Does having daughters makes me inferior?
Daughters in Islam
Salaam walaikum,
This is my third post. I got comments for my first post Allhamdullilah but couldn't convince myself with those answers. I m really sorry for that.
I feel i have many problems in life and i don't have courage to face them. As i have wrote before I m a housewife in more than 9 years of marriage with two daughters . Living in a joint family including my sister in law (husbands sister)and her two kids a daughter n a son. My mil's total attention is always towards her kids not mine. She has said a thing twice or so which has made me write this post. After my sis in law gave birth o a son more than a month ago my MIL said "Allah has heard our call my daughter got a son.She has done good deeds so she deserved it".
I really dont understand the logic behind this is it that i haven't done good deeds so i didn't get a son. I m saying this for myself because I and both my in-laws do not go well with each other. And as my MIL is saying this is only for me . She wants to taunt me for having two daughters. May be Inshaallah in future i will get a son but my husband has the responsibility of the whole family including Sil n kids so he says we should stop now.
I don't understand what to do. Please help
Jazakallah
Shaaz
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dear friend,
Your family, why should you live in such kind of family ? why should the sister of your husband stays in your(husband's) home. Your husband is pecked by his sister and mother. He has no gut to serve his wife. I dont like such a man, and I will not be such a person.
Youhave two daughters, no son. It is not a problem. If your mother in law thinks it is a problem. you dont worry. It is not your problem. It is the problem of her son.
I am not a science student, but i will explain you how sex of child is determined.
" It is widely known that people who inherit sex chromosome X from the mother and Y from the father are genetically male, while people who inherit X from both parents are genetically female. Thus, the sex of an offspring is determined entirely by which of the male's sperm (one carrying X or Y) fertilizes the egg (which always carries X). This fact was not realized until the twentieth century, however. Before that, women were often held accountable for not producing a male heir." source http://www.biologyreference.com
Second wife of Henry VIII,Anne boleyn, was killed. Because she didnt give birht for a son.
Anyway,first of all, you should understand it is not your problem. mother does not have role in deciding sex of a child. it is up to the father.
Assalam'Alaikum shaaz
Yes i remember u dear sister from ur last post.
Im sorry to read that ur mil does not value ur daughters. Her logic is so stupid. Does that mean that her daughter is her punishment of her sins. And our Prophet Muhammed (s.a.w) had 4 daughters so astagfirullah is this ignorant lady going to apply her senseless theory to that as well. Ur sis in law should thank God that she was not born to her mother in times of jahala or she would have burried her alive.
Sister when i was pregnant with my first child i prayed to Allah to bless me with a pretty girl. I named her Fatema. I was so happy when she was born but somehow my own mother sulked. Can u believe that? Other relatives who came to see her hinted in a suble way that its ok to have a girl better luck next time. I was so angry, these ppl were not even allowing me to enjoy my happy moments with my first new born.
After that my cousin delivered a boy, then my sister delivered 2, then my co sis in law had 1 and the more boys came the more ppl taunted me but i was so happy with my pretty, intelligent, sesitive, loving, lovable daughter that nothing really bothered me. Trust me sister not a single taunt. I was studying for my post graduation and i was super busy, everytime sum1 asked me when im having a boy i told them 'never'. Lol.
I was so happy with just one kid. My precious daughter. Then i got pregnant with my second kid after 9 yrs ( after my master's course) and believe me sister, i dont feel that joy in raising him as i did with my daughter.
sister ppl always try to pull u down. They just want excuses. They taunt barren women for not having a child, they taunt women with daughters for not having sons, they taunt those with one son for not having more sons (as in my case), they taunt the ones with sons for not having good looking sons, they taunt the ones with good looking sons for not having smart sons and the list goes on. Sadly for a woman life is tough and the irony is its tougher because of other women.
My advice to u sister is to ignore her. Look like u dont care and u r very happy with ur doting daughters. Feel complete and u will look complete. My mum gave me some wazifa to have a boy. It is in the Holy Quran. It was a prayer by Prophet Ibrahim which he made before Allah blessed him with his son Ismael. I was too lazy to read it coz i had to read surah maryam everyday after regular routine of ibadah so i often forgot. So i never checked..but its ok to wish for a boy or a girl. What is shameful is to b a muslim and reject Allah's blessings. Shame on her not on u. Special people have daughters. That calls for a high 5! Yayy! 🙂
asalamu alaikum,
having daughters does not make you inferior. there is nothing wrong in having daughters. first of all you have to realise, we dont have a choice whether we want a boy or a girl, its upto Allah(swt) whatever he wants, and we should be happy. you should just pray that your children grow to be righteous and healthy, you gotta look at the picture.
we got a family friend who are in their 50's, they have 6 boys, from day one they wanted a girl so badly. just because you want something doesnt mean you gonna get it nor does it make you inferior in anyway.
your mother in law doesnt pay much attention to your kids, i really dont know how some people can be so evil towards their own grandchildren.
ma salama
Honestly sister, if you think about it your mother mostly must show your children more attention then your brothers children... It's a common thing, you sadly are feeling this more because your sister in law lives with you which can cause allot of pressure I can understand this.
My advice is dont ruin your marriage or your mind by thinking too in to this matter, sadly something's are difficult to deal with therefore you fulfil your role as a wife and daughter in law and show your daughters as much love as you can...
