Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Halal or Haram love?

islam nikah

Muslim Marriage Guide.

I have been Muslim for a few years now but fell off my dean completely. I have picked myself up and got back right due to the blessings of Allah. While I was not practicing Islam I met a man who I am now with. He is not Muslim but always wanted to learn more about Islam and was interested in becoming a Muslim. We have two year old twins together and live together.

We live like we are already married. He wants to go to the court-house to get married which I think is for his family.

He is taking the steps to learn Islam. He studies more often he is learning how to pray, he is making the steps to truly convert over. I did tell him not to convert only for me, convert because you feel it's the right thing to do. He wants to go to the masjid and he also wants to wear the garments.

My question is can I marry him in a court-house and can I marry him Islāmic once he converts over.

- Lima329

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18 Responses »

  1. respected sister!

    Its totaly wrong that you are liveing with a man its HARAM in ISLAM and should not say him that its ur choice that u accept Islam u know that ISLAM is the True religen you did not read that HADITH that Our Beloved Prophat (P.B.U.H) says u must to hold the hand of foolish people and to try bring him and to show him that write path of life.

    I hope you will understand me. And you can not live alone with a muslim man where is then non-muslim. please make him understand and then marry. ok what ever you do without knowladge its not sin but when you become know about its u must follow it.

    And as ur question is that, should you marry him in a court or Islamic way If he his non-muslims ur NIKAH can not be done. If he accept Islam then its neccessary to follow Islamic way of marry.

    best wishes
    Mohammad Salahuddin.

    • Dear sisters,

      Non muslim guys are well versed with this tactics of how to trap muslim girls in the name of learning Islam.. If he has to learn islam there are many men and imams at mosque reach out to them its suffice..
      Later youwill surely do mistake and will surface again here saying that i am so repentful i just went with the flow and i couldnt control ..

      • Well they have 2 year old twins. i am not sure why they want to marry in the court or have an islamic wedding. May be there is some immigration issue involved.

        i agree with your suggestion some men may use this 'learning about islam" tactic to trap a girl for friendship.

  2. Salam,

    Dears brothers and sisters.
    We all of us know that it is prohibed to be with a non muslim man or woman, married or not.

    In that case, sister Lima wasn't married and wasn't also muslim when she got her kids with that man.
    Should she separate him and share kids while he told her that he is interrested in Islam?
    She is not pushing him to Islam, but HE is coming in it. Do she have to leave him until he is not muslim?

    I know people who take years of studies before converting to islam. Not because they are not able to believe but because they want to be more inform, to know more about our religion and start with good bases.

    I don't have the answer of if it is prohibed or not, but i do think that we have to understand all of her story before answering.

    Good luck


  3. Assalaamualaikam

    If you and your partner both feel that accepting Islam is right and true, then you could discuss with the local masjid about arranging a nikah there. Depending on the country you're in, the nikah may also cover the legal aspects of a court marriage (for example, most masjids in the UK are licensed to register marriages the same as registry offices). Your partner would not need to know all there is to know about Islam, but would need to be accepting the truth of Islam into his heart - a conversion for marriage wouldn't be acceptable.

    The two of you can then learn about the deen as a family, inshaAllah.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • i totally agree.

      sister if you think he is interested enough in islam and willing to convert then help him convert and get married as soon as. live in relationship is not right in Islam and you know this .

      if i was in your shoes i would think of speeding up my partners conversion( not pushing) and get married as soon as to avoid any further sins.I would think about how to make things work rather than breaking up a relationship with a man who is the father of my children and is willing to convert.

      May Allah make it easy for you.

  4. Non muslim guys are well versed with thidiffecs of how to trap muslim girls in the name of learning Islam.. If he has to learn islam there are many men and imams at mosque reach out to them its suffice..Later youwill surely do mistake and will surface again here saying that i am so repentful i just went with the flow and i couldnt control .........

    I think you r wrong there luv, Muslim guys are the ones toying with non-muslim girlls till they get what they want then movey on to others. I am a muslima myself and had meany non-muuslim friennds (girls) and almost all of them had muslim boyfriends that used them for their money and had sex with them. When their job was done they moved on to other non-muslim girls and so on. In the end most of the guys went back home and got married to these young girls n brought them only to use and abuse n for the girls to look after their extended familys and their 10 children they had together. They made sure their wives were covered head to toe and also made sure they knew their every move while they themselves were drinking, doing hard drugs and using non-muslim girls again for sex. I also did Harm things but I notices everytime a muslim guy came up to me to chat me up as soon as I told them my real name they would say no way and move on to find another pray. Later tbey made sure they come up to me and try to tell me not to do harmful things and foow your deen and when I said to them to practice wot u teach n they would say its 'different for guys'. This is not one case but a very large percentage of muslim guys were doing this. I am embarrassed and ashamed to call these my brothers. Me and my famy moved alot
    Due to my dads job and i had to move to different uni's and saw this with my own eyes eveywhere i went. These girls would fall in love then were tossed on to a pavement some of them were also on drugs due to the influence of their muslim boyfriends. I am lucky I say a stright path to my deen and stopped haram things and any association to it. So u cannot say about non-Muslims because your own brothers next door are doing much worse.......its only getting worse. I am not married n am getting worried to as it it hard to find a god fearing and religious man. Even religious men who look like they follow their deen are abusive to their wives and children, have other women for sex and also drink. My mum works in housing aid and sees so meany (and I mean lots) of muslim women come with their children crying and with bruises asking to b moved to secret refuges as they are suffering physical and mental abuse from their husbands n their familys. There are 100's and 100's of muslim women and children brought over from back home to find out this is the real england, and that they were dreaming of a happy life. The amount of times my mum comes home crying after what she has seen her muslim sisters been put through is horrendous. And this is only getting worse......if these guys r reading this then you know who you are, pls stop..........

