Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Am I in an haram relationship?

halal or haram?

Assalam O Alaikum,

I have been with my Muslim boyfriend for 6 years now and we were having sexual relations for about 5 years. Since then I began to research more about Islam ( as I was a Christian) and reading the Quran, then after reading specific surahs about fornicators; me and my boyfriend mutually agreed to stop and to remain celebate till marriage. Since this discussion a year has passed and now I have reverted to Islam, which I am very happy and proud about. However, I cant help but think that my relationship with my boyfriend is haram because although we are not physical we still kiss and hug and occassional sleep in the same bed.
I know that this is obviously haram as Allah does not permit any form of relationship between the opposite of sex till marriage, and if it was down to me I would marry him in a heart beat. But here is where it gets complicated because he says that he will marry me but not until he finishes his degree and/or if I get a good job. To me this does not seem fair because for some reason he does not see that he is causing himself and me to sin by not marrying and he believes that by waiting 3 years we would have a better marriage than if we were do it now whilst he is studying.
I would really like to hear your views on this issue as I am really unsure as to whether there are any exceptions and if so whether this would be deemed as one.


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7 Responses »

  1. Maryama23, As-salamu alaykum,

    First, I'm very proud of you ma-sha-Allah for coming into Islam as you did, and then backing away from the sexual relationship. SubhanAllah, Allah guided you to the Quran, and then to Islam, and you have been a good influence on your boyfriend already.

    Now it's time for you to enter into Islam fully, as Allah says in the Quran:

    "O believers enter into Islam completely and do not follow the footsteps of Shaitan, surely he is your clear-cut enemy.

    If you falter after receiving the clear-cut message, then keep in mind that Allah is Mighty, Wise.

    Are they waiting for Allah to come down to them in the shadow of clouds, along with the angels, and make His decision known? Ultimately all matters will be presented to Allah for decision."

    (Surah Al-Baqara, Ayah 208-210)

    It's time now to enter into Islam fully. And you're never going to feel like a real or full Muslim until you stop engaging in haram. Of course the same is true for your boyfriend, but I cannot speak for him or to him. You absolutely cannot continue this relationship of sleeping in the same bed, kissing, hugging, etc. It's totally inappropriate for a Muslim, and it is haram.

    I think you need to put an ultimatum on your boyfriend. Marry you now, or end the relationship. You clearly have feelings for each other and are already a couple, so it makes sense for you to marry, so that you can enjoy each other lawfully.

    However, if he is not willing to marry you, then you must guard your own deen. You cannot continue the relationship as it is.

    Also, I worry that he may not have sincere intentions to marry you. This happens quite often with Muslims from Arab or Asian backgrounds. He might love you and enjoy having your companionship, but when it comes to marriage, his family expects him to marry someone of the same nationality and culture. I'm not saying that is definitely the case here, but it happens all the time, and his refusal to marry you is a warning sign.

    Also, if you have not met or spoken to his family, then that's another warning sign, and another indication that he is not sincere in his intention to marry you.

    Try telling him that if he is not willing to marry you now, then at least you want an open engagement party with his family and yours attending, and to set a future wedding date within a reasonable time. If he refuses this as well, then that's a very loud alarm bell.

    This is the month of Ramadan, and I hope you are associating yourself with other Muslim sisters, studying the Quran, and worshiping as much as you can. At this time you really need to be around other Muslims.

    Wael Editor

  2. AA;

    Mashallah. It is the happiest of news when someone revert to Islam. And I am so proud of you that you did it all on your own. It is also great that you understand the relationship is not correct as is and something need to be done.

    It is weird that you got into Islam by your friend and now he just want to leave you hanging. He might be just immature, or maybe he does not know better, or even just afraid to let people know about you and the relationship. All in all, you need to stop everything you are doing with him and stop being alone. I do not think that is ever a good thing for a man and woman to be alone.

    With that, I agree with what Wael (Jazak ALLAH khair) said. He either wants you or not. If so, there are things that can be done now, and step by step full marriage. If not, then oh well. For each his/her own way. and may ALLAH reward you with the best of the best, whether it is a man, job, education or whatever. Now that you ar eon the right path, ALLAH will never let you down inshallah.


  3. Asalaamu alaykium sister

    Masha'Allah on you reverting to Islam

    Leave him. He is not good for you, Your committing Haram anyway, just by being alone with him, as Shaytan makes the third.

    dump him and concentrate on your Eman. Learn more Quraan.

  4. My age is 17 nd im in relation with my cousin.. Is being in a relation is haram?? Plz answer me

    • What do you mean by, "being in a relation"? If you mean meeting in private, having physical contact such as kissing or more, discussing inappropriate things, expressing love for each other, etc, then yes, it is all haram. There is NO BENEFIT in having a relationship with your cousin at your age. The only intimate relationship accepted between non-mahrem men and women in Islam is marriage.

      Leave your cousin alone and focus on your studies. These "relationship" games at your age will only lead to haram.

      Wael Editor

  5. Salam wAilikum sister. I met exactly same situation as you . I had been with my ex for almost two years . ️Alhamdulilah , Allah open the ISLAM door to me .He is from Saudi Arabia , I told him we can not continue this haram realationship z yes saudi guy their family want him to marry someone from their family . JUST DONT WORRY SISTER ! You give up sth for Allah !!! Allah will give you a much better one !!! Trust your lord ! ️Alhamdulilah. Allah did give me a much much better one ! Keep making dua sis , and ask Allah guide you to the right person. Inshallh everything will be good

  6. Hi, i am in a relationship withj a guy we sometimes kiss and hold hands

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