I want to give my baby in adoption
Allah tells us the story of when Luqman(ra) advised his son: “O my son! Whatever it may be, even though equal to a mustard seed in weight, or within a rock or in the sky or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth”. (Surah Luqman, Ayah 16)
Hi im a 21 year old student
I got secretly married a year ago and never informed my family as they are very old minded and believe in arranged marriage only. ^ months ago i found out i was pregnant and the baby´s father divorced me and moved back to his country to be with his first wife wich i knew nothing about.
Im now due with a baby at the end of march 2011 and am looking for a muslim family who would like to adopt. I´m moving back home in june and there is no way I can ever tell my family about the baby.
I´ve done endless searches on islamic adoption agencys and none exist. I´d like it to be a private adoption and just involve a lawyer for the necessary paper work. If any one knows of any one please let me know.
My baby is already born.
Please advice.
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As salamu alaykum my beloved sister,
I believe that if you come across this site it is because you need to know about what are going to be the consequences of your actions.
Your story breaks my Heart to a point I cannot describe, you have separated yourself from your baby not to have feelings for him, this is a slow "death", for him and for you.
You are denying him the caring of his loving mother, love is as important as food for a baby, and you are denying yourself the love of your own son, your situation is unbearably painful. He has no fault of whatever his father or you have done.
I am not going to judge, you are too young to understand, but if you give your child away, you will count the days after you separate from your baby, you will count the years, a part of your life will be always wondering about him, the emptyness you will feel in your Heart won´t ever be fill again for any other person and he will be forever prived from a life of his own roots, you won´t ever be happy again because the weight of your actions aren´t going to let you be in Peace, this is a struggle for life.
Even when you know he will be cared of and he will be loved. You carried him in your womb for nine months, you brought him to life, to his first breathing, you two were sharing the same blood for nine months, the connection between a mother and a baby is beyond understanding, you are too young to understand now, but if you give your baby, you will regret it the rest of your life.
You are free to do, it is your life and it is your choice, but now you are not alone and your choices are affecting directly to other human being which is under your responsibility.
I am really sorry for being so harsh, I respect your decision but I cannot help that cry with all my Heart tears of blood for both of you.
May Allah(Swt) take our steps to the Straight Path, give you Light to take the right decisions and the strength to move forward. Ameen.
Allah knows best.
All my Unconditional Respect, Love and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
My heart goes out for that baby. Every child deserves the love, warmth and care of a mother. This is the third post I'm reading on muslim women who want give out their baby for adoption. Unfortunately, there is no muslim adoption agency in US or Canada. I'm not sure what can be done in this area.
This is heart wrenching.
I'm a single mother myself and I cannot fathom, how can a mother willingly separate from her child.
dear sister
You story is heart-wrenchingly painful and only becasue it involves a child you are denying tyourself the pleasure of.
the technicalities of adoption are not difficult to suss. There are adoption and fostering agency for muslims, like
Muslim Fostering Society for one. But that is not my reason for replying to your letter.
Please sister think carefully about what you are doing. Its a cycle you see, think carefully about the pattern your life has taken on. You betrayed your parents, then the your husband betrayed you and now you are bent on betraying you child- fear Allah my sister- your decision made now in desperation could and i belive will have far-reaching repucssions- ones that will haunt you till the day you die.
Please don't give up on your little child. There are so many women desperate for a child. God has blessed you with a child- seek His help. You secret marriage was wrong but its done and I think you have in a way paid the price for that. Now please seek recompense- seek forgiveness.
I don't know if you'll ever take my advice and I'd like to give it you as a sister becuase i care for you and your child.
Please speak to your family- do it through a close freind if you have to- tell them everything, from A-Z. Be honest with them. Tell them you regret what you did and will make it up to them. tell them of thier grandchild. Children have a way of healing rifts-trust me sister they will not deny thier love to your child. Please please speak to them. They will come round one day- maybe with thier help you can get your life back on track. Don't deny yourself the priviliage and blessing of a family. No matter how much this thought may terrify you- do it. Have faith in God, do it for your child and watch how God makes it all easy for you.
