrating-a-homosexual-into-islam/

    And brother, the visual memory you mentioned is true with most people. I believe you should travel to a different country. Preferably a Muslim country, where you can learn about Islam. Fear Allah and take steps to reintegrate yourself as a normal man. You can take help from the second post I have mentioned above.

    As long as you do not clear the environment of the cues that lead to the desires, no fasting may do much help. Improve your Taqwa and learn the Deen from its authentic sources. This will ensure you stay upright, in sha Allah.

    Abu Abdul Bari
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    PL CLICK THIS LINK AND OPEN THE WORLD OF PLEASURE AND THE END-
    http://xeniagreekmuslimah.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/adultery-and-gods-punishment/

    There was a city in old Italy where its people were doing adultery and homosexuality and they were so proud with that. Also they used to draw pornographic pictures on walls in front of all people; researchers believe that art of pornography started in this dissolute city. {1}

    What was the consequence of doing that? And what was the end of those people? What is the start of their story?

    City of Pompeii is an old roman city that lived in a lot of luxury. God gave people of this city a lot of graces such as the best crops, a lot of rains and many natural resources.

    One day , people of Pompeii was celebrating God of fire day , but suddenly and without any kind of warning a volcanic eruption occurred which released a lot of lava. As a result, people tried to escape but all of them were killed immediately and the city was disappeared .also their bodies were covered with lava and these covered bodies had transferred after many years to be fossilized rocks. {2}

    A representative picture to the volcano which destroyed city of Pompeii and killed all People. Population of that city was up to 20000 person. So we have to remember God’s saying: (So we seized them all of a sudden while they were unaware) (Sûrat Al-A‘râf – verse 95)

    This city was hidden till it was discovered in the 18 century .Τhey found that people’s bodies were fossilized and petrified on their last condition , which means that death came suddenly and they were not able to do anything.

    It’s God’s justice, in Qur’an God told us about his punishment on some people because of their sins, God says :(Do then those who devise evil plots feel secure that Allah will not sink them into the earth, or that the torment will not seize them from directions they perceive not? ,or that He may catch them in the midst of their going (in their jobs), so that there is no escape for them (from Allah’s punishment)?) (Sûrat An-Nahl- verse 45-46). Indeed this verse tells us about this city and any other city might do like them. Archaeologists had found that punishment was descended on those people while they were on their daily life with no previous warning.

    So God alerts us not to do like those people or to feel safe from similar end, God says 🙁 Did the people of the towns then feel secure against the coming of Our punishment by night while they were asleep?* Or, did the people of the towns then feel secure against the coming of Our punishment in the forenoon while they were playing? * Did they then feel secure against the Plan of Allah? None feels secure from the Plan of Allah except the people who are the losers.)(Sûrat Al-A‘râf - verse 97-99)

    Researchers had found many drawing for pornographic pictures in this city as evidence that adultery and homosexuality were in every place in the city. Also, researchers believe that people of Pompeii were doing the adultery in front of kids and all people and they were not shy of that. Also they believe that adultery was in a large scale more than today’s.

    People of Pompeii believed in God of Sex, so they used to glorify him and to draw paints to get his satisfaction. We have to mention that there is an exhibition which includes these paints and pictures but children are not allowed to watch it without a special approval. {3}

    Walls in some rooms in Pompeii with drawing of adultery, these drawing remained as an evidence that there is wisdom behind what happened to those people, and how much they deserve to die by this terrifying way.

    What happened to the people of this city is totally identical with the following verse, God be he blessed and exalted says 🙁 So, when they forgot (the warning) with which they had been reminded, We opened for them the gates of every (pleasant) thing, until in the midst of their enjoyment in that which they were given, all of a sudden, We took them (in punishment), so! They were plunged into destruction with deep regrets and sorrows.* so the root of the people who did wrong was cut off. And all the praises and thanks are to Allah, the Lord of the ‘Âlamîn (mankind, jinn, and all that exists) (Sûrat Al-An’âm- verse 44-45).

    Indeed God had opened for them gates of every pleasant thing, as mentioned before such as natural resource, rains , best crops , etc….but they forgot their God and followed their instincts , so they died by this terrifying way .
    A real photo for human bodies of people of Pompeii .Their bodies was transferred to be fossilized rocks. This punishment is in this life but in the hereafter punishment is strong and last forever, God says 🙁 And thus do We requite him who transgresses beyond bounds [i.e. commits the great sins and disobeys his Lord (Allah) and believes not in His Messengers, and His revealed Books, like this Qur’an], and believes not in the Ayât (proofs, evidence, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) of his Lord; and the torment of the Hereafter is far more severe and more lasting.) (Sûrat Tâ-Hâ- verse 127).