    • Dee, I totally agree with you . I dont have as much exposure and experience like you but this is my general impression too. dont take my comment as a bashing to Muslim men but i think muslim men by and large have disappointed muslim women is most aspects . I really doubt most muslim men specially if they portrait as being religious. but there are good ones too who will implement on themselves first before they preach it to others.

  5. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    How can you claim that you have gotten back to your deen when you are living in sin with a man who is not your husband?

    If he is willing to convert to Islam then let him do so immediately, and marry him Islamically. If you want to get married civilly (in the courthouse) as well that's fine, but the Islamic marriage is vital.

    If he is not ready to convert, then as a Muslim woman you cannot live with him or be with him. If you truly want to be sincere with Allah, then you must separate yourself from him in this case.

    Wael Editor

  6. Assalamu'alaikum,

    "It is not permissible for Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men" (2 : 221 and 60:10).

    Based on that ayat, it is not possible for moslem woman to marry non-moslem. So, if you want to marry him, he has to convert to moslem first.

    A family relationship without marriage is zina, and zina has many negative influences to the doer, one of them the barakah of rizq get lost (some said it can decrease even delete rizq).

    Rizq is everything that you get. It can be health, time, good husband, good children, good neighbours, good friends, good family (parents and brothers/sisters, aunties, uncles, and so on), good income, happiness, safety, etc.

    If we read the conversation between evil and Muhammad SAW', one of the way of evil to pull human to hell is to make a woman open her legs to a man who is not her husband.

    • Aisyah, if you're going to put a verse from the Quran in quotes, then quote it correctly.

      "And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember." - Quran 2:221

      • Astaghfirullah,

        @ Wael: Thank you for your suggestion ^^

        and for QS. 60:10 is:
        "O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them. But give the disbelievers what they have spent. And there is no blame upon you if you marry them when you have given them their due compensation. And hold not to marriage bonds with disbelieving women, but ask for what you have spent and let them ask for what they have spent. That is the judgement of Allah ; He judges between you. And Allah is Knowing and Wise"

  7. sallam ,may bf is nt muslim but we are willing to convert into islam ,can we get marry in islam even he is still nt divorce but he is separated for 9 yrs now ,is it acceptable in uk after we marrry here in philippines?thank u hope to hear from u

    • catherine, I understand that civil divorce is not allowed in the Philippines. However, if you are both Muslim then he could marry you Islamically. However, I do not know if that would be legally recognized in the UK. You should do a UK civil ceremony to be sure.

      Wael Editor

    • Salaam Catherine,

      I just want to share a story I knew with you.

      Someday I read a post over a woman who married with a moslem man who were married.
      According to the man, they are divorce even thought without paper (not by law/juridic).

      What happened then, someday they got a fight, and the man come back his first wife.

      Based on this story. Maybe it's better for you to ask him to declare his status - not only by mouth but also by paper.

      (ofcourse, with the following suggestion - you both can married after you both in the same believe)

  8. I am considering converting to Islam. My fiancé is non muslim and we are not married but we do have a daughter together. We have a very loving relationship and already live as if we were married. However he is not legally divorced from a previous marriage but they are legally separated and he is paying her court ordered child support.
    What do you recommend us to do? I personally think that leaving this relationship would be detrimental to mental health and stability of our daughter.

    • Yasmeen, first of all I think that dedication to the truth and to God must come before any relationship, and you must trust Allah (God) to bring about what is best in your life. With that said, is it possible your fiance' will convert with you? Maybe you could convince him, especially if he realizes that he might lose you otherwise.

      Wael Editor

  9. Salamualikum....please there was this muslim guy he was dating my non muslimah friend he was seriously in love with her and he got to know she had a lot of boy lovers and he came to me crying woefuly I wants me. As his. WIFE TO BE SINCE I WAS A MUSLIM I TOLD HIM I CAN'T COURSE THAT LADY IS MY FIRIEND THE WAY THINGS WHERE I ACCEPTED HIM.....HOnestly speaking I was the typle who pray bt when he came to my life. I become the type who prayed 5times a day fast and do other religious activities

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