Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We had sex twice, now I feel like we have to be together

blind love


I am a muslim girl, age 30, and I love someone who is married and also has three babies and a wife. But it's true we want each other, we love so much, and also I love his babies. We had sex two times in a secret place, and I want to to do more and more, he also. But is it possible to marry him? How can I?

At the first time doing sex I was bleeding. I have lost my virginity. I'm depressed and upset. If he doesn’t marry me, how can I marry someone else? If I marry someone else, will he understand that I have already had sex? My lover told me that 80% of girls will not be bleeding, and medical science shows it. Is it true? We want each other and also want to stay together with a happy family.

Please help me, I'm so upset. Sometime I do sex to myself by thinking about him. I can't avoid that. I need him. It's not possible to marry others, even though I pray to Allah no marriage proposal has come to my parents by anybody. Allah helps me and no proposal has come, if one comes  it also gets broke.

My father has no longer  than 10 years, and I have no brother. Once I quarreled with my lover and didn’t talk with him and was feeling so sad, so I did Istehara namaj, and my mind also  indicates to talk with him for peace.  When I talk with him, I feel peace. We love and respect each other, and we want a peaceful decision and also want stay together.  Kindly advise us.


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23 Responses »

  1. First of all I feel sorry for this guys wife. She has to deal with to dishonest ppl.
    Wut r u doing with a married man?
    If u invite him or he does it's up to either one of u stop each other from performing such acts.
    Now that he has kids and a wife he needs to decide wut he wants to do?
    It sounds like he is not that interested in his wife, if he isn't he shudnt let her linger like that and hurt her.

    I'm sorry but u need to ask him wut he wants. Sounds like lust to me

  2. He, is married who has a family!!! Let him be don't break his lovely family. Shame on you.

    • "I hate see people like you two alive."

      So let me get this straight - the editors of this website will allow something like that sentence to be posted but yet some of MY posts from the past, which aren't even that bad, have been deleted? How does that work?

  3. U said "We had sex two times in a secret place, and I want to to do more and more, he also"

    I don't wanna be rude but you disobeyed Allah and still you are willing to disobey Him more and you are willing Him to help you when you aren't even regretting or feeling shame what you have done..... sis Adultery is one of the greatest sins we commit.

    First turn back to Allah and ask His forgiveness.

    for the man if he loves you tell him to marry you and ask your parent your hand, he already build his future he got wife and three kids and he is a man still, but you are a woman and still unmarried.... you aren't immature anymore think about your future.

    Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah Al-Ansari: A man from the tribe of Bani Aslam came to Allah's Apostle and Informed him that he had committed illegal sexual intercourse and bore witness four times against himself. Allah's Apostle ordered him to be stoned to death as he was a married Person.
    Sahih Bukhari 8:82:805

    IMAN IS TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM-Hadith - Sahih Bukhari 8.800B, Narrated Ikrima from Ibn Abbas
    Allah's Apostle Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him said, "When a slave (of Allah) commits illegal sexual intercourse, he is not a believer at the time of committing it; and if he steals, he is not a believer at the time of stealing; and if he drinks an alcoholic drink, when he is not a believer at the time of drinking it; and he is not a believer when he commits a murder." 'Ikrima said: I asked Ibn Abbas, "How is faith taken away from him?" He said, Like this," by clasping his hands and then separating them, and added, "But if he repents, faith returns to him like this," by clasping his hands again.
    SO REPENT YOUR FAITH AT STAKE -HE IS A MALE HE TOLD YOU REMEMBER-THIS IS THE PROOF HE IS TAKEN YOU FOR A RIDE- My lover told me that 80% of girls will not be bleeding,...
    AND YOU THOUHGT THIS GO TO THIS ROUTE...... If he doesn’t marry me, how can I marry someone else? If I marry someone else, will he understand that I have already had sex?AND THERE IS NO REASON OR PROOF HE WILL UNDERTAND YOU HAD SEX AND YOU ALSO WONT KNOW IF YOUR WOULD BE HUSBAND ALSO HAD SEX OR NOT LEAVE THIS SUBJECT TO ALLAH-IF YOU........

    Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar : The Jew brought to the Prophet a man and a woman from amongst them who have committed (adultery) illegal sexual intercourse. He ordered both of them to be stoned (to death), near the place of offering the funeral prayers beside the mosque."Sahih Bukhari 2:23:413

  5. I think this person doesn't really care about Allah forgiving her or not she just want to break this family
    Up which is really sad. Why don't you grow up and leave this loser alone who is using you for sex and go get a real man to marry and have sex with him 24/7 in a halal way. That's what I think you should go and do or go ask him too take you as a 2nd wife.

  6. I agree with posts above.

    I will say to you please do not do anything with this guy now, STOP it all before you lose your own self worth and respect.

    Secondly what you both doing is haraam and a major sin do you even know that? How do you feel about his wife the cheating, lying, betrayal DON'T YOU FEEL GUILTY AND ASHAMED? (Sorry to be harsh your ruining a family by falling for this man who cant even do the right thing instead doing haraam with you as an easy taking)

    Yes you can marry him. Ask him to ask for your hand in marriage if you both still love each other, because that's the only way if you know is if this guy loves you. I honestly believe that you may be taken advantage off and he telling you lies if you continue like this. I hope you make the right choice and stand your ground that you deserve so much better not getting involved with someone who is prepared to commit such sins that may even break up a family.

    Lastly look at what you both are doing? How would you feel if you was married and had kids and you found out your husband was doing this? Would you want to be in that position, I let you think about your actions and hope that Allah guides you to the right path.

  7. since the man told her that 80% of girls loose their virginity without bleeding and be proven by medical science thaat shows he tries to convince her to keep having sex with him without worring about her future husband and doesnt think of marrying her.

  8. salaam,

    If he does that with you he can do it to You. A man who is married and is having a haram relationship with another woman.I would think twice getting married to this person.Stay away from married men.Adultery is a big sin in Islam punishment is death.

  9. salam sister
    sis what u are doing is wrong n u kno that. REPENT N turn back to ur MASTER1) take a stand,ask him to marry u..taking u as second wife n if he refuses walk out please,u have to understand that he is low on moral,he mite say no i have wife children so what y didn't u think of that before man??2)if he refuses to marry and still wants to have affair olz inform his wife,she has a right to know,how would u feel if u were in her place?#3) y did he say 80% dont bleed??it indicates that he is saying hey dont stop the sex ur future husband wont kno anything n that literally means im not marrying u.4)stop the sex n plz think does he really respect u?if he did he would have married u n then taken u to bed. sis i think u r inviting trouble 4 urself...he who can cheat once; what's the guarantee he wont cheat again?n on u?? he seems to be a sex craze person,he just wants sex because he is getting that at home, and smart enough to fool u to bed..dont believe him if he says he has no physical relationship with his wife coz he just had sex with u twice n men cannot satisfy them with such small number of game.

  10. What d hell!
    Woman stop ruining someones life,put yourself in d other woman shoes how wud u feel ha? My dear u disobeyed Allah n u wana do dat again? Astaghfirllah,i urge u to cut dis horrible relationship with dis man and go back to Allah,sister we aint perfect at all but d doors of towbah is always open so please REPENT BEFORE ITS TOO LATE,TURN TO ALLAH BEFORE U RETURN TO HIM

  11. WTF! Mind my french! Hun... Some points to consider..

    A) you are degrading yourself as a women... He obviously thinks youre easy meat as he is suggesting about virginity which obviously means hes not gonna marry you! Otherwise why would he even think that!
    B) how would U feel if tgat was you in his wifes place? If he can do it to his wife and children... Darling.. He wont give a damn about u n fly to the next one!
    C) if he was a good muslim man, he would have waited until he brokeup with his family then take your"virginity"
    D) why as a woman would u do that to someone! U will get cursed by her children! Do u think u can live with that?
    E) most importantly... Why ask Allah to help u and use that excuse when its Satan who is guiding you that way!!
    F) ur destroying ur life... Ask 1 question... Will he leave his family 4 u???

    Hope u see sense woman!

  12. @ asim:

    Well circumstances cud only be they were drunk, obviously not in there right state of mind.
    But wut faithful guy or husband cheats? Cheating is just wrong period!
    Wud u like it if a grl u were with cheated? Guys can do things and say its ok if it happened once but
    If grls did sumthing like that they Wud nvr hear the end of it.