Please sister try this first. Don't give up on your child. One day this very child could become your aid, in old age it will be your youth, someone who cares and loves you without limits.
Contact one of the editors on the website for a private consultation or help. BUT PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR BABY.
Take care sister. I pray and hope it all works out for you.
Sister Hafsa has spoken wise words to you, I hope you listen to her, insha´Allah.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
It is now April and if everything went according to schedule, the baby would have been born by now. The question is, will her views change once the baby is born? I am not a parent, so I don't know, sbut surely love grows even more once the child is born? I hope that is the case and that this woman has decided to keep the baby.
She just comment today asking for a way to give her baby in adoption, he is just born.
Heartbreaking...
Its not like your child is one born out of wedlock. Atleast you were married so it is not as bad as it could have been for you...because i understand how difficult it must be for u to keep the baby and for everyone to FIND out all of a sudden about eveything uv hidden...
But it is the right thing to do..and better for you. Dont be selfish..that child has grown to recognise you from ur scent even in all these months it grew inside u...it wants ur love..it needs ur love. U never know what the future holds...one day u may cry and yearn to be with him and u wont be able to have him...
Btw this too is comign from a single mum...who knows how difficult it is. I was actually in a position too where I was pressured to give my child up in order to get certain other things in life. But i didnt do it...no way. And you know what...now i have my lil daughter and more than what i could've dreamt of getting.
May Allah swt help you, ameen
Sister, I urge you to reconsider. You did not commit zinaa or do anything shameful. You were married, and you had a child. Be honest with your parents and tell them everything, and tell them that you have a child. If you're not strong enough to do it for yourself, do it for your child.
I'm sure they will be initially shocked and upset, but once they get over that they might be willing to help you and support you and their grandchild.
By getting married secretly, you avoided taking responsibility for your choices. Now, by giving the baby away, you are again trying to avoid responsibility for your actions and choices. You cannot continue living a pretend life. It's time to be a woman, stand up and take responsibility for your actions. Tell the truth. Claim your child. Be a mother. Live your life.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam sis
whats your main reason for giving up your baby? are you afraid to tell your family? you shouldnt be afraid of anything. Have trust in Allah, Allah will help you. He is the turner of the hearts.
Just look at the stats and research done on children who grew up without knowing their biological parents. They often become disfunctional and turn to illicit behaviors or aggression.
Allah tells us in the Quran, not to cut off the ties that bore you.
believe in yourself and trust in Allahs Help.
Your baby needs you
salam sis..i was the same age when i get married..my husband is so abusive towards me and i asked him for a divorce..i raise my daughter alone,living in a foreign country where noone is there to help me,though my mum is here but she help me just a bit..i met my second husband and get married without knowing that he is married in pakistan and got two kids..he lied to me about his family ,his parents and everything about him..he never lived with me,nor support us financially and came to see me just 5x till he abandoned us totally and divorce me when i came to see his parents and told them everything..they nver cared about their grand son..i lived alone with two kids, the pain is so unbearable but i never stop praying to Allah and asked for help.i couldnt work for noone will gonna look after my kids.were living in a small room but Alhamdulillah Allah help me sis.Allah provide our shelter,our food,our clothes..so grateful for all the blessing,the mercy,the love, the protection ,the help that Allah showered us..i know i need to be strong coz my kids need me more than i need them..pls sis, keep ur baby with u and trust Allah and leave everything to Allah SWT..this is a test,Allah is trying to test u how patients u are..and Allah is testing u whether u trust Him or not..whether u fear Him or u fear ur parents more than Him..this baby is innocent and nothing to do with whatever ur husband have done to you..u hve to accept all the consequences of what uve done in the past..i know i dont have the right to say this and that..but as a muslim sis,why im telling u all this..on the day of judgment ur baby will gonna ask u why u gve him,why u turned ur back on him,why u didnt raised him..sis,i dnt want u to regret for the rest of ur life..this is ur own flesh and blood..u carry this baby in ur womb for 9months..i do feel bad and sorry for ur situation..and most of all sorry for this innocent baby..pray and ask God to gve u strength to face this trials and give u a lot of patients to handle this trials..what would u feel if ur mum have done the same thing?sis may Allah guide u to the right path..
sister
you story is one of a strong and determined woman. You should be proud of yourself sister. May God bless you with peace.
