Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Have a horrible crush

teenage teacher student

im 15 i have a crush on this one guy that the year before ppl had made a rumour aboout me liking. the guy started avoiding me and hating me so i tried talking to him but nothing worked. we used to always have eye contact and he was a sweet heart and as a reaction i made it a big deal saying omg i hate him infront of his face. i think i hurt his feelings because i thought he liked me...

later on i realized i did like him and  i tried to get near him and he thought i followed him so he started telling ppl. his friend would just cuss me out for unnecessary purposes, he is super shy and his friends speak for him so there was no way to get through to him. and in the halls he would move away making it obvious wanting attention and a couple month passed he asked his friend to find out if i still liked him i said no....

a couple month later my friend msged him and put me in  a group chat and i confessed my feelings. he kept calling me ugly and all he did was insult me then i called him depressed and he was like i dont care about u nvr talk to me dont look at me.

i mean i feel it was my fault i shouldnt have told him in the first place and just kept denying it. But now  idk what to do i try forgetting and getting  over him but i honestly cant like every time im happy or soemthing ithink of him i feel guilty cuz instead of him i need to think of allah ive made prayers but this feeling wont go away. i learned to like him for his flaws and i dont hate on him and will always defend him but he isnt worth it cuyz im not into haraam relationships. what can i do to make him think im over him and what can i do to get over him and stop thinking about him.


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18 Responses »

  1. Assalmualaikum sister,

    I EXACTLY understand the situation you're in. You can't stop thinking about him,right? No matter where you are,whether you're going to sleep or you're watching a romantic movie or listening to a song, It's like he corrupted your brain to just sit there permanently. But hey trust me,it's not permanent. Right now whatever I'm going to tell you will seem a bit like "I don't think it'll work,my case is different and blah blah"

    But listen to me,take a deep breathe. You feel bad that the boy you like rejected you and made you feel humiliated, right? And you want to just let him know that "Hey! I don't need you. I'm not a sucker for you and all that". You know what did I do when I felt this way? I didn't do anything. So don't do anything. If you try to make out a way to let him know that you "hate" him,it'll just make everything worse. Just ignore him. And if his friends try to ask you whether you still like him or not,wants to get you two in a group chat. Straight away say NO! No no no!!! Okay? And honey,if he was actually a guy worthy of deserving your love,he'd be gentle and polite enough to not call you "ugly"....or insult you in any other way.

    And the part where you said you wanna forget him. Believe me girl, I went through this at the age of 15 too. And I just turned 16. I don't care if you believe me or not, BUT YOU'LL GET OVER HIM! yes! You will. All you need is time and patience. It took me a whole year to actually kick him outta my head. But here,I need you to believe in yourself. You'll get over him. Keep telling that to yourself.

    And how,you ask?I'm gonna tell you how I got over him:-
    1) I begin loving myself. I took care of my body,health and skin. Because hey, he just ruined my self esteem...And that actually made me turn into a better person, both mentally and physically.
    2) This might sound crazy and people might fight me on this-but this is personal I begin watching action movies and watching dramas and stuff to keep me occupied.
    3) Also, I prayed tahajjud prayers and read Quran too.(this is Better than the above,of course)
    4) I talked to my friends, we played games,we strengthened the "sister-ship" amongst us.
    5) FOCUS ON SCHOOL:- years from now,when you meet this guy again somewhere and if you succeed as a famous doctor or engineer it's surely going yo give you an upperhand. So please study. Study and make your parent proud!
    6) Boys come and go:- don't sit your life waiting for another chance with him. Maybe a few years later, another boy might catch your attention. There are so many pretty boys out there. But nah,I'm not interested anymore.

    Now go to school,and don't give a damn to rumours and that boy especially. If you can't hate him,pretend to hate him. You know, like they say: FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT! ;D

    • Well said *applause fir Jumana*. To be fair I was in the same scenario last year,(I was 16 at the time). And me and this Muslim girl got along quite well. Then the usual, people began to tease her and she started to change.(first the denial then shyness etc) She was quite pretty and had good deen mashallah, anyway she confessed to me after a few weeks later and because I was going to move away I had to reject her even though I did like her. A lot. And I'm 100% glad I did because when someone says there's someone better out there, there genuinely is. Don't worry about, you'll get over it. Good luck sisters and stay strong!

      • Firstly,thank you for the applause *bows* but I'm going to be really frank here, there is something many brothers and sisters miss out on.So I'm sorry if it sounds offensive to you.