    So ur point doesn't really make sense in a Muslim scenario. Unless the person was drunk, under the influence of drugs. Hence, wuts wrong is wrong

    • I wasn't making a point, I was just saying that once a cheater always a cheater doesn't always apply because there are many people who cheat but see the error of their vile behaviours then change - that's what I was talking about and as for your claim that Muslim husbands cheat but get forgiven but if a woman does it she never hears the end of it - that's not my problem and that's just an unfortunate reality. I know that if my wife cheated but then truly repented, said she was properly sorry and promised never to do it again then I'd forgive her straight.

      • Yes that's true and again it depends from person to person & situation. But then again if its true love idk y one Wud cheat.

        • I'm guessing you're a sister because you mentioned "true love"

          I swear some people, ESPECIALLY Muslim girls, need to stop OBSESSING over this "love" stuff because, in my opinion, from what I've read on this website, sisters spend half a minute with someone then go completely blind to the whole world and only focus on that person. Not all, but LOADS do.

  13. Salam. So everyone is going to have a tif at you, understandably. And to be really honest i would too on a normal day but seeing as you want advice on what you should do i will try and be less judgmentmental. First of all it sounds to me as you havent really thought this through that well. You have slept with a married man, how do you know that is the only thing he wanted? Girl you need to realise the extent of your actions and the consequences they could lead to. if you both really wish to be together then he could take you as a second wife- suggest that to him and see what he says. if the answer is no then im sorry to say that it looks like you have been used all along. Do not make this same mistake by sleeping with him, trust me no matter how much you want. Also, ask yourself this, do you really want to break his family? Think of his wife and children? do his children deserve this? I really hope to god this guy hasnt used you for sexual intercourse, for your sake. if he doesnt take you as his wife then you need to cut all contact with him. ANd if your saying he wants more sex, then girl what do you expect if your ready to give it to him on a plate... it doesnt jusify that he loves you, jeez! Some men will do anything for sex! Do make the right decision, good luck!!!

  14. Assalamu Alaykum,

    If this was a good muslim man who you would be willing to spend the rest of your life with, tell him man to marry you and if he will not, cut all contact.

    Do not tell him to leave his other wife as he has kids and history with her. Instead, encourage him to invest more time with his wife and treat her properly. Likewise, he should treat you properly if you become his second wife. The first wife should have knowledge he is marrying you and so should both your families; multiple marriages in Islam is not banned and is completely halal and so if you are okay with being his second wife, so be it. He should play a great part in winning over the second wife and you should also show your willingness and co-operation. Follow the example of the Prophet saw and his sunnah, and do things accordingly, because multiple marriages work, its all in the case of how much co-operation and communication there is.

    It seems a lot of people have forgotten parts of their compassion; while they understandably look at the pain that the first wife must be feeling, they forget your pain in this. You were led astray by the devil, after 30 years of chastity and, i assume, loneliness. You have obvious sexual desires and emotional needs and as no one has proposed, you are feeling lost and vulnerable. Tell this man to marry you, and if not, leave him and forget him and spend time repenting (do this even if he marries you) and seek Allah swt no matter what.

    InshAllah khayr

  15. i think more than 80% of the virgin girls will bleed, he JUST SHUSHED u up, theres is no rocket science in marrying either muslim or non muslim, if ur religion is islam then just go qazi in mosque n marry, ( if he wants) or u can go to court or registry office incase u r in uk

  16. After reading your post I was somewhat disheartened. Being a woman, a 30 year old too I would have thought one would have more compassion towards another sister - the wife of your lover, in your case this appears not to be the case. I am going to be blunt, I will try and not be harsh with my words.

    You have both committed illegal sexual intercourse in the eyes of Allah, with another woman's husband with the full knowledge he is married and belongs to another. Do you not feel any remorse? What affect will this have on the children? On the wife? Not only will you be breaking a home but also be ruining the children's future, the wife's future and possibly their imaan too. Situations like this have a deeper impact on everyone involved. And you are doing this for what? For lust, for something you believe is 'love'? Astagfirullah, may Allah save our ummah from such fitnas. I am SO disappointed, what hope do we have as an ummah if sisters and brothers go round acting in such despicable manner. What hope is there for the future generations?

    I suggest you join an islamic marriage listing, get family members to help look for a potential spouse who is single ASAP and do sincere tawbah.

    Ya' Allah I hope you stop this filthy act for the sake of Allah and for yourself.

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