Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I Love and Hate him, I Feel Lost

diverging paths

Assalamu Alekum,
I want to share something with you because i am feeling very heavy on my heart. i am 22 years old, brought up in a strict family, not forced by anyone but out of my own desire to know my religion and become CLOSE to My Lord. Indeed i am feeling very ashamed of myself to write about my life and I turned out to be bad in the end. I dont want a divorce 🙁

First of all Iam facing some tpye of mental/psychological illness which i have no control of.
I have been married for 7 years now and I have 2 children. I was in love with him and met him through the internet since i had a low imaan i thought he was a good religious guy. He used to tell me if i were his wife if i missed one single prayer, he would not talk to me for a whole day/week. This was him from the beginning. But when i got married to him he was totally different.
From the first day of our wedding I did not like him coming close to me as he was really hurting me. I thought that he would change as (he has never ever been with a women before). He nearly always watched pornography  in order to learn some techniques or someway of getting me closer to him. Out of my own desire I masturbated myself while he was close to me (in bed).
I always made sure to keep myself clean and make myself beautiful for him. I used to tell him to practice islam more and pray with me since i heard some of his friends praying with their wives. I Desperately wanted him to pray with me. And do something for the sake of Allah/ to have a spiritual, hormoniess home. He refused and instead he said ''I dont care if they do why don't they not stop what Allah dislikes, (I dont know some of his friends). Although he does not do Qumaar, Drink, never cheated on me.
One thing that I was not informed of was, that I was always upset whenever he came home after work. He had no relatives in the country where we were living. We were always with each other.

Whenever my first child ( 3 years old now) God bless him Yarab. Does not listen to me. I physicaly abuse him. I feel so ashammed I always think of going away or killing myself. I want to hold him like before in my arms. Every person I knew was telling me how my child was so warm hearted. He is an abnormal child (he has 3 toes and short leg). I have gone out of control with him. I have lost (SaBir) I cannot help myself everytime i talk . I always remind myself to talk to him nice and gently. But it doesnt seem to work.  He shouts and screams

7 months ago we decided to move to our home country as his mother has heart/ diebities/ high cholesterol illness. My decision was not at heart. I was frightened of him. I dont know what was making me frightened. I had so much hatred in my heart. So when we went there we decided to demolish our house and his brother's at the same time. At the very first day when i saw him talking to his family in a nice warm greeting. jolly and happy I became very jealouse and heart broken. I was thinking Why was he not being like that with me? Why did he not sit and talk to me like he is with his family.?

I thought that if i were to share my feelings i could be putting them in fitnah. I was getting all those emotional feelings. I wanted him so badly I wanted all his family to know that he is mine in a way to make some room for ourselves. Later on when all of us moved to rented house. My other child was at that time 2 months old. I was taking care of him mostly I  know i was wrong by not letting Mother-in-law come near my children and my children mixing with their cousins.
One morning when we were eating breakfast i somehow made her know that I have too many problems in my life. That made her develope ideas for her life to be sorted out and leave me blanked. Later when i told him that I was wrong and that it was all my fault for not listening to him when he was keep telling me that I am his only one and that I have to have Sabir until the house finshes. But I couldn't help it. I did not know where to start :(.

He has sent me back to my parents home.
Please I need an answer A.S.A

Jiaynaan


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8 Responses »

  1. Salaam Dear Sister i can understand what your going thru i reli can xx
    it seems u loved and cared for him alot... It just shows that he never reli loved u cuz if he did u wud still b together
    Dear Sister delete him litreally out of ur life mobile number email etc .. DELETE and BLOCK
    throw away anyfin that reminds you of hi, i.e like a old photo
    Start prayin loads Ask Allah to help you forget him
    try and keep urself busy that needs ur full attension ... like sewing or sumit
    find a new hobby go to islamic circles in mosques Listen to nasheeds
    make sure u hav no contact with him cuz he'll just convince u to cum bak 2 him
    Stay away frm his family members ,, Ignore the haters accept the lovers 🙂
    Try and go for walks get fresh ait clear ur mind try and visit ur family mum dad stay wiv em for a while.... try and smile even wen u feel like crying ... Trust u will move on stay positivee

  2. Asalamualaikum

    my sister ..... for every pain there is an end ... never leave your hope on Allah trust him,, and make Duaa from your heart.... In Shaa Allah Allah will surely bless you Ameen

  3. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    He has sent me back to my parents home.

