Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Have I Contracted Disease Because of Masturbation?

Anxiety, anxious, worried.

Anxiety's vicious circle.

Assalamualaykum dear sisters and brothers in islam,

I am a 19 year old female muslim.  I've post something before but there's another thing that I've been thinking about and it's troubling me. Okay here it is. I used to masturbate and it's been more than 1 year since I last did it. I stopped and I've repented thinking that I should stop doing it because it's a sin. So I was proud of myself that I've left that bad habit.

Okay, there's another thing. Sometimes whenever I watched movies or anything, my sexual urges increase and that has left me produce perhaps madhiy? I'm not sure. Yeah. So even the simplest thing like people hugging, I would get arousal. and even when I'm looking at a female wearing tight clothes! I'm not a lesbian but I get aroused by them? How should I solve that? I don't want to think that I'm a lesbian because I know I'm not!  The more I tried to think ways to stop it, the more I easily get aroused. Even when I'm simply sitting doing nothing or just whatever. It hurts my heart and soul that this happens.

Right now, when I'm performing my prayer, I would think lots of things like zinaa and and that I feel conscious about having discharge any madhiy or maybe perhaps maniy! I don't want that. So I've been doing gusl every time I'm showering for like 1 whole year already! I'm getting too sensitive. My mind just naturally think about sexual things even though I don't want it and my genital parts easily react to it. Every day I feel like suicide. It hurts my heart and I feel like my prayer is not valid. I kept thinking about this even during my prayer! How should I do this???

And sometimes I would get infection on my genital parts. I would feel so itchy and sometimes there's redness and everything. Sometimes, I would think that I've contradicted STDS or HIVs!!! I've never had any sex with anyone!! And all the time I kept thinking that I'm so disgusting! All the time I've been thinking that I have stds or hiv. I've been crying about this for so long already. I love to share food and drinks with my friends and my siblings. Sometimes I feel guilty about all of this to the point that I cannot eat and drink that easily anymore.

I almost told my best friend about this. I mean about me used to have masturbation and i easily get arousal and theres possibility for hiv or stds. But I didn't because I can't simple reveal my past sins to anyone. I'm thinking about having to consult about this to my mum but I can't tell her about everything from A to Z! I really wanted to tell this to my mum because she is an adult but then again I can't.

I'm scared that even if I go to GYN for check ups, they might realize that I don't have my hymen anymore and that might get my mum sad. I'm a still a virgin but due to my past masturbation,  I might dont have an intact hymen anymore.

I have so many things to think about and my head is always hurt due to over thinking. My body is always exhausted because of the stress and depressions.

Help me to solve this problem because this is a very urgent matter. Due to this problem, I've changed. I get into depression. Sometimes I would get panic attack. And my personality has changed. I used to be a very happy go lucky girl but now, I've become so silent and seldomly talks.

1. What should I do to stop thinking and having this arousal?  I think about it every day and every single time! I can't have a normal life right now. Maybe never!

2. Should I tell my mum about me having infections? But that might lead to go to GYN and they might tell me that I might have not an intact hymen anymore. And then I would have to explain it tom my mum or to the doctor how could have such a thing to happen! But that's like telling them about my sins!

3. What should I do about the stds or hiv? I never had sex but my mind wont be at ease as long as I didnt do anything about it. Even if I want to check for it, I will have to tell my mum about it and tell her the reasons for it. and then, the problem for no 2 would arise.

Please, I help me! I can't get married yet! I'm still pursuing my studies and I don't plan to get married early! Please I'm begging you. I'm so desperate right now.


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15 Responses »

  1. The simplext and easy is recitation of astaqfar..... Most of the pople go through with everything as u told above..... Best is you left that things , be happy for that.... Try to offer tahajud as well and seek bounty of allah and pray for early marriage....

    Allah Kareem In sha allah

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    1. STDs and HIV

    Sister, it is impossible for you to have contracted a sexually transmitted disease (STD) without having been physically intimate with someone else. These diseases don't necessarily require penetrative sex, but they do require a degree of contact. If you haven't been intimate with someone else, then you won't have an STD.

    HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) is most commonly transmitted through the exchange of bodily fluids during sexual contact with another person, or through intravenous drug abuse where people are sharing needles (so they are injecting themselves with each others' blood - which is as bad an idea as it sounds. If you haven't done these things, then your risk of having HIV will be so low that it's almost certain you won't have it.

    STDs and HIV cannot be contracted through masturbation. So, try to stop worrying about this. If you find that you're still worrying excessively about this, then it might help to speak to a counsellor, who could inshaAllah help you regain perspective on this issue.

