Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Had unlawful relationship

Repent before the Day when Allah will Question you

Repent before the Day when Allah will Question you

Asalamalaykum, I’m writing this post as I had committed something I realized later was terribly wrong. It happened a year ago I have never ever approached a female let alone touch one. However last year I let me desires get the best of me and committed unlawful intercourse 8 times in one month. I was not practising Islam and soon later realized my mistake and feared Allah , I had fell into anxiety and depression and am currently on antidepressants, I pray everyday and recite the Quran when I can. I have been a regular attendee of the masjid, and surround myself with positive people. I have been checked for all STDS, and am in the clear. What’s done is done , and made sincere touba to Allah. What I’m worried about is if I can get through this mentally I’m beating myself over it and still can’t believe I did it. As well, can I get married still since I did this? As the Quran says a adulter marries none but a adulter and vice versa. I am a changed man now and promised my self I would never approach that filthy act ever ever again.

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2 Responses »

  1. Walaikum asaalaam brother. You committed a sin and you are repenting to Allah for it as you realised that it was wrong. We all commit sins, some worse than others. The fact that you are sincere and repentant, it is a good sign. It shows that there is a fear of Allah in your heart. Regarding marriage, if you are still single, then the ruling of adultery doesn't apply to you. Adultery is referred to one who commits unlawful sexual acts whilst already married. I'm not saying that it's ok to do such things because a person is single, no way. It is still haram and sinful, however worse when married. So regardless of single or married brother, you need to continue repenting to Allah and Allah is the most forgiving and knows if you are sincere in repentance. Try to put it in the past and continue with life as normal. There is no point being depressed over something that has already happened. Know that Allah is the most merciful and he will forgive InShaaaAllah. May Allah make it easy for you brother

  2. Assalaamualaikum

    I don't have the text in front of me, so please forgive me if I am mistaken in this. In Surah An-Nur, ayats 2 and 3, when the guidance about the fornicators is given, I think the active participle is used in the Arabic text - I think that the general interpretation of this is that this guidance relates to men and women who are actively engaging in the sin and who have not repented.

    Based on this, you would not be considered a zani now, as you have repented. You have made a big mistake, yes, but you have recognised this and taken steps to stop yourself before it was too late. You are no longer involved in that sin and your repentance purifies you from it.

    Your next battle will be to ensure that you do not repeat it. Make sure that you are filling your time with activities which will bring you closer to Allah and help you stay on the straight path. It might help to think about what factors contributed to you committing this sin, so that you can take steps to address them... eg:
    - were you struggling to lower your gaze around women in your vicinity? - if so, could you make changes to where you're spending time, and think of some ayats to recite to yourself when you find yourself tempted to take a second look at a female?
    - were you lacking confidence in yourself and seeking some validation in sexual contact? - if so, look for other, better ways to build your self-esteem (charitable work, sport, helping a relative or neighbour, study or work), and maybe speak to your doctor about reviewing your treatment for anxiety and depression - it may be that you need a different medication, or a different dose, or a talking therapy (studies have shown that a lot of people benefit from a combination of medication and talking therapies).

    If your desires are building, and you're finding it difficult to control them using your willpower and fasting, you may want to consider starting to look for a spouse. If you can, maybe speak with your parents about what you'd like in a wife, and ask them to look for potential matches for you in a halal way.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

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