Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Having problems with my wife

prayer dua marriage

Aslam alekom

If the man gives and does all he can to his family and I do mean every thing...

Then make a wrong decision in his business then the income is not enough to support...

The family - my wife - starts to help but I feel she becomes so in control or says things so hurtful to me and she will say I don’t mean to say that even after 28 years in marriage...

Keep in mind we have the love to each other and I am not referring she is not a good wife but she did hurt me a lot in such comments and I am not a weak man at all and I did every thing to change her in bad way like scream at her or even I left the bed a week or two. Please I am not the man who is like this at all it is a shame from my end to do this. And the right way like I come back from work and take her for a coffee or I call her and I say we going to eat outside the mood is good and I open the conversation about something happened I even told her to put on a paper what do I do wrong and what do you do wrong. We go a month or 15 days then another one. What you will do if you in my place?

my hussein

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3 Responses »

  1. You feeling hurt because you think comments are true. Stop getting upset, because it does nothing solve any problem.

    Your wife may be under stress unable to control her behavior. Ask her if you can help her deal with her stress.

  2. please forgive me if i have misunderstood you, what think i have understood, is that you are saying your wife has made some comments which have hurt you, and you have dealt with this, by 'screaming at her and leaving the bed for a week or two?

    when spouses say hurtful things to one another, its never advisable to try and resolve the situation by resorting to screaming and shouting or leaving the marital bed, leaving the marital bed in islam, is the second step to take after a wife demonstrates defiant disobedience, and not an appropriate action to take to resolve squabbling between the spouses, if this is the action that is resorted too in respect of any argument, , what action will you take in the face of much greater problems brother?

    of course making hurtful comments towards your spouse is never a nice thing to do, but is something that occurs in every marriage, couples argue, they make petty and even hurtful comments to one another, what is important is how this is resolved, making lists of all the things you dislike about each other, will only increase resentment between the two of you, why not try and write a list of all the things you like about each other, approach your wife with the idea, it will for sure soften your hearts for one another, you have stated she is a good wife and that you are a good husband, then this should not be too hard for you, talk to her gently and calmly, apologize for the screaming and leaving her in bed, and then her that you love her and when she says the comments she does how much it hurts you, if you approach the situation in a good manner, there should be no reason why this situation gets bigger then it is, it just needs to be nipped in the bud, and you both need to have more patience with one another, and remember there are plenty of brothers and sisters out there who wished to be married or to be married to good people, like the two of you mashallah, don't be ungrateful to Allah for having blessed you with one another.

    All the best brother,

  3. Salam brother,

    couples argue, this is normal. But, her being mean to you because you made a wrong decision in business which resolted in you reducing your income, is not right! She should be supportive of you no matter what. You need to have an honnest conversation with her and explain that her words are hurtful to you and not acceptable. Respect is the most important thing in a relationship. If she apologies, then move on from it. In relationships there will always be ups and downs but don't let her comments affect you in the long term as it will create lots of resentments which in turn will make the love between you disapear. Shouting at her is not the best way to deal with, let her know that she hurt you and that you are disappointed in her..this will have more impact on her and she will feel bad.
    When my husband does something to hurt me or we have arguments, I write him a text or an email to tell him how I feel. It works everytime as that makes him think and understands better my point of view or why I feel hurt.

    I hope inshallah you both sort it out.

    Salam alikom

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