Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I hate my husband and love my childhood friend. Will he be mine?

Love triangle, two women and one man

I got married 5yrs ago and have a son. Ours was not a happy life, he often used quarrel with me for petty things, but still I remained calm haping it will get alright one day. I always used to listen to his sisters, brother and his mother and fight with me and make me cry, insult me, disrespect me and made me feel downtrodden. Things passed and he even came to the extent of divorcing me, not thinking about our son's future.

I was totally broken and shattered. Everyone started making fun of me, I became laugh of the town, whoever met me on the streets,would discuss about this divorce issue and made me feel sad. I prayed day and night ,made dua ,cried to my lord ,that divorce should not take place. Finally things where sorted out by the elders of my family and he came and started living with me, but then to he would often quarrel with me, insult me,made phone calls to almost everyone from my family and his family and would tell the issue going on between us.

At the time I felt that I made I wrong choice by marrying him. Then one day I met a man whom getting married ,and he was actually my childhood friend. His parents wanted be as the bride for their son but before that I got married. Thing is now I am actually fell in love with him and keep asking dua that he may be in my life soon. But he is happy with his wife. Will my dua come true? Will he be mine? I really like him and hate my hubby now.


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7 Responses »

  1. Please don't think about a married man like that. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. Don't you want for your sister what you want for yourself? I am sure you wouldn't like another lady thinking about your husband like that back in the days when you and your husband did not quarrel.

    And sister, you are a good woman. It seems like Allah SWT loves you, for Allah loves those who he tests. You have come so far, please don't ruin your record and iman by thinking about a non-mahram. This is Waswasa from the Shaitan. Please don't spoil what you have achieved.

    About your husband why don't you consider divorce from him?

  2. Assalamualaikum,

    Sister, I am afraid you are going astray. Shaitan is trying hard to win over you and make you disobey Allah. The man you mentioned has NOTHING to do with your life. You belong to your husband and your husband belongs to you. Why would you want divorce from your husband? Because he quarrels? Then show me a couple that does not. There are exceptions to this, of course, but very little.

    Divorce should not be taken so easily and looking outside your home takes you on the path of Shaitaan, who urges you to be disloyal towards your husband. That is his aim. I urge you to have patience and remain silent when your husband displays anger, instead of getting angry in turn and increasing the complications.

    Sister, do not hate your husband because you love someone else. That is ignorance, the result is evil. The love you talk about is not legal. And your dua seems to be for breaking a relation and Allah does not accept such dua.

    Sister, Allah Has Warned us against the Shaitaan.

    It was narrated that Jâbir said: ``The Messenger of Allâh ﺻﻠﻰ اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: `Iblîs places his throne over the water, then he sends out his troops, and the one who is closest in status to him is the one who causes the greatest amount of Fitnah (tribulation or temptation). One of them comes and says: ‘I have done such and such,' and he says: `You have not done anything.' Then one of them comes and says: ‘I did not leave him until I separated him and his wife.' Then he draws him close to him and says: `How good you are.''' Al-A`ma sh said: ``I think he ( اﻟﻠﻪ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: `And he embraces him.''' (Muslim)

    Beware, and FEAR ALLAH. Keep yourself patient and obedient to Him. Do not ask for divorceon invalid grounds, you may regret your decision later. So keep away from the married man and try to save your own relationship. May Allah Give you the Tawfeeq.

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  3. I think you need to sort out the situation you are in now before even thinking about getting married again. Reading your msg i felt really sorry for this woman who's husband you seem to have your eye on. You say they re happily married and here you are praying he lea ves her and gets married to you??? Or are you wanting to be his second wife? Please don't try and break up a happy home. You wouldst want that to happen to you and you shouldn't want that for someone else.
    Sort your life out..
    If you "hate" your husband then consider your options..
    Keep praying for yourself

  4. assalamualaikum sister u are married now and even he is married and he is also happy with his life , try to sort out your problem with ur hubby inshallah everything will be fine, it is haraam to think about other male even if he is ur close friend or cousin also. please do not get into it
    may allah guide u and us ameen

    jazakallah khair

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    The man you desire is married, and happily. He is therefore off-limits and it's your duty to respect this and step away from the temptation in this situation. His wife is your sister in Islam - so do not try to sabotage her marriage.

    No marriage is without its challenges and disagreements, but when you compare an imperfect husband with an idealised unattainable man, it only serves to drive you both further apart.

    Your husband, the father of your child, deserves a chance to make things right, so do not harden your heart towards him. Stop contacting and thinking about this other man (who, like your husband, is not perfect and will have faults of his own that you are not aware of). Work on reconnecting with your husband, and genuinely try to make things work. While you currently feel negatively about him, you have said how important you feel a stable home us for a child - this can be a powerful incentive to keep trying. If you are struggling to rebuild your marriage, it might be worth considering counselling or marital therapy from an Islamic source.

    Instead of making dua for an unattainable desire which is forbidden to you, spend your energy and prayers asking for help in your marriage and family, and inshaAllah you will find things become easier.

    When I'm struggling with family disagreements (all modern families have them), I find that it helps to read about the trials faced by Allah's Prophets and Messengers - it really helps put things in perspective when I reflect on the struggles they faced and the family troubles they had. In comparison, our own family disputes are quite insignificant, Alhamdulillah.

    May Allah guide you and your family through these challenges and to what is best for you all.

    Midnightmoon editor

  6. Sister,

    Before you go and destroy someone else's marriage, you need to work on your own. This brother you speak of is a married man. Leave him and his family alone lest you be responsible for the problems that could arise due to your contact with him. You have no business stepping outside your marriage to seek what you don't have at home. If you are truly unhappy and miserable, end your marriage in a halal way. Instead of thinking about yourself here and your desires and needs, you might take a moment to think about the wife of this man and how hurt and destroyed she would be if she knew what is going on behind her back.


  7. "But he is happy with his wife. "

    Sorry to say sister.....

    You're being selfish!! by asking him to be your husband when you know he is married and Masha ALLAH happy with his life...

    I may be unaware of the whole situation...

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