No point getting depressed over this issue because the more you dwell or consider speaking up it could cause you and your marriage more problems.
All the best.
Salaam,
My advice is ignore her...she clearly isn't the worlds most educated woman because if she was she wouldn't be saying the things she is saying.
We are 4 siblings...3 girls and a boy...and my parents have always told us that 'Betiyaan allah ki rehmat hoti hain'...so ignore the woman...just smile when she says anything like this again..be confident...and carry on being the best mother you can be to your little girls and educate them about these matters.
M
Yes I agree ingore her don't worry to much about it either. Is like that with must muslims I'm from northern Kurdistan they love having boys more then girls because that is just they way they are. These days girls take better care of there parents then sons. So enjoy your life and don't listen to her.
Salam Sister,
You know that having daughters does not make a women inferior. That is all just backward thinking. Unfortunately there are still old ladies or men who still think like this. And think about it if everyone wants sons and got sons then who will these sons marry if there is no women in the world???
When my son was born people kept taunting me that he was dark skinned. There is always a problem there is no pleasing people and in-laws. No matter if you put your life down for them they will still complain about something. This is just common mother in law daughter in law story.
I have sons and my brother has daughters. My mum always shows more affection to my kids not because their boys but because I am separated from my husband and alone, so she wants to make them feel more loved and not notice that they don't have a dad. And guess what my sister in law gets really jealous about it. This may be the same for your mother in law and sister in law because she has problems with her husband.
Sometimes we create problems in our head. Don't get me wrong I feel bad for your situation and I do think your mother in law's behavior is unacceptable. But most of the times we have control over how we react to a certain issue.
You can either look to much into your mother in laws problems and her behavior towards you and your daughters and get depressed or you can assure yourself that she is wrong in her thinking and she is treating you badly but you will not stoop to her level, you will ignore her behavior and her insults and not care about them. You can focus on raising your daughters the best you can and being the best wife and daughter in law and know that you will be rewarded by Allah for your efforts.
So hold your head up high and go about your life proudly, you know what is right and wrong. You don't need anybody else telling you whats what. You know you are right so ignore other people. Don't dwell on what they say.
I am sure your mother in law does love your daughters but she has a funny way of showing it. She just wants to get at you and make you feel bad and its working!. Don't fall into that cycle, Mother in law keeps taunting you and you get upset.... break the cycle! Put it in one ear and out the other respectfully obviously! Act like you don't care what she says. Let your daughters play with her and talk to her so she can get attached to them.
I garauntee you even if you had a son your mother in law will still having something to say! so you just cant win!
Remember a problem is a problem if you make it one.
Take care xxx
-First of all living in this joint family system with no privacy of your own (your own bedroom, bathroom, living space and kitchen) to live your own daily life as you please is not part of Islam. You are giving up your islamic right to separate maintenance in a home by living with your inlaws. check on islamqa.com Scholars usually advise against these living arrangements because of the harm that comes about. It causes a huge headache for everyone, especially the wife. because older women are set in their ways and they like to have the younger person 'conform'. Islam gives everyone a right to their privacy and peace.
-It is commendable that your husband supports his sister if she is in need.
-Know that usually women feel jealous. Perhaps your mother in law is jealous that she sees you happy with your husband while her daughter is living with her mother and brother. So look at her comment as something a person suffering from a disease would make. Because it is a low comment. Ignoring the comment will not give anyone the satisfaction they may seek because I know this type of mentality/culture well and yes the comment does seem to be a *hint* towards you so you feel bad about having daughters. Which is ridiculous.
- try your best to keep yourself engaged mentally in islamic/productive activities outside/inside the house so your whole mental stability doesnt go out the window based on a few stupid comments.
Assalam Dear Sister.
Your MIL is an ignorant woman. Dont listen to her. It seems she is trying to put you down using those non-sense statements.
Remind her these Hadiths of our Prophet (SAW):
1. "Whoever takes care of two girls until they reach adulthood - he and I will come (together) on the Day of Resurrection - and he interlaced his fingers (meaning in Paradise)." (Reported by Muslim)
So can there be any greater honor given to daughter!? And for those who wish to have them and bring them up properly!?
And he said in another Hadith:
2. "Whoever has three daughters or sisters, or two daughters of two sisters, and lives along with them in a good manner, and has patience with them, and fears Allah with regard to them will enter Paradise." (Reported by Abu Dawud, Al-Tirmidhee and others) And in another Hadith:
3. "They will be a shield for him from the Fire." (Reported by Ahmad and Ibn Maajah)
May Allah (SWT) give you strength and patience dealing with your family issues.
salaam
see above post having daughters is a blessing,our prophet had daughters.
You are so lucky to have children.Please enjoy any time given with them
AOA after reading your story made me cry because I am as well going thru smiler problems ,I have three daughters oldest one is 5 then 4 and 1 years old . My parents came first time from uk to Australia to meet us .and I have been thru a lot but I ignored every taunt in a polite manner ,my parents r here for 4 week and today is their 3rd week in Australia and today is my sadness day for me cos today my dad goes to me how come u have three daughters and no son ,I replied in polite way dad it's not upto me,then he goes what u seed you grow ,now I didn't understand completely what exactly he meant but it really hurt me .i am male in my 30s and I never felt pain in that way before