Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He always talks about money and casino which I can not tolerate

Broken heart

Dear brothers and sisters, I will be really grateful if you could please read my problem.

I am a 25 year old muslim woman from  U.S..I am married secretly when I was 18, with a man who was in desperate need of immigration to U.S. and I was in deeply love with him.May Allah forgive me , May my parents forgive me for my grave mistake.With my marriage certificate and papers he was soon able to migrate in here.However, he maintained his lifestyle of casino and lotteries, where he has lost numerous money and even still under debt

My parents still have not approved him, and even though it has been 7 years, they won´t listen to any of his family regarding handing me into him. Even after being married past 7 years, I am living the life of a bachelorette with occasional physical encounter with my husband.

I am also a successful career professional whereas my husband is just working at a restaurant.. He does not have the level of intelligence to be engaged in an educated conversation with me.  He always talks about money and casino which I can not tolerate.Whereas I do feel that I deserve to be a person with the same intelligence level as me who I can share my thoughts with.  I have not had physical relationship with him past 6 months as I did not feel like to at all.

I am only 25 and I do not know what to do.  Please advice me brothers and sisters.

muslim_woman


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3 Responses »

  1. Dear muslim_woman,

    I am so saddened by your situation. From what you have written I see a man who did not necessarily need to migrate to the United States but wanted to migrate. You were very naive to marry him and provide the documents you did to allow him to migrate in the first place but, what is done is done. At this point, to look back would be a waste of your time as there is nothing you can change about the past.

    Having said that...you can change your future. It seems to me that this man is more interested in his gambling than he is in truly being married to you. Seven years is a long time to spend with someone who it appears you have nothing in common with other than slot machines and debt. Not having a sex life with someone who is supposed to be your husband just isn't normal at all. Thats one of the great things about marriage, being able to share yourself with your husband and being intimate with one another.

    My advice to you is the following: Sit down and talk with your husband. With all the kindness and goodness that you possess, tell him how you really feel about things in your marriage. Tell him that the gambling has to stop in order for your marriage to not only move forward but to have any chance at being successful. I will not fault him for "just working in a restaurant" because you had to have known that he wasn't well educated unless in fact he lied to you about that. The same can be said about his level of intelligence in regards to your own. You didn't have a problem with it seven years ago when you were so in love with him so I don't know what to tell you about that now...it is what it is.

    If he cannot or is not willing to try to stop this disgusting and haram behavior, pack your things and end this farce of a marriage. At the age of 25, you do not need to live this way nor accept his behavior at all. A gambler will gamble his soul to the devil if he has to. Nothing is sacred to them...nothing at all.

    The best of luck to both of you

  2. Assalamu alaykum Sister,

    I agree with what sister Najah wrote above.

    Past is gone. Falling is love before marriage is a mistake and Alhamdulillaah, Thumma Alhamdulillaah you realize it. Many Muslims and most non Muslims feel good about it.

    Seek repentance of Allah for this mistake.

    Get your priorities listed for yourself. Talk with your husband, see again if he fits in to your priorities or atleast makes efforts to.

    If you do not find peace in this relationship and you think you can have a better life without him and hope for something better for Allah, there is no "sin" if you separate by divorce.

    But first priority should be to initiate a peace process. If it fails, then only go for divorce, it is works out and he seems to be changing for good, better would be to make peace and live with him.

    Read the Qur'an much, you have the best advices in it, Alhamdulillah. Pray Tahajjud along with daily prayers, learn new Surahs, call Allah by His names and attributes He has mentioned in the Qur'an and seek His help.

    If you do this much, Insha Allah, it would be helpful in making your life much better and peace giving.

    Insha Allah, the advice will be helpful and I hope I answered your question to your satisfaction.

    Salaam.
    Your brother,
    Munib.

    * * *
    Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse17-18.

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