        Now like you said,you left her because you were going to move away....and I'm guessing,also because of Islamic purposes. From your perspective, what you did was the right thing. So kudos to you. But what about the girls perspective? She liked you,she confessed and then got rejected right in the face(similar to the sister's main post). I feel like this is a problem because you rejected her because you had to move away,okay good. But what about her? What if she's suffering to not move on since she received the trauma you gave her? I really don't blame you. But if I read the story from the girls side,I feel really bad. What if she can't stop thinking about you and its getting in the way of her studies,health and sanity?!

        I think the best thing to be done here (according to me) is that the guy/girl should explain to the one who confessed that Islamically,it's not halal to have a relationship. So the latter understands that its a sin because of which you're rejecting her. And not because she's ugly, dumb or whatever.

        I repeat,I'm sorry if this sounds offensive. But i felt like i needed to put it up here. It wasn't directed to you brother but generally to the Muslim people out there,including myself. Because it sounds so correct when I say I just rejected him for Islam. Okay great. But i gotta even go and make him understand so that he doesn't suicide or something.

        Jazakallah for bearing with my rant 😀

        • Nah you know what sister. I've never really looked at it like that. And don't worry about being offensive because you did make a valid point. Genuinely thank you for mentioning it, other wise I may have never noticed it from her perspective.

          And i 100% agree with the fact the one should explain why its haraam. But she already knew I've never had a gf or anything like that, and wouldn't have one.

          I didn't say anything that should've hurt her. In a nutshell I told her she'll find someone better. And I said she was beautiful(first time telling a girl) I genuinely meant it, also these idiots used to make fun of her so I didn't want her to think that she's ugly or anything. Surely she wouldn't be traumatised or want to kill herself right? Like we stayed good friends until the end of the school.

          if you don't mind me asking what happened with your sweetheart?

          • Assalamualaikum again
            Hey,am I late? I've been really busy with exams. Anyway, what happened with my "ex-sweetheart" you mean? Well frankly,I don't know man. It's been a year and I tend to forget things fast lol. To summarize things:- love happened,love broke,then depression, then forgiveness,then he left to some other country for good, this gave me time to get myself back on track. And I was happy for a while,until another problem popped up out of the blue. Like I don't know,I feel like problems have a crush on me or something it's annoying.

            Anyway, I'm just waiting for my post to be posted and it might take quite a long time(which I'm not very happy about but I understand the long queue). Hopefully if you read it, it's like I'm stuck on this whole new level. But whatever.

            In conclusion, I'm just wishing this sister comes and reads the replies or at least replies to any of my comments because frankly,I'm worried about her.

            Sometimes I wish this "love"thing never existed since it messes up so many young teenagers lives. It's like way more terrible,since you can't control it. Then there's rejection,denial,neglect,etc.which literally breaks people apart. But it's all part of learning. You know learning and passing the examination. Which I have to run for now,since I MUSTdo maths to pass tomorrow XD

            Okay Assalamualaikum, and good luck to all those amazing people out there who are fighting to get over a "horrible"crush 😀

    • Asalamualaikum sister I'm am very truly sorry for not reply I forgot my acc password so I made a new one because I seen your response I want to thank you for being there and understanding may allah bless you. I wanna let u know what happened after I posted that so my friends told a teacher about what the boy had said and I felt ashamed cuz who still respects someone like that and I lost feelings for him because I felt really pathetic I don't look at him or talk to him or even get near him his friends left me alone and everything but I still find him very attractive I guess it's just that I want a conclusion but I mean I guess it's all good I think of him daily but it's not the same and the other brother was right I was trying to get it off my chest cuz there isn't rlly anyone who'd understand I lost a lot of self esteem tho although I'm not depressed I feel rlly ugly once again thank you very much for ur advice

      • *reads the reply* I was like eh!? How could she just disregard me like that!! I'm kidding 😀
        No matter how many pimples you have, or how dark your skin is, or how tall you are. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You're not ugly, you're just you. Those "imperfections" are what makes you unique and special.
        Remember sister Allah always has something better planned. Be content, and stay strong!!

