I Need Help To Become A Good Muslim Girl Again
Okay, so I'm a 12 year old Muslim female.
My Dad taught me how to pray when I was about 10 and I was praying five times a day happily. I was a good muslim. Then, at some point, I stopped praying for a period of about 3 weeks. Then, I realized how bad it was so I started to pray again and asked Allah to forgive me because I couldn't help what Satan does to people.
Then I would stop praying for 3 week periods again and again and now, I've not been praying for so long, I don't know how long it's been!
I am really badly behaved, I am rude to my parents and I'm having doubts about whether Islam is 'right'. I hate myself for this and I don't want to be like this anymore. I need major help.
I ABSOLUTELY HATE SATAN AND WHAT HE DOES TO PEOPLE. I CAN'T BELIEVE PEOPLE ACTUALLY WORSHIP HIM AND HELP HIM GAIN POWER.
Please help me!!!
- Heba
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Dear little sister, 🙂
MashaAllah ! It is so rare to find young girls such as yourself giving so much importance to their religion, so "bravo" on that !
When I was about your age, I too had a hard time performing my 5 daily prayers on time and on a regular basis. Sometimes I would pray everyday on time and I would do it with great determination and pleasure, other times... not so much. Salaah requires discipline, and it's not always easy.
I admire the fact that you hate shaytan so much and hate it when people give in to him. The Quran teaches us that shaytan has no control over us, unless we let him. So whenever he tells you to stop praying, just don't listen to him and say "a'udhu billahi min ashaytan arrajeem" (he hates that !) and he will leave you alone inshaAllah. He's our enemy and wants to drag us all to hellfire with him, but Alhamdulillah he's a weak enemy, and we can and have to beat him.
Prayer is one of the Five Pillars of Islam. It is such a beautiful way to remember, five times a day, that we were brought to this earth to worship our Creator, to thank Him for all His bounties and to feel closer to Him.
Force yourself to go back to praying everyday and you'll see inshaAllah, soon, prayer will become as natural as breathing.
Baraka Allahu fik, sister.
Wafa.
Salaams,
The best thing is to try and pray when you can, atleast at night before goinig to bed, its not easy at your age with so much happening around you, so try your best but dont ignore the prayers as they keep you grounded and at peace, its like Yoga but with many rewards.
Your parents are the most important thing in this world, treat them with respect as they strive to give you a good life without selfish notions, your parents will always be there, dont loose that or give them grief, try to negotiate with them when they are being unreasonable, eventually youll find the right balance.
Islam is a hard lifestyle but rewarding, try to pace yourself, you dont have to go to far so early in life, just adjust Islamic ways with your own life, eat halal, visit the mosque more often, make muslim friends, but defenitely find your own positives about being a muslim. Its so hard at these times when everyone is against you, especially in school, but it will make you successful and ahead of the curve as you get older, not to mention stronger mentally.
So overlook some of the hurdles and make Islam your way...at your pace, but keep it in you...
Ditto to everything Sajid said, and although Islam may seem like a difficult lifestyle at first, the amazing thing is that in time it becomes easy, and then the idea of not being Muslim is what seems strange and empty.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
alsalamo alaykom,
me too, i have the same problem but after what i read from you now i will inshallah pray my prayers everyday!
thank you sooo much...
your sis,
lucy
masalama:)
Asalaamualaykum my dear young sister,
I agree with Angelmr. I also wanted to add a few more things.
Young girls go through something called 'puberty'; this is when hormonal changes occur in your body and mind. During this time you will experience physical and emotional changes. The visible and physical changes are that your hips will widen and your breasts will grow. You will grow hair under your arms and in the pubic area. You may also feel the need to take showers more often as you may sweat a little more. You will soon start your monthly periods/menses, if you have not already started. These changes occur in order to ready your body for being able to have children in the future. You may also see changes in your emotions, moods, and thoughts, and you may also find yourself thinking of boys more than before. All these changes happen when your maturing brain and organs send hormones to the rest of your body, starting the process that helps you grow from a kid into an adult. It sounds like alot, but its nothing to be frightened of, you are probably already going through this now without realising what it is :O).