Sis, all the advices above are so true. Do not despair, Allah is so great all the time. Allah hafiz
i would like to share a little story. where i work there's a woman who also adopted her child when she was 19yrs old, now she is 36yrs old married with 2 kids and she told me not a day goes by without thinking about my child which i adopted. and evrytime she talks about her children she always add's my adopted child and in few occasion ive seen her tears fall. few months ago she told me she is trying to track down her child.
right now adopting your child may be your resolve but in the future when you get married and have children, you will realise what a big mistake you've done. this will haunt you all your life. this also can lead to depression etc
if you still keen in giving up your child then that your choice. also can you check this website http://www.cafemom.com/answers/752647/Has_anyone_ever_given_a_baby_up_for_adoption
it has people who adopted there child and experience they are goin through you might get a better insight.
ma salama
this is what occurs when you marry without parent's permission or consent
allah will protect that baby no doubt n grntr it many things people dont be sa but make dua for it
Sister please consider my true story: My mother gave me and my 5 brothers and sisters up for adoption after our father passed away. We all lived in agony without her. She was afraid she couldn't take care of us even though all of our births were many years apart from each other. We went through hell in foster homes where most children are subject to either physical or sexual abuse or both and definite neglect. The rejection of our mother tormented us all, I'm 25 and still feel the pain in my heart of my mother's choice to bring me in this world and abandon me. In what were supposed to be the happiest times of my life I still felt a huge pain in my heart. My graduations, where my mom wasn't in the crowd. Religious holidays where families get together, her birthday, mine, my wedding. These were moments I should have been happy and I was crying so deeply again and again even if it was on the inside. Your abandonment will hurt that child like a stab in the heart repeatedly for the rest of their life. Even though I was given a good life by the woman who adopted me who deserves the title of MOM more than anyone, I suffered with health problems almost my entire life from the depression of missing my mother. It doesn't matter if you're poor as a church mouse or your family will be upset at first, all your baby needs is you. Imagine how a baby feels at the mall when they lose their mom for one minute, they cry like it's the end of the world. When mom doesn't come back by her choice, this is the biggest rejection in the world and we cry for the rest of our lives. Trust me. I found Islam Thank God, but spent a nice chunk of my life in darkness thanks to the pain of abandonment. My sister got into heavy drugs and alcohol to escape the pain, the list goes on. Have faith in yourself, your family who you are also robbing of their relationship with the baby, and most importantly have faith in Allah. Men come and go whether they die or leave, but this is your baby who you put here and this baby is counting on you.
I understand people are telling her to reconsider but if that was an option surely she would not have posted this msg. Some people's parents are mentally incompetent to accept that sometimes people make mistakes and do things they shouldnt like this young woman has obviously done. Maybe she cant take the baby home as her parents would disown her or even worse kill her. Some Muslims are very extreme. She should seek help immediately before she just leaves the baby somewhere on its own like many mothers have done. It is heartbreaking yes but my advice to you is to speak to you GP and they can advice you and so can the hospitals.
Hi Salaam Id like to thank everyone for their kind advice. I had the baby its a healthy girl. And thinking about adoption wasnt something i took easily. I have to return to my country in june as my student visa will need to be renewed and once im there i know my father will not take this easily. I can only pray that all he will do is disown me. If that were the case id kep her and raise her on my own. I know the end result would end up being tragic esp for the baby. Nty dad is a very extreme old minded man. Ive had offers of people wanting to adopt the baby but none have been muslim so far. I know if i keep praying to Allah he will help me find a solution and maybe a muslim couple who cant have babies of their own. Again Allah bless everone and thank you for being so kind.
Wasalam beloved Sarah,
It is so good to know about you and the baby, Alhamdulillah. I am sure your baby girl will be the Heart softener of your father, insha´Allah. Babies has strong power to soften adults Hearts, insha´Allah.
