Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Hard time dealing with Married Life


Assalam-o-Alaikum Wa'Rehmatullah Wa'barakatuhu

I got married six months back to a guy. He lives in UK and I live in Pakistan. Initially, it was fine. We were okay. With time, things changed. We used to talk on call or texts and slowly and gradually my husband lost his interest in me. He kept arguing. We have reached to the point where it is difficult for us to talk. I tell him each and everything and he finds fault in my actions and words. I keep try to convince and explain everything to him but instead of trying to sort out things at his end, he always raise a finger against my character. I am fed up, disappointed. He doubts my character and if my character was like this, why would I seek help from this forum. I am at that point in life where I find my words useless and every new day excites me about my husband's behavior, even if I give explanation by pointing out something relatable he did, he says I don't know how to talk. I don't find any hope.

I don't know what to do. I tried to sort out things at my end. Whatever he disliked, I kept myself away from it. I switched my job just because he had doubts that I talk to my colleagues. I even asked him to take  passwords of social media accounts. But, whenever we had an issue, he behaves unexpectedly. Every time I see his behavior, it amazes with shock. If I compare the time we are going through with the time before and few days after marriage, I don't believe.

I came to know a lot about him with proof that he was involved in wrong deeds, but I never discussed it with him, because I realized this is how he was before marriage. Now, he raise finger against my character forgetting what he did before marriage and I even can't list down his activities thinking it can become a reason for this relation to end. But then I think what is the point in keeping such a relationship when the person I am trying to sort out doesn't want to accept his mistakes and speaks truth.

I swear to Allah and may he make my fate ill if I speak lie, I am not involved in any wrong activity.

I did istikhara before deciding to tie a knot. And I initially consider everything will of Allah. It is getting worse now. He even speaks lie and I can't point out that he is lying. I am depressed.

He never gave a penny to me and I never asked him to do so thinking he will consider me greedy. People in Sub-continent usually fix a fixed amount for girl's monthly expenses if they tie knot based on Nikkah only, but my family didn't do this.

I don't find him with me when I am going through tough time. This is not his mistake, but mine because I feel if I tell him and he doesn't let me feel that he is with me, then it will hurt me more. I tried to tell twice indirectly and he ignored.

We are not in a physical relationship with each other because only nikkah took place, not rukhsati.

So, I am writing this post after struggling mentally and hope to see sincere suggestions from sincere Muslims.


Binte Hawa

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3 Responses »

  1. Honestly speaking he will never trust you because he is phchopheranic . He never ever be a good husband because he himself was involved in wrong doings and you never know he is still continuing the same things. My suggestion is before rukhsati discuss these things with your parents. He is not mentally normal at all.

  2. Walikum aasalam,
    I feel you because am going through similar situation. Only difference is am in canada and my husband is in uk. We been married for 2years and it was of our choice but I've heard from so many people about similar situation. Now am beginning to believe it's the place that's made them this way. Like you my husband doesn't care and I depend on my parents for my expenses since his got issue if I work. I did istakara as well before we got married and it came out good too, he keeps ignoring me and if I say anything he starts being verbally abusive so all I would is try to talk to your parents and see what they say. My in laws are main reason we are separated like they would do anything to create issues between us. Now I wish I could help you because I sit here and constantly question myself "if it was with will of Allah than why am suffering so much" but with you, it's first cousin so family? Definitely get your parents involved.

  3. First of all you should be thanking Allah that nothing physical took place . His making you unhappy before you guys even live together . His a very jealousy husband and he could start hitting you at any point . You shouldn't be depressed and have doubts when you just got married plse listen to yourself and you will find someone better insha Allah

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