    2. Worrying about infections

    Sometimes, people can have health issues that involve their private parts. These can affect males, females, any ages... It's an embarrassing but common problem. These issues aren't the same as STDs, and generally are related to skin sensitivities (eg. allergies), hygiene, or imbalances in the normal bacteria on the skin in that area.

    If you are experiencing discomfort and itching, it could be that you have an allergy or sensitivity to a cleaning product or a material you wear in that area - eg. some people have allergies to certain washing powders. The following steps might help:-
    - Use a non-biological washing powder to clean your clothes (the enzymes in biological powders can act as irritants).
    - Wear comfortably-fitting, cotton underwear (avoid skin-tight underwear, thongs, etc.).
    - Use hypo-allergenic (preferably organic) skincare products to wash and clean your skin.
    - Wash daily, but don't scrub (irritates the skin). Make sure that you do ghusl and wudu appropriately.
    - Practise good hygiene with regards bodily functions (eg. wipe front-to-back after the toilet).

    If you're still experiencing problems, your doctor will inshaAllah be able to help. For example, if you have a bacterial imbalance, they could prescribe you a cream or an antibiotic tablet to take for a short time, which would inshaAllah help resolve your problems.

    Depending on where you live, different rules exist with regards confidentiality, but in most places, you would be considered an adult at 19. That means that what is discussed between you and your doctor is private and cannot be shared with anyone else without your permission. So, your doctor would not be allowed to tell your mother anything about your health, including whether or not your hymen is intact.

    There are also many reasons why a woman's hymen may not be intact, so even if yours isn't, this doesn't mean your doctor would assume you have had sex or masturbated. For example, a girl's hymen might break due to doing sports or physical activity as a child.

    3. Sexual thoughts and arousal

    It may be that your sexual thoughts indicate that it's time to start thinking about marriage - within marriage, you and your husband would be halal for each other and able to explore and enjoy the physical and emotional aspects of sexuality in a healthy way. You could maybe speak with your mother about whether this might be an option?

    Marriage doesn't mean an end to studying. Many people continue their studies after marriage, and may even find it easier to study with the support and companionship that comes with a halal relationship.

    If marriage isn't a realistic option at the moment, then you can try to control your urges through fasting and prayer. If you feel your mind wandering back to sexual thoughts, simply re-focus on your prayer and carry on - the most important thing is to keep coming back to it, and inshaAllah in time it will become easier to stay focused.

    Also, make sure that you are lowering your gaze. Don't expose yourself to TV programmes or other media with sexually inappropriate content. Try to fill your time with activities which keep your focus on Islam - charity work, studying Quran, prayer, listening to recitation or nasheeds - and try to make sure you are spending time with people who are practising and of good character. If you don't already, now might be a good time to consider hijab.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • You have good advice above little Sister. Read carefully and take ease.

    • Hello brother,

      A superb response from a true gentleman, I am impressed with your reply to a girl who's depressed with her masturbation habits, I would like to ask you, its just for knowledge that if a unmarried man have same habits such as masturbation and his desire is serious to get married than what should her do, pray for forgiveness + seeks Allah's help for quick marriage, what Ayat should he recite to quick response from Allah.
      Second question is how I am going to know that I am suffering for HIV or XYZ disease, as you know yourself that in our society its a bit difficult to open yourself with such disease, in short i am afraid, so do only man carries such chronic disease or I have to make some physical relations and than only I will be able to know that I am suffering, other than that I have recently checked my urine + blood check-up and the doctor haven't mentioned such disease, so its a request please advice me in this regard....



      • Assalaamualaikam

        Thank you for your kind words. I'm a sister, though, not a brother.

        If you're concerned about your sexual health, then the best person to speak with is your own doctor (or a local sexual health clinic, if you don't feel able to talk about these things with your usual doctor).

        Men and women can both carry STDs, so it's important to guard your chastity and to be aware of how to practice safer sex. Islam teaches that we should only have sexual contact within marriage, so strive to live within these limits. If you do transgress, and may Allah guide you so that you do not, then you need to be aware of how to reduce your risk of catching an STD.

        Some STDs don't give a person any symptoms, and they might not even know that they have it. Other STDs can cause a person to feel discomfort, or have a discharge. The best way to put your mind at ease is to get a sexual health check-up by your doctor or your local sexual health clinic.

        If you need more advice, please submit your own question for publication, and it will be answered in more detail in turn, inshaAllah.

