Please guidance to keep my baby
Assalamualaikum,
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/keep-my-baby-or-not/
The above links are my previous posts. I read another post regarding a women wanting to put her baby up for adoption. A few comments mentioned in their the fact that ' at least she had not committed zina' meaning it was not out of wedlock. This confuses me in my decision as you said to me it is best if I get married and keep the baby. I did so but still have not gained the care of the baby due to my parents. Does this mean I should not keep my baby and give him up for adoption?
I have been seeing him regularly since 9 months now as he is now 9months and nearly going on to 1 year. I am now in 3 days moving into a mother and baby hostel as I do not claim housing benefits due to the care of the baby as he is still in fostercare and not dependant on me. I really need help as I only have 3 days and need to know if I am doing the right thing. I love my child dearly and he means the world to me and so does my husband. However, it is so hard leaving my family behind as my father said if I leave I am never to be allowed back again as they do not accept the baby due to the fact he is out of wedlock. I am confused as to reading your other comments on the post and do not understand what I should do?
Is this right what I am doing? All I want is my son and my family and once I have my son back I will try and make amends with my family as I cannot live without them and my parents mean everything to me.
muslimwoman 16
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As salamu alaykum muslimwomen,
Focus in your situation, don´t think about others now, you have to be focused on having your child back, insha´Allah.
Keep your child, fight for him and later fight for your parents. Don´t doubt it. Your baby needs you and his father. May Allah(swt) helps you in this difficult trial. Ameen.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAsnwers.com Editor
Assalaamu alaikum dear sister.
In your previous posts, we advised you to marry because both you and the father wanted to marry and make amends. And of course this would have been better for your son. Please remember that regardless of what your parents say , your son is innocent.
Its quite normal to be nervous as you are going through a difficult time. But I agree that you need to be with your son and your husband. Your son does need you.
"All I want is my son and my family and once I have my son back I will try and make amends with my family as I cannot live without them and my parents mean everything to me."
You are doing the right thing. I agree with this. Keep working to get your son back and focus on raising him as a good Muslim boy. Make sure he sees you practicing Islam yourself - this is the best way for him to learn.
In the meantime, always keep your parents in your duas and ask Allah swt to soften their hearts towards you. But in this situation you need to put your son first dear sister. Alhumdulilah I am proud of you for taking responsibility in this situation. Make Allah swt make you strong and soften your parents hearts.
Ameen
I will make dua for you InshaAllah.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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Sister, what we advised the other lady who posted, with regards to her "not having committed zina atleast" was supposed to remind her of how her situation could have been worse (as is ures) and that atleast her child was born in wedlock, which would make things less complicated for her.
We did not mean to say that had the child been born out of wedlock, then it would have been okay to consider giving him up etc...it was just a reminder to the sister that it could have been harder for her and that atleast her relationship was halaal and that even though nothing does justify giving up ur child like that for ones own selfish reasons...but nevertheless the fact that it was born in wedlock makes it 'less' justified for her to consider giving him up. U get me?
Even though ur child was conceived out of wedlock, the next best thing to do FOR UR SITUATION was to get married to the father. In both cases, giving up the child isnt an option.
Undoubtedly, you are in a tough situation, but two wrongs dont make a right (ie, u committed sin before and now abandoning ur baby would be another sin). Of course ur parents matter and alhamdulillah its good to see that you do care about them, but what u have mentioned about ur intentions on what you want to do seems like the best thing to do. Go ahead with that...Also do remember that throughout, pray Istikhaara.
May Allah swt help u.
I'm going to share the same response to you I shared with another sister on what I personally know about adopted children seeing as I am one.
Sister please consider my true story: My mother gave me and my 5 brothers and sisters up for adoption after our father passed away. We all lived in agony without her. She was afraid she couldn't take care of us even though all of our births were many years apart from each other. We went through hell in foster homes where most children are subject to either physical or sexual abuse or both and definite neglect. The rejection of our mother tormented us all, I'm 25 and still feel the pain in my heart of my mother's choice to bring me in this world and abandon me. In what were supposed to be the happiest times of my life I still felt a huge pain in my heart. My graduations, where my mom wasn't in the crowd. Religious holidays where families get together, her birthday, mine, my wedding. These were moments I should have been happy and I was crying so deeply again and again even if it was on the inside. Your abandonment will hurt that child like a stab in the heart repeatedly for the rest of their life. Even though I was given a good life by the woman who adopted me who deserves the title of MOM more than anyone, I suffered with health problems almost my entire life from the depression of missing my mother. It doesn't matter if you're poor as a church mouse or your family will be upset at first, all your baby needs is you. Imagine how a baby feels at the mall when they lose their mom for one minute, they cry like it's the end of the world. When mom doesn't come back by her choice, this is the biggest rejection in the world and we cry for the rest of our lives. Trust me. I found Islam Thank God, but spent a nice chunk of my life in darkness thanks to the pain of abandonment. My sister got into heavy drugs and alcohol to escape the pain, the list goes on. Have faith in yourself, your family who you are also robbing of their relationship with the baby, and most importantly have faith in Allah. Men come and go whether they die or leave, but this is your baby who you put here and this baby is counting on you.
Asalamu alaikum
Maaf i know it is abit late to be putting a repsonse to this but i just cant help myself as i feel your pain. i am a mother of beautiful lil daughter who has just turned a year last week, she was concieved out of wedlock and i was terribly scared to tell my parents i was afraid of them telling me the very same things your family is telling you now, i had sleepless nights crying and screaming i even thort of having an abortion ( subahanallah) but shukr i came to my senses and asked ALLAH for the hidayyah coz i couldnt handle it anymore. i was already married for about 3weeks and i just told my mother n she was silent i was so afraid coz i didnt get the reaction i expected. and after that i was relieved but frightened to face my parents. i was sooo petrified of what could possibly happen and yet my parents were supportive, they were deeply hurt and dissapointed but not once did they ever make me or my husband or my child feel like an outcast or even utter harsh words to me, and that was what i expected. what i m trying to say here is that no matter what your parents will ALWAYS love u its in their nature to forgive their children for whatever wrong they have done, i didnt believe it but my parents showed me. jus make sabr and DO NOT let your child go, it us ur duty to mother your child NO MATTER WHAT!!! and remember you do not have to answer to anyone but ALLAH (SWA) yes your parents have the right to be upset but in the end you asnweer to your creator and if ALLAAH can forgive who are we as humans to judge or punish somebody for their wrong doing?!?
Make alota duaa, keep repenting my sister Allah is great and nobody is greater, have faith and yakeen in ALLAH he wil help you through anything!! this is hard i know but please i beg of you do not give up on your child and your parents, no m atter how hard it is you have to be the one who keeps running to your parents and do your duty as a daughter and INSHA 'ALLAH their pain and anger will ease and they will love your child like their own. my heart goes out you and may ALLAH guide you and be with you through this all INSHA 'ALLAH AMEEN...
LOVE ALLAH SOOO MUCH THAT YOU BREATHE ALLAH... SUBAHANALLAH.
All my love and duaas
Razaan