    FOR WHAT HE SENT YOU BACK SENT BACK MEANS IN WHAT WAY-

    REGARDS

  4. Assalamualaikum,

    Sister, I am sorry for what you are having to face.

    If I am not wrong, you found your husband to be less Religious than expected, after you married him, right?

    Does he offer the obligatory prayers on their time? Does he fast the Ramadan? Does he give Zakah?

    If he does, then you need not force him to do optional prayers. Praying together is Sunnah. Read the following Hadith:

    Abu Hurayra reported that the
    Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless
    him and grant him peace, said, "May
    Allah show mercy to a man who gets up in the night and prays and wakes up his wife, and. if she refuses, splashes some water in her face. May Allah show mercy to a woman who gets up in the night and prays and wakes up her husband, and if he refuses, splashes water in his face." [Abu Dawud]

    This is a beautiful relation.

    Watching porn is wrong, and your husband needs to be told that it is a sin and he needs to stop it.

    But otherwise, I understand that you wish to save your marriage and you don't intend divorce.

    Your husband is probably angry over your mistake that you admitted. You need to say sorry and request him to stay together. You could ask your father or any elder to intervene in a manner our Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam did when his daughter Fatimah Radiyallahu Anha and Ali bin Abi Talib Radiyallahu Anhu had some problem. The following Hadith has this:

    Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd: Allah's Apostle went to Fatima's house but did not find 'Ali there. So he asked, "Where is your cousin?" She replied, "There was something between us and he got angry with me and went out. He did not sleep (mid-day nap) in the house." Allah's Apostle asked a person to look for him. That person came and said, "O Allah's Apostle! He (Ali) is sleeping in the mosque." Allah's Apostle went there and 'Ali was lying. His upper body cover had fallen down to one side of his body and he was covered with dust. Allah's Apostle started cleaning the dust from him saying: "Get up! O Aba Turab. Get up! O Aba Turab (literally means: O father of dust).

    Your husband maybe in the wrong, while you have done mistakes too. For this reason, you should try and forgive him and move ahead with life. Just get to his house in whatever way and be good to his mother. You should understand that for a Muslim man, mother has a higher priority over his wife, while the husband has the highest priority for a Muslim woman.

    Please see that you act wisely in gettin things sorted and have your father intervene in order to save his daughter's home.

    I must also point out that the home of a Muslim woman is her husband's home after she gets married. The husband is very much wrong for sending you back to your parents place.

    Once you get together with your husband, which, insha Allah, you will if you try with trust in Allah, tell him wisely about his mistakes such that his ego is not hurt, so that he changes his ways.

    The hearts of all the beings are between the two fingers of Allah Subhaanah wa Ta'ala. Your husband's heart is turned away from you currently. Pray to him that He turns his heart towards you.

    Say the following dua too:

    ”Allahumma ya Muqallib al Quloob thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik,”
    “O Turner of the hearts, make my heart firm upon Your Religion.”

    This is my personal opinion, which, people may or may not agree.

    I pray that Allah Helps you in this

    Wassalamualaikum
    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. salam sis
    god puts love in the heart. it is a blessing from allah. leave all haram acts, pray 5 times a day, pray nafls, wake up at tahajjud time and pray, fast, and most importantly believe that allah will answer your prayers. pray that husband can be guided to the right path. if you really love and want him back, pray to allah to put affection and love in his heart for you. as allah is all-powerful and all loving. only he can answer your prayers. divorce is the last resort and it is disliked by allah. many fail to realize this and without making dua and prayers, lose their patience and divorce. patience is key. many lose hope, but we have to believe.

  6. Sister, please you need to talk to Allah Aza Aa Jal! To workout your problems people are people but Allah is yours forever and ever! He loves you more than your mom does, 70x more than mom does! : )

    Sister re-"type" this message in Sujood to HIGHEST and supreme Master. May Allah Aza Wa Jal do to you what is most pleasing to Him SWT, going back to ur husband or if not then may He SWT make a way out from another path for you. 🙂

  7. assalam o alikum to all of you i have question
    a girl told me tha she love me i have no feeling for her but after the time passed i also fall in her love some time after his family do her engagement(nikkah) with another boy with out her permission now we have too much love with each other i told her leave me but she said i will commit suicide without you we both pray tahjud and pray from Allah that we marry with each other
    please tell me wazifa for that i will get her

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