        • Yes your right but I mean these days society standards for beauty are so high I cannot wear makeup or do my eyebrows like many other girls beacause it is haram or something like that I'm not even sure my parents won't let so I'm just gonna stick to that and I've been called not attractive honestly I don't think I'm "ugly" and I would nvr call anyone ugly but when ppl constantly put u down its kinda of hard to think otherwise

          • Screw the critics mate! Haters will be haters. Even if you aren't ugly they just find any excuse to make you feel smaller than them. Ppl do the same thing to me I'm like 5'6 that's average height. Not massive not tiny. But you know what the kids who thought I was better than them started doing, making fun of my height. To be honest I don't care what people think. Yeah it bothered me at first, but then I realised, what does it matter they just feel inferior and are trying to make themselves feel better. I think its probably the same case with you maybe you're smarter/more popular/more athletic / funnier than the latter. And cos they ain't got nothing on you they make fun of something that could be perfectly normal. You have something they wish they had, remember what they think dont matter, okay?
            Anyways hows everything now? Have you gotten over him?
            I'll remember you In duas.
            Stay strong .
            And ignore the haters!
            You're better than them!

          • Al
            sorry for the later reply i completely forgot about this
            Ok i gotta say that made me smile while reading it so thank you and i guess ive gotton over him i dont rlly pay attention anymore and i heard he likes this other girl so yea thats done with but i mean even if he didnt i wouldnt have tried to get with him lol but i still do care although i care about many ppl so thats not a big deal i had time to think it through and i realised how immature this was and idk why i used to prioritize him ive jus learned to cut ppl who dont have a positive impact on me out of my life and ive completely distnaced myself from guys in general yea id speak to them if i have to but not more than that and ive tried to be a better muslim and inshallah imma start wearing the hijab next school year and if im gonna appreciate the haters cuz they be giving me there good deeds on a gold platter and once again thank you for ur prayers and ur kind words

  2. Awwh that's a shame, I'll definitely keep my eyes peeled for your post and sorry for the late reply(just come back from umrah) Inshallah you'll pass GCSE's with flying colours. I doubt this girl will reply, I think she was just getting off her chest, but I definitely look forward to hearing from you again. Like you said "fake till you make it" ;P

  3. You are just in your teens, it's a time when the hormones are ragging. One has to control oneself. Believe me, after crossing your 20, you will be mature enough to overcome these feelings or thoughts. But don't make a mistake now, just have self-control and discipline. Don't interact with the opposite gender. There is no such as ''just friends'' between opposite genders. it leads to mistakes that will impact one's life forever, so be very careful!! You have your whole future in front of you!

  4. Asalamulaikum, well as of late I must say I have developed a crush too. Rather than horrible she is amazing, anything you could ever look for in a woman. Anyways the sad thing is we cannot be together (for a long time) so I know we should keep each other at arms distance. But I can't. She's far too incredible to just leave alone. We are coming up to 6 amazing months of our friendship, I truly xherish, and no matter what happens I always will.

  5. Assalamualaikum,

    I hope the sister who wrote this post is healthy and happy I want to thank her for writing this post. I have met new people who absolutely changed my life, everything about them is just plain awesome SubhanAllah. I sort of regret saying what I said months ago. Turns out being asexual isn't something we are, it's a choice we make. Alhamdulillah for an amazing friend who took it to help me and changed my perspective, guided me and perhaps shown me that everyone isn't the same. May Allah bless him for the abundance of support he showered over me. And may Allah create clones of him and bless everyone with a friend like him This goes out to you and our friendship which I'll treasure forever. Thank you for being who you are

    Take care everyone.

    • PLOT TWIST!!! Im jus kidding and im so glad u met someone who changed ur perspective subhanallah i wish u all the best and once again thank you i rlly did appreciate ur comment

  6. Salam sister. Mashallah! Its genuinely nice to see how much you've matured in such a short time. 🙂 I'm terribly sorry for the late reply. Keep up the good work, its nice to see your mindset is in the right place now. Studies first, guys later. Its the best way to go about things.

    Um yeah I'm only 17 rn so with regards to ur question about marriage its pretty much not legal. But anyways that stuff is gone now. I had to detach from her for many reasons. But Alhamdulillah everything is from Allah so

    Keep up the hard work sister your doing a great job. Inshallah wearing hijab will be a smooth transition for you and may Allah bless us all jannah tul firdous and save us from the hell fire. May he also bless us with spouses firm on the deen whom will bring us closer to him and better us as people. May Allah grant us ease and allow us to excel and achieve in our studies. And last but not least may he make us healthy, wealthy and prosperous in this life and infinitely times more in the next.
    Idk if you'll ever come back to view this.
    But nevertheless,
    All the best sisters.
    Masalam. 😀

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