Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am haunted by my past sin, it is causing me problems

Assalam O ALaikum,

I am very embarrassed to even tell that I am a vey unlucky person who had abortion, When I got pregnant, I got really scared that i'll not be able to take care of my baby due to severe rheumatoid arthriitis, but whatever the reason now I know that it is Haram, and i should'nt have done that, I am really regretful and everyday this sin haunts me, its hard for me to sleep properly. I am asking for forgiveness from Allah but I fear that my sins will not be forgiven!

I feell like such a sinner that I don't have any place on this earth! I am really depressed and it is affecting my 2 children! 

I feel like I can't get any mental satisfaction ever! All my health problems are getting worse beause of this sin! I don't feel any energy left in my body and soul because of this depression.

As I have told I am a patient and I have recently got surgeries on my right hand and doctor is asking me to get my ankle fused too, because the pain in it is unbearable.

Aside from that I am in more emotinal pain rather than in physical, Its really hard to face Alllah SWT in the daily prayer also. Please make Dua for me!

please tell me what should I do?


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2 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I am sorry to hear about your past mistakes. I want to let you know you are not alone in the experience you are having after having made that decision, as there has been research to show that women who undergo an abortion often experience symptoms indicative of clinical depression or even Post-traumatic stress disorder. These conditions, if left untreated by a professional, don't often resolve on their own. Adding to the fact that you have arthritis, I can assure you that allowing these unresolved emotional reactions to linger will only exacerbate your physical condition, and it truly does cause any physical pain you may be experiencing to be more acute.

    In my "day job", I work as a Life Coach for people who have medical conditions such as cancer, diabetes, back problems, arthritis, and multitude of other issues. Our main focus is to provide resources to people who are having complications with these conditions, because there is a proven correlation between depression/anxiety etc and chronic medical conditions. If you were one of my members, I would encourage you to find a therapist you can work with about the mistakes you made, and try to find closure on that part of your past. If you are able to do so, you will find that a lot of your physical ailments will find some relief as well. Treating your mind and body go hand in hand, and because you are still very much affected by what you did it is crucial that you start to find someone who can work with you intensely to bring healing to your soul as well as your body.

    Spiritually speaking, we are told to never despair of the Mercy of Allah. If we sincerely repent and ask His forgiveness, we can have a tangible hope that He has forgiven us. I believe that based on what you said, you truly regret what you did and would have done it differently if you were given the chance, and surely you would never do it again from this point forward. As humans, that is the best we can do after making a regrettable mistake. Have faith that Allah loves you and is infinitely more capable of forgiving you of what you've done than you can imagine. When we turn toward Him, He turns toward us even keep that picture in your mind when you are worshipping Him.

    -Amy Editor

    • Assalam O Alikum!

      Thankyou Amy for your response and for your encouraging words, I'll try my best to find a lifecoach or a person tohelp me find closure, and in the meantime I'll keep praying for forgiveness from Allah SWT.
      May Allah SWT have mercy on all of us! Ameen

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