Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I got a girl pregnant, what should I do?

Baby with bottle

Baby.

hi i am from a Muslim family. i have a question that i have an affair in past with a girl. we breakup after 2 years but i did sex with her and she didn't told me she was pregnant.

after then i went abroad and came back after 1 year and my parents fixed my marriage and i did.

after 4 months of marriage i had a chat with her and she told me that she gave birth to a child and its mine.

i am shocked now tell me what should i do? can i get marry with her because i am frightened that Allah wont forgive me? or she is guilty for all of this?

- sheikh farooq

Wael's Response:

Brother Farooq, As-salamu alaykum,

What you did with this girl was a serious sin and you must beg Allah's forgiveness for your actions. You are seeing only the visible consequences of your actions, but you are failing to see the invisible consequences - the sins that you are piling up for your judgment on Yawm al-Qiyamah.

You ask if the girl is guilty for all of this. SubhanAllah. I am shocked by your lack of responsibility in even asking this question. Did she create the baby all by herself out of thin air?  "It takes two to tango," as they say in English. You are equally responsible for the child.

Now, I don't understand what you mean when you say, "my parents fixed my marriage and i did." Does that mean you are married now? Or that you are engaged to be married?

If you are only engaged to be married, then I recommend that you break that engagement and marry the mother of your child. Of course you must tell your parents everything. If the girl is not Muslim then still try to marry her and try to convince her to accept Islam, and try to teach her Islam - which means that you must learn about your deen yourself.

If you already married, then you still have an obligation to your child. You must help financially with the expense of raising the child, and as the child gets older you should try to teach him about Islam, and maintain a relationship with him.

When Allah prohibits something, He does it for our own benefit. When we commit sins, our actions have consequences. You are now dealing with the consequences of your actions. Turn to Allah, recover your deen, and ask Allah's help in dealing with this problem. Let your parents help you as well.

Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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8 Responses »

  1. hey
    well u being married to a woman before the mother of ur child is going to cause some problems. You must have to tell ur wife the truth about ur past sir. ur entitled to provide for your baby , u dont HAVE to marry the mother if u dont LOVE her but regardless the baby is yours and u must be a good dad . its not entirely ur fault bcuz she hid her pregnancy but u did have sex with her knowing that was a possibilty
    goodluck -abby

  2. You made this baby you take care of the baby!!!! It take two people to tango be a real man be there for the baby and pray to Allah to forgive you.

  3. Assalamualaikum,

    Brother, Zina is one of the major sins which Allah Has Prohibited us to do.

    Consider that you tell your wife not to allow some man into your house. Then you see that she allows him while you are present and she knows you won't like it. How will you feel? Will you not get Angry?

    Allah Has asked us not to come closer to Zina by saying:

    ولا تقربوا الزنا
    And don't come closer to Zina

    Allah Did Not ask us to not do Zina, but He asked us not to do Zina. You can imagine how great a sin it is, by analyzing this. Allah Has Prescribed that an unmarried person committing this sin be flogged 100 times and a married person be stoned. This is how great a sin it is.

    She sinned, but you are an equal contributor to this. The baby has been produce now and it is not sensible to wash your hands off and stay happy with your new wife. You should do all you can to raise the child as a Muslim.

    As brother Wael said, you better consider marrying her. I say you better do so, even if it takes her being the second wife.

    Needless to say, beg Allah for His Forgiveness, His Mercy. And hope that He Forgives you. But you should be sincere in your Tawbah. You should feel guilty of having committed this crime, leave it immediately and resolve never to do it again.

    I pray that Allah Forgives you

    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. I think i disagree with the brother that advice you to cancel your engagement with the girl you want to marry and then marry the woman you got pregnant.
    If you feel you can go for polygamy, and you feel the girl you made pregnant would be a compatible spouse to you, then i think you should marry her as a second wife And take care of your child.
    But you should not cancel the engagement with your first fiance (nor should you divorce her if you are married), just because you want to marry the mother of your child.

  5. take responsibilty and make amends for your actions.

    WaSalam

  6. Brother sheikh farooq

    Your statement:

    or she is guilty for all of this?

    is unacceptable and shows you still think you can evade responsibility for you actions.

    Your child needs a father. Your child is innocent. Keep your responsibilities to this child above all else. You may have fouled up your life. Allah will forgive you if you truly ask forgiveness and resolve never to go close to zina again. But he will not release you from the consequences of your actions. Seek strength in Him, and do the right thing.

    AmericanMuslim
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. brothers muhammad waseem, american muslim & wael, i would just like to correct you inshallah on one point.

    the vast majority of the scholars of hadeeth go by the ahadeeth that the illegitimate child HAS NOTHING to do with the one who impregnated his mother.
    he does not inherit from him, he is not to call him farther and he will not be called after him, rather he will be given his mother's lineage.

    and there are numerous Aathaar to support this view.
    i'll bring proof if need be inshallah

    fi amanillah

    • Incorrect. What you say is true only if the father denies paternity. And nowadays I find even this point to be questionable, since we can test and verify paternity now.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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