        Midnightmoon editor

    • Great advice from Sr. Midgnightmoon.

      I will only add that your discomfort (itchiness etc.) may also be a yeast infection - simply talk to your doctor about your symptoms.

  3. Regarding your thoughts of women. Lower your gaze. The exposed female body does not just point to her own sexuality, but to sexuality in general. You are not responding to the woman, but to the sex her style of dress is suggestive of. Lower your gaze. It is a trick of shaytaan.

    I'll also add that if you find the female body attractive- you should. You have one! And it will help your marital relationship a great deal to be aware of your own attractiveness and beauty, but you need to try to curb or restrain this awareness until you are married- and can enjoy your husband AND yourself in a safe way.

  4. assalamualaikum sister, may Allah make it easy for you. When going to sleep make sure to say the dua before you go to sleep which is ( Allaahumma Bismika Amootu Wa Ahyaa )

    (Cup your palms together, blow gently into them and then recite)

    Recite 3 times Surah Al-'Ikhas 112
    Recite 3 times Surah Al-Falaq 113
    Recite 3 times Surah An-Nas 114
    Try not to miss any of your salat.

    • Jazak Allah.

      Kindly provide the source for this information, please.

      • @Saba

        Narrated Abu Hudhaifa: Whenever the Prophet intended to go to bed, he would recite: “Bismika Allahumma amutu wa ahya (With Your name, O Allah, I die and I live).” And when he woke up from his sleep, he would say: “Al-hamdu lil-lahil-ladhi ahyana ba’da ma amatana; wa ilaihi an-nushur (All the Praises are for Allah Who has made us alive after He made us die (sleep) and unto Him is the Resurrection). [Bukhari : Book 8 : Volume 75 : Hadith 336]

        Aisha (RA) also narrated that whenever Allah’s Apostle (S.A.W.S.) went to bed every night, he used to cup his hands together and blow over it after reciting Surah Al-Ikhlas, Surah Al-Falaq and Surah An-Nas, and then rub his hands over whatever parts of his body he was able to rub, starting with his head, face, and front of his body. He used to do that three times. [Narrated by Saheeh Al-Bukhari: Book of the Virtues of the Qur’aan, 5017]

        Jazak-Allah brother
        May allah guide us to follow sunnah of our prophet Mohammed SAW. Ameen

  5. Salamalekum Sister,

    Your story is a lot like mine in many ways, the only exception is that i am a man. I have been severely depressed and suicidal regarding the masturbation habit. I used to be very happy and normal person before trying to stop masturbation habit. But i was to naive to understand the conquences of failing before trying to stop. Anyway, the advice i want to give you may be completely wrong, because it is just my personal opinion. But for me it has worked well and i m out of depression in many ways. I would tell you to accept some things which you cant change about your behavior and your sexual urges, write down the things you can accept or are less sinful and try to accept them. Instead of running around in circles in your head and creating guilt, anxiety, depression. And just trying and failing what will be the final outcome?

    And regarding the HIV thing i don't understand how anyway can get diagnosed without having intercourse?
    i think you just need to show up to a clinic and get tested.

  6. Dear sister, the best solution to this marriage. Marriage is the biggest solution to a healthy and wealthy life, which we all muslims are ignoring. You age is the perfect age for marriage, and u will find a nice match at this age easily. Making it late disturber the biological system of females, and it becomes difficult to find a good match because of the age factor. Try and convince ur parents for it.

  7. Such a good and nice advice from midnightmoon. It's also left for you sister you always take your mind over there and you keep believing you can't, kick the thoughts away and have strong faith in your prayers

  8. And sister the hymen doesn't leave you after sex a hymen is a opening around Virgina, you hymen still remains. Every lady has a type of hymen some girls have no hymen they can't have sex, those without hymen cannot menstruate, some people have hymens with several tiny holes those type of hymen are operated. So don't think you'll lose your hymen because you masturbate, people who are married and have sex still have hymen the difference is it is more opened than before.

    And infection is something normal, you each and get so wet with lot of discharge, so I guess not all the discharge you get are from sexual arousal, sometimes we get discharges because the Virginia is a sensitive place and dislikes dirty, so it passes out some dirties as discharge.

    And infection(itching) could be gotten maybe when you use a public toilet,or when you urinate and want to rinse with water don't scrub with hands it's best if you just pour water, because your hands could contain some bacteria and using your hands make it easy for the bacteria to pass through, PS don't use soap. I hope this helps you and other sisters as well. I am also a sister

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