She is your blessing and your gift from Allah(swt) and you are her blessing and her gift, Alhamdulillah.
Fight for her, Sarah, nobody in this world would fight for her stronger than you would do, insha´Allah.
May Allah(swt) ease your Path in this difficult trial for the best for you and your baby, insha´Allah.
I have you both in my duas.
From Heart to Heart,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salams Sarah, May Allah SW give your daughter a happy and prosperous life and success in hereafter. What 's her name? i'm very glad to hear that you would be taking your daughter with you back home.
You are saying that 'I can only pray that all he will do is disown me'. You sound very worried about your father's reaction, and understandably so. He is your father and he will be disappointed because you have let him down. Plus, depending on how big your family is, he will be concerned about what everyone else would say or think. He may also have worries about your future and many many other things. You just need to develop focus on what can be done and whats truly important in all this.
You need to own up to your mistake and apologize to you family. And thats all you can do. Everyone makes mistakes but what makes us different is how we take responsibility of our actions.
It may appear to you giving that baby away in adoption would be the easier thing to do for your parents, not really. Only Allah SW can open doors of ease for anyone.
You are very young and you do have a whole life ahead of you. Determine its proper course right now by making right choices. Allah SW will lead you the way. You still have time before you go back home. Make alot of tasbeeh and Salah.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Sarah, I also want to add that if you truly fear that your father may hurt you out of anger or rage than do pursue your initial intention to find muslim couple for adoption.
I'm not sure whereabouts you are, may Allah SW lead to khair.
salam sister sarah
Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful daughter. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now. Keep yourself strong my dear sister and don't give up so easily on your little one.
Your father must be very extreme and only you know how he will deal with your story.
My adivce to you would be to return to your country without the baby and speak to your parents through a trusted person, one who your father will listen to.
If you think they are relenting then get your baby to rejoin you- don't give up on her completly, not without a long, hard fight.
Ask your father how he would feel giving up on his own flesh and blood? How would he feel if he was aksed to abandon you??
For now plan your actions sister- ensure that your baby is in safe hands but please always keep the thought in your mind that you will take her back eventually.
I hope and pray it all works out for you.
As sallaamualaikum . My husband and I have been married for 4 and half years. We have been trying to fall pregnant but no luck. I suppose when Allah is ready to bless us with a child he will. If u are still interested in giving ur child up for adoption please let me know
Mariam, this is not an adoption agency. Please use a legal method to adopt a child.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hi,
I am a married muslim but childless for 5 years. I would love to adopt your baby as mine. Can you plz tell me where you live? If you can give me a contact, we can talk about it.
Dear Mariam,
This is not an adoption agency. If you want to adopt a child, please use a legal and safe method instead of approaching random people on the internet.
May Allah grant you with pious and healthy children, aaee.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam Alaikum Sister,
I agree with everyone as well. You're lucky to be a mom and you had the baby the islamic way, I think you just need some courage to tell your family and Ishallah everything will be fine. Be strong and pray to Allah swt for guidance.
Hello!
What a touching story you have! I am adopted, and am so happy my mother chose this beautiful family for me. When I was 16 I got pregnant- miscarried & can no longer have children!
I am looking to adopt. Although I am not muslim, I have great respect for the islamic culture. I actually have biological roots from Jordan (I was raised italian).
I would love to me a mother to your beautiful baby- i can offer love, support, and financial stability!
Dear Nicole,
I am sorry to hear that you cannot have children. There are lots of needy children in the world, so it is nice to know you are considering adoption. This however is not an adoption agency and approaching random people on the internet is not a safe or legal method to finding a child.
Writers/Readers, we are living in times where child trafficking is real. So please do not encourage exchanging/adopting children through the internet, it is absolutely wrong. Please use the proper channels to seek adoption.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
To all readers, pay attention! Any offers or requests to adopt the sister's baby will be DELETED. I have just deleted two more such requests today. We will NOT facilitate an adoption outside the legal process and with no checks or supervision. This website is not an adoption agency.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam All:
Sister who is had a baby, is asking for help. i read all the replies and no one is offering any help to her. I wonder if sister can go to the muslim women's organizations, may be they can help her find a way. Try ccmw.com (canadian council of muslim women).
