My friend is in a haram relationship, how do I approach her?
My question has to do with the islamic faith. I have a friend who is involved with a muslim man (arabic).
When they met (they met online), he did not inform her that he was muslim. He also didn't tell her what his real name was...instead he "americanized" it. He seems to lead a double life in the sense that he acts one way around his family and then another way around his friends.
The man does not drink, prays 5 times per day, does not eat pork but has a relationship with a non-muslim (white) girl and has premarital sex. Is it possible to continue a haraam relationship, commit zina repeatedly and be forgiven? He has had previous relationships with girls (all non-muslim) and has always kept them a secret from his family.
He has told my friend that he isn't allowed to be with any girl until he is finished with school (he is in his last semester of university). He has told my friend that he had a conversation with his father where his father has said: "he is his own man and that he can marry whoever he wants." Is he being truthful or is he just stringing her along until it's time to get married (and he ends up marrying an arabic girl)?
I really don't want her to get hurt, but she refuses to see the warning signs that are already present. Do you have any advice on how to approach this situation?
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As salamu alaykum, NeedAnswers,
Thank God, your friend is blessed with your Presence, you worry about her.
I am really sorry to listen to all of these, if we women were more awake, we wouldn´t let this kind of men get close to us from kilometers, specially young women, a straight man respects too much a woman to play with her.
The blessing of Forgiveness lies in Allah(swt), when we sin there are conditions to repent,
1. Leaving the sin;
2. Remorse over having committed the sin;
3. Resolve never to return to the sin;
when this is done from Heart, we go to Allah(swt) for forgiveness and only Him(swt) will be able to give us back the Peace that we lost sinning.
I cannot tell you what he has in his Heart or mind, only Allah(swt) knows, if he has done it with many different girls, I suppose he knows what he wants and it doesn´t sound good, he is just taking advantage of women that don´t know how vulnerable and precious they are.
How to wake up your friend, if he is a straight muslim man, he shouldn´t be doing what he is doing, he is not approaching muslims, because he respects the boundaries, but he approachs women that he believes are easy to get and you mention the word "secret" nobody knows, then danger, she is not protected at all.
She may think he is sinning because he loves her so much, tell her that a way to prove his love is to tell him she wants him to do it right, that she wants to meet his family and that he meets her family to propose, and stop dating and repent for what they have done, this would be a test of love, see what he does.
I am sorry for not being of more help.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
NeedAnswers,
It's really sweet of you to care about your friend here. If this was my friend, I would take her aside to have coffee or something and talk with her. Tell her how much you care for her and you don't want to see her used. If she refuses to see the red flags, then she will need to deal with the consequences later. At least you will have the peace of knowing that you took the time to talk to her and warn her about him.
Salam