Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Have been trying almost everything to improve my life but it is just not working

Out of ideas

As salamualaikum
I have been facing issues since a long time now.
It was not more than 1 and a half year ago that I turned back to my Lord, my Creator and pondered upon his message and what the Prophet (SAW) taught us. I was born in a Muslim family but never borthered. It all changed all of a sudden. I became a very devout Muslim after knowing so much truth about Islam and about God.
I want to get married since some time and have been trying almost everything for that, yet I have failed all the time. Almost all my attempts have been in vain. I really really want a life partner and want peace and tranquility from a good married life. We have been searching everywhere since almost 1 and a half year but nothing at all has been good.
I had been depressed last year as I never had a job, but all of a sudden I found one. I have been trying everything to settle down. But all my attempts just went in vain.
Me and my mother are also trying move into a new home and we want to seperate from a joint family as I have now grown up and she has been trying this since I more than 15 years and all has gone in vain. However we have decided that we will get a new home for ourself in sometime now so that I can settle, but I do not see any good even here. I have been trying everything to settle down and have a decent life for myself and my mother, but nothnig is working and it has been years.
The time has come when my family dosent really care about my problems as they say we have tried everything but nothnig is working. The time has come when they will belittle my problems instead of comsoling me.
All I am facing right now is my greedy aunt and her daughter who will not leave a single penny and who does not care about me as the only thing they love is money. My mother has tried to solve this since ever but my aunt and her daughter(who is divorced) only love money and no one else, even if they have to wrong other by taking what belongs to them. My aunt is a very devout Muslim on one hand and prays regularly and has a lot of knowledge but on the other hand is always ready to wrong others because of her greed and ego. Due to this it is becoming extremely difficult for us to get a house and me to get married.
But my mom has said to me that she will get a house at all costs and the only exception is fighting, she will never fight with my aunt as that is wrong.
I have been making all sorts of duas. I have given up on all my bad habbits only for the sake of Allah's pleasure. I used to drink sometimes but I have given up on all of it all at once. I have also given up on using abusive words as before that was commkn for me. I used to see women with a wrong intention before but now all has changed. I always lower my gaze, though I fail most of the times but have never given up. I make sure I am good to my mother and be good to others as well and have patience with all people even strangers. I am in no mood of giving up my 5 daily salats and the Quran is my only guidance. I fast in Ramadan with all devotions and really want to visit Mecca one day. I do not have the company of any good knowledgeable person except lectures over the internet, I am all alone in those terms. I do commit some sins when I am frustrated, but always come out feeling guilty and repent.
I just do not want to make Allah angry and I want Jannat Al Firdous at all costs.
I have given up on so much. I have changed soo much. I will never turn back. Yet the only thing I see is misery in my life and people belittling my probpems and behaving as if no one cares if I get married or no. All I see is a greedy aunt. All I see is myself suffering in this life and do not see any light at the end of the tunnel even though sometimes i percive that my problems sre almost over, they just go on and on.
I now am in a doubt about there being anything good for me in this life and whether I will ever be able to have a healthy family life and have children all do I have to cut this life all by myself when tomorrow even my mom wont ne there nor will I have any other elder people for me.
All I see is a life of misery ahead and the only thing I can hope for is my huge reward on the day of Judgement (God willing) and that is Jannat Al Firdous where I will meet all my beloved Inshahallah and also my parents. But until then it is all suffering and lonliness in this life.

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4 Responses »

  1. inshallah u will get your duwa stay strong tc

  2. Assalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu.

    Mashallah, Mashallah, you're a very strong person, sister. The Prophet (SAW) says, “All of my Ummah will enter Paradise except those who refuse.” The Companions said, “Who refuses to enter Paradise?!” He said, “Whoever obeys me enters Paradise and whoever disobeys me is refusing, he has chosen his destiny!”

    Have you been consistent in terms of the following aspects for at least a month, I mean like very consistent, sister?

    1. Salah x5
    2. Character which is mainly anger, gaze and not listening to music.
    3. Increasing your Emaan.

    Just answer the simple question above, sister and I promise by Allah to solve your problems in a very, very, very easy way! Not like "Oh make this dua, pray this long Salah, or make taubah, read this and that etc."

    May Allah reward you with goodness. I'll be waiting for your answer.

    • Assalaamualaikum, again, brother.

      I thought you were a sister, my brother! So write to us, brother. We'll be waiting for your answer.

  3. Assalaamualaykum brother,

    I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling down in life. Inshallah this will not last forever...rarely does it. There is good for you around the next bend of the river, I just know it!

    I personally think you are putting a little bit too much emphasis on your marital situation at the exclusion of all else. There are so many more aspects to life that you can be involved in, and inshallah, once you do, you will meet more people, have more connections, and be more likely to find a marriage partner.

    It is great news that your mom is now serious about getting a new house for the two of you...that's a great first step, and also increases your chances of finding a suitable match, as you can have friends and acquaintances over to visit from the mosque and other places.

    Don't give up on your dua brother! Allah is hearing you...when the time is right, you will be blessed with whatever will make you content, if you continue to believe. Until then, try to find pleasure in other aspects of life, such as family bonding, good meals, the wind from a cool fan, or a stroll around your neighborhood for exercise and mental clarity.

    This is mostly a test of patience for you, which is one of the greatest and hardest tests...a test Allah in fact BLESSED you with, because He knew you were now at the level where you can handle it...any other test would have been too easy for you and the reward of passing it would be unsatisfactory to you.

    So just keep on keeping on, not neglecting your duties towards your parents or your community, and one of these days, the sun will be shining a little brighter,

    Best,

    Nor

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