If muslims can't help her, baby will go to the adoption agency and will be adopted by non muslims. I wonder how many others need this kind of help. Muslims need to organize themselves and look at this problem and come up with solutions. May Allah help us.
Asalam alaykum sister. Mabrouk for the birth of your daughter. I am 19 and married, and by the will of Allah am unable to have children. Believe me when I say that the ability to have children is a blessing. Not a day goes by that I don't see a child and want to cry, and the saddest thing is that my husband and I are so ready for children. You do not realise the beauty of it all, you need to realise that some people want a child do bad and can never have one, yet you willingly give one away. Do you realise your sins are wiped away when you give birth? I wish you would reconsider, but if not inchallah your girl finds a loving home, but before you give her away please think of the women like me who would do anything to have a baby. I would take her myself if I could ^^
BTW, not sure which country you are in but in Australia most states have banned private adoptions.
asalamu alaikum dear
Your story is sad.. but dont worry allah will answer ur prayers, my husband and i are intending to adopt a baby girl from a muslim family,but i do not know how.. i already have a son who will be 4 yrs old,we've been trying for a baby last 3 yrs n i had two miscarriages,and after that how much we try im not getting pregnat. both my husband and i love children,but unfortunately allah didnt giv us,so what i am saying to u is allah has given u the best gift in life,why give it away,,cant u talk to ur parents and keep the baby with u. how are u coping up with everything,and which country are u living? take care of urself and the lovely baby dear..
Salaam dear sister,
Sister, i know first hand about giving a child up for adoption...it was the worst thing i ever did! i am now in the life of the child i gave up for adoption alhamdulillah, but i regret to this day not having my daughter with me...i still grieve for my daughter even though we talk....it was 19 years ago and still i greave for what she went through....!!
just advice..... think very hard and deep in your soul before you give your child up
masalaam
Hello , lovely adoptive parents (Deleted by Editor)
Velez,
This is not an adoption agency. Neither is it in the best interests of the child you are fostering/adopting for you to be 'bartering' his/her future on the internet. Do not ever write on this site again requesting for someone to take your adopted child.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Please think about this twice before you give your baby up, I just had my baby 7 months ago marsallah I'm do happy about him been in my life I can not live without him, you have no idea how special they are ontill your a mother, nothing is like a mom, I know how hard it is for you do please think about this good luck insallah Allah be with you always.
Salam sister,
Is the baby still with you?
Asalam alykoom
I don't understand why you are all against people offering to adopt this child? I understand there are crazy people out there, but there are also Allah fearing Muslims who just want the chance to adopt a child with having to come up with $15,000 dollars out of your pocket. If money isn't involved we can't help each other? What's better for this sister to turn to her Muslim brothers and sisters to adopt her child, in which she still has every right to see and be apart of her child's life(according to islam) or lets give the baby to an adoption agency and who knows where the child will wind up? There are things she can do to help ensure the people adopting are good, like them attending a foster parent class. We as Muslims need help with these things. Sister may Allah help you to find a good Muslim family, who fear Allah, know there religion, and practice it.
Amira,
There are agencies are desiged to cater specifically for legally adopoting Muslim children. That is the safest route to take and is in the best interest of the child, not some random internet site. Surely it cannot be so difficult to understand why that is safer.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
She should turn to her extended family for help, and if that's not possible then to good Muslim friends that she knows, rather than strangers on the internet.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Z please advise on which agencies?
Amira,
I do not know personally, but I know there are some. Usually, agencies that deal with all types of adoption put great emphasis on trying to place children with families of their own faith and background. If you are looking into this, I think the best place to start is to contact adoption/foster agencies and find out what options they offer. However, before that, I agree with Brother Wael:
"She should turn to her extended family for help, and if that's not possible then to good Muslim friends that she knows, rather than strangers on the internet."
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor