Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I feel guilty to marry after sinning.

Photos in a shoebox


I feel extremely bad writing this down, but I dont know where to get help from or what is going to happen to me. I'm feeling as if I'll get a nervous breakdown. I'm not a religious person, but I do go for salaat.

I was in a long distance relationship with a guy, it's been a year now that we're together. We used to talk through phone and messaging- facebook and stuff. He's narcissistic and being with him was like obeying him and doing whatever he said. I loved him more then anything, and it was like I could do anything for him, but whenever we used to have fights -even if it was not my fault- I was the one with the sorry's and pleading to get him back.

He used to say to me that I had to send him photos of me being ashamed. Now the biggest sin which I have done is that I sent him nude photos, plus he used to do sexting. I tried to avoid it, but he said he'd leave me if I didn't listen to him and if I wouldn't be involved. Being frightened to lose him I used to say ok then, and he used to go with the details and he used to write in every message that he loves me and this is how he's showing his love and he'd marry me and he won't touch me before that.

I was involved with him, we didn't do anything but this is equal to or even more then the gunah I'd get if I had met him. I have left him but I cannot sleep with the thought of what I've done. I'm getting married to a very nice guy who is a good Muslim in all respects, but I feel like it would be wrong of me to marry him as I have done so much wrong.

Please Help me, I've also had suicidal thoughts many times :'(


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7 Responses »


    Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Seek out that which benefits you, seek help only from Allah and never say you can't do it. If any adversity comes to you do not say: 'If I had only acted in such-and-such a way, it would have been such-and-such;' but instead, say: 'Allah has decreed (it) and what He willed, He has done,' for verily, (the word) ‘if’ opens the way for the work of Satan." [Sahih Muslim]
    Through this hadith Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) tells us to:
    1. Seek the beneficial.
    2. Ask Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) for help.
    3. Be optimistic. Nothing is impossible if Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) wills it for you.
    4. Don’t cry over spilt milk.
    5. Trust Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) in what He has willed for you.
    Time is like a river . . . You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow has passed and will never pass again. If there is something that will benefit you, make every effort and go after it! Seek it out!
    There is no failure, only lessons.
    “Say: 'O My slaves who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Soorah az-Zumar (39): 53]

    Hadeeth 1: Umar Ibn al-Khattab (radhi allahu anhu) relates that some prisoners were brought before Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) and amongst them was a woman who was frantically searching for someone in the crowd. When she found a baby amongst the prisoners, she took it in her arms, cradled it next to her chest and suckled it. So Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said:"Do you think that this woman would ever throw her child into the fire?" We said: 'By Allah, Never!' So he said: "Allah is more merciful to His believing servants than that mother could ever be to her child." [Saheeh al-Bukharee (10/426) and Saheeh Muslim (18/80)]
    1. Fulfilling obligatory duties and abstaining from prohibited matters
    2. Nawafil prayers (superogatory prayers)
    3. Zikr (remembrance of Allah) and glorification of Allah
    4. Calling upon Allah in Dua (supplication)
    Allah the most compassionate says in the Holy Quran, "Call on Me. I will answer your prayer, but those who are too arrogant to serve me will surely find themselves humiliated in Hell" (40:60).
    5. Building a close relationship with the Qur’an
    6. Keeping good company
    One of the most important things we must do, which sadly many people neglect, is that we should avoid bad company. People we should avoid taking as friends those who speak too freely, who miss Salah, who do not dress modestly, who backbite, slander etc.
    7. Having fear and hope in Allah

    Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people. (Surah Yusuf 12:87)
    One must be hopeful of Allahs mercy and forgiveness and fearful of His punishment. It is this fear that should lead one to seek Allahs forgiveness with hope. Allah says:
    'Is one who worships devotedly during the night, prostrating himself or standing, fearing the Hereafter, and hoping for the mercy of his Lord (is equal to him who doesn't do these things)?' (Al Zumar, 9)
    Hope then also demands fear. If that was not the case, one would be in a state of false security. Conversely, fear demands hope. Without that it would be despair.
    Fear and hope, both should be equally proportioned in our hearts, in our worship, and in our dua to Allah. Allah says:
    Call out to Him with fear and hope. (Surat al-Araaf 7:56)
    They forsake their beds to call their Lord in fear and hope. (Surat as-Sajdah 32:16)
    2:257. Allâh is the Walî (Protector or Guardian) of those who believe. He brings them out from darkness into light. But as for those who disbelieve, their Auliyâ (supporters and helpers) are Tâghût [false deities and false leaders, etc.], they bring them out from light into darkness. Those are the dwellers of the Fire, and they will abide therein forever.

  2. I understand how you feel. Let the past be the past. Move onto your bright future ahead of you. You cant change the past but the future you can, its in your control. You deserve to be respected and loved dont let the guilt ruin this rishta repent and pray to Allah, things will get better in time. You have a chance here, leave it in hands of Allah and be strong. Do not disclose this to anyone else. Wish you the best.

  3. Although you committed a sin by sending the nude photos, Alhamdulillah Allah saved you from committing a more serious sin. And you clearly exercised good judgment by ending your relationship with this boy. Never let a man pressure you into committing haram or violating your principles.

    There is absolutely no reason to have suicidal thoughts or anything of the sort. You didn't mention whether you have done a sincere tawbah. If not, then do so right away. I feel you can get married with a clear conscience, and leave this incident in the past.

    Wael Editor

  4. Dear Sister,

    we are human being, we all make mistakes and no one among us is perfect except our prophets.
    so you committed a mistake but if you realise your mistake and if you sincerely do tawbah believing in mercy of Allah (Swt) then you would overcome depressing thoughts. please know its shaitan who does not want you to believe in mercy of Allah (Swt) so you should not turn to Allah(Swt), he is trying to make you guilty and despair. just do a sincere tawah and forget the past like a bad dream.

    please know this

    Allah says: “Say: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Sûrah al-Zumar: 53]

    It was narrated from Abu Dharr that the Prophet (pbuh) said that Allah says, "… O My slaves, you commit sin night and day, and I forgive all sins, so ask Me for forgiveness…" (Muslim, 2577)

    In one of the prayers that the Prophet taught, he said, “O Allah, You are most Forgiving One, You love to forgive, so forgive me.”(reported by al-Trimidhi and Ibn Majah)

    Prophet, Sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam said: "One who repents from sin is like one without sin."

    so cheer up and seek forgiveness from almighty, keep shaitan at bay and look forward to your marraige, a new way of starting a life.

    Your Sister

  5. Asalam o alaikum,

    dont try to think about sucide that is inkosher in our religion, and make sure about ur future, give more time in worship to make your mind intouch with sunnah.
    and never repent what ever you have done in past.

  6. Salam Sister

    dont think ever of suicid of something else but I would recommendend you to be honest about your past because it's unfair for the guy which is believing that you are 100 % Chaste. But things can happen and the best of us humans are these who take responsibility for our bad deeds and make tawbah. Don't wrong this nice guy because you probably know how it hurts to get wronged. Just be honest and if he doesnt want to marry you then this is how it should be. God will always help you to find someone who is suitable to you. Just be honest to yourself and the people your interacting with. So this may fix all kind of problems which could occur in the marriage.

  7. And your honesty will probably even make your trust higher to him.

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