Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Guilt, depression and shame! Should we keep the child or abort it?


Pregnancy test kit.

Assalam o Alaikum,

I am a Muslim man, 22, living in South East Asia. I recently found out that a girl I used to see before (not anymore) is 5 weeks pregnant. We have both sinned greatly by committing adultery and now thing have taken a turn for the worst after we found out that she is now pregnant. We are both the same age, but I am still studying and she is working as a stewardess.

The dilemma I am in now is whether to keep the baby or to abort. If I keep the baby, then I would have to tell my family about the whole thing and thus will disappoint my parents, as I am about to finish of my degree in another country. Not only that, with my commitment to my studies, I wonder how we are going to even manage with the caring and nurturing of the baby? On top of that, I am no longer seeing the girl but we have been in close contact even before we knew about the pregnancy.

To make things worse, I have only known girl for barely 2 months. But then on the other hand if we do abort the baby, it is akin to murder and I do mention seems hard for me. And I am scared that even Allah may not forgive me.

Please help me in order to repent my sins.

Lost man.


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7 Responses »

  1. Assalam Alaikoum

    It is better to admit to your mistakes, and repent, than kill your own child.
    InshaAllah you will make a right decision.

  2. Assalamaliakum.
    I'm with you sister love in Islamic ruling i think you have to marry that girl and accept the child you can't kill the child it's a living thing.

  3. Dear Brother,

    You made a decision to have sex with another consenting adult, now you have to face the consequence of raising that child. Both of you are responsible for this situation and raising the child.

    Dont worry about your pride or what other people will think, but think about the well being of that child you are going to be blessed with.

    Just come out with the truth, get married, and start financial planning and look at how and what you are going to do to get ready for this little miracle,

    Repent to Allah and ask him to support you, i know it will be very hard to tell them- but know that your parents will still love you and support you no matter what you do. (atleast most parents will).

    Try to finish your education as soon as possible- take extra courses -so that you are able to support the baby with an income.

    You need to tell them tonight my brother, and she need to tell her parents- this is not a secret you can keep for very long. During pregnancy, women need alot of support- so the sooner the better.

    Make dua, pray istikhara, and May Allah make things easier for you.

  4. Salaams,

    Certainly for a Muslim, abortion is not even an option. It's the west that uses abortion to try to "erase" mistakes so no one has to deal with the consequences of their actions and sins, yet the anticipation of such possibilities which you are now facing (shame with your family, complications with education and career etc) are the things that should have been considered before you chose to cross those well-marked lines.

    Fortunately, this type of sin is something that can be worked through. You aren't the first pair to be in this situation, and you won't be the last. Like any parent, your focus now has to shift from living your life for yourself to doing what's best for your child. The first step in that journey is keeping your child alive and healthy, and providing all it's needs and helping it to grow into the best person they are capable of being. This is a task faced all over the world, whether the parents have sinned or not. All of us parents fail at times, but we do try our best to give the next generation something meaningful. That in itself will help you feel a sense of atonement for the mistakes you've made.

    I just want to remind you, brother, that despite your own feelings- the baby's mother is ultimately the one who makes the decisions what happens with the pregnancy. Even if you were 100% for abortion, she could decide to keep it anyway and you will still have to face all the outcomes you fear. The best thing is to prepare yourself to do so, and then start planning ways to overcome and rise above those challenges. You and your child will both be better off in the end when you compose the happy ending to the story, and not get stuck on one of the twists in the plot.

    -Amy Editor

  5. Assalamualaikum

    Its a good that you realized your mistake and are now seeking counsel on how to resolve the issue which will please Allah. You both definitely committed a sin but the sin is still forgivable because every sin other than Shirk (worshiping an entity other than Allah).

    Regarding abortion, things are pretty clearly stated. Your situation does not justify abortion.

    By going the abortion route you are going to commit another sin and risk extreme displeasure from Allah.

    The correct way to do things is to get married, have the baby, and make every effort to raise it, and Inshallah Allah will make it easy for both of you. During this time you both may face some persecution from your respective families (but because you are following the recommended route, Inshallah Allah will forgive your earlier sin, given that you both don't repeat the earlier sin).

    If the things don't work out between you and her, at that point there are solutions for that too but for now don't even give it a thought.

    Doing the right thing is always tough, but believe me when you do the right thing for the sake of Allah then Allah's help and blessing is with you and he will make things easy for you.


  6. Slm please do not abort the child there are so many people out there who dying to have kids if you decide u can't keep the child plz consider adoption and I would like to adopt

  7. I was in your situation this summer. We were scared of what our paarents might think so we aborted the child. I greatly regret it and I cried for days. I hope Allah forgives me. Have the child but u don't hv to get married because of it. You two will be fine inshallah. I'm going to pray for you. I know Allah will take care of all of you.

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