Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Haram earning of family whose daughter I wish to marry.

Engagement ring on finger

I like my dad's niece's daughter. she is having a health problem for which no one would like to marry her by knowing her disease. If they hide it is wrong on the family to do it. I would wish to marry her as i adore her but i have issues with 3 reason:
1. age gap b/w me and her is 9 yrs.
2. Her family earnings is haram, they play roulette and make money. I would marry her only if they won't give me a single rupee. But how can i ask them not to give gold to her daughter and how can avoid the marriage food that is customary to have in my wife's home. Can i say i'll pay for the food that i have in marriage and my families food expenses.
3. If i invite my relatives and cousins who already know they earn haram way and if they have food in my marriage will i be liable for sins of eating haram food by my relatives.
If my non-muslim friends also eat at the wedding will it be a sin and i have to bear their sins.

How can i avoid the food and any other things they give to their daughter to return it to them back. And after marriage i would not want my wife or my children's to have food at their home and if by mistake it happens can i some eateries to their home and give it in compensation of food we had is like i bought it from a hotel and had.
I have had 4 times water and tea in their home knowing that they earn haram way. I tried to avoid as much as i could but got forced into having it. Help me with this situation.
They have a site registered in their daughter name can that be taken as a gift or how can i ask my wife to give it back. Her daughter is not been taught of the right teachings of islam and read quran. I wish to make her learn quran after marriage and the right teachings of islam.

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5 Responses »

  1. Salam..what is there businesses and way of life thats there choice...my your own business!! What wouls you say if your blind and deaf? Understand this...Your purpose is to fulfill this sunnah get nikah done..you must ask yourself are you wanting to get married for urges or feeling sorry for her...the point is that if she wants to marry and if you have similiar goals in life or else you will argue and fight like 90% or more of the muslim world.....remeber this that SUCCESS IN THIS WORLD AND IN THE HEREAFTER IS ONLY OBEYING THE COMMANDMENT of Allah through the example of our beloved prophet Muhammad peace be upon him...that is the real success or else face failure in everything

  2. Salaam, first of all ignore the reply above.
    Secondly, may Allah bless you for such beautiful intentions. You need to realize that marriage is a great responsibility, and you need to make sure you really want to spend the rest of your life with her. So please perform istikhara and ask for Allah's guidance. I mean, you're not even married to her yet and yet so much pressure and over-thinking? Once you're absolutely positively assured it is safe to marry her, then you're gonna have to ask for her parent's permission. If you pass these two obstacles, then no tension for you my bro. Everything could go your way. You could tell them you don't want dowry, you can tell them you'd like to pay for the buffet, you can have it all your way.
    About the possible sins, there is only so much a man could do. Allah would surely see your intentions and won't hold you responsible.

  3. Salam

    I'll try to answer your questions:

    1) An age gap of 9 years isn't necessarily a problem. It can become a problem if the guy gets jealous a lot and feels insecure because of it or if the girl is primarily interested in good looks and wants someone her age or younger. If it's not these two issues then happy marriage until it's time to retire and then the girl is kinda sad that her husband is too old to do stuff.

    2) Most people don't make money gambling, they usually lose it. Unless her parents are making money by running a casino it is more likely that they have small gains and bigger loses. Your concern here is that because they gained haram money, by eating at their house you too will be eating haram money. This will create lots of problems for you. Under Islam you are required to maintain family ties so you can't just show up and not eat there. Her parents will buy gifts for their grandchildren, you cannot throw those gifts away and block their love from reaching your children. By trying to avoid haram money you will break many other more serious rules of Islam by dealing with her parents. You will essentially make your wife and children cut off ties from their grand parents which is a more serious issue than eating second hand haram money.

    3) They have a right to the wedding, they have a right to give gifts to their daughter and to feed other people. All these are good deeds on their part even if what they earned was through haram means. Will you then block their good deeds too? Will you deny their right to throw a party for their daughter? If you are planning on marrying her you will have to accept that they will give gifts and that they should. You're going to have to focus on not getting haram money yourself, not worrying about getting second hand haram money from others if you are marrying her.

    Coming into this marriage you already view this girl and her family as not Islamic enough. Usually coming into a marriage where one person feels that way, leads to divorce. So if you are going to approach her you have to let go of how Islamic she is and how her parents are. Or you can approach her and say this is what you expect of her and that she should do it before her marriage to you and see what they choose. Please remember that you do not guide, it is Allah who guides, so even if you tried teaching her true Islam and Quran she may not take it from you. So do not marry her thinking that she will become more Islamic post marriage.

    Also, please don't worry about the water you drank from there. Good deeds cancel evil ones so do some good deeds to make up for it if it's an issue for you. Salam.

  4. My friend! I think you don't want her! You want a doll what you form on your own way to be able to abuse as long as she has to take it from you!
    If you are that good as you try to paint yourself, find suitable girl who is what you want and don't try to buy a human doll!

  5. You write:
    I would marry her only if they won't give me a single rupee

    Errrm...why should her family give you anything for marrying their daughter? You are the man, YOU have a Islamic responsibility to pay HER a mahr. Not the other way around.

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