So if you feel that your emotions are swinging from high to low and you are becoming moody, snappy, sensitive for no specific reason, it is most likely due to these hormal changes :O). Don't worry dear young one. Soon enough, this emotional time will pass and you will not feel so tempermental anymore; instead your body will have adapted to the changes. Boys also go through puberty, but have different changes.
***
With regards to your behaviour with your parents, unless anything specific has occured that is making you feel angry towards them; it is probably your hormones playing up. I do not know how open you are with your mother, but it would be a good idea to speak to her about how you are feeling. Your mother has been with you since she gave birth to you, so I am sure she loves you and cares for you very much and will understand how you are feeling. Afterall, she was once a young girl too, right? :O)
Alhumdulillah you are aware that you need to improve your behavior towards your parents and clarify matters of the deen in your heart and mind. We must remember that even though our behaviour maybe influenced by hormones, we must try our best to control these emotions.
There are a few ways to try and do this:
1) You feel you are having doubts about Islam, but at such a young age MaashAllah you are questioning such matters, this shows that you are trying to be a good Muslim. When someone tries to follow Islam, Shaytan tries to mislead them. So do not worry, just say 'Aoudhubillah...' as 'Angelmr' said and also say: "I believe in Allah, His angels, His books, His messengers, in the Day of Judgment, and that Fate good and bad is given by Allah, and the life after death." Shaytaan will run away :O).
2) Remind yourself that if we try our best to follow Allah's laws and guidance in our youth, then we will be shaded by Him lovingly on the Day of Judgement from the intense heat.
- So, remember your parents love you, but sometimes they become busy with every day things and may forget what it was like when they were growing up. But I am sure they will quickly remember and also understand if you confide in them, especially your mother inshaAllah :O). Allah will be happy with you if you are good to your parents.
- Start praying your Salaah. If you are finding this difficult, just start off with the Fard at first and ask Allah to make it easy for you to become steadfast in your Salaah. Allah must love you immensely for trying, so inshaAllah He(swt) will make it easier for you. When we pray Salaah, we are talking to Allah(swt) in the way that He likes the most. This will bring us so much closer to Allah :O)
3) At the same time, try to eat healthy, make sure you have your breakfast, eat plenty of fruit, drink water, eat your night meal long before your sleep :O). It is important to eat well, especially when you are growing as your body needs a healthy intake of nutritious food.
***
Finally, dear sister, don't pressure yourself so much. Share your feelings with your mother inshaAllah. The changes happening within you are normal. Remember, you can be in control of your emotions and do not have to act on them. Try to remind yourself that this is just a phase you are going through due to puberty and remember Allah will be very happy with you when you are patient. We Muslim sisters have lots of beautiful role models, some of them are: Aisha(ra), Khadija(ra), Fatima(ra) etc :O) InshaAllah you will grow into a beautiful young woman like them too.
Best Wishes
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
x
dear Heba,
asalamalaikum,
i could so very well see my self in you. i was very short temepered as well with my parents.sometimes these were provoked emotions sometimes they just came up themselves. puberty is a very sensitive time and religion is the best way to deal with it. it tell us what to do when we come across different emotion. like anger, feeling low, sexual feelings, etc. it also tells us how to behave with others.i also used to feel horrible when i behaved badly. and at one point i also thought that there is no God and if there is one he is not on myside.
my dear little sister, i will tell you what helped me, i woke up one night and then decided to talk to Allah one to one, i prayed and alhamdullilah i could feel God to be just there with me , i cant forget that feeling still. it was very unexpected as i was very angry at God for not letting me know whether he is or not, i just thought i was forgotton by him and i was planning to forget him. subhanallah Allah guides you when you start looking for a way.