    Finally we have to supplicate to our God by saying 🙁 Our Lord! Make us not a trial for the folk who are polytheists (wrong-doers) (i.e. do not make them overpower us) * ”And save us by Your Mercy from the disbelieving folk.”)(Sûrat Yûnus - verse 85-86){4}

  3. ASSALAMALAIKUM 2ND REPORT ON HOMOSEXUALITY-
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/getting-over-homosexuality/#comment-95877
    POMPEII'S AWFUL END

    The Qur’an tells us in the following verses that there is no change in Allah’s laws:
    They swore their strongest oaths by Allah that if a warner came to them, they would follow his guidance better than any (other) of the Peoples: But when a warner came to them, it has only increased their flight (from righteousness) - On account of their arrogance in the land and their plotting of Evil, but the plotting of Evil will hem in only the authors thereof. Now are they but looking for the way the ancients were dealt with? But no change wilt thou find in Allah's way (of dealing): no turning off wilt thou find in Allah's way (of dealing). (Surat al-Fatir: 42-43)

    Yes, "no change will be found in Allah’s way (rules)". Everybody, who stands against His laws and rebels against Him, is subject to the same divine law. Pompeii, the symbol of the degeneration of the Roman Empire, was also involved in sexual perversity. Its end was similar to that of the people of Lut (as).

    The destruction of Pompeii came by means of the eruption of the volcano Vesuvius.
    The volcano Vesuvius is the symbol of Italy, primarily the city of Naples. Remaining silent for the last two millennia, Vesuvius is named the "Mountain of Warning". It is noteworthy that Vesuvius is known as such. The disaster that befell Sodom and Gomorrah is very similar to the disaster that destroyed Pompeii.

    To the right of Vesuvius lies Naples and to the east lies Pompeii. The lava and ash of a huge volcanic eruption, that happened thousands of years ago, caught the inhabitants of that city. The disaster happened so suddenly that everything in the town was caught in the middle of its everyday life and remains today exactly as it was two millennia ago. It is as if the time had been frozen.

    The removal of Pompeii from the face of the earth by such a disaster was not purposeless. The historical record shows that the city was exactly the centre of dissipation and perversity. The city was marked by a rise in prostitution to such an extent that even the number of brothels was not known.

    But the lava of Vesuvius wiped the whole city off the map in a single moment. The most interesting aspect of the event is that nobody escaped despite the terrible violence of the eruption of Vesuvius. It is almost like they did not even notice the catastrophe, as if they were charmed. A family eating their meal were petrified right at that moment. Numerous petrified couples were found in the act of intercourse. The most interesting thing is that there were couples of the same sex and couples of young boys and girls. The faces of some of the petrified human corpses unearthed from Pompeii were unharmed. The general expression on those faces was bewilderment.
    Here lies the most incomprehensible aspect of the calamity. How did thousands of people wait to be caught by death without seeing and hearing anything?

    This aspect of the event shows that the disappearance of Pompeii was similar to the destructive events mentioned in the Qur’an, because the Qur’an particularly points to "sudden annihilation" while relating these events. For example, the "inhabitants of the city" described in Surah Ya-Sin died all at once in a single moment. The situation is told as follows:

    It was no more than a single mighty Blast, and behold! they were (like ashes) quenched and silent. (Surah Ya-Sin: 29)

    In Surat al-Qamar, again the "instantaneous annihilation" is emphasised when the destruction of Thamud is recounted:

    For We sent against them a single Mighty Blast, and they became like the dry stubble used by one who pens cattle. (Surat al-Qamar: 31)

    The death of the people of Pompeii took place instantaneously as just as the events recounted in the above verses.

    Despite all of this, things have not changed much where Pompeii once stood. The districts of Naples where debauchery prevails do not fall short of those licentious districts of Pompeii. The Island of Capri is a base where homosexuals and nudists reside and is represented as a "Homosexual paradise" in tourist commercials. Not only on Capri and in Italy, but in nearly all the world, a similar moral degeneration is at work and people insist on not learning from the awful experiences of past peoples.

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