i would suggest keep your prayers going as it will guide you thats gauranteed. as rightly said speak to your mom that you dont like being angry all the time and that would like to know more about deen. read someother good books also like stories of prophets ,i really used to enjoy them. one golden piece of advice, if you are feeling angry or out of control of situation or emotions, try not to speak then, as when we are angry we tend to do more mistakes and say tings that we regret later. just continue reciting audobillah and kalima.you will calm down ,inshallah.
dont worry about shaytan he is just annoyed that you are trying to find more about Isalm and trying to be good.remember shaytan only comes where he thinks there is a possibility of someone doing good.just keep bieng good and keep shaytan annoyed!
take care
friend.
Salaams Heba,
Growing up in this day and age must be really difficult. I sound old saying 'in my day' and I'm still youngish, but it was much less stressful. There are so many terrible things openly paraded through all forms of media and where being good is mocked and being bad is celebrated. I do fear for my young daughters.
Follow the above advice. Salaat is the glue that holds us to our faith. As Muslims, we have to be conscious of Allah in all that we do and remember Him in sad and happy times. Increase your Islamic knowledge, don't simply accept what people say, find out for yourself. That will soon rid you of these doubts on Islam.
Only fear Allah, don't worry about the shaytaan. I used to be really freaked out by satan worshippers as an adult! I still am disturbed by the evil lengths people will go to but these creatures are powerless. As you strive to pray and read Qur'an you will gain inner peace and strength.
Your comment ;
'I started to pray again and asked Allah to forgive me because I couldn't help what Satan does to people'
What exactly do you mean? You are in control of yourself and you CAN help what shaytaan tries to do to you, by resisting from bad things . You can educate yourself and even when talking amongst friends, talking about Islam is called Dawah and is a duty of all Muslims. You can have a good influence on others and lessen shaytaan's effect on people. Though, I have to ask, is this comment in relation to something that has happened to you or a friend?
The shaytaan doesn't gain power, he just gains companions in hell for those who stray and transgress beyond redemption.
Your teens make way for adulthood and will shape how you will become. Aim to make the best of this time. As said, talk with your mother. Even when you are an adult, you will refer to your mother for advice or words of comfort when times are tough. Don't alienate yourself and don't overly worry. One good thing in this day and age, you have a site like this, where you can relate your problems and seek advice.
Regards
Hopeful
Hey i have the same promblem. i get to distracted from things like my homework or my computer. But these comments have helped me. THANKS. i was also wondering if it was a sin to dream about boys?
asalamualikum
i am very much like Heba aswell, i get distracted so easily. my parents have done so much for me and i really do appreciate it but somethimes i get carried away and show negative attitude towards them. whenever i have problems in my social life i always take my anger out on my family. iam sick and tired of becoming what iam.
i wasnt like that before, i use to pray and respect all my adults/young people but since a year iknow i have changed because i never use to cry as much as ido now. ilike a guy too, but i want to forget him and live a religious life but its so hard. i want to change myself, and put my family and allah and his messengers first but all these things going around me, i find it so difficult.
however these comments bought a tear into my eyes and i realise that iam wrong and i have been influenced by shaytan, hopefully these tips will work and inshallah i will start following the path that leads straight to Allah.
-islamic answer.com editor your comment about mother made me realise how ungreatful iam, people that dont have a mother are so unlucky as they dont know what mothers love is and iam so lucky i have such a caring mother but still i never appreciate her. i hate my self for being so rude and disrespectful towards her. when she disagrees with me, i always took her wrong but then later on i do realise that she said it or stopped me for my own benefit but before i realise its too late, because i speak to her so rudely that it really does hurt her.
i will follow your advice and change myself for good, for my family and for myself because ineed allah and my family more than they need me, indorder for me to lead a sucessful life.
thankyou very much, i appreciate all the